


I’m flesh and bone, I’m a rolling stone

by Jay1892SG



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kind of a slow burn, Trissisalwayscute, lawyertissaia, rockstar philippa, rockstarRenfri, rockstarSabrina, rockstarYennefer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:40:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 104,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26505307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jay1892SG/pseuds/Jay1892SG
Summary: Tissaia is a successful lawyer despite being surrounded by morons and the owner of some businesses she inherited, one being the pub and concert venue Aretuza. After a long day, she heads to her bar to get a drink, when she’s approached by the front woman of the band scheduled to play two nights here. She’s a no-nonsense kind of woman and Yennefer is exactly the opposite. Despite herself, she finds herself feeling something she has not felt in a long time, only for that feeling to be snatched away when Yennefer needs to continue with her tour.
Relationships: Tissaia de Vries/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 123
Kudos: 100





	1. Who are you? Who am I?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome! Thanks for clicking.  
> I had been thinking about this AU for a while, particularly wanted to add more angst than my other fic “Old Habits.” Who doesn’t love angst? 
> 
> I wrote a few chapters ahead of time but let me know what you think so far! Always looking for feedback :) 
> 
> Honestly, I tried to make the character’s have similar personalities with the canon but I know I just softened pretty much everyone again. 
> 
> I also wish I was more descriptive but it’s not easy so I’m sorry if it’s hard to paint a mental picture. I’m particularly bad at describing clothing and finding different adjectives to describe appearances LOL. 
> 
> All the mistakes are my own of course and I’m sure they are plentiful, especially sudden tense switches from past to present.

“Who in the hell is that?”  
Her interlocutor followed her gaze from the bottom of the stage. She scanned the venue which was currently mostly empty - doors weren’t for another 3 hours. The room was well-lit for now, aiding her search. She quickly scanned along the upper balcony, down to the tables that lined the walls. She swept across the room, trying to ignore the gorgeous woman by the sound booth in the middle since she knew it wasn’t Sabrina her companion was looking for. Sabrina was part of the band after all. But she couldn’t help but pause to admire the blonde leaning over the chair behind the booth talking to the sound tech. She also couldn’t ignore the ample cleavage on display either. Gods she was beautiful,  
“By the bar” the other woman elaborated. She begrudgingly turned her gaze away from pretty blonde and towards the bar.  
“The goddess ordering a drink,” the raven-haired woman further clarified, not that it was needed, there was only one newcomer by the bar.  
“Oh, that’s Tissaia De Vries, she owns the place”  
The woman turned to look at her through violet eyes, eyebrows creased in confusion.  
“I thought Calanthe owned it?”  
She turned to fully face the other woman, but the violet eyes were now focused on the tiny brunette drinking a gin and tonic.  
“No, she’s just the manager, she basically does everything but technically it’s Tissaia’s”  
“She doesn’t look like the type to own a club.”  
“Ha! That’s because she’s not, she’s a lawyer but her father owned a few businesses and after he passed they became hers. She closed or sold a few of them, she only kept a small flower shop and this club”  
“Hmm.. in that case, I should probably introduce myself, say thank you for allowing me to do a couple shows here”  
“Oh no no, that is not a good idea.” She shook her head, tight brown curls bounced along.  
The young rockstar just arched an eyebrow, imploring her to continue.  
“She hardly comes in. If she does, she probably had a bad day and just wants a quiet drink”  
“All the more reason to go give her a smile then”  
“No, Yennefer I-“  
“Thanks Triss” and with that she walked off towards what Triss knew would be an unpleasant interaction. To distract herself, she turned her attention back to the blonde guitarist and her heart stuttered when she caught her staring back, her greens eyes didn’t shy away from Triss’, not even an ounce of embarrassment at being caught staring flashed across her face. Triss on the other hand had flushed a deep shade of red and averted her eyes, biting her lip. 

Yennefer approached her target, unable to stop herself from admiring the woman she was approaching. She was short, Yennefer knew this much from when she walked in. The high bar stool she sat on did little for her height, and the way her legs dangled gave her away. She was wearing trousers and a smart white blouse. She had taken off the jacket and put it on the bar. Her brown hair was kept in a tight bun, and though Yennefer was only seeing her in profile, she was confident this was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen.  
She leaned backwards on the bar next to the brunette and took a moment to admire her features, she was even more beautiful up close. Her jaw was sharp and, Yennefer noticed, clenched. She had high cheekbones, a slight cleft in her chin and the most startlingly blue eyes Yennefer had ever seen. Her breath caught in her throat when those blue eyes locked on her violet ones. She momentarily forgot how to speak, which was an entirely new sensation. Just before the silence became awkward, Yennefer found her voice and her confidence again.  
“Buy you drink?” She asked, with a raise of her eyebrows.  
The woman scoffed and turned her gaze away,  
“I own the bar”  
“Hmm, in that case... buy me a drink?”  
The blue eyes refocused on her as the woman lifted an eyebrow, which was intensely sexy for some reason. Yennefer could tell she was going for “unamused” but a quick-as-lightening twitch of her lips betrayed her.  
Yennefer held out her hand, “Yennefer Vengerberg”  
Tissaia looked down at the profferd hand before begrudgingly shaking it.  
“Tissaia De Vries... I knew you looked familiar”  
“Oh? Have you seen me in your dreams?”  
This time the woman let out a bark of laughter and Yennefer noticed she had the most adorable dimples.  
“More like the large poster outside the door, Ms. Vengerberg”  
“Perhaps I can change that”  
The woman hummed and looked away again, focusing on her drink. Yennefer chose not to take the obvious hint that she should leave because she wouldn’t be Yennefer Vengerberg if she gave up that easily.  
“So, I suppose you’re not here for the concert then?”  
Tissaia glanced at her sideways, but didn’t respond.  
“So what does bring you here this evening then?”  
Tissaia sighed,  
“Do I need a reason? I own the bar.” She hadn’t meant to sound so irritated, but it had been a long day and she just wanted a quiet drink, even if the woman who was disrupting her peace was unfairly beautiful. She had never really listened to her music, but she had seen her on ads and posters, and none of those even came close to doing justice to the woman in front of her now. The woman *flirting* with her now. But Tissaia didn’t have time for this, she didn’t have the patience for a 20-something year old rockstar who was used to getting whatever she wanted just because she was famous. So no, Tissaia won’t be indulging this little diva.  
“You’re right, I apologize, I only wanted to introduce myself and thank you for your club’s hospitality.”  
Yennefer’s tone had completely changed and it caught Tissaia off guard. Though she might have expected some petulant remark, followed by a melodramatic exit, or some sarcasm hinting that Tissaia was a frigid bitch, she had not at all been expecting the sincere words.  
She turned her attention to the woman and looked in her eyes for any trace of frustration at Tissaia’s, admittedly, rude attitude but she found none. She wasn’t sure what was more surprising - that’s this young, beautiful rockstar had come to try and flirt with her, or that this young, beautiful rockstar had taken a step back and responded with sincerity.  
Tissaia softened just a little and gave a small smile.  
“We’re glad to have you.”  
Yennefer smiled in return, it was small, almost shy and too endearing to be legal.  
“In that case, I’ll leave you in peace but I do hope you’ll stay for the show. It’s always nice to see such a beautiful face in the crowd.” She pushed herself off the bar, leaned in next to Tissaia’s ear and whispered.  
“Maybe afterwards you’ll let me buy you that drink.“  
Tissaia sat frozen for a moment. Yennefer whispering in her ear, the way her lips ghosted on the shell of her ear with every word, was far more effective than Tissaia would ever admit.  
She finished her drink before going up to the office to talk with Calanthe, as she always did when she dropped in. 

She knocked on the door and was beckoned forth.  
“Oh, hey Tissaia, what brings you here? Fan of the band?”  
“What? No I’ve never even heard their music. I’m sure the kids love it though, if two sold out nights is anything to go by” she cursed herself for sounding so defensive. 

“You should stay, I think you’ll actually like it,” when Tissaia made no response, Calanthe moved on.  
“Long day I’m guessing?”  
“That’s an understatement”  
Calanthe opened her desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and 2 glasses. Tissaia sat in the empty chair.  
This was a familiar situation for them. They had known each other for decades and this was not the first time Tissaia came in to the office to chat idly over some whiskey, trying to distract herself from being too irritated about the stupidity she is surrounded by daily at the law firm where she is a partner.  
The conversation was cut short however by a knock on the door and an apologetic Triss requesting Calanthe’s assistance for the final preparations before the doors opened to the queue outside.  
“Sorry, please stay. And stay for the show. I promise it won’t be that bad”  
Tissaia rolled her eyes but she stood and moved to settle in Calanthe‘s chair. While she was here, she might as well look over the books.  
A few minutes in, she was distracted by loud cheering on the street below the window. She stood to look down and see what was causing all the commotion. The source became immediately clear, below on the street, meeting with people in the cue was Yennefer. She was bundled up in a jacket and from this angle Tissaia could not make out much of her face but could see she was also wearing gloves and ear muffs. It was mid November and fairly chilly.  
She could hear muffled talking and found herself sliding open the window just a crack to hear better.  
She couldn’t explain why she decided to just stand and observe the scene but now she was just watching Yennefer move from person to person - taking photos, signing memorabilia, genuinely listening and talking to her fans, wrapping them in hugs when they asked for it. It was quite endearing honestly. Despite the cold Yennefer was taking the time to greet each and everyone of her fans, individually. Tissaia hadn’t seen many artists go out 2 hours before and in the cold to boot. Granted, Tissaia hadn’t seen many concerts period. She usually avoided the club on show nights.  
Her actions spoke loudly, but so did her words from the snippets of conversation Tissaia could make out.  
There were a lot of “thank you so much for coming, without you there is no me.” “I am so sorry you’ve had to go through that, I’m so glad my music could bring you happiness” “please wish your mom well for me!”  
Tissaia couldn’t help it, her heart was constricting at the sight. She had been far too quick to judge the girl.  
A few men passing by on the street slowed down as they noticed Yennefer,  
“Hey love, wanna come give me a hug too eh?”  
Yennefer ignored them but Tissaia was already fuming.  
“Oi, that’s rude. I’m a fan too. Why don’t you come here and I’ll show you?”  
The men laughed, but when Yennefer continued to ignore them, the man who had been speaking started to approach her. Tissaia’s fists clench, she was more than ready to go fight this asshole, even if he was twice her size. Tissaia was suddenly cognizant of the fact that Yennefer was the only band member outside? Where were the others? It was a band right?  
As he approached though, Yennefer froze and waited.  
When he got within reach, she quickly spun and punched him hard in the face.  
The man stumbled back clutching his now bleeding nose. He glared menacingly and Tissaia could see what was about to happen next. He started walking towards her, but before he could reach her, one of her security team members stepped between them. She knew it was Geralt from his platinum blonde hair and impressive muscles.  
“You should go.” He paused a beat before growling. “Now, before a bloody nose is the least of your concerns.”  
The man spat on the ground and walked away, his friends in tow.  
Tissaia should give him a raise.  
He approached Yennefer cautiously, reaching out for the hand she had punched the creep with.  
“You okay?” He took her hand in his and ran his fingers over it gently. Some strange beast stirred in Tissaia’s stomach. Maybe he wouldn’t get a raise.  
“I’m fine Geralt, darling. Thank you” she rested her hand on his upper arm and Tissaia’s jaw clenched as she watched him melt.  
“Now, where were we!”  
She spun back to the queue to meet the next fan, who clearly seemed uneasy now. The boy glanced to her hand and back up to her face. Yennefer smiled wide,  
“Don’t worry, I’m fine!” She assured him  
“What’s this? You brought your guitar”  
“Oh.. uh yeah, I, I was hoping you would um sign it..”  
“Of course!” The boy put the case down and opened it to reveal a violet acoustic guitar, not unlike the one Yennefer had in her concert poster.  
“I love it! How long have you been playing?”  
“Oh, a while. I’m not very good”  
“I’m sure that’s not true”  
“It’s totally not. He’s awesome, he’s done a bunch of covers of your songs” a girl chimed in. The boy whipped his head to glare at her, but Yennefer only smiled.  
The girl ignored her friend “He’s on YouTube, @DallasVen”  
Yennefer’s eyes widened along with her smile  
“Oh my god yes. I knew you looked familiar! I’ve seen your videos! You are so right, he is fantastic”  
Even from this angle, Tissaia could tell the boy had turned a startling shade of red.  
“Dal play her one of the songs”  
“What.. no I, I’m really not good and...”  
“It’s okay, you don’t have to. But if you want to, I’d be honoured to play with you!”  
Yennefer sounded so sincere, Tissaia had no doubt she was telling the truth. The boy looked at her like she had hung the stars and honestly, Tissaia couldn’t even blame him.  
“Ah-al-alright.”  
“What’s in your wheelhouse?”  
“Um... Four Marks?”  
“Perfect!” She handed him back the guitar, his hands were shaking as he slung it over his shoulder. Yennefer reached out to put her hand on his upper arm.  
“No need to be nervous! It’s just for fun! You got this.”  
The boy nodded. He went to play but immediately missed the first chord. Tissaia felt for him; performing someone else’s song, for that person, in the middle of a queue can’t be easy. Yennefer didn’t miss a beat.  
“Don’t worry, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done just that. Mistakes are fine! Gives us room to improvise.”  
The boy seemed to relax a little as she came around to stand next to him and slung her arm over his shoulder.  
At some point, Tissaia must have dragged the chair over and sat down but she was too engrossed watching this beautiful woman make her fans dreams come true to notice. She was glad she had sat down though because the minute Yennefer started singing, Tissaia’s knees went weak.  
The voice that drifted up from the street was intoxicating. It was low, but powerful, with a slight rasp and Tissaia sorely regretting not listening to Yennefer’s songs before now. She would have to change that. She would also have to stay for the concert. For the music of course.  
Tissaia sat by the window like a stalker until Yennefer was forced to go back indoors to prepare. Doors were in 30 minutes and she had, according to her manager, already been outside too long.  
After Yennefer went back inside, Tissaia listened to the excited chatter below, her heart was incredibly full. She was in deep trouble if Yennefer followed through on her request to buy her drink later. Tissaia would be powerless to resist. Hell even now she had the urge to go downstairs and kiss this woman senseless, which she would never do of course.


	2. Rule of thumb: Divide by 2, add 7.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tissaia stays for the concert, Calanthe has fun teasing her. Yennefer is smitten.
> 
> Please welcome Francesca Findabair to the arena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone else just hate their own writing ? Like I read over it and no matter what I’m like “wow, I should put a disclaimer” and then I do, like:   
> Don’t ask why I described the concert as much as I did. It just happened.   
> Also thought about band names for so long and this was all I could come up with. 
> 
> Francesca Findabair is an under-utilized badass bitch so please welcome her to my fic. 
> 
> Anyways, chapter 3 is also mostly fluffy but then shit takes a turn for a while so enjoy it while it lasts. 
> 
> Always welcome feedback   
> Mistakes are my own. 
> 
> Ps. The title of the fic is from a pretty old All Time Low song called Therapy if anyone cares LOL.

Calanthe had returned just before the support act came on and she stood in her door staring at Tissaia for a minute.   
“What?” Tissaia bit out, not even looking up.   
“You stayed?” a smile played on her lips, warning bells had started to go off in Tissaia’s head. She knew that look. She hates that look.   
“Paperwork”   
“Had nothing to do with a certain headliner flirting with you earlier then?”  
Tissaia’s head snapped to attention and she narrowed her eyes.   
“What- how did you..? No, it’s - no. Don’t be silly, she’s basically a child. How did you know? Did she say something?”   
Calanthe’s smile broadened far too much for Tissaia’s liking.   
“Triss told me, but if you want I can go ask Yennefer if she has a crush on you”  
“I am not a 10 year old, I don’t need you to ask someone out on my behalf” she huffed and rolled her eyes.   
“Ohhhh, I didn’t realize you were going to ask her out.” Calanthe was not even trying to hold back her smug look and laughter.   
“I’m not, that’s not what I meant and you know it.”  
The support act kicked on giving Tissaia a chance to change topics,  
“Who’s this?”   
“The Bard”   
“The who?”   
“No, not The Who, The Bard” Calanthe started laughing uncontrollably at her own lame joke.   
Tissaia waited, unable to repress a smile.   
“It’s some guy named Julian something. Calls himself the bard”  
“Seems a bit pretentious”   
“That’s show business baby” she shrugged.   
“But I’ll have to leave you to your.... paperwork. For whatever reason Ciri is a big fan of this fool and I promised her pictures and phone call.”   
—

Calanthe walked back in after the last song, the last 40 minutes did not impact her memory as much as Tissaia had hoped,   
“Ready to see your girl?” She said as way of greeting.   
“Will you stop it? She offered to buy me a drink, that’s it. She’s like 20”  
“26, not too young for you”   
“I’d argue 11 years is a little young.”  
“The rule is divide your age by half and add 7. Which brings you to 25.5”   
“Oh good, so she’s 6 months older than the cut off.”  
“Exactly! Now you get it!”  
“I’m going to leave now”   
“What ? No ! Not before she goes on! I’ll shut up”   
“Why are you so invested ? Eist not exciting enough?”  
“That’s just mean.“  
Tissaia shrugged, unapologetic. She had had a long enough day without this teasing. And the blush in her cheeks was uncomfortable and she wanted it to go the hell away.   
Calanthe stayed true to her word and didn’t bring up the rockstar again, that is until the lights went down indicating the band was about to come on stage.   
“Show time! I’ve set up two chairs on the balcony”  
“I told you that’s not why I stayed, I’m comfortable in here”   
“Come out willingly or I will drag you out and make a scene.”  
Tissaia got up reluctantly, she didn’t think Calanthe would truly follow through but she also knew she was more than capable given her size advantage and the fact that she did a kick-boxing in her spare time.   
So Tissaia sat in the chair on the small balcony in front of the office as a slow music started the build. The whole venue was pitch black, the only sound, apart from the cheers, was the growing swell of a guitar. Suddenly, the drums kicked in 3 beats, the lights flashed synchronistically. This happened a few more times as another guitar started to play chords and a bass chimed in. The first guitar has switched from a single growing note to a quiet, building rift.   
The beats got faster as did the lights. Smoke started to billow on the stage. The lawyer part of her brain wondered if there was a warning for epilepsy for this show, she didn’t need a lawsuit from angry parents.   
The drummer played a final quick fill before everything went silent again and the lead guitar started to play a different rift, after the first bar the rest of the band joined in to start what Tissaia assumed is the first official song. The stage lit up with red and white lights flashing.   
She could now properly see the instrumentalists. The drummer was a woman with dark brown hair tied in to a long plait that hung down her back. Even from the balcony Tissaia could see she was gorgeous and she had to wonder if this whole band was just filled with attractive people.   
The bassist was another woman, with shorter brown hair that sat on her shoulders a little unevenly. The lead guitarist, who had carried the introduction was a well-endowed small blonde woman, who she noticed glanced to the right side of the stage a couple of times while playing. Is she looking at Yennefer ?   
Suddenly the lights went out for a moment before they came back on spectacularly bright and Yennefer came out from stage left, strutting with a mic in hand. As she stepped out waving and smiling, the whole crowd lost their minds and the screams were deafening.   
Looking at the woman on stage, Tissaia could hardly blame them.   
Gone is the casually dressed woman who approached her at the bar, and the adorably bundled up woman who waited outside. In her place, a succubus had walked on stage.   
She’s wore painted on leather pants that followed every curve of her long legs. Her shirt was a black crop top that stopped just below her breasts, leaving her entire midsection exposed. Tissaia had to reassure herself she was not drooling.   
A lacy black bra peaked out above the neckline of her crop top. Her hair was down and fell in to perfect waves, the way the light caught it made it look like she was glowing. Tissaia secretly wished she had binoculars to get a better look at her face. From this distance she could see her eye make-up was dark and her blood red lips stood out. She caressed the mic, putting it in the microphone stand and brought it to her lips. Tissaia was only a little jealous of the inanimate object. She was once again floored by how beautiful her voice was, it was a perfect mixture of sweet and sinful, similar to the woman it belonged to.   
She was vaguely aware that Calanthe was watching her but she couldn’t bring herself to care, she was sure she would regret her staring later but for now... 

As she watched Yennefer charm the crowd, leaning down to capture fans hands, moving over the stage gracefully, Tissaia was having an increasingly hard time wrapping her head around the fact that this goddess had flirted with her. Even a little. 

—

Yennefer waited on stage left for her cue to take the stage. Her thoughts were constantly drifting back to the cold, but beautiful woman she met at the bar. She was silently praying that Tissaia decided to stay after all. Lost in thought, she almost missed her cue.   
She hurried on stage, smiling and scanning the crowd as best she could in the darkness. She doesn’t spot the brunette which is not really surprising, it’s not like she expected her to be in the front row.   
She powered through the first 3 songs and then came the first break and the traditional chat with the crowd.   
“How is everyone feeling tonight?”  
She was met with loud cheers   
“I can’t hear you!!”   
The screams reverberate.   
“Thank you so much for coming to see us! We are Pursuit. Of. EVERYTHING” she said, pumping her fist for emphasis as the the lights flash and the band played with the staccato between words   
Loud cheers erupt.   
“Thank you! God it is great to be here. This is our first time playing at Aretuza here on Thanedd Isle and I’ve gotta say, this place is great!” More cheers, “we will definitely be back soon.”   
Even louder cheers.   
“So far, I have seen way too many beautiful people here, it’s unfair. Can we get the house lights on so I can take a look at these gorgeous faces?”   
The house lights went up but rather than look at all the faces, she’s really scanning for one. With the house lights on, the balcony area was much more visible and she spotted her. Sitting with Calanthe, Tissaia was there, leaned forward in a chair, her arms rested on the rail in front of her. She was watching Yennefer intently and Yennefer’s pulse rose a little; despite the crowd of 1000s of people, locking eyes with Tissaia is the most exhilarated she’s ever felt. She smiled and waved, Tissaia jerked back as if Yennefer slapped her which only made her smile more. She reluctantly dragged her eyes away to look at the crowd. She recognized a few faces from the queue.   
“I stand by my point. This is a group of unfairly attractive people.” She looked up at Tissaia again, and winked.   
“Alright. Turn the lights off or I’ll just sit here staring all night” (it was mostly the truth.)   
“Again, thank you all for coming ! Now, I gotta ask... How great was The Bard?!”   
The crowd erupts.   
“Right?! My feelings exactly.” (Actually, that was not at all her feelings but she’d been reluctant friends Julian ‘call me Jaskier’ Pancratz for many years so she brought him along).   
“Now I think I’ve talked your ear off enough, how about another song? Phil, take it away.”

The drums started playing a fast beat and the guitarist and bassist kick in quickly after.   
Yennefer looked back to her guitar tech who walked out handing her her signature purple Les Paul Standard. She casually threw the strap covered in lightening over her head and turned to face Philippa. Renfri and Sabrina come to stand on either side as they crouch down in front of the slightly raised drum stage.   
Yennefer counted down from 3 and she, Sabrina and Renfri jumped up in unison and turn back to the crowd. Yennefer approached the mic, dropping her hold on the guitar and leaning in. Throughout the song, she kept instinctively glancing towards where Tissaia is watching, even though she can’t see her.   
The song finished and quickly led right in to another.   
They alternate between a couple of songs and some chats with the crowd before the short acoustic set. Everyone else left the stage save Yennefer who held her acoustic guitar, a spotlight shining on her. 

—

When the house lights went up and Yennefer found her eyes, Tissaia almost collapsed, despite already being seated. She realized too late her jaw was slacked and when Yennefer smiled at her, she reeled away - much to the amusement of Calanthe. Every time Yennefer would compliment the crowd, she would look directly at Tissaia and Tissaia felt her face grow hot. What in the hell was happening? There was no way this goddess is looking at Her. But she is. A lot.   
By the time the rest of the band left the stage and the spotlight shined only on Yennefer, Tissaia had long given up the fight against her hormones and she’s leaned over the rail, totally enraptured by the performance. Yennefer started with an acoustic love song (about a past lover no doubt), but she had cheekily changed some of the lyrics to fit Tissaia’s description. Calanthe picked up on it far quicker than Tissaia and started nudging her until she caught on. When it hit her, Calanthe started laughing loudly - too loudly, someone would hear her. Tissaia smacked her, causing her to at least Try to stifle her laughs then she decided to just ignore her in favour of the pretty girl on stage. Yennefer finished the song and blew a kiss at Tissaia who didn’t regain her senses until the lights went up again and the rest of the band returned. 

When the concert did end, Tissaia was torn between being disappointed, excited and incredibly nervous. She was enjoying the show, but with the show over, she was wondering if Yennefer would follow up on her offer of a drink. Tissaia would say yes in a heartbeat, not that she would ever admit that to anyone.   
She found herself staying behind and waiting for such a long time she became increasingly anxious. Yennefer still hadn’t come out to the bar again, maybe she hadn’t been serious about the drink? Or maybe Tissaia had scared her off? She was feeling pretty stupid and was getting up to leave when Triss came up and passed on a message from Yennefer asking Tissaia to stay. As time ticked on though, she was starting to second-guess whether Yennefer was actually coming to buy her a drink or had only asked her to stay out of kindness or pity. As the insecurities built up dangerously, she finally spotted Yennefer approaching from the corner of her eye. She decided to play it cool and not turn her head to acknowledge her. There was still a chance Tissaia had been silly for waiting for over an hour. Then she felt a hand on the small of her back and she had to suppress a shudder.   
— 

The show ended and Yennefer wanted nothing more than to just race to that balcony and sweep Tissaia off her feet. But, she also couldn’t bring herself to abandon her fans like that. These people came out here to see their band, paid to see them, and it was a well known tradition that the band, especially Yennefer, would hang out by their bus after the show and meet fans. She decided not to chance Tissaia leaving and asked Triss to pass on the message as the clock ticked on.   
After hanging out for an hour, she went back on the bus to change, hoping Tissaia heeded her message and waited. She went to step out when her tour manager stood in front of the doors to the bus.   
“Where do you think you’re going?”   
“To get a drink? To say thanks to the gorgeous club owner” she winked.   
“You’re on vocal rest”  
“Oh come on, I’m fine” Yennefer whined.   
“You spent 3 hours in the cold today, without your mask and you have another show tomorrow.”   
“I asked her to wait”  
“Perhaps you should have thought of that sooner”  
“Fuck that Francesca. Out of my way”  
“I’m doing this to help you Yennefer”   
“At least let me go explain to her for fuck sakes”   
Francesca Findabair considered her request for a moment. She was always tough on Yennefer, but in her defence, history gave her ample reason to be.   
“Fine, but put your mask on. Keep your voice low and make it quick. I will come find you”  
“How am I suppose to seduce a woman with this thing covering half of my face?!”  
“You’re not, you have a busy schedule. Go before I change my mind Yenna”   
“You let Sabrina flirt with the stage manager” she sounded like a 5 year old mad at “mom” because her sister got something she didn’t. She knew it. She didn’t care. She was mad about it.   
“Sabrina doesn’t have a voice to rest”   
“Bitch” she muttered like a petulant child and grabbed her voice mask- or that’s what they all call it. Really it’s just a neck warmer that covered her mouth and nose. As she passed, Francesca handed her a thermos of throat coat tea.   
“No alcohol” she warned.   
Yennefer rolled her eyes and stalked past, grabbing the mug and heading inside. 

—  
When Tissaia turned to look at Yennefer, she was surprised to see only her eyes, the bottom half of her face was covered with a neck warmer.   
“Hey, sorry it took so long,” her voice was barely above a whisper so she leaned in closely,   
“I’m on vocal rest now” she said with an eye roll.   
“Oh, that’s the mask then?”  
“Yeah, sorry. My tour manager is being a real ass, so I don’t have much time”  
Tissaia can’t hide the disappointment in her face quickly enough and Yennefer’s eyes softened.   
“I’m sorry, for making you wait and-“  
“No no, it’s totally fine. You’re a busy woman, and you need your rest.” She tried a smile to reassure her.   
“Can I take you to lunch? To make up for... all this” she gestured at her face and the venue.   
Tissaia is caught off guard and doesn’t respond right away.   
“You don’t have to say yes, it’s cool, I get it. I just wanted to say thanks and sorry for making you wait. It’s unbecoming to leave such a beautiful woman in suspense” she couldn’t see the smirk, but she could hear it.   
Tissaia knew she should refuse, this little crush was dangerous. After tomorrow night, Yennefer would be back on the road, off to the next city. Off to the next pretty woman... or man? Nevertheless, she nodded her agreement.   
“Lunch is great but please don’t feel like you have to”   
Yennefer raised her eyebrows and studied Tissaia for a moment, she leaned in and despite her voice already being quiet, her next words were somehow lower and the sultry tone gave Tissaia goose flesh   
“Oh believe me, I want to” she felt the hand on her lower back again and swallowed hard.   
Yennefer righted herself before speaking again, probably entirely aware of the effect she was having on the older woman.  
“So, since you’re my local connection, I’m guessing you’ll have a better idea of where to go?”  
Tissaia got hung up on the use of the word “my.” She was pretty pleased she was *Yennefer’s* anything at all.  
“Oh yeah, there are some options...”  
Tissaia is cut off by a throat clearing a few steps away. Yennefer turns and glares at the intruder. Tissaia glares too, it’s pretty fucking rude to interrupt a conversation. She’s simultaneously asking herself again if everyone Yennefer surrounds herself with uncommonly beautiful.   
Yennefer turns back and her eyes show enough emotion that even without seeing the rest of her face, it’s easy to read.   
“Sorry, she will drag me out by my ear. It won’t be a pretty sight” She grabs Tissaia’s hand and writes down a number.   
“Text me the details?”  
Tissaia stares down at her hand, many conflicting emotions are battling for dominance. One, shock at being grabbed suddenly. Two, excitement from the electricity that passed through her body upon contact with Yennefer’s skin. And three distress because someone just ruined her perfectly good hand with a permanent marker.   
“Sorry about your hand.” Tissaia must have given herself away.   
“See you tomorrow?”  
Tissaia comes back to herself and nods, smiling.   
She watches Yennefer walk off, and notices for the first time that Yennefer had returned to her more casual attire. Tissaia can’t decide which she likes best - cute and comfy or well, you know, goddess of sex and beauty.   
She looks down at her hand again and despite the mess, she smiles and puts the number in her phone. She feels way too giddy about this and she has to keep reminding herself that Yennefer is 26 and leaving tomorrow night. She can’t get hung up on this, but she’s afraid she might already be.


	3. Table for 2, audience of 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yennefer takes Tissaia to lunch, Tissaia curses her weakness. Francesca tries to set the world on fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the angst begin.
> 
> I know I’m cranking these out quickly but don’t get used to it, it’s just because I already had several chapters written before I posted. 
> 
> I’ve half given up on being consistent with my tenses lol. I’m pretty sure no one is even bothered and I don’t know why I’m so fixated on it to the point I write something at the start of every chapter. Lol
> 
> Mistakes = mine

Tissaia De Vries has never been nervous a day in her life. Well, a day in the last couple of decades (last night doesn’t count okay?). She is the picture of control, she takes time to think through her words, her actions, her choices. She makes good decisions based on careful consideration. She became the only female partner at her law firm and did so in record time. Tissaia De Vries is not a woman who anxiously waits at a table at a little lunch bistro for a date to show up. A date who is a decade younger than her. A date who is a rather famous musician and is leaving her city in the next 16 hours, likely never to return again. Tissaia De Vries is not the kind of woman who spends hours deciding what to wear for this pointless date. The only logical conclusion therefore is that she is no longer Tissaia De Vries. Perhaps she was abducted by aliens and they messed with her critical thinking abilities? Maybe this is another dimension? Was she drugged ?  
She’s pulled out of her musings by the approach of the catalyst to her insanity. She can’t help but notice that several people have turned to look at the little starlet approaching.  
She can’t decide which sight makes her more anxious - the beautiful woman smiling and walking over to her table, or the audience. 

Fortunately for Tissaia, though she seems to have suffered brain damage, most of her parietal cortex and cerebellum seem to be intact as she rises gracefully to meet Yennefer. Her limb movement seems unencumbered but the jury is out on whether or not her mouth will sync up properly, all she can do is take a deep breath and hope for the best.  
“Ms. De Vries, thank you for meeting me!”  
The introduction screamed “formal business meeting” but the lingering hug that followed immediately told a different story.  
“It’s great to see you again” Yennefer whispers in her ear. Tissaia swallows hard, uncomfortably aware of every part of her body that is in close contact with Yennefer’s.  
When they separate Tissaia pulls it together and replies as they both sit down,  
“You too. But you really didn’t need to buy me lunch as a thank you for playing Aretuza. If anyone should be saying thanks it’s me” she laughs.  
Yennefer flashed her a mischievous smirk and Tissaia felt a foot slide up her calf under the table, her breath hitching.  
Yennefer’s voice is low, clearly aware of the onlookers,  
“Well, if I’m being honest the ‘thank you’ was just an excuse to see more of you.”  
Tissaia can’t hide the flush that creeps her to her cheeks. She readjusts her legs so Yennefer’s foot is no longer casually resting on her calf. It’s not that she didn’t like the attention but gods it was distracting. She needed to get through this lunch without regressing to an adolescent state.  
—  
When Yennefer walks in to the restaurant and spots Tissaia, her stomach twists. She’s even more beautiful in daylight and her vest top gives Yennefer more to examine. The neckline is still high but Tissaia’s arms are bare and Yennefer just wants to wrap herself in them. She sees Tissaia glance at the other patrons, many of whom have clearly recognized Yennefer and she feels a little guilty. She hadn’t considered whether Tissaia would be comfortable with the attention, she herself was so used to it it didn’t matter.  
To throw off at least some suspicion, she decides to greet Tissaia professionally, but as she gets closer, the scent of Tissaia’s perfume ruins her self control and she embraces the woman, breathing her in and whispering in her ear.  
Once seated, Yennefer slides a foot up Tissaia’s leg safely underneath the table cloth, watching for a reaction. She notices the sudden hitch in her breathing, followed by an increase in the rise and fall of her chest, her cheeks flush beautifully.  
Tissaia pulls away from her touch and though she is not one to give up so easily, she thinks Tissaia is the kind of woman who needs some time to process. So instead of charging head first, she pulls back and lets Tissaia come to her. She knows it’s only a matter of time. Judging by the way Tissaia looks at her, the way she is valiantly trying to keep her eyes from wandering down to Yennefer’s ample cleavage, she knows Tissaia is attracted to her, so she can be patient. Sometimes. A little patient anyways.  
“I meant what I said, your venue is truly one of the best I’ve played at. The people are wonderful. Wherever did you find someone like Triss, seriously? I’ve never met a stage manager so simultaneously wholesome and competent. I’m used to assholes”  
Tissaia laughs, “I’ve known Triss most of her life, Thanedd isn’t that big, her family lives a street away. But you’re right, she is truly a gem”  
“Sabrina, my guitarist, is quite taken, I have a feeling she’ll be racing back here the moment this tour is over” 

Tissaia smiles but she can’t help but feel a little jealous of Triss, her rockstar seems to be coming back. Not to say Yennefer is her own of course, that’s crazy. She’s not crazy. Or, is she? Wasn’t she just trying to convince herself that she had lost her mind and was no longer herself? 

“And Geralt? An absolute sweetheart. He doesn’t say much but there’s something endearing about him”  
The beast from last night has returned and is trying to claw its way to the surface. It’s rather unpleasant for Tissaia, she quite likes Geralt but the beast is clearly not a fan.  
She hums in approval, looking around the balcony briefly to try and bury any green that may have crept in to her eyes. 

“So, tell me more about lady lawyer Tissaia De Vries!”  
“Just lawyer, no modifier.” The response comes automatically and harshly, she’s spent too much of her career being called a “lady lawyer” as if it’s any different from being a damn lawyer.  
“Right. No modifier, I didn’t mean-“  
“My apologies, I just hear it too often and-”  
“It’s annoying?“  
As is being cut off, Tissaia thinks to herself. She can finish her own sentences thank you very much.  
“I get that, I hear it too sometimes. We’ll play on the same radio station as The Who or Metallica but still be called a ‘chick rock band’, ‘chick band’ or ‘female rock band’ if they are feeling polite, as if being an all-women rock band is any different from rock band. The worst is a ‘girl group’ and getting compared to Spice Girls just because we’re women.”  
Tissaia softens, it’s weirdly comforting to hear that even having a number one song on the rock charts isn’t enough to avoid sexism.  
“So tell me more about the lawyer, Tissaia De Vries”  
Tissaia smiles, but it quickly turns to a frown as she realizes that there’s really not much to say, especially not compared to being a musician.  
“There’s not much really. Pretty boring, not exactly touring the continent and winning awards”  
“But I’ve never been a lawyer, and I just met you so it’s all new to me”  
Given no other choice, Tissaia pauses for a moment to reflect on how to answer the original request.  
“Well, I’m 37” she checks for a reaction but finds none on Yennefer’s face, “I’m a partner at a law firm not far from here. I’m a criminal defence attorney, most of my clients are women. My other partners are all men and entirely too incompetent honestly. I’ve been considering branching out in to my own practice so I no longer have to deal with their shit.” Tissaia surprises herself with how much she’s shared, she hadn’t even told anyone else she was considering leaving the practice. She had been talking mostly without really looking at Yennefer, focusing over her shoulder instead, but she chances a glance now, worried she’s probably already bored her to tears. But when she meets violet eyes, they are bright, attentive and patiently waiting for her to continue talking. Not knowing how else to proceed, Tissaia soldiers on with her monologue,  
“As you know, I own Aretuza. I also have a small flower shop that I keep more for pleasure. I’ve always loved to garden and would help my mother in the shop before she passed, but I don’t have much time for it anymore. They were my fathers businesses along with some others but those I sold or shut down. Too much maintenance, too little revenue. I hated to do it but it was the practical decision, the flower shop isn’t exactly a gold mine but I couldn’t let it go. My father was distant, cold. Most of my memories were with my mom in that shop. I held on to Aretuza for the potential. It was a grimy bar 5 years ago but I brought Calanthe on and decided to turn it in to the venue you see now. Um...”  
She realized she was ranting, sharing far more than she normally would. She wasn’t sure why she was divulging so much about her family life especially. Perhaps it was because she knew that she’d never seen Yennefer again so why not, right?  
“But... what about you..?”  
“First, can I just say, you’re not boring at all,” Yennefer smiles wide and Tissaia’s own smile appears as a result.  
“I mean, you seem to have it pretty together. Your partners will sorely miss you when you branch out”  
“Oh I’m not sure if I will-“  
“You should, I’ve never met them but just having known you a short while, Tissaia, I think if you want to branch out, you’ll do great.”  
Tissaia blushes, her heart swells to 10x it’s size and she’s once again reminded that she is in serious trouble with this girl.  
“Thank you” is all she manages.  
“As for me, I’m 26 but what is age anyways ?” She winks before continuing, “I’ve been playing music for as long as I can remember. I didn’t have the best parents so music was my only escape. I saved up by doing odd jobs for neighbours and bought my first guitar when I was 13. I had to hide it, my parents weren’t aware that I had any money to begin with so I ended up stashing it in the woods. Which is how I met Sabrina actually. She found it in the woods and I found her. Needless to say, it wasn’t exactly a friendship blossoming but turns out her parents bought her things to keep her quiet so she was quick to get her own guitar and then I started stashing mine at her house. Renfri and Philippa came along much later, years after Sabrina and I lost touch actually. When I got old enough to leave my parents house, I did. I dropped out of high school even and I started going around playing local pubs. I met Renfri when she stabbed a guy in the ear with her broach for getting too handsy. Philippa had been in another band with Sabrina by that point and when they broke up, Sabrina and I reconnected and Philippa came along. The rest is history I guess. But years on, here we are, surprisingly.” 

Yennefer had told that story a million times, but she felt more nervous about it than usual. Would Tissaia judge her for just skipping out on school. Tissaia was clearly an academic, what if she just saw her as some dumb celebrity? Damn it, she forgot to mention she had eventually finished her high school degree.  
“I finished high school though, ya know. Eventually.”  
Tissaia arched a single eyebrow at her, an amused smile on her very kissable lips,  
“What?”  
“Nothing, I just asked what the highlight was for you so far and your answer surprised me” she teased  
“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t even hear you.” Good one Yennefer, now she’ll think you’re so self-absorbed you get lost in your voice and don’t care listen”  
“Do you mean to say it wasn’t finishing high school? I’m shocked” she teased and held her hand to her mouth in mock surprise. When she dropped it back down to the table it fell next to Yennefer’s, their fingers brushing lightly. Neither withdrew.  
Yennefer’s heart stuttered at the contact and the flash of Tissaia’s dimples. She really wanted to just reach across and kiss her. This was torture. Did the fingers brushing count as first contact ? As enthralled as Yennefer was in the conversation, there was still a part of her longing to touch. She experimentally reached out her foot in search of Tissaia leg. When she made contact, rather than try to seduce the woman again, she pulled back before gently returning so her foot was only resting on the leg lightly. Tissaia did not pull away again. 

As the conversation progressed, the physical contact increased as well. Soon, Yennefer moved her pinky so that it rested between Tissaia’s index and middle finger, increasing the contact of their hands. Later, when laughing at a funny tour bus story, Tissaia covered Yennefer’s completely and squeezed. Even after she released, their hands stayed and soon they were holding hands across the table, every so often Yennefer would swipe her thumb across Tissaia’s hand because she adored seeing the slight stutter of Tissaia’s breathing. Tissaia had started playing full on footsies under the table and they had both leaned in closer.  
Yennefer’s phone buzzing ruined the build up and she stared down at her screen looking thoroughly annoyed.  
“Shit. It’s already 3 o’clock, I have to go to sound check”  
Tissaia pulled her hand back quickly,  
“Oh wow. It’s already 3?”  
“Yeah, I’m sorry I-“  
Tissaia held up a hand,  
“Please don’t apologize. It’s your job!”  
“I was really enjoying this lunch though”  
Tissaia’s smiled sadly as she was reminded that this was all there was going to be. This one lunch.  
“It’s fine, honestly.” Tissaia’s only option was the raise the walls. How could she have been so stupid as to let them down in the first place.  
“Can I.. walk you to your car or..?”  
“Yes, absolutely” she answered far too quickly, and Yennefer smirked.  
When the bill came Yennefer insisted on paying  
“You can get it next time”  
The words were like a dagger in Tissaia’s heart. She shouldn’t have agreed to be escorted to her car. She needed to escape quickly before it all boiled over.  
“Well this is me,” she hastily opened the door to the car.  
Yennefer stands bundled up and looks around the car park.  
“Um, Tissaia it’s totally cool to say no but could I get a ride? I walked here and Francesca is going to kill me if she sees me walking back.”  
“Oh um..”  
“You don’t have to it’s okay, really -“  
“No, no. I’m not going to let you walk back. It’s fine. Hop in.” Tissaia sounds far more confident than she feels.  
The car ride is only 4 minutes, and she can’t help wonder why Yennefer walked to the restaurant in the first place rather than get a ride.  
“This city really is something else. I’ll want to come back after tour”  
Tissaia clenched her jaw but didn’t respond.  
“When I do, I’d love to take you out again...”  
The silence stretches uncomfortably but Tissaia doesn’t know how to respond,  
“More properly you know? When I don’t have some deadline or-“  
“Cross that bridge if we come to it” Tissaia cuts in, her voice is pure steel. She has no other choice, she can’t afford to get her hopes up.  
“Um right.... you know I, I do mean it. I will come back”  
“No, I know, I believe you” she doesn’t.  
Yennefer sighs and looks out the window. The rest of the short journey passes in silence and when Tissaia pulls up to the venue she’s both relieved and disappointed.  
Yennefer lingers for a while, waiting for Tissaia to turn. She does eventually, with a tight smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.  
“Thanks, for meeting me today and driving me back”  
“No problem.”  
She looks away again.  
“Are you going to come to the show tonight?” Her voice is small and Tissaia can hear the plea, her resolve starts to crumble.  
“I don’t know, lots of work to catch up on and-“  
“Right no of course. I understand. Well, thank you”  
She hears the seat belt unbuckle and turns her head to look at Yennefer again. She’s surprised by lips meeting her own before pulling away quickly.  
“Sorry, I - you turned your head. I was aiming for the cheek, I’m really so-“  
Tissaia is aware Yennefer is saying words but she’s far too hung up on lingering feeling of Yennefer’s kiss. Without thought she reaches over , grabs Yennefer’s face and crashes their lips together, cutting off Yennefer’s explanation.  
Once she’s passed the initial shock, Yennefer leans in to the kiss, her hands finding purchase on Tissaia’s upper arm before sliding down to her rib cage. Tissaia’s hands slide behind her neck, intertwining her fingers and pulling Yennefer closer as the kiss is deepened. Despite the awkward angle of the car, Yennefer pulls their body’s closer as she licks her way in to Tissaia’s mouth. Tissaia moans in to the kiss and Yennefer’s grip tightens. She’s all but climbing over the centre console, one of her knees already on the seat pushing her forward. Her fingers dance at the hem of Tissaia’s shirt, slipping underneath just enough to feel the warm skin there. Yennefer could quite happily die like this, but that happy dream comes crashing down when a sharp knock against the window startles them out of the kiss. They both spring back from each other to look at the intruder.  
It is of course Francesca, who to her credit, knocked on the window but did not bend over to look inside the car.  
“Shit. Um I-“  
“You should go” the tone of Tissaia’s voice threatens to break Yennefer’s heart completely. She can feel the regret emanating from the older woman as she stares forward out the windshield.  
“I- can you.. can you please come back for the show?”  
“Yennefer I-“  
“Please. I know you don’t believe me, but I will come back. Please just think about coming at least?”  
Tissaia nods but doesn’t look at her again.  
Yennefer begrudgingly gets out of the car. She closes the door and rounds on Francesca, as Tissaia pulls away. 

“What the fuck is your problem?!”  
“Right now? You. You’re already late”  
“Exactly. So you couldn’t have waited 5 more minutes ?” She was fuming.  
“For what? You to finish your little make out session?” Francesca chuckles.  
“Yeah. But also to let me to talk to her for a damn minute”  
“Why?”  
“What do you mean why?” Yennefer’s voice is rising with every passing sentence.  
“You’re going to cause a scene Yenna, just go do your job”  
“Abso-fucking-lutely not. I’m done with you hovering and fucking shit up.” She was all but yelling now and a few passers by had started to stare. Yennefer noticed a camera phone from the corner of her eye. Seriously? She couldn’t have one private conversation on a public street without someone fucking filming her? She turned to look at the faux-paparazzi and glared.  
“Why don’t you fuck off.” The man, who clearly thought he was being stealthy, looked like a deer caught in headlights.  
“Yenna” Francesca warned.  
“No, no. You want to film something ? Some little diva break down. Fucking film this you prick” she stuck up her middle finger and stormed away.  
“Yennefer!” Francesca called after her, as she started following her. She flashed an apologetic look at the stunned stalker. 

“What the fuck was that?”  
“He’s the one filming our conversation, and you’re mad at me?”  
“You should know better.”  
“So should he”  
“But he’s not in the public eye. Are you trying to ruin your career? How do you think that will look? Front woman of all girl rock band is PMSing. That’s your headline”  
“I really don’t care”  
“No? What about Sabrina? Philippa? Renfri? You’re messing with their lives too”  
“One little outburst won’t send the whole thing to shit. And if it does, well fuck it. I can’t be perfect Franny” she sneers the nickname she knows her tour manager detests.  
Francesca doesn’t take the bait.  
“You’re acting like a child”  
“And you’re acting like a bitch. What, are you jealous or something? Is that why you’re trying to keep me away from Tissaia? Want to fuck me yourself?”  
“Don’t be stupid, Yennefer. You’re better than that”  
“Then what the fuck is your problem?”  
“What is YOUR problem?”  
They were both screaming at this point, everyone in the venue had long stopped whatever they were doing.  
“My problem is that you interrupted me twice now while I was trying to have a conversation”  
“Oh give me a break Yennefer. Stop acting like you’re not going to move on to the next city and fuck someone else” Francesca rolled her eyes dramatically and Yennefer’s blood boiled. She’s convinced this conversation has actually induced a fever.  
“Fuck you, Francesca”  
“I’m here to stop you from doing stupid shit Yennefer, which you’re clearly prone to so forgive me for cock blocking you this one time. I promise you can take everyone to bed next time. That better?”  
“You act like I fuck everyone I see”  
“Well...”  
“Fuck you. You are so fucking out of line! Are you kidding me right now? When was the last time I even did that? Last year? Yeah, I indulged in the rockstar life but it didn’t affect sales did it? No. So why don’t you mind your own business”  
“You’re just a horny teenager and you need to get your shit together. The tour is only just started kiddo, it’s only a matter of time before you get lonely again.”  
The patronizing tone altered the hue of Yennefer’s world - everything was shaded red.  
“Fuck you. You’re so far on the side of wrong. This isn’t like that, I’m not- she’s not- I’m coming back after tour okay?” Yennefer’s voice suddenly trembled and she had to look away, which didn’t help as she became aware of just how many people were staring. Fuck. 

“I’m sure you will. Whatever infatuation you have will pass. I’m just saving you time and making sure you actually do your job”  
“Yeah well, you don’t have to anymore. You’re fired”  
“The label hired me, not you”  
“Fuck the label”  
“Really? You may have talent and charm, but this attitude will ruin you. It’s a shame you’re trying to bring your friends down too. Why don’t you look around Yennefer - the world doesn’t revolve around you. Grow the fuck up and do your sound check like a good little rockstar.”  
Francesca turned on her heel and left. Yennefer let out an undignified scream, but honestly, that whole mess was undignified so who cares? She stomps off towards the exit, intending to go to the bus and cool down. At least a little. More importantly, she knows the tears are brimming and she’ll be damned if she lets anyone see her cry.


	4. Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one: How dare you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yennefer tries to open up while Tissaia tries to shut it all down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but it didn’t make sense to add the next “scenes” to it so here we are. 
> 
> I am the sole owner of my mistakes.  
> Chapter title is from The Office. I am powerless to resist referencing it.

She gets in her bunk and slams her face down in to the pillow to muffle her screams. It’s not great for her voice but she couldn’t care less right now. Francesca was wrong. Yes, Yennefer had gone a bit off the rails in the past. Too much alcohol, drugs, a different partner every night. But that was last year. She had gotten her shit together. And Tissaia, gods Tissaia was not just another notch in her bed post. There was something more there. They only just met sure, and there was so much she didn’t know yet but she did know she would run back here. Run back to Tissaia as soon as she could. Hell even now all she wanted was to hear her voice again but she didn’t think the call would be a welcome one.   
Too lost in thought, she hadn’t heard the bus open or the footsteps approach. She was only made aware of an intruder when a knock came above her bunk.   
“Fuck off Sabrina”   
“Not Sabrina”  
Yennefer blinked and opened the curtain to Triss. What the hell was Triss doing here?   
Triss smiled at her.   
“You okay?”   
Seriously? This woman she met yesterday came all the way to her tour bus to check on her? Before her bandmates, even.   
“Um, yeah. Just. Yeah”  
“That was pretty rough... I don’t want to overstep but I just... wanted to ya know... check in”   
“You’re an angel. Sabrina is a lucky woman”   
Triss flushed at an alarming rate and started spluttering   
“What? I - I mean, Sabrina? Did she- never mind - I just, what?”  
Yenenfer laughed, oh she was adorable. Far too adorable for Sabrina but whatever.   
“Mmm-Hmm thats what I thought. It’s fine, she’s hot, I get it.”  
“I didn’t think- I”  
“Seriously? How did you miss it? Don’t tell her I told you this but she’s smitten. I’ve never seen her like this” Yennefer smiled as she watched the words settle in Triss’s brain and coordinate a whole new level of blushing.   
“Really? I mean, did she say something ? I’m sure it’s not anything it’s just, I don’t know um, anyways. I came to talk about you”   
“Oh no, no. This is way more amusing”   
Triss ducked her head and Yennefer laughed. She stood and walked over to the couch, beckoning Triss over and patting the seat next to her.   
“Yes, she did say something. Quite a few things actually. But I’m probably already on thin ice after all that so I’ll have to leave you hanging”   
“Oh god no that’s fine. It’s, yeah. It’s fine.” Triss was struggling to avoid eye contact with Yennefer. She was intent on averting her gaze but too polite to completely avoid it. It was endearing. If Sabrina broke this girl’s heart, Yennefer might have to kill her.   
“Thank you for coming to check on me. I’m okay, I just need to cool down a bit. Sorry you had to see that”   
“No it’s fine, she was being kind of a bitch.” Triss’ voice was small, as if she was afraid anyone might hear her being even the tiniest bit mean.   
“Yeah. But she wasn’t lying. About my past anyways”  
“She didn’t have to throw it in your face”   
“That’s what she does...” Yennefer looked out the tinted window, memories washing over her.   
“You know,” Triss cuts in, “when you first went to talk to Tissaia, I thought it would be a disaster”  
Yennefer laughs loudly, “same here.”   
“I’ve never seen her... warm up to anyone so quickly... and wait around... I guess what I mean is.... if you’re serious.. maybe don’t give up?”   
“I hadn’t planned on it. Even if I burn my career to the ground”   
A silence fell over them,   
“And if that happens, Sabrina will be free to just stay here forever with you” Yennefer tried to lighten the mood.   
Triss blushed furiously again.   
“Anyways, thanks. I just need some time to process”  
“Right. Okay. I’ll get out of your hair. If you need to talk...”   
“I’ll find you” Yennefer wrapped her in a tight hug, there was something about Triss that made her feel like they had always been friends. She was incredibly grateful for her presence, but she needed to be alone for a bit.   
Triss left and Yennefer did the only thing she knew how to do when everything became too much.   
She reached across the couch to the other side where Sabrina’s “bus sessions acoustic” was still sitting out. She started playing and letting the words fall out of her brain, off her tongue and, off her shoulders. 

—  
Tissaia sat at home, watching the clock, debating. Should she go to the show? She knows the answer is no, but she is still leaning towards yes. It was that kiss. That soul-destroying kiss. She wants more. She needs more. Yennefer said she would come back, what if she meant it? Even if she did come back, what would that mean? She couldn’t stay. And after a few more dates she would probably realize she didn’t want to. Tissaia would just be torturing herself. But what a sweet torture.   
What if she didn’t go tonight ? Would she regret it? It would be a sure-fire way to make sure Yennefer never returned. But what was one more night of indulgence ? After tonight, she would likely never see her again. She was being silly, this was just a crush. Lust, right? Yennefer would leave tomorrow and in time Tissaia would forget how her soft her lips were, she would forget how beautiful her eyes were. She would forget the pressure of Yennefer’s hands on her waist. And Yennefer would forget too. She was young. She was on tour, she would probably be flirting with someone new tomorrow. That thought made Tissaia irrationally angry. Maybe that’s all she is? Some conquest for a bucket list. Fuck that. No, she was going to the show, she wasn’t going to run away. And she was going to tell Yennefer, if she got the chance, that she isn’t just a notch.   
She was making assumptions, she knew that, but after last night she had gone to download some of the music and a quick google search turned up some results about Yennefer’s past... romances. Tissaia blocked it out of her mind, because she wasn’t a romance. Not at the time anyways. She also didn’t want to just mindlessly believe everything she read on the Internet.   
Now though, well now, Yennefer had kissed her. Now Yennefer had toyed with her (probably?).  
Anger was an emotion she could understand so she was going to cling to this. Irrational or not. It was easier to think Yennefer had been lying the whole time.   
So she would go tonight to prove a point. It had nothing to do with wanting Yennefer to prove her wrong. Nothing at all. 

*   
When she did arrive, Calanthe filled her in on all the gossip. Apparently Yennefer had quite the screaming match with her tour manager. Apparently the screaming match was about Tissaia. According to Calanthe, Francesca had confirmed Tissaia’s suspicion that Yennefer bounced from bed to bed. Yennefer denied it but Tissaia needed her anger so she only latched on to the relevant parts. She was just a toy. 

*  
The concert started much the same as last night and Tissaia found no reason to sit on the balcony and watch the same show. She didn’t want Yennefer to see her besides. In fact, she wanted Yennefer to search for her and realize she wasn’t there. Though she was, but she stayed in the office. Hidden. It was a petty game but Tissaia had long relinquished rights to her sanity.   
It was only when she heard Yennefer start to speak towards the end of her acoustic interlude that Tissaia edged closer to the door. 

“Alright guys, I want to try something new tonight... so, right here at Aretuza last night I met someone”  
The crowd erupted in cheers. Tissaia’s heart seemed intent on mimicking the cacophony of the crowd.   
“Exactly. And honestly she is... she is pretty special. And it’s crazy because we talked for like 5 minutes but I was just floored”  
More cheers, Tissaia is standing at the open office door now, still shrouded.   
“So much so that I just had to see her again and she, for some crazy reason, agreed to have lunch with me today.”  
The crowd awed and Tissaia rolled her eyes instinctively at their reaction.   
“Right? Best day ever.” Tissaia was convinced this was what a heart attack felt like.  
“So now, the problem is, I still have a tour that I’m very much looking forward to. I’ve spent a lot of time on the road and this is the first time that I’ve ever thought, even for a moment, about coming back to a place. Settling. And I know that’s crazy but it’s just where I am.”  
Tissaia has started holding her breath, her whole body was shaking.   
“So after this lunch, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Only thing I could do was sit and write, and that’s what I did. So I want to try this brand new song out tonight but you need to bear with me because it is ROUGH”   
Cheers and laughter mixed and the sound floated up to Tissaia but she hardly heard it over the sound of her own pounding heart. What sick game was this? No, no. Tissaia was just supposed to be a conquest. She was supposed to be angry and storm off. This... this isn’t supposed to happen. Her eyes are already starting to water.   
“So without further ado, here we go. I hope you’re in the audience tonight, this is for you.” She finished speaking and looked up towards the balcony.   
The crowd erupted and Tissaia stumbled forward and gripped the rail, her knees were already weak.   
She hadn’t even noticed Calanthe was present until she felt the hand on her shoulder.   
She shrugged it off, and tried to master any of her emotions as Yennefer started to play. 

“When you walked in   
I swear time stood still   
The balance of my world was shifting 

I know it’s so cliché   
Hardly had a first date   
But I knew   
You’re the one I want to run to” 

Tissaia felt a chair behind her knees and sunk down gratefully. 

“Maybe it’s too soon  
But when my violets met your blues   
My world took on a different hue  
And I knew   
You’re the one I’ll run to you

I know we only just met   
I know there’s so much I don’t know yet  
I know that promises seem empty, this early  
So I’ll save the speech, but I hope, I hope you hear me” 

Tissaia was starting to lose the battle with her tear ducts. Something that hadn’t happened in a very long time. She couldn’t stay, she couldn’t hear more. But she also couldn’t leave.   
She was heartbroken and angry and elated all at the same time. She tried to focus on the anger again.

“When I’m on the road  
I see so many faces, too many places  
But I’ve never been struck like this 

Lightening, flows from your finger tips  
I never could resist   
I’m hopeless  
My bottle’s breaking open  
Throat is closed I’m choking   
But You’re the only air I need” 

Yennefer held the note, the crowd swelled with cheers as Yennefer fell silent and let the suspense hang in the air. The crowd seemed to think it was intentional but to Tissaia it looked like Yennefer was trying to recompose herself. This was something Tissaia had to do all the time which allowed her to recognize the signs.   
Yennefer began to play again, but now it was louder, more impassioned. Tissaia could picture this being a point where the rest of the band would suddenly kick in. 

“I know we only just met   
I know there’s so much I don’t know yet  
I know that promises seem empty, this early  
So I’ll save the speech, but I hope, I hope you hear me”  
Tissaia looked at the stage to find Yennefer looking directly at her. She was fairly certain Yennefer couldn’t actually see her with the lighting but it’s like she could sense her and she smiled before finishing the song. There was pain and passion behind every word.

“I hope you hear me   
I hope you hear me   
I need you near me”   
she heard Yennefer’s voice crack on the last line before she hung her head and the lights went out.   
As the crowd eruptEd, she felt Calanthe’s hand on her back. Had it been there the whole time? She clutched the railing before standing abruptly and walking in to the office, slamming the door for effect. 

—

Yennefer hadn’t seen Tissaia throughout the entire show. She didn’t come. Of course she didn’t. Why would she? Francesca was right, she’s just some kid. She heads to the tour bus almost as soon as the show is done, anxious to get on, have a drink and try to school her features - she still had her nightly fan ritual. She felt fucking miserable.   
She sunk in to the couch and opened a brand new bottle of vodka. She drank it straight.   
Sabrina, Philippa, Renfri and Triss all came on to the bus together chatting idly. When they saw Yennefer slumped on the couch they all froze.   
“Oh no, don’t stop on my account. I’m just prepping for the fans.” She was already slurring a little.   
“Don’t be fucking dramatic Yennefer” Philippa told her. Philippa was always a bitch, if she wasn’t such a good drummer, she wouldn’t be worth the hassle.   
Yennefer didn’t bother to respond. She was tired, she didn’t want yet another fight. She heard the door to the bus open and braced herself for Francesca.   
Instead a small brunette came on the bus and locked her eyes on her.   
“How dare you?!”   
Yennefer sat up straight. Tissaia.. was here...? How much had she drank? She looked at the bottle she instinctively abandoned on the sofa when she saw Tissaia - she had already drank the equivalent of 4 shots in rapid succession. Shit. How the hell had she drank so much already?   
“T-t-Tissaia?” (If the bottle didn’t give her away, the slur and stutter did.) “You came,” she stood up to embrace her, but Tissaia put her hand out in front of her.   
“No. Stay there. What is wrong with you? You can’t just do this Yennefer. You can’t just show up here and make me feel... and then just... leave and... it’s not fair..” her voice caught.   
Their audience of 4 had casually fallen on to the couch since both exits were blocked by the women standing on opposite ends.   
“I’ll come back”  
“Spare me. I’m not some fucking groupie. Some line for a new hit song. I’m not interested in being a notch in your already full bed post” Tissaia’s voice was getting louder by the second and despite not wanting another screaming match, Yennefer found her voice to be raising in volume as well.   
“Is that really what you think of me?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know you Yennefer!! We just met! That’s the point!”   
“I’m not just here to fuck someone in every city” she yelled back, desperate.   
“Could have fooled me.”   
Yennefer stared, dumb struck. What the hell is happening? She thought the song was pretty fucking clear but evidently not if you’re a stuck-up bitch.   
“You know what? Fine. I’m done trying to convince people. Believe whatever the fuck makes you happy, which I gather is probably rare feeling for you with that stick shoved so far up your ass.” She was desperately trying to regain the upper hand. She was not going to be abandoned. Not again. She didn’t wait for a response. She turned around and marched to her bunk.   
Tissaia turned around and left too, slamming the bus door. 

The whole bus was eerily quiet despite there being 5 people on board.   
“Should we...” Triss looked towards the bunks.  
“No, Triss. Let her cool. Um.. we should... go somewhere. Anywhere else”  
They left and Yennefer was alone. Again.   
She climbed out of her bunk, walked back to the couch for her abandoned vodka and returned to her bed. This was going to be a long tour.


	5. Make a wish for a new curtain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of their little argument sees both women berating themselves a little. Yennefer starts to spiral. Francesca is actually good at her job, even if she’s too harsh, because knows the industry and the consequences. Tissaia considers the benefits of murder.
> 
> Content warning: Substance abuse, brief mention of domestic violence, Someone pukes -I know some people are sensitive to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the last chapter that will be added in such quick succession.  
> I was intending to wait on this one actually but I recognize that, though intentional, Tissaia’s reaction in the last chapter seemed abrupt and ridiculous. It was supposed to be a “where the hell did that come from?” moment for the readers but rather than just leave it hang, I figured a preliminary explanation was in order. Later backstory will dive further in to the issue (or at least, that’s my intention as of right now). 
> 
> Also welcome Coral to the arena. In the books (though she isn’t mentioned much) and especially in the Witcher 3 game, she’s often discussed in context of her toughness and her tendency to take revenge on her partners. In the game, she seems more unhinged because it’s for stuff like “he looked at another woman” or something but in this story I assure you it was entirely justified revenge lol.

They had the next day off but it was spent driving to the next show in Oxenfurt. Thanedd had only been the 4th stop on a 4 month cross continental tour. When they had booked the tour, the original 4th stop was the large theatre in Gors Velen, but it was being reconstructed due to a fire. This meant they had to schedule 2 nights on Thanedd to ensure everyone who bought a Velen ticket could attend. It also meant that, rather than having a night in the hotel in Cidaris, they had to accelerate their driving schedule so they had all been stuck on this bus nonstop since the first night in Cintra.  
Now, this was not by any means the smallest bus they had travelled on, nor was it the longest stretch they had been stuck on a bus but the events of Thanedd coupled with the extra exhaustion had everyone on edge.  
The tension was palpable. Yennefer didn’t leave her bunk save to go to the washroom. Renfri took pity on her and brought her food much to Philippa and Francesca’s chagrin who both believed Yennefer ought to grow up - though they worded it differently.  
Sabrina, for the first time ever, was not part of any drama. Most likely because she was glued to her phone talking to Triss which only served to sour Yennefer’s mood further. Francesca had yet to find the alcohol Yennefer had snuck in to her small bunk but she could undoubtedly smell it. Yennefer didn’t care. In her opinion, all of this was Franny Findabair’s fault. At least, that’s what she told herself.  
She kept looking back at her phone, the all of 3 text messages she had shared with Tissaia, which only disclosed the name of the restaurant and ended with a “see you then.” But she held out hope that if she stared at her phone long enough, a new text message would appear.  
It didn’t. She typed and erased 100 messages, knowing they would go unanswered and fearing that Tissaia would, like, slap a restraining order on her or something. She was a lawyer, after all. And kind of cold. Actually really cold. Like, seriously, what the hell happened? Why was Yennefer sitting here feeling like crap because some lady lawyer who was like 40 turned her down? She was a fucking rockstar. Tissaia would have been lucky to get to sleep with her.  
It was just the alcohol talking. Or was it? She didn’t know anymore. Maybe Francesca was right. Maybe Tissaia was right. Maybe Istredd had been right all those years ago. Two might be a coincidence, three is a pattern. She was self-obsessed. She spent time with her fans because it benefited her, at least that’s what everyone close to her seemed to think. And if everyone thought that, it was true wasn’t it ?  
She stared up at the ceiling of her bunk, the fan art she pinned there. She felt nothing.  
She was the exact same person she was last year. She never got clean, she just got distracted and now she was back to nursing a bottle of vodka because she got rejected by one person. Tissaia made the right choice.  
She rolled over and closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep. 

— 

When Tissaia woke up there was a split second where she had completely forgotten about the hurricane that passed through her club over the last two days. The hurricane that tore through her soul.  
It quickly came rushing back and she groaned and fell back in the bed.  
The first thing she felt was regret. A beautiful woman had dared to show interest in her and in a desperate attempt to guard her heart, she had made assumptions about the woman’s intentions. She had jumped to conclusions with a startling lack of evidence, and as a lawyer, that was just embarrassing. She lives for evidence. Sure, she could argue that the evidence was Yennefer’s history but people can change, can’t they? Until she decided Yennefer was just trying to get her in bed as a prize, nothing Yennefer had done made Tissaia suspect she had less than honourable intentions. Yes, there was flirting and touching and suggestion but there was also Yennefer hanging on her every word about her boring life, Yennefer pulling back respectfully when Tissaia pushed away. There was the fact that not once did Yennefer actually try to bed her, she didn’t even try to convince Tissaia to kiss her, in fact Tissaia initiated the kiss. And, of course, there was that song. There was the way Yennefer kept looking up to the balcony, there was the way she had to take a step back to regain her composure, there was the way her voice cracked with emotion.  
How many cases has she won arguing against circumstantial evidence? Or by pointing out the prosecution provided only conjecture with no hard facts?  
Now she was the prosecution, and she had hardly even given Yennefer the chance to plead “not guilty” before sentencing.  
In her defence, it wasn’t exactly the wrong choice to send Yennefer off, just the wrong approach.  
Nothing could ever really bloom between them, Tissaia wasn’t built for coping with Yennefer leaving for 4-6 months at a time on tour.  
It was her own fault it got this way, she had let herself get caught up in some silly fantasy, and now reality had returned. Odds are Yennefer would move on in a week or two anyways. 

She reached for her phone and realized it was still turned off. The irrational part of brain hoped that once the phone came alive it would show a missed call or text from Yennefer.  
No such luck. Instead she had a few missed calls from the courthouse and a text from Stregebor insisting she call him ASAP.  
What could that lout want now? 

“Tissaia!” He sounded far too pleased, her hackles were already up.  
“What’s going on?”  
“I heard there was quite the show at your little night club last night”  
“Oh? Some band was playing” her voice was even, dispassionate.  
“Yes some silly little girl band”  
He was baiting her, she knew it.  
“If you say so.” She wasn’t about to let him get the best of her.  
“Small place Thanedd. Lots of rumours about screaming matches, romances” his voice was sly and she could hear his smug smirk. She knew it was a lost cause already. Her stomach clenched, she felt like she was about to be sick.  
“Did you ask me to call for a particular reason? I’ve no interest in celebrity gossip.” She had been aiming for mildly irritated but it came out downright hostile. It was too much.  
He laughed loudly, “if you say so. I wanted to let you know the judge ruled against the bail reduction for that woman you’re defending”  
“Why am I hearing this from you?” Fuming, of course some old white guy would look down on women and would call Stregobor as if he was her superior.  
“Apparently your phone went to voicemail repeatedly last night. I wonder why...” he trailed off sarcastically. 

Oh. Right. Shit.  
Those would be the calls from the courthouse. Whoops, she had been too quick to judge (pun intended) the man. In her rush to shut off her phone and avoid temptation, she had forgotten she was waiting for a call from that asshole of a judge (even if it was her fault he had resorted to calling Stregobor, that guy was still an ass). This is just another reason why she needs to get Yennefer far away from her mind. She takes a deep (but quiet) breath.  
“You sound positively pleased about this development. You recognize it’s our entire firm that represents her even if I’m her lawyer?”  
“Oh come on Tissaia, you and I both know she’s where she should be. But she’s the perfect client because she’s willing to pay. That’s the only reason why we agreed to let you represent her”  
“We agreed?! I decide who I represent.”  
“Of course you do dear.” Tissaia gripped her phone so tightly she was afraid it might crack. Not for the first time she thinks about how great it would feel to break his nose. How great it would feel to break his neck.  
“She was abused Stregebor. For years, her husband deserves to be in the ground”  
“She *claims* she was abused but come on. Don’t look at this like a woman, look at this like a lawyer. There’s no evidence and you know it”  
“I’m not having this discussion with you.”  
She hung up the phone before she boiled over.  
There was plenty of evidence. Photographs, witness testimony. But of course, the witnesses were friends of Coral’s and they were women so Stregebor didn’t trust them.  
Stregebor, Artaud Terranova and Artorius Vigo. Artorius was the most reasonable of the three, having a young niece himself, but she could see it in his eyes.  
She needed to leave this firm full of egotistical, misogynistic assholes. The only lawyer in the firm she got along with was Vilgefortz, but he was hardly secretive about his attraction to her and she absolutely did not trust his intentions. 

She started looking for office space again, she started planning her escape.  
But then she remembered the more pressing concern - she had a client to visit and bad news to convey. Today was not looking bright, she would need much coffee. 

-A few days later-  
Yennefer was woken by the incessant, sharp wrap of knuckles on the side of her bunk and the curtain being pulled back. Her head was pounding and this barrage was not helping. She grumbled and turned to face the wall, closing her eyes tight hoping whoever would just go the hell away.  
“Wake up Yennefer”  
“No thanks, I’ll stay in bed”  
“It wasn’t a request.”  
She didn’t roll over to face her tour manager  
“And mine wasn’t a polite refusal. It was a statement of fact.” The frustrated sigh that escaped her tormentor was like music to her ears.  
“So we’re back to this hmm?”  
“Guess I didn’t grow up” Yennefer sneered.  
“I guess not, but two can play at that game” she heard Francesca walk away and she chanced a peek over her shoulder. Even in the dark confines of the bus, everything was too bright.  
Francesca’s footsteps were returning and she rolled back over.  
She heard the rough pull on the curtain of her bunk, followed by the sound of scissors and a loud tearing.  
She turned around quickly, head spinning at the sudden movement to see Francesca holding the curtain, which she promptly threw at Yennefer’s body and stood crossing her arms.  
“Are you kidding me right now?”  
“Good luck with your hangover” she turned and walked away.  
“I’m not paying for that Franny,” she called after her.  
She stared down at her ruined curtain, she would need to get some tape.  
She rolled back over, clutching her bundled up curtain and grabbed her phone.  
It was only 1PM. What on earth could have been so fucking important to wake her up for? Maybe she should have asked. Too late now. Her bunk was dark enough to fall back asleep even without the curtain. She closed her eyes and that’s when it suddenly hit her. They weren’t moving. And the bus was completely silent. Where was everyone ? Did she even care? Probably. She looked at her phone again, it was November 22nd. Something in the back of her mind stirred. Why was that date so familiar?  
When it dawned on her, she swore loudly.  
Make-a-wish. It was the damn make-a-wish day they had scheduled. They were due to meet a small group of sick kids at a hospital in Denesle en route to Tretogor. They had specifically planned a gap day after Oxenfurt to make the detour. The meeting was at 2:30PM, Francesca had let her sleep in. Normally, she would have been woken up at 11. She slightly regretted her attitude now, not entirely though because again, why didn’t Francesca lead with this Make-A-Wish information?  
She scrambled out of her bunk far too quickly, the nausea hit her and she puked all over the floor. Shit.  
How could she have been so unbelievably stupid.  
Part of her wanted to just change and rush out, clean the vomit later but she knew the scent would linger if it wasn’t cleaned now. She didn’t need to piss everyone else off even more. They were still unimpressed with her performance in Oxenfurt. The show went fine, generally, it wasn’t great - she was still halfway between drunk and hungover and all the way depressed. She spent all of her spare time alone and her mood did not go unnoticed by the fans and people started posting theories on social media and half-ass “journalists” were starting all kinds of trouble. In essence, Francesca was once again right about how quickly things could spiral when a woman in the public eye shows any signs of instability. The fact that Francesca was right only irked Yennefer more. 

With that in mind, she hastily cleaned it up while also trying to not puke again. She heard someone open the bus door and her brain curled up in to the fetal position, shame and anger coursing through every fibre of her being.  
She was thankful it was Renfri,  
“Oh Yenna” she sounded disappointed, Yennefer would have preferred angry.  
“I know, I know, I fucked up”  
Renfri had always been the most patient with her, which is why disappointed with a clipped tone was all the more painful.  
“Yeah, you did. Just... just go get changed, I’ll clean thi-“  
“Ren I can-“  
“Just go, Yennefer.” The dismissal was sharp, there was no room for argument.  
She grabbed some clothes from the cabinet next to her bunk and moved to the back of the bus. They change in front of each other all the time but she knew her presence was not exactly welcome right now.  
It hadn’t even been a whole week since Thanedd and she was falling apart. She needed to get her shit together and she knew that but she couldn’t see the way anymore. It was pathetic. 

—  
When she walks in to the hospital lobby with Renfri, 3 very disappointed heads turn to her. Ever the stubborn one, Yennefer does not cow, she doesn’t look away. She doesn’t let herself look ashamed even if she is.  
“Nice of you to join us” Sabrina says.  
“Nice of you to cover your tits for once,” she retorts.  
“At least my tits can actually get me a girlfriend” Sabrina caught herself even before the end of her sentence and froze. She went too far, the electricity within the whole group was already sparking in the air.  
The pills for Yennefer’s headache had not reached maximum effectiveness and Yennefer’s normally low stores of impulse control were entirely empty at the moment.  
“You fucking bitch” she lunges.  
Renfri grabs her quickly and holds her back.  
Sabrina didn’t even flinch.  
“Yennefer, fuck sakes” Renfri says and she squeezes her tighter, while glancing around the children’s hospital lobby. They were lucky it was a slow day, but nevertheless, they had drawn the attention of everyone in the room.  
Yennefer stills, knowing she isn’t strong enough to break free from Renfri even on her best days. Renfri’s arms remain but loosen.  
When she looks at Sabrina, she expects to see her smug little look, or amusement, or anger or anything other than what she sees, really. Regret and softness colour the face she was just about to punch.  
Did she miss the part where Francesca got angry at the blonde? Since when did Sabrina ever just give in?  
The mystery is solved when she feels a drop of water slide down her face. She’s crying. She’s fucking crying.  
She can’t tell if it’s the hangover, the stress, the look on Sabrina’s face or the fact that the arms holding her, while reassuring, do not belong to the woman she really wants right now, but she just goes completely limp.  
Francesca nods her head to the washroom and Renfri drags Yennefer along, the others trailing behind.  
As they approach the door, she hears Francesca say “just you” to someone.  
The door opens, she’s deposited and she sinks to the floor immediately, head in her hands.  
She hears the turn of a lock and then silence. She looks up to see only Sabrina in front of her.  
“You need to pull it together.” Her tone is clipped, irritated but her eyes betray the concern she feels for the woman on the floor.  
“I know” her voice is small.  
“Yenna we can’t go through this again”  
“I know” she responds more forcefully now.  
“Do you? Because you say that but here we are...” the silence hangs. Sabrina shakes her head and comes to sit on the floor next to her. She throws an arm over Yennefer’s shoulder and, in return, Yennefer lets her head drop on Sabrina’s shoulder. They fight almost constantly but more than anyone else, Sabrina is family. Even more than her actual family.  
“This can’t just be about one woman?”  
Yennefer’s insides coil angrily and she wants to correct Sabrina - said woman has a name which Sabrina is all too aware of.  
“Yenna... just, talk to me” she pleads.  
“There’s nothing to say”  
“Fuck off with that bullshit” Sabrina smacks Yennefer’s thigh. Yennefer retaliates quickly because there is no other option when it comes to Sabrina. The familiarity of their dynamic gives Yennefer some confidence to speak though.  
“Maybe this is just me Sabrina. There isn’t a cause, I’m just- I’m just like this. I just do this shit because it’s-”  
“God please don’t say it’s easier because honey, if you saw yourself right now, easy is not the definition you’d go with.” Sabrina cuts in. “Well, unless you were talking about how easy it would be to bed you because you kind of look like a drunk sex worker...”  
Despite herself Yennefer laughs and snuggles her head a little more. Sabrina’s free hand grabs her own and squeezes.  
“I don’t suppose you’re wrong about that... I don’t know Sabrina. It’s not *just* Tissaia I guess. It’s... what she... I don’t know, what she represents”  
“Which is?” the blonde looks down and Yennefer meets her eyes for a moment before looking away again, her eyes sting with fresh tears and her voice is barely audible when she replies,  
“what could never be.”


	6. Social Media: The Blessing and The curse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tissaia is forced to confront the reality of the situation and asks herself an important question: even if she was wrong, should it matter? 
> 
> Yennefer reflects on the constant cycles in her life and adds a new “pro” to her pros vs cons of social media list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve had to reupload this like 6 times because something keeps messing up the formatting or cutting it off. The worst part is that I had made some additional last minute edits but they weren’t saved and I honestly don’t have the patience to do it again.
> 
> Note 1: The legal proceedings are obviously not at all realistic .   
> Note 3: that the random lyrics are my own save for those between the *** Which are both songs by the band Waterparks: Telephone and High Definition, respectively.  
> My original intention was to actually record the short demos but I know myself and if I hold out on posting for that, it’ll never get done.  
> Don’t ask why I even put so many lyrics in the first place. 
> 
> Note 3: while Yen’s POV picks up a few days after Tissaia’s ends, when we go back to Tissaia we will pick up where we left off and detail the events that lead to Yen’s POV here. 
> 
> Content warnings: Alcohol abuse, Child abuse, bullying, depression, bipolar disorder 
> 
> Mistakes are my own.

-3 weeks later - 

Tissaia sat in the courtroom waiting for the jury to finish their deliberations. They had been deliberating for two whole days. It’s not a huge amount of time in a murder case but nevertheless, the waiting did nothing to help her mood.  
She was a great lawyer, and she had won far more difficult cases in her career but this one had become more personal over the last weeks.  
After the judge’s decision to keep the bail set at one hundred grand, Tissaia had gone to break the news to Coral. However, when she arrived and sat facing her client, something in her broke. Perhaps it was the turmoil of the few days prior but she needed a fucking win. So she paid the damn bail herself and oh ho ho, Stegobor was irate but she didn’t care. She was absolutely certain about Coral’s defence because she had seen the haunted eyes before on others. Coral then became her “responsibility.” One of their first stops was the local women’s shelter to find more resources and help Coral get acquainted. The counsellor that aided them was a dark haired woman with brown eyes. There was something in those eyes that spoke to her kindness and her intelligence. She and Coral made fast friends with Vanielle. They made an odd trio, an abuse counsellor, a victim on trial for murdering her abuser and that victim’s lawyer. Professionally speaking, this was a frowned upon level of familiarity but Tissaia found herself caring little. She got on well with these women and that was a rare thing for her. She had always been reserved, and especially withdrawn in the year after a visit from an ex, the only person she could truly call a friend had been Calanthe. Perhaps Triss as well but she was more guarded with Triss, she had watched her grow up after all. She felt more like a younger sibling.  
Her new friendships made her realize how much she missed having others to confide in properly.  
And now, she was waiting to find out if her friend Coral’s plea of self defence would be accepted by the courts. The charge had been for premeditated first-degree murder, all Tissaia had to do was prove that Coral had not planned this, that it simply happened as self-defence. Her case had been a solid one, it should be an easy win but Tissaia was loath to count her chickens before they hatched.  
Finally the bailiff came out to announce the jury had finished their deliberations. Tissaia held her breath as they walked back in to the room and the judge spoke.  
“Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I would first like to thank you for your service here in these last weeks. We appreciate your sacrifice and your honesty. In the case of the Isle of Thanned vs Lytta Coral Nyed, for the charge of murder in the first degree, how do you find the defendant?”  
The court room was as silent as a grave, it seemed as if the entire room was collectively holding its breath.  
“We members of the jury find the defendant,” Tissaia gripped Coral’s hand under the table, “Not guilty.”  
The entire room exhaled and Coral’s eyes watered as she smiled and looked at Tissaia. After a beat, Coral wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug. At the announcement, the entire courtroom bursted with noise as it always does, and the judge banged his gavel.  
“Order. Order. I SAID THAT’S ENOUGH.” The room became more quiet, though not entirely silent as it had been.  
“Members of the jury, we once again thank you for your service. Miss Nyed, you are free to go. Dismissed.”  
—

Tissaia did not drink terribly often beyond a couple glasses of wine or some whiskey. She most certainly hasn’t drank to what she considers excess since college. Tonight, however, was the first Saturday night since she won the case on Wednesday for her friend, who was now entirely free and had full intention of capitalizing on it. So she had had a few beers, and several shots thanks to the bad influences she now calls friends. She was immensely glad she owned her own bar, they could just drink in the office and Tissaia would not need to risk embarrassing herself in a packed club. Instead, she embarrassed herself in front of only 4 other people - Triss, Calanthe, Coral of course, and Vanielle. She had forgotten over the years the effect excessive alcohol had on her. Her control slipped, revealing too many truths and becoming too emotionally raw. It’s these traits that lead her to talk about Yennefer with wet eyes.  
The conversation started innocently enough:  
Around 11PM, Triss had started smiling down at her phone rather than engaging in conversation - a strange behaviour since Triss is nothing if not respectful and talkative, especially under the influence of alcohol. She was also fidgeting more than usual. Granted, Triss was always a little anxious, she was too much of a people pleaser, but this was a new level. Triss crossed her legs, before uncrossing them, shifting in her chair, she bit her lip and she flushed red, a darker shade now as it added to the alcohol flush. She crossed her legs again.  
“Girlfriend’s show’s over then?” Calanthe inquired. Tissaia was annoyed at Calanthe’s unfairly high tolerance for alcohol - she had been drinking far more than Tissaia but you would never be able to guess. Triss didn’t answer, she didn’t even look up, oblivious to the fact she was being addressed.  
“Earth to Triss?!”  
Triss looked up at the sound of her name, glanced around the group to see all their eyes on her. She smiled sheepishly and I crossed her legs again.  
“Girlfriend’s show is over then?”  
“Oh, um. Yeah. How did you-“  
“You did that thing where you disappear in to a love bubble when Sabrina texts you.”  
Triss somehow managed to blush harder. She crossed her legs tightly and fidgeted again.  
“Oh- right. I-“  
Calanthe cut her off,  
“Or should I say lust bubble tonight?” She started to laugh, which only got louder when she saw Triss’ mouth gaping. Vanielle and Coral seemed amused, Tissaia not so much. Listen, she’s happy for Triss really, but it’s not her fault she’s a little jealous. Or alot jealous. And angry at herself for creating the situation which allowed space for jealousy. Because she could have also been texting a certain someone after a show but she ran instead. 

“Did she send you some nudes? Can I see ?” Calanthe jokes between her fits of laughter.  
Tissaia glared at Calanthe sharply.  
“What?! No. I, of course not, I-“  
“I can’t see or she didn’t send you-“  
“Calanthe” Tissaia warned. She knew it would have no effect but she had to try.  
“You can’t see them- I mean, she didn’t send any either. But you couldn’t see them if she had. Which she didn’t.” She totally did.  
“Very convincing little Triss.”  
They sat awkwardly for a moment, unsure of what to say or do. Vanielle finally spoke up, “you should go call your girlfriend, Triss.” The smile was warm, genuine. Calanthe’s on the other hand was sly.  
“Um... yeah I should. It’s getting late anyways right. It was nice meeting you Vanielle and Coral. Um.. well congratulations Tissaia and of course Coral and -“  
“Go before you combust Triss.” Tissaia’s tone was far too bitter to go unnoticed.  
Triss said nothing and did as she was bid. As the door shut, the others all turned to look at her. She finished her glass in one shot and put it on the desk before addressing her observers.  
“What?”  
“Little harsh Tissaia” Calanthe responded.  
“I’m always harsh”  
“You’re not” Vanielle reached to rest her hand on Tissaia’s arm. Tissaia flinched and Vanielle pulled back. It suddenly dawned on her that despite their friendship, Tissaia had never discussed Yennefer with Vanielle and Coral so of course they could have no notion as to why she would be so upset right now.  
“I’m fine, I promise.” Absolutely no one bought it, but they relied on their knowledge of sober Tissaia to conclude she wouldn’t answer any questions anyways. Had they known drunk Tissaia was more likely to spill, they may have pressed her.

“So who is Triss’ girlfriend then? She’s on a show?”  
Calanthe glanced at Tissaia, who remained neutral in her expression, before answering:  
“No, no it’s Sabrina Glevissig, guitarist of a band that played here a about a month ago called -“  
“Pursuit of everything” Coral chimed in.  
“You know them?”  
“Oh yeah, they’re great ! Triss is dating her? What are the odds that both she and Yennefer met someone right here! That’s adorable. Lucky ladies, Yennefer is a babe”  
Tissaia stopped breathing. All of her effort was diverted to her mask but she could feel the effects of the alcohol and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold out.  
Calanthe kept glancing at her and her friends became suspicious too quickly. They too began to look at her as the cracks were forming. Calanthe cleared her throat and tried to change the subject before it was too late, Tissaia was grateful even if the effort was fruitless.  
“Yeah, crazy world I-“  
“Wait,” of course it was Vanielle that would notice first, “wait, Tissaia?”  
Her jaw clenched tightly, she feigned innocence,  
“Hmm?” It came out too high. It was the last straw needed for Coral to catch up.  
“That was you?!” Tissaia could only swallow, “so you’re the one all those songs are about?”  
Songs? Plural?  
“Song-zah? With an S?” Calanthe voiced the question for Tissaia giving the brunette more time to recompose.  
“Oh god yeah. I was listening to one of their songs, and the suggested video about ‘Vengerberg’s new island flame’ popped up, it was the footage from that night here. I always wondered who it was about. Of course, that video lead to the rabbit hole of a steady stream of short demos she’s been releasing on her personal YouTube account. You didn’t know?”  
“No” her voice was very small. Coral having been lost in the excitement meant she hadn’t stopped to think about why Tissaia had never mentioned Yennefer, or about the content of the exact songs she was talking about, the obvious implication being that it didn’t end well. As the pieces fell together, her face was transformed by guilt.  
“Oh. Shit I-“  
“Another round?” Tissaia announced before getting up to leave.  
“Ah ah ah no. Tissaia come on.” Calanthe grasped her elbow.  
“Tissaia, you’re with friends” Vanielle was far more gentle and ultimately, it’s that tenderness that broke her. She slumped back down in to her chair and her vision blurred with tears.  
“I’m sorry. This is so silly. I mean it was nothing, it was a lunch one month ago. I’ve just had too much to drink.”  
“It wasn’t nothing Tissaia” Coral said seriously.  
Tissaia waved her off,  
“No Tissaia seriously, these songs they... you should hear them”  
“No thank you.”  
“What happened?” Vanielle urged. Tissaia shook her head, she didn’t want to- no she couldn’t talk about it. She looked to Calanthe, who nodded.  
“Just didn’t end well.” Calanthe answered for her.  
“That much is obvious, Cal” Coral joked.  
Tissaia had never heard anyone call Calanthe ‘Cal.’ Not even Eist.  
“It’s fine. It was silly. We are different people leading different lives. It never would have worked. She had to leave before we even got to know each other.” Something about the first admission opened a dam in Tissaia and she found herself unable to stop talking about the very subject she had been avoiding for a month.  
“It was one date. Lunch. It was... it was amazing honestly I-“ her throat caught and she cleared it quickly, afraid to delay too long lest she lose her nerve. She needed to unload this.  
“I, it’s just like I said she had to leave and I didn’t want to hold her back or anything over a date and a kiss. Besides, I had read the stories... I wasn’t just going to be another one night quick fuck before she moved to the next town.”  
“But you heard the song ? The one she played here” Coral asked.  
Tissaia sobbed, Vanielle moved to rub her back.  
“Yes but... I just.. even if she was being honest, what was the point ? To any of it. Nothing would come. So I just, I needed to cut ties. So I did. We.. we fought... things were...” she was crying now, hot tears down her face, “things were said and it’s... done now but sometimes it still gets to me. I know it’s silly, I didn’t even know her and -“  
“It’s not silly Tissaia.” Calanthe’s voice was rough, matter-of-fact.  
“What if she comes back?” Vanielle ventured.  
“She won’t”  
Coral scoffed. “You haven’t heard the songs Tissaia. You haven’t seen her posts. I venture to guess you haven’t googled her name. She’s a fucking mess and that’s coming from me.”  
“All the more reason she shouldn’t return. It’s better to move on”  
“Oh fuck off, you haven’t moved on at all.” Calanthe rounded on her. “Don’t even pretend. I see it, they see it now too, Triss even sees it. You know Triss talks to her hmm? She’s always asking about you.”  
“Well I Hope Triss hasn’t been-“  
“Don’t even try it, you know Triss would never do anything like that. She’s not going to give you away. But she hasn’t been having a great time either. You know how often she bites her tongue now with you? She desperately wants to tell you to reach out to Yennefer but she’s terrified of how you’ll react. She’s scared to bring up Sabrina because she doesn’t want to hurt you”  
“Oh well I’m so sorry I’ve put her in an uncomfortable position. That’s not my fault Calanthe”  
“Like fuck it isn’t. You bit off her head just now for daring to be happy about her own girlfriend. That’s on you Tissaia.”  
She was right, but that didn’t mean Tissaia was going to admit it.  
A staring contest began between the two women, each waiting for the other to crack. Instead, Vanielle broke the moment.  
“Maybe we should call it a night but Tissaia... if she comes back”  
“When” Coral corrected.  
“You should give her a chance. You might be surprised.” 

—

Tissaia lasted all of 24 hours before deciding to investigate Coral’s claims from the night before. Granted, she had been drunk for the first couple hours of that 24 and then she was asleep for another 10 (she hadn’t slept more than 6 hours in a decade). So really, she lasted 12 hours. Nevertheless, she was a little proud she had held out this long. It was Sunday night and she logged in to the Instagram account she had only created recently and used once. That first time had also been about Yennefer. She had made the account specifically to go look at her profile on a night she was feeling lonely a few days after “the incident.” She only found out later she didn’t actually need an Instagram account to look at the photos.  
The first time she had creeped on Yennefer, she was searching for evidence that she had been right. To a degree, she found some but only after scrolling through to photos from a year ago. She didn’t want to dwell on the amount of time she had spent staring at the woman like a fangirl.  
This time, she was looking for evidence that she was wrong about Yennefer’s intentions. That evidence did not require extensive scrolling.  
The first thing she noticed was that there was a distinctive “before Thanedd” and “after Thanedd.” Before, she was all charms and smiles, posting photos with the band, fans, even a photo with Triss and Geralt complimenting Aretuza.  
After Thanedd the selfies were virtually nonexistent. The photos with fans and friends were fewer and you could see Yennefer had lost some of her glow. Tissaia’s heart ached. She had caused this. It was her fault, wasn’t it? If she had just not jumped to conclusions... but what’s done is done. A part of her was greatly concerned about how unstable Yennefer appeared, it was a red flag. What if they had been together and they had a fight? Or what if they dated and broke up permanently? This was Yennefer’s reaction after a single date. Yes, Tissaia had been upset too, more upset than would be strictly deemed normal after a single date but she has pulled herself together... mostly? She wasn’t selfish, but she didn’t want to be responsible for someone’s happiness. That was too much pressure. She was absolutely torn, had she made the right decision? She was still leaning towards yes, but seeing Yennefer so unhappy was forcing her to think of her own state of being over the last month. She had been unhappy too, perhaps the only difference was that Tissaia did not have fans and cameras flashing in her face. To feel this strongly after 48 hours is insane... but isn’t that exactly what might make it worth it? If they had connected so strongly in such a short amount of time... 

Spaced between the photos were black screen video clips. The sound was off, but the captions told her these were likely the demos Coral had mentioned. Most captions contained a link to a full version. She didn’t follow the thread, she couldn’t even unmute yet, or maybe ever. There were only 6 short clips linking to full songs. Tissaia wasn’t sure if this was considered a lot for demos while on tour but she assumed it might be. She started at the first one, reading the caption:  
“Lots of things can happen on a tour. Good things and bad things. Sometimes things that are both good and bad. The only way to cope for me is through music, through all of you fans. I love writing and seeing others connect to the words, because you’re not alone. I’m not alone. We’re together in this life. With that in mind, it’s only fair that we share, comfort each other, build each other up. I’ve been working on demos, unfinished songs that may never make an album but I wanted to bring you all along with me. Without you, there is no us.”  
Before scrolling back to the video she noticed the first comments on the post  
“Thanedd < / 3”  
“You deserve the best”  
“Seems a little dramatic”  
—“Fuck you, she can have feelings” 

Rather than find out more about her fans opinions she scrolled back up to stare at the screen. Her finger hovered over the sound button. She steeled herself and let the sound flow. 

At first it was just some instrumentals and then the voice kicked in. It was more raw, unpolished than the album songs, which was to be expected. 

“Thanedd’s got me damaged  
My fault, but the bandage  
Won’t stay, in place  
When I dream of your face  
And now I can’t seem to see  
Anything, I’m blind beyond belief.  
The only time I want to open my eyes  
Is when I convince myself you might stop by

So do-“ 

The short clip ended and began to loop again. Tissaia shut it off, not wanting to hear it again. Not able to hear it again.  
This was a bad idea. She knew it would be. She should just close the app. Instead she scrolls up to the next one.  
The melody is upbeat on this song,  
*** “I gotta let you know  
that I think that I love you so  
you can be my only one.  
Cause I think that I love you so

I know we only just met  
So why do I feel invested.  
Do you feel it too? Do you feel it to?  
I could be your best yet, future favourite regret  
Do you feel it too? Do you fee-“ *** 

She continues to move on, trying not to dwell. This is a bad idea she repeats to herself but she needs this. It’s a new mantra. 

***”I know I’m not around enough to make me worth the wait it’s like  
Who wants to be close to someone who always goes away?  
And even when they’re here it’s like,  
Where’s your fucking head at?  
Why’s it take so long to text back?  
You’re so bad at loving people back  
So here’s a—“***

“It’s getting harder, to give a damn  
When all my best intentions  
Are questioned  
For an altered motivation 

I’m trying to break through  
The glass ceiling of who I used to be  
But every time I start hammering  
More glass is added just to fuck with me  
And sometimes, I want to give up  
Settle in to the personality that’s prescribed to me  
But sometimes, I want to go on  
And right now, you’re what’s pushing me through”

Tissaia’s heart was racing, the swirl of emotions inside her was far too intense to focus on, all she could do was continue down this heartbreak Boulevard. 

“Is it selfish, if I hope you’re hurting too?  
It’s not that I want you to feel so bad  
I just want to be alone with you  
As one mind, one heart  
Is it selfish if I hope you’re feeling torn apart  
Like me? 

My thoughts are preoccupied  
With every word I said that night  
Do you, think of it too? Do you think of it like I do? “

The words of that clip felt heavy on Tissaia. Not because Yennefer was potentially wishing her harm, but because she felt the same. She had spent this last month assuming Yennefer had probably moved on, and it made her bitter. Part of her wanted Yennefer to be unable to move on.  
The next video had words directly on the black screen flashing along with the song but it wasn’t the lyrics. Instead a disclaimer that was elaborated upon in the description:  
“Got a lot of bad feedback on the last one and I get it guys. Try and remember these songs are a dramatizing of reality. I of course don’t want anyone to suffer. Grain of salt everyone. But I appreciate your concern on behalf of the subject and myself.” 

“I guess I’m too far away  
To make my case  
You’d argue it anyway

But I just, needed, to say  
I wish I could have stayed  
Maybe you can’t believe me  
And if that’s the case I’m sorry 

I hate to break it to you  
But I’ve meant everything I said  
From the moment we met  
I may be a mess but on this I am serious 

It won’t be long, till the plane hits the runway  
I know, you won’t be waiting and that’s okay  
But I won’t give up that easily, even if my heart breaks  
It’ll be worth the aches, you’re worth the aches“ 

When Tissaia began this little session, she could hardly bear to hear the songs once, now she found herself listening to the short clips on loops, the words sinking in. Yes, it may be a dramatization as Yennefer had herself put it, but it was damn effective. The longer Tissaia sat, the more convinced she became that Yennefer would come back.  
It was equally thrilling and terrifying. She wanted Yennefer, but all of her previous objections were still valid. The girl did seem unstable for one, she was on the road often, she was 11 years younger. Yennefer didn’t simply utilize chaos, it consumed her. 

The next clip was exceptionally short, only two words of the songs were spoken. There were no other clips but Tissaia was now invested in this adventure. She followed the link. 

The song kicked in, it was a faster paced song but the melody was still sad. 

“The words I had said  
Were ones I never meant  
I’m sorry that I broke it  
Sorry that I broke it 

I’m sorry that I ran  
Now I’m just regrets  
I’m sorry that I broke it  
Broke all that we could have been 

Cause now I’ve got no where I want to go  
No place I’d like to call home 

I just can’t blame you  
For walking away  
Cause I don’t behave  
I’m too much to brave  
For anybody so

I just can’t blame you  
Turning your face  
Please forget my name  
I don’t want to cause you any pain  
And  
I just can’t, I just can’t blame you 

Confined to my bed  
Legs made of lead  
I’m sorry that I broke it  
Sorry that I broke it 

Thought I had grown up  
But I’m still a fuck up  
I’m sorry that I broke it  
Broke all that we could have been 

So now I’ll be going home alone  
But it’s what I deserve, my turn to atone 

I just can’t blame you  
For walking away  
Cause I don’t behave  
I’m too much to brave  
For anybody so

I just can’t blame you  
Turning your face  
Please forget my name  
I don’t want to cause you any pain  
And  
I just can’t, I just can’t blame you “ 

Tissaia was too caught up digesting the words, trying to read them in the description with tear filled eyes. The words were blurry but it didn’t matter, she could feel them. Like so many of the other words she had heard so far, they spoke both to her and through her. If she had any musical talent, and maybe a smidge more chaos, she could see herself saying some of the same things. She felt many of these things.  
Too distracted by her thoughts, she hadn’t notice the next video cue up. It came in loud startling her. She went to pause it but Yennefer’s voice floated in again. This video was just posted today, there hadn’t been a preview clip. 

“I’ve officially lost it.  
My brains only focused one thing  
This obsession will kill me  
But I can’t find a way to feel sorry  
Because insanity is nothing, if yours is the hand I’m holding 

Am I coming on too strong? (Hell yes)  
Did I scare you away? (probably mate)  
You just have the most beautiful eyes (okay)  
You just have the most beautiful smile (restrain yourself) 

Will you serve me, baby?  
(Serve me a restraining order maybe)  
Would you like to see me, again?  
(Maybe at a 500 yard distance)  
There’s only one solution (oh god just use it)  
A lobotomy would take you away (now wait, wait. That seems extreme)

If desperate measures, are what I need, then I’ll take them, just first let me please, explain the things I can’t say without a melody.  
You’ll be the death me, the end of me, the reckoning. Whoa oh  
I’ll be dramatic, erratic, fanatic  
But it’s a little too too late to change  
The way I’m feeling. “

Despite herself, she was laughing at the dark humour employed. Unlike many of the other songs, this one had an edge that was clearly satirical. Her suspicion was confirmed by the description announcing that this song was specifically for all of the people who have labelled her a stalker. She couldn’t ignore the significance of her ability to read Yennefer’s intent, to understand her words, to feel as if they were her own already. It dawned on her that she felt like she had known Yennefer much longer, as if they had shared an experience in some other lifetime. She could read her without even knowing her. 

There was nothing else afterwards and Tissaia sat smiling at her phone. This girl was chaos, trouble, everything Tissaia could never handle but gods did she want to try.  
She looked down at her left hand, remembering fondly when Yennefer wrote her number on it. She wanted to call her right now, but something was holding her back.  
It had taken this whole month for Tissaia to start feeling like herself again and now she was right where she started. What if Yennefer was just venting ? What if these songs were more dramatic than realistic ?  
The old insecurities crept back in. No, she would have to wait. She needed time to reflect. To think. She couldn’t dive in to this again.  
Maybe after Christmas ? Maybe on Christmas? Perhaps she could do some foolish romantic gesture and surprise Yennefer on Christmas? Oh god, no no. That was the exact kind of thoughts she needed to shut down. She couldn’t jump in to this. And if she sat here any longer, looking at Yennefer, listening to her... she wouldn’t be able to hold out.  
Fate was on her side as the doorbell rang, giving her a perfect opportunity for distraction. Even if it was just a delivery, it would shake her out of staring at her phone.  
What if it was a delivery from Yennefer? She didn’t have her address though so... unless she asked Triss? But Triss wouldn’t tell her, Tissaia would kill her if she did. But maybe Triss decided to risk it? She had become more bold since she started seeing Sabrina.  
She reached the door quickly and recomposed. She of all people knew that having expectations often lead to disappointment. This was probably just Coral or Vanielle or- she swung the door open -Rita? 

Yennefer:  
-A few days after Rita showed up on Tissaia’s doorstep. -

Since the visit to the hospital, Yennefer had been doing better. In large part due to seeing those kids and how full of life they were despite their conditions. It sobers a person, literally and figuratively. The show in Tretegor had gone amazing, and for the following two weeks things had been on the upswing, mostly. She had still had days, she still drank more than she should, but she wasn’t so enveloped in her own mind anymore. The conversation with Sabrina had also been helpful - though she would never admit that. There was just something special about being told when you feel like you’re at your lowest point that you’re not alone.  
As the weeks stretched however, her mood began to sour again. The fact that she could feel it coming only made her angry with herself, creating the cycle of anger, shame and sadness she had become all too accustomed to in her life. She had always been like this, as long as she could remember. When she was young and bullied for her crooked spine and braces, it the moods were worse but she could process them more easily. At least then she felt validated in her negativity, and her “highs” were the stranger times. The times when she actually felt good about herself, when she would become motivated and productive suddenly, those were the confusing emotions. She would sleep less but it didn’t seem to matter, she would spend all that extra time on developing skills, in particular guitar as she got older. 

Her parents were not flush with cash by any means, and even when they did have money they had no interest in spending it on Yennefer. When they had to pay for her braces, her punishment was far less food. Not because they couldn’t afford it, they just wanted to punish her for having the audacity of being born crooked (as if it was her fault and was not due to the substances her mother ingested). She was mostly ignored, save for when her father would be particularly angry. He quickly learned to avoid her mouth after he broke one of her braces and was forced to fix it lest the police be called to examine exactly how Yennefer had “fallen.” Ironically, her few trips to the hospital and the few hidden suggestions from nurses and doctors of just how difficult her father’s life could become if someone were to make some calls, were the only reason she ever got a spine brace. The irony of needing to be abused to be afforded the luxury of a normal posture and mouth was never lost on her.  
Nevertheless, though unpleasant, it was the times when she was a “freak”, that her emotions made sense. 

By the time she was ready to move out of that house, she was no longer that freak. She had always had the right features to be beautiful, but puberty, dentistry and surgery made that beauty shine through. By the time she was 16, she was already being lusted after by boys and men alike. Her newfound beauty did nothing to cure her of her cynical personality however, so though she had many suitors, her number of friends remained abysmal. Even Sabrina was not really her friend at that time. People thought they were friends, they had the makings of friendship but ultimately they only shared a couple of common interests and otherwise they mostly tolerated each other for the sake of music. They played music together often, they wrote together, but outside of Sabrina’s bedroom, they hardly talked. They never really confided in each other unless things were really bad (like a new bruise on a visible part of Yennefer’s body). They never really hung out. They had tried once or twice. One time, they went to a movie but ended up seeing two different films in two different theatres as they were both too stubborn to agree on which film to see. Despite this, Yennefer still considered Sabrina to be more akin to family than her own parents, which always made her feel a little pathetic. Her only ‘family’ was someone she hardly got along with? Though she argued that sisters didn’t always like each other, right? Her feelings were almost entirely one sided- Sabrina had friends, she was popular and though her parents were largely absent, they at least didn’t physically abuse her or deny her anything at all really.  
So when Yennefer had left it was not much of a surprise that they didn’t keep in touch. As Yennefer became more confident, started finding any kind of success, her melancholy phases felt increasingly unjustified. With that, the episodes began to be layered with a special kind of guilt. She would constantly tell herself to snap out of it and then be furious when she couldn’t. The first time a bar called her asking her to return to play another show had been the best thing to ever happen to her up until then. So when she fell in to an episode quickly after she was offered the job, she hated herself for it. She had handled countless rejections at bars without spiralling, but suddenly now that she had any kind of success she fell into a funk? It seemed unfair.  
She had been riding a high-phase when she met Renfri. She was bubbly, excited, determined. They would write songs together while casually looking for other bandmates, they would actually hang out as friends. They had saved enough for some real studio time when Renfri witnessed the spiral for the first time. Needless to say, she had been beyond confused by Yennefer’s sudden mood shift. When the money was ultimately wasted because Yennefer couldn’t pull her shit together for the studio, she was absolutely certain she would lose her only friend. When she should have been elated that Renfri forgave her, her mood only spiralled further as told herself that she didn’t deserve a friend like Renfri. Ever quick to anger, she had also suddenly become hostile when she convinced herself Renfri was only staying for now, until Yennefer got better and she could make a guiltless escape.  
Still, despite Yennefer actively pushing her away, Renfri weathered the storm. It wasn’t until much later in their friendship that Yennefer had the courage to ask how Renfri was able to put up with her.  
When Philippa and Sabrina had joined the band and they had secured multiple gigs, Yennefer was fortunate enough to experience the right emotion. When they were discovered by a manager and later signed by a record label, Yennefer remembered going through such a rapid cycle from a high to a low, to high and then neutral again that she swore she had whiplash.  
Throughout her whole career, Yennefer had anxiously awaited the lows and hoped they wouldn’t happen at the wrong times. Like getting a number one single on the rock charts but being so apathetic she didn’t fully appreciate the significance until a few weeks later.  
She was always more forgiving of herself when the episodes had a trigger - a bad breakup, a bad show, fights with her friends. But she was only forgiving for so long, her cue that she should be over a specific disappointment was always made abundantly clear through her bandmates reactions. It killed her that she couldn’t just be like them. It killed her that she didn’t know why she couldn’t, why she was so moody.  
Sabrina had already been privy to her swings and had adjusted quickly. Philippa, however, had taken longer to adjust. There were many times Philippa had nearly quit the band. Granted, there were times all of them nearly quit, including Yennefer but Philippa had been the largest flight risk by far. 

The time when Yennefer felt she should have already been over Thanedd had long since passed. The hospital, the shows, the comfort from Sabrina and Renfri, even Philippa, had been a welcome reprieve but it only muted the melancholia, and now it was creeping back. 

She knew this wasn’t just about Tissaia, but nevertheless, she fixated on that. She was convinced if she could just get Tissaia to talk to her again, she would pull out of this and never feel so down again. It was unrealistic, especially because Yennefer suspected Tissaia had moved on by now. She had kept up with Triss and had tried to gently probe for information but Triss did not want to feel like she was betraying Tissaia so Yennefer begrudgingly let it go. Granted, she still asked after Tissaia but she never pressured the sweet woman on the other end of the phone to divulge more than a vague “she’s doing well.” She was certain she was doomed to a life of forever asking after someone who wanted nothing to do with her, and she couldn’t even blame Tissaia. She was a mess, even on her good days which these certainly weren’t.  
Her escape when it became too much was music, as it had always been. She worked tirelessly on songs hoping that after a while, after spending so much time on the small details, the content would no longer upset her as much. It was how she got closure on her past with Four Marks. She desensitized herself to the words, to their meaning. This time however, her fool-proof strategy was failing. It didn’t matter what she wrote, how much she wrote, the pain remained and festered, slowly infecting her mind and tearing it apart.  
She has resigned herself to her fate when a single notification changed everything.  
She had, until recently, refrained from social media other than posting demos and a few photos. She used to be an avid user of twitter and especially of Instagram, but she had no energy to say much. She definitely did not have the energy to deal with the comments section. She entirely ignored them really, knowing that even if 99 comments were positive and supportive, the singular mean comment would be her focus.  
She had only been made aware that many people were becoming upset with the content of her demos when Francesca brought the information to her, along with a warning from the record label. Of course people wouldn’t be able to understand that lyrics are often over dramatic for effect. It’s why she hated social media most of the time. The trolls of the Internet were only growing in numbers and they were becoming far more aggressive. Yennefer loves a good troll, hell she does troll, but internet culture was getting way out of hand.  
So she had avoided it altogether until she could at least settle a little. Besides, posting while drunk? Not the best idea and it was a lesson she had learned more than once in the past. Since she was always at least a little tipsy these days, refraining was all the more important. She didn’t further need to blow up social media with conspiracies about her and the band’s future.  
But now she was back and thank god she was because otherwise she might have missed an important notification on Instagram. A heart stopping notification.  
Among the thousands of likes and comments she got on recently posted photos, there was a notification for a photo from over 2 years ago.  
“TissaiaDV liked your post.”  
She sat just staring at her phone, jaw slack for a while. Could it really be her? To be honest, she didn’t seem like the Instagram type. What if it was just someone pretending as a prank? But how would they know? Only a handful of people in Yennefer’s life knew Tissaia’s name and she was certain none of them would pull this prank.  
It took her a moment to recognize the implications of this like. When she did though, her breath caught. More likely than not, Tissaia hadn’t intended to ‘like’ a photo from such a long time ago but the fact that she was scrolling that far down...  
Tissaia had no photo in her icon and no posted photographs, the account information told Yennefer she had only gotten an Instagram in November. After she met Yennefer. Yennefer’s heart was hammering. How many times had Tissaia looked at her photos? Had she heard the demos? How far back has she gone? Or was this the first time she had scrolled so far? She suddenly realized she ought to check exactly which photo Tissaia had been looking at.  
She gasped when the photo was revealed and bit her lip. Tissaia had not liked just any photo, no no, it was from a photo shoot she had reluctantly agreed to. An ad for lingerie. At the time, she didn’t want to be seen as just a hot chick, taking away focus from the band. She wanted to be recognized for her music, not her body. But she had been convinced by the logical argument that she already had a number 1 single, her band was known, this would just increase the exposure (literally).  
In this particular photo, Yennefer was laying on her side, propped up on an elbow, her head resting on her open palm. She was wearing a thin violet nightdress that did absolutely nothing to cover the lacy black bra and underwear underneath. The hand that wasn’t propping her up was laying on her upper thigh, her fingers pointed downwards as if edging between her thighs. Her eyes were heavy-lidded and smouldering towards the camera. Altogether, she looked as if she was about to devour her prey.  
And Tissaia had been looking at it. Further, unless she accidentally hit the heart button while scrolling, Yennefer decided that Tissaia must have liked it while trying to double tap and zoom in.  
She was making assumptions but she had no desire to pull herself out of her musing. The idea that Tissaia was even looking at this photo, zoomed in or not, made her throat go dry. A powerful jolt of arousal settled between her thighs as she thought about the effect the photo may have had on Tissaia. She was endlessly glad they had the night off and she was in her hotel room, alone. She let the idea of Tissaia touching herself consume her, she dropped her phone, bit her lip and began to squeeze her breasts, pinching her nipples. She allowed her hand to travel down, down, past her core to about mid-thigh. She spread her legs and ran her fingers up her inner thigh. When she reached her destination, hips already rutting down in need of friction, she was not surprised to find she was soaked. She began to stroke herself, rolling circles over her clit as she let thoughts of Tissaia take over her world. She imagined Tissaia’s fingers instead of her own, she imagined the sight of her brown hair fanned over Yennefer’s thighs as she flicked her tongue on her clit. She moaned at the thought of Tissaia hovering over her, three fingers deep inside telling Yennefer to come. She imagined pinning the woman’s arms down as she lathered her tongue on sensitive nipples. Her movements became more erratic until her whole body seized and she came with Tissaia’s name on her tongue.  
It was a sweet relief but it would never be enough, she would always need more. Crave more. Crave Tissaia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the description of Yennefer’s mental illness is meant to be reflective of bipolar disorder. She is currently not diagnosed in the story.  
> Though not often talked about, BPD is fairly prevalent. There are a few different core types of Biopolar Disorder, and within those categories symptoms still present themselves uniquely in everyone. Though I did try to keep the symptoms here aligned with the “standard” image we have of bipolar disorder, this is by no means an accurate representation for how this can manifest in others. 
> 
> There is still more angst to come. I would love your feedback.


	7. Wheel of History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tissaia’s reunion with Rita is enlightening and by the end, she’s more certain about her decisions regarding Yennefer Vengerberg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled to write this chapter quite a bit. I knew what I wanted to happen, I had the outline but it was hard to put in to words, especially the dialogue. I rewrote it like 3 times. With that said, I apologize if it’s just kind of.. meh. 
> 
> I know so far we have Tissaia being a little judgy about Yennefer’s behaviour, but don’t hate her for it. She just doesn’t know enough information yet. I don’t want her to come across as like thinking someone with a mental illness is a burden. 
> 
> Mistakes are my own.

“Rita? What are you doing here?”   
“Well don’t sound so disappointed darling! Are you going to let me in?”   
Tissaia paused for a moment, staring at the beautiful blonde in front of her, and then stepped aside to let her pass.  
As soon as she was in, Tissaia closed the door and turned, only to be wrapped in a hug,   
“I’ve missed you darling!” For her part, Tissaia was still in a bit of a daze and by the time her brain told her to return the hug, Rita was gone.   
Rita looks at her, head tilted like a curious puppy. Even like this she is too beautiful, it’s quite unfair really.   
“Cat got your tongue? I do hope you find it soon, we have so much to catch up on!” 

Rita strolls in like she owns the place, abandoning her suitcase by the door, entirely at ease in her surroundings. Which is fair, she had lived here for over a year once upon a time. She looks back at Tissaia over her shoulder,   
“I’ll grab the wine darling, do make yourself at home,” she jokes. Tissaia comes back to her body and moves to follow. Somehow, she does feel like a guest in her own home all of a sudden. In a matter of seconds, her whole world has turned upside down once again.

Rita settles herself next to Tissaia on the love seat, leaning on the armrest to face her.   
“Last time you were here you said you wouldn’t return until Stregobor had died. Is there something I don’t know?” Tissaia asked.   
Margarita let out a bark of laughter.   
“No, I wish. I simply wanted to return, as I said, I missed you darling.”   
Tissaia knew this game all too well so she ignored the blonde’s platitudes.   
“How’s um... Lars?”   
“History, of course. We had a good run, three years can you believe it? But you know me Tissaia, I can’t stay still.” Rita smiled as if this conversation wasn’t destroying Tissaia.  
“I do” she murmured. And she did know, because she was one of the many brief romances Rita had in the past. Until this moment, she had held the record for settling Rita: a whopping 2 years. It was silly that she was competitive about this topic, worse that she was disappointed she was no longer winning.   
For the last five years, Tissaia had taken comfort in the knowledge that while no one could keep Rita, she had managed to do so the longest. It had made her feel as if it wasn’t that she was not enough for Rita because no one was enough. Although that still seems to ring true given that Rita is single once again, she can’t help thinking that, despite logic, it was Tissaia specifically that could not keep Rita entertained. Lars managed to for 3 years. He wasn’t enough either, but he was more than Tissaia, clearly.   
She hated when her irrational, emotional side overpowered her logic. It seemed beautiful women were the cause of this almost exclusively.   
As she watched the gorgeous blonde-haired, blue eyed woman talk animatedly about her various trips, she could not help but remember when these talks happened with far more kisses and cuddling.   
They had been friends for a while at first, solely because Tissaia did not want to give her heart to someone who travelled so often and so far for work. But every time Margarita did come back, the touches became more intense until one night they became all consuming. Tissaia had made the mistake of taking Rita to bed, she spent the entire morning, while Rita slept peacefully, hating herself because she knew in a week Margarita would be gone and she would be alone.   
Two days later however, Rita appeared on her doorstep with some roses and the news that she had asked for a transfer so she wouldn’t need to travel. She had told Tissaia she was tired of having to leave her and worry if Tissaia had moved on by the time she came back a month or so later. Tissaia couldn’t help but laugh internally - as if she would ever find someone she would want more than Rita. She didn’t tell the blonde that of course, she wanted to keep some power.   
After only one month of dating, Rita moved in. She remembered Calanthe being suspicious of how quickly things were moving, Tissaia brushed her off and their relationship suffered for it. In fact, by the time Rita did leave, Tissaia had all but isolated herself from friendship. During that first year, that was mostly fine - Margarita was her friend, they both came home after work, made dinner, sat together to watch TV, cuddled and had a lot of mind-blowing sex basically everywhere in the house. You know, a domestic life. Tissaia was content, but she could tell Margarita was getting bored. So Tissaia changed - they went out more at night (despite the negative impact on Tissaia’s work), they went on fun getaway weekends to various nearby cities. Tissaia had never been one to travel far and wide, but 6 months in to their relationship she found herself on a plane to the Blue Mountains for a ski trip - something else Tissaia had never done. Rita pushed Tissaia out of her comfort zone - she tried new things, went to new places, and it was great. It was stressful because Rita planned nothing and Tissaia could hardly step out of the house for work without double checking a list. But it was fun, if exhausting. She was in love, who cares if she had to take an extra day off work to recuperate? Who cares if she came to a meeting unprepared a few times?   
That’s what she told herself anyways.   
Despite her efforts, after the 1st year Margarita decided to transfer to her old job, but she promised she would only do jobs that required her to be gone a few days, a week at most. Tissaia was not about to hold her back. For 3 months, she kept that promise. Tissaia realized how lonely she was very quickly. When Rita left the first time, only from Monday- Wednesday, Tissaia found she had all but alienated everyone else in her life. She only had eyes for Rita. Every time Rita left, Tissaia was worried she would come back and tell her she had found someone else. So every time she returned, she would go the extra mile to show her how much she loved her. When she looks back now, she cringes at the person she became.   
After the first 3 months of short trips, Rita broke the news that she would be gone for two weeks. Just this once. They talked every day but it wasn’t the same, and when she came back there was a small distance that never closed. When she left again for 3 weeks, that distance only grew. Rita would miss a call or wouldn’t respond to a text and at first, Tissaia’s fears that she moved on to someone more exciting were intensified. Until one night, she ignored a call from Rita herself. The response to that was Rita sending her a long paragraph about how much she missed her. Tissaia then understood the meaning of “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” It was hard, she missed Rita too much, but she found a way to refocus while she was away and that was ultimately what broke them, ironically. While Rita was away, Tissaia realized how much she herself had changed and every time Rita came back, she caught herself slipping in to these patterns again. The last months of their relationship was strained - Rita would leave, TIssaia would be upset, Rita would return and Tissaia would be elated. Rita however, missed her adventurous Tissaia (ie, not Tissaia). She would guilt Tissaia in to being who she wanted her to be for the time she was around.   
It all came to a head when Tissaia asked her why she transferred back to her traveling job - Tissaia had indulged her at every turn and still Rita wanted to spend months away from her - why? She asked her why she wasn’t enough.   
Rita screamed that she wasn’t the settling down type and Tissaia was just being needy. She told Tissaia she never asked her to change who she was for her (she didn’t ask no, but she also didn’t give her much of a choice if she wanted to be with her! Now she knows that should have been a red flag ), so it was not fair for Tissaia to ask Rita to change (which was somewhat true).   
When Tissaia accused her of starting a fight with the express intent of forcing Tissaia to leave her, the blonde had not disagreed.   
It was then that Tissaia learned the hard way that people who can’t stand still, likely never would be able to learn to. It was then that Tissaia learned how empty promises were, even if you loved someone.   
She approached every subsequent relationship with her guard too high up, it only repelled others which enforced Tissaia’s view that she would never be enough for someone else - she was too distant, too distracted by her work, she was too cold. 

After their breakup, it had taken some time but they remained friends. Yes, Tissaia was still heartbroken even if the end of the relationship had been a dumpster fire, but Rita had been such an important piece of her, she couldn’t just let it go. So every now and then Rita would stop by, usually after a breakup. On some of those occasions she managed to coax Tissaia back in to her bed. Tissaia hated herself for it, but Margarita Laux-Antilles was hard to resist. The last time she left, Tissaia had made a resolution that she would never let herself fall down this road again. They could be friends but nothing more. It was too painful. It always left her feeling like maybe Rita would come back one day, permanently. It’s not that Tissaia would say yes to a permanent return, nor would she wait around and never try to meet someone new - but still, she wanted to believe maybe one day she would be enough.

The woman sat in front of her was the reason she couldn’t trust a certain raven-haired beauty. Rita had made all kinds of promises as well. She couldn’t go through living life while her partner was travelling for months on end, not again. She wasn’t clingy, she didn’t need them around 24/7, in fact she loved her personal time but it was the distance. It was the uncertainty of the return, the ever present fear that they would find someone else on the road. It was the fact that they couldn’t simply decide to spend an evening together because they were so far apart. Okay maybe some might say that was clingy but... 

“Well then, what about you? Any romance in the cards?” Rita brought her out of her reverie.   
Tissaia’s cheeks pinked involuntarily. She tried to hide her blush so as to not give herself away.   
“You know me, I’m married to my job Rita”   
“Pfft. You’re an intelligent, sexy-as-hell lady Tissaia De Vries, you ought to be out there strutting your stuff.”   
Tissaia curses the flutter in her heart at the compliment. “We can’t all be like you dear”   
Rita only smirks. The conversation proceeded smoothly for a while, until the gods decided to ruin her day.   
“Now! I hear your club is doing quite well! And our little Triss even found herself a girlfriend in the form of one Sabrina Glevissig ?”  
Tissaia’s life flashed before her eyes. She could not talk about this with Rita. She needed to change the subject, fast.   
“Yes, she did. Very fun for her” Very fun for her? Smooth Tissaia.   
“Oh I bet it is. She’s hot as hell. Not as hot as their front woman though. Believe me when I tell you I would do awful things to spend a night in that bed.”   
Tissaia tried to laugh it off, it didn’t sound sincere but Margarita hadn’t noticed because she was looking at her phone. She held said phone up to Tissaia’s face,   
“I mean, damn.. that body! Right?”  
Tissaia froze, staring at the photograph in front of her. The photograph of Yennefer in red lingerie, as she casually leaned against a doorway. Her jaw dropped slightly as she stared at every piece of skin on display. The way she was leaning, her elbow propped up on the door, her hand behind her head allowed a stunning view of the woman stretched out. Her feet were crossed at the ankles and the smooth skin of her legs was enticing.   
Her other hand was in front of her in the air, her index finger crooked as if beckoning for the viewer to come to her. And gods Tissaia would. Come to her, come for her, whatever she wanted. She would kiss the sexy little smirk that played on her lips, smear her blood red lipstick.   
“Darling you’re going to drool on my phone.”   
Rita’s voice brought Tissaia back to the present, and she blushed.   
“Sorry”   
“Oh no, don’t be. I do love seeing you so awestruck.”   
Tissaia swallowed hard, the image of Yennefer still clear in her mind. She tried to change the subject again,   
“So how long are you in town for?”   
“Just tonight unfortunately. Which reminds me, can I crash here love?” She batted her eyelashes and pouted slightly. There was only one good answer to this question, 

“Of course.” That was not the answer she had in mind but okay. Her weakness for beautiful women would be the death of her. 

—   
She woke the next morning to an empty bed and she was quite proud of herself. Despite the alcohol, despite the image of Yennefer constantly floating in to her brain and settling between her thighs, she had shut Rita down entirely when she tried to suggest they have some fun since she’s only here one night.   
Tissaia found that it was much easier to resist this time. There were some lingering feelings, but something had changed. She still blushed at her compliments, she was still a little jealous she lost to Lars, but the feelings felt more nostalgic. She missed what they had but would never want it again. She has a feeling she knows exactly what, or who, is responsible for this, which dims her glow of pride a little. She clearly has a ‘type’ and it was inconvenient at best.   
Tissaia heard clattering coming from downstairs - Rita must already be awake. She could smell bacon and coffee wafting up the stairs. Not wasting any time she got up, swapped her PJs for some presentable clothing and went downstairs. On the stairs she noticed voices coming from the kitchen. Who was here?   
A loud bark of laughter answered her question - Calanthe. The loud laugh was echoed by other smaller sounds - how many people were in her house ?   
She came in to the kitchen to find Calanthe and Triss in her kitchen.  
As she stepped in, Rita addressed her,   
“Morning sunshine!” She swooped and gave Tissaia a kiss on the cheek, Tissaia’s eyes immediately found Calanthe’s who was not impressed.   
She tried to communicate that “no, no nothing had happened” but that was hard to do when Rita’s hand was curled on her hip.   
“What are you guys doing here?” Her voice was strained and she felt guilty even though she had no reason to.   
“Well I heard Rita was in town for a night and I wanted to say hi, I figured she would find her way here... she always does, doesn’t she?”  
Calanthe’s voice was dripping with accusation, which given Tissaia’s history with Rita was warranted, but it was misplaced this time.   
“I can’t stay away from my Tissa!” Rita chirped happily. She was either entirely unaware of the tension or was greatly enjoying it, Tissaia suspected the latter. She also suspected she had had a couple of drinks before breakfast, she could smell it on her breath.   
Triss was looking between the 3 women, unsure of what to say, if anything at all.   
“Triss, how is your pretty girlfriend?” Rita asked  
Triss blushed and stole a look at Tissaia who quickly smiled to reassure her - the last thing she needed was for Rita to pick up on anything strange, the woman had a nose for drama.   
“She’s good”   
“Oh come on now, you’re dating a gorgeous, famous rockstar - I will need more than that. How did you meet?”  
“Triss, while you entertain Rita with that, Tissaia can I talk to you a minute? Club business.”  
Calanthe’s tone brokered no argument, Tissaia casted a sympathetic look towards Triss. Even just 5 minutes of Rita’s probing questions was likely to leave Triss in a permanent state of being flustered. 

“We really shouldn’t leave her alone in there Ca-“  
“And should we leave you alone?”  
“Oh god, nothing happened” she hissed.   
Calanthe arched an eyebrow.   
“I mean it - do you really think she would have managed to slip out of bed without waking me up anyways? The simple fact that I was asleep when you arrived should be evidence that-“  
“That you didn’t get enough sleep last night...” Calanthe smirked.  
“I’m serious, that’s done... but I appreciate the concern”  
“Well with this whole,” she lowered her voice, “Yennefer thing, Rita showing up seemed like the perfect storm.”  
“Wait did you come all the way here just to... what? Scold me? Is there even any club business?”   
Calanthe looked amused, Tissaia blamed missing the obvious ruse on having just woken up.   
“I prefer look out for you.” She tried, while crossing her arms.   
It was Tissaia’s turn to arch her eyebrow.   
They heard Rita laugh and the distinct sound of Triss panicking.   
“Nothing happened, nothing will happen. If it settles your mind, you can thank Yennefer for that.”  
“I’m not sure if that’s better or worse Tissaia”  
“Well at least there is no risk of Yennefer showing up at my door”  
“Well...”  
“Don’t.” Tissaia couldn’t think about that, the reason she could not get her hopes up was literally 10 feet away probably tainting the soul of her beloved Triss.   
“We should go save Triss”  
“You can’t avoid this forever” Calanthe called after her, but then followed. 

—  
Rita left later that afternoon, but her presence still weighed heavily on Tissaia’s mind.   
The last two days have been a rollercoaster of emotional hell.   
First, she was resolute in her decision about Yennefer, then she heard those damn songs. As if the universe wanted to remind her why this was a mistake, Rita had showed up out of nowhere. With Rita around, Tissaia remembered just how hard it would be to give in to Yennefer. How long would they last anyways? A month? A year? They had been on One date, that’s hardly enough to risk a broken heart over. Because that’s what this would be, a month, a year, 2 years - it would be inevitable. Tissaia was a lawyer, Tissaia lived and remained in Thanedd. She was 37 years old. Yennefer was a musician, travelling constantly, meeting interesting people - people who didn’t just stay in the same town, people who weren’t married to their job. People who weren’t cold, people who were enough for a 26 year old rockstar.   
It had taken years to put her heart back together after Rita and in truth, it still wasn’t fixed entirely. There were pieces missing, the stitches were pulled too tight, the bandages were weak. Could she even handle another heart break? Probably not.   
But then, she listened to Triss. Really listened. She had, admittedly, tried to tune out any talk of Sabrina thus far, not wanting the reminder. Calanthe was right though, she wasn’t being fair to Triss. She wanted to bask in Triss’ happy glow, she wanted Triss to be able to share with her.   
Rita asked probing questions about how Sabrina was “in real life.” She had always been a sucker for celebrity gossip and there was plenty to go around for every member of Pursuit of Everything, apparently. Sabrina, not unlike Yennefer, had a history of leaving a trail of broken hearts. This worried Tissaia- Triss was too good for this world and if Sabrina broke her heart well... the band would need to find a new guitarist.   
Triss however, seemed entirely unphased. Yes, Sabrina had had a lot of girlfriends, boyfriends, etc. Yes, Sabrina was far away. Yes, it wasn’t ideal. Regardless, Triss assured them that she was well aware of her past, they had even talked about it. She knew the risk to her heart but the reward was greater. She trusted Sabrina wholeheartedly. They didn’t know Sabrina like she did. They talked almost always and she had no doubt that Sabrina would be coming back. It had warmed Tissaia’s heart to see Triss so happy, and to see her have such a backbone. She didn’t back down for a second, she steadfastly defended Sabrina. It was a fierceness and confidence the younger woman had never shown before.   
The conversation had given Tissaia even more to think about. If Sabrina was truly coming back, had changed her ways... maybe Yennefer would? Granted, she hasn’t been texting Yennefer every day or calling her so it’s a bit different. The most she had done to interact with her was to scroll through her Instagram, really.   
After Rita had left, Triss and Calanthe stayed back. Triss having noticed Tissaia’s expression had told her that Yennefer would be back as well.   
Tissaia didn’t answer, she just hummed.   
“I know you don’t believe it. Or trust it. I can’t blame you but if she did come back... would you...?”   
“It’s not important”   
“It is” Triss pleaded.   
“I’m not sure” and she really wasn’t.   
“Why? Because of Rita and all that?”   
Tissaia thought for a moment before answering,   
“Yes but, not entirely. It’s simply impractical and not worth thinking about.” Her tone was clipped again, she wanted this whirlwind to be over. All of this new drama in her life. This longing. This uncertainty. She hated it. 

“So you’d rather she didn’t come back?”   
Tissaia felt it then, the ache in her heart. Her chest constricted and she could feel the sting in her eyes. Okay, yes she had just decided she wanted this whirlwind to end, but when faced with the possibility of that being reality? She always believed Yennefer wouldn’t come back, yes, but she’s never been asked about whether she would want her to. She would want her to,for the record. She shouldn’t, but she does. The pain in her chest at the thought of her not coming back was plain enough to tell her what she wanted.   
Her voice was small when she replied,   
“No. I-I, I just”   
“I know” Triss laid her hand on top of Tissaia’s and squeezed.   
“You deserve pretty things Tissaia, and if is one thing we know about Yennefer it’s that she is indeed very pretty” Calanthe chimed in. 

So now she was back to being confused. No, not confused... scared. Because she wanted Yennefer, but what if she couldn’t have her? 

A few days later and Tissaia was still torn. She had made pros and cons lists, analyzed every scenario, thought of every practical aspect of this decision. It was useless. She had thought about texting Yennefer, calling Yennefer but she couldn’t bring herself to do it...she was still afraid of the rejection. It was better to not know.. it was better to just keep pinning. Loads of people had celebrity crushes right? This could be hers. The problem was that not everyone had the pleasure of their celebrity crush flirting with them or kissing them with soft lips, igniting a fire in their body.   
She had started to scan some tabloids lately, it was creepy but she was curious. The magazines and twitter feeds had plenty of information for her to peruse: Yennefer’s behaviour, how she looked in photos, the fact that she seemed hungover often. Was this all because of Tissaia?   
Why couldn’t this be simple? She wants Yennefer but she‘s afraid to go down that road. She’s afraid that Yennefer will move on. But these news articles say otherwise - of course, her burn out may not be about Tissaia at all but the timing of the behaviour can’t be a coincidence.   
But even if Tissaia is the one who sent her off the rails, is that something she should be happy about? She likes that Yennefer wants her, hates how Yennefer is coping. Not for the first time she questions the stability of this stunning, amazing woman. If she came back, would it work? Tissaia will not pretend she isn’t hard to handle and quick to argue. Yennefer appears to be very much the same. Would they fight every day? Would Yennefer drink because of it? Or would she stop the bad behaviour altogether? Perhaps if she did see Tissaia for a while she would get bored on her own and leave, no dramatics necessary. The stitches in Tissaia’s heart dug in at the thought.   
She should just wait. Wait to see if Yennefer will come back without coaxing. Is it a bit mean to expect her to come back even if Tissaia gives no indication that she wants her to? Yes. Absolutely. Why would she bother to come after Tissaia freezed her out for months? But Yennefer had promised, so Tissaia had to ask - will Yennefer keep her promise even if she has no reassurance that she should? It’s not fair, not at all but Tissaia needs this. She needs to set a high expectation, but expect nothing to come of it.   
Besides, as toxic as it is... Tissaia is not going to be the one to break the silence first. And if they do have a reunion, she wants it to be in person, she doesn’t want to just talk to Yennefer on the phone. She wants to look in to her eyes, her actual eyes - not a FaceTime call. She wants to be able to hold her hand as they talk about whether they could work. She wants to be able to kiss her. Call her old fashioned, but she wants any kind of amends to happen face-to-face. And if Yennefer doesn’t come? Well, that’s that. Tissaia would be right after all.   
So she will wait. She will wait and try to forget about Yennefer for now so she can focus on her actual life. She won’t avoid the subject, she won’t let Triss feel bad for being in love, she will just... live. 

This resolve lasted all of 2 hours. Tissaia was weak.   
With her heart opening up to the possibility of really being with Yennefer, the emotions swelled and she found herself listening to those demos in full. Then she was back to Instagram, scrolling through the photos. When she had first gotten Instagram, she had scrolled down to photos that had been taken about 6 months prior. Once Tissaia realized just how long she had been doing this, she nearly threw her phone out the window.   
Not wanting to be a stalker, she avoided Instagram. Then the demos happened. Now for the 3rd time, she was scrolling through the photos. Was it creepy? Maybe a little, but Yennefer did post them, she was famous, she clearly wanted them to be looked at, right? As long as she gave no indication she was on the page, there would be no harm. She was 1 year deep on her creeping, while she let Yennefer’s demos play in the background on YouTube, when her stomach lurched. It was a photo of Yennefer with a tall, well built man with red hair and a red beard. He was giving Yennefer a piggy back and he had turned his head to kiss her over his shoulder. In the next picture, they were both looking at the camera, smiling. The man was handsome, rough, he seemed like type to own a fishing rig in the north. His eyes were blue and his smile was wide. Tissaia couldn’t help the hot jealousy in her veins - which was unnecessary given that they clearly weren’t together anymore.   
She wants to stop scrolling, afraid to see another ex-lover. But part of her wants to see them. If anything is to happen between them, Tissaia will need to reconcile with Yennefer’s past. It’s not that she thinks it’s wrong to play the field or have one night stands. You do whatever makes you happy. It’s just that she wants to be going in with open eyes, she wants to know her past and present.   
So she keeps scrolling. A few months prior to the photo with “Crach < 33” Tissaia finds a photo of Yennefer at a beach, the water comes up to her waist, only her breasts in a small black bikini are visible. And of course, her head. She looks radiant. Her hair is wet and falls down her body, her hands running through them. She looks like a model in a shampoo commercial - all that is missing is the waterfall. Tissaia’s eyes rake over every curve, every detail. The next photo is still at the beach but now she lays prone on a towel tanning. Tissaia trails her eyes from the back of her head down to the curve of her ass. She wants nothing more than to reach out and squeeze it. She bites her lip when she notices Yenenfer was no longer wearing a bikini top. Gods she wishes she could just roll her over right now and appreciate the view.   
The whole situation was making Tissaia uncomfortably aroused which just would not do, so she moved on (albeit reluctantly). The next series of photos were far less revealing - Tissaia was relieved, and disappointed. Oh god, she sounds so creepy now. Who has she become?   
There were photos of Yennefer in various dresses or suits at music award shows and other events. Tissaia was reminded of the difficulty she had deciding between Yennefer’s casual vs stage look. That decision had nothing on this one, this was impossible to choose between. In her dresses, the material clung to all the right places, accentuated her curves. Most had ample cleavage, short sleeves. One that stood out in particular was a black dress with deep red roses embroidered along the collar, an intricate lace pattern went to the valley of her breasts. It was modest, but not really. The sleeves were also a floral lace pattern extending down to her wrist. It fanned our slightly at her waist and the dress stopped at her ankles to reveal black high heels. She looked ravishing.   
In the suit, she looked dapper, poised. A white button up that strained against her chest but still left much to the imagination. It was decorated with a black tie, jacket and pants. The woman sure did love black.   
As she stared, she was reminded of how incredulous it was that Yennefer, this Yennefer, wanted *her.* 

She continued to scroll, almost absentmindedly, simply enjoying the pretty face and happy smiles when she came across the photo that would ultimately be her undoing.   
The photo Rita had shown her a few days ago was still fresh in her mind, and in her dreams. This new photo was not helping. 

Yennefer was laying on her side, propped up on an elbow, her head resting on her open palm. She followed every curve of her body, every detail of her skin. Was she being a bit of a stalker? Yes. Could she stop herself? Not even if she wanted to. And she did not want to. Gods this woman was beautiful. Sexy, yes but also beautiful. It was not just the lacy black bra, or the violet night dress that brought out her eyes. It was not the make up, or her pouty lips. It was just, her. She exudes a kind of radiant beauty, one that could not be destroyed even if she had a crooked jaw or a hunched back. The beauty was all around her, in every aspect of her eyes and her skin. She might as well have been named Aphrodite, she was beauty. She didn’t contain beauty, she was the very essence of the word. Tissaia was entranced, and ridiculously turned on. This goddess had once hit on her, kissed her. The memory of their hot kiss, paired with this photo made a Tissaia shiver and she felt herself get wet.   
Gods who had she become? Was she really this turned on by a single photo ?  
She now had a new concern about Yennefer‘s return: she would not be able to keep her hands off of her. She would be impossibly turned on always and that would drastically impact her career and friendships. Part of her did not care at all because those sultry eyes looking through the screen were easy to get lost in.   
She had already strayed so far from the path of sanity so what was the harm of a closer inspection? She selected the picture trying to zoom in on it. Nothing happened.   
Seriously? Useless app. She took a screenshot and exited the app.   
There was a fleeting second where she realized that Yennefer had posted this photo publicly - which was fine, obviously - but that just meant others had seen it.   
A voice reminded her “yeah but have any of them gotten to kiss her? Had the option to make that picture a reality?” Some have, yes but not all. To everyone else she was just a fantasy, but for Tissaia... this could very well be real.   
With that thought in mind, she took off her pants and slide her hand in to her underwear.


	8. Here’s my heart oh and also some flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tour ends and Yennefer flies to what she hopes will be her future, but will Tissaia even want her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Mentions of suicide, substance abuse, self harm, mental illness, rehab (I think that’s everything).
> 
> I hope you enjoy, mistakes are my own. I didn’t proofread this very much. Just wrote it and posted it before I spent too much time editing it and not posting it for like a week.

Yennefer was buzzing for several reasons.   
First, she was quite literally buzzed, but for the first time in a while, it was mostly celebratory on account of the second reason she was buzzing - she was about to go on stage for their last show of the tour. Touring is by far the best part of this job, but for the first time, she is so glad it’s over. The third reason she is buzzing is because as soon as the night is through, she and Sabrina are hopping on a plane for Thanedd. Usually the whole band drives back to Vengerberg in the bus together but desperate situations require desperate measures and gods is she desperate.   
Sabrina had already made the decision that she was ditching them to get back to Triss. Yennefer, even though she still hadn’t heard from Tissaia, nor did Tissaia accidentally expose herself on Instagram again, decided to join Sabrina.   
This suited Philippa and Renfri quite well since they were apparently a thing now. They had been for months but they only told Yennefer last week. She was the last to know because Renfri didn’t want to upset her - bless that girl’s heart. She wasn’t wrong, it did upset Yennefer but not for the reason they thought - she was upset because her friends, well her friend and Philippa, felt they needed to keep it from her. 

The matter was resolved now, everyone was content, or would be soon. Hopefully.   
Yennefer was buzzing for a 4th reason as well, she was excited to prove to Tissaia she was going to keep her promise, yes, but she was also a ball of nervousness because well, what Tissaia didn’t want her to return?  
She thought about texting, she thought about calling, she thought about it every day but she was scared of the response she would get.   
She had started getting her shit together, and if Tissaia said please don’t come back? Well, she didn’t want to be on tour if that happened.   
Besides, she had a whole speech and an outfit ready and she had been practicing her best puppy dog eyes... this had to be done in person. Even if it was a colossal failure at least she could go see Triss. And Sabrina. Mostly Triss. 

She can’t help but wonder what god Sabrina prayed to or what human sacrifices she made to get Triss. She loves Sabrina, mostly, but Triss is an actual angel. Over the months, Yennefer has kept up with Triss. At first, she’ll admit it was for information on Tissaia. Not to say she didn’t also like Triss but she had ulterior motives. Honestly, if she believed Triss capable of scheming, she may have thought Triss was also just plying her for information about Sabrina. Again though, Triss was an angel and Yennefer readily shared any and every embarrassing photo and story without prompting anyways. Triss needed to know every side of Sabrina right ? Not just the side that covertly (but not really covert because everyone knew) sent her nudes and flirted with her. It worked in Sabrina’s favour anyways - what Yennefer calls “embarrassing” Triss apparently calls “adorable.” Love is blind.   
Triss was truly a dream, and despite logic, she was smitten with Sabrina. For her part, Sabrina was also dangerously in love. In all the years she has known her, she’s never seen her quite like this. She always knew Sabrina was capable of experiencing a temporary thaw in her heart, but this was... a complete meltdown, in the best way. She was attached to her phone, blushing all the time (something Yennefer had hardly seen until now), her face was always making this terrifying expression Yennefer had never seen on it before. When she questioned Sabrina, she was told she was “smiling.” Yennefer hadn’t known Sabrina was capable of such a thing unless it was to laugh at someone’s expense.   
She couldn’t be happier for her sister and her new best friend. However, is everything failed with Tissaia she may need to cut them off entirely for a year because envy is an emotion she doesn’t appreciate nor tolerate. Well, cut them off after she tastes some of Triss’ consolation baking. 

So here she is excited to finish this show because she wants to be somewhere else. She Needs to be somewhere else. 

She won’t pretend this entire tour hasn’t been hell. Much of it was clouded by her mood, which only attracted attention, which only worsened her mood. The only saving grace is that no one had identified the mystery Thanedd woman, at least not yet. She has a feeling Tissaia would not appreciate the undoubtedly negative response she would receive at this point. It’s sweet that her fans care but sometimes fandoms go way too far. She didn’t want that for Tissaia, whether or not the woman gives her a chance.   
The fear that someone might find out her name is what gave Yennefer that extra push to at least pretend she was doing fine. The longer she moped in the public eye, the more curious people would become, the more they would dig and dig. It was bad enough that the video of her argument with Francesca in Thanedd was widely viewed on YouTube.   
Credit where it’s due - Franny had been right about how that clip would be titled - she was in a diva meltdown over cockblocking. Which wasn’t wrong, not entirely.   
Still, she needed to put on a better face, divert the media attention. It was exhausting and it only made her alone time more miserable but it was a sacrifice she would make - not for her own career but for her bandmates and for Tissaia.   
Even on her good days, she spent most of her time alone in her bunk, with her duct taped curtain. On those good days, she would plan all the romantic overtures she could make to win Tissaia over. On her bad days she stared at the ceiling and wondered if being found before she could bleed out at age 16 was a blessing or a curse. In the decade since, there have been many days, far more than she would ever tell anyone, that she had itched to reopen the scars on her wrists.   
Over time it became easier to resist because it became more commonplace. It was easier to tell herself the lows weren’t permanent because she has had a decade of experience to support that argument. Some days, logic wasn’t enough. That’s when alcohol, sex and bad decisions came out to play - a distraction until it passed. That being said, during the lows her bad behaviour was a distraction, but that didn’t mean she didn’t partake during the highs. It was just a celebration instead.   
“Rehab” had been thrown out as a suggestion by the label a few times, but they never pushed. It always seemed like they were saying it out of obligation rather than genuine concern. As dangerous as her lifestyle was, the greedy were acutely aware of the benefits. It wasn’t at the level of reputation destroying press yet, it was just a visibility booster at the time. It brought attention, it brought sales. Besides, in her lows and highs she had moments of extreme creativity - particularly during the highs. She could stay up for hours on end making demos and therefore making singles, making albums, making money. So they allowed her to maintain a controlled chaos regardless of the consequences. It’s show business right?   
Renfri, Sabrina and Philippa had also suggested rehab and therapy, but after many fights they gave up - so did Yennefer. They would tolerate her moods, she would handle them. Alone. Always. Any attempt at a long term romantic relationship was, well, short-lived. Be it from her touring, her mood swings or just her stubborn, harsh tongue. She was desirable for a night but she was too much for forever.  
It was that thought that really scared her, in her bunk staring at the ceiling. What if Tissaia said yes? Then what? How long before she couldn’t deal? Clearly the touring was going to be an issue, but that was the least Tissaia needed to worry about. It made her question whether or not she should go back - was Tissaia better off without her? Honestly, probably, but she was still stubborn and wasn’t about to prove Tissaia right. Besides, there’s no guarantee Tissaia will even let her in the front door. All of these fears were in competition with another though - how could she live her life knowing she didn’t even try?   
So she would, and maybe she would be lucky enough to end up like Sabrina. Maybe she could become a new person too?   
Whether or not Tissaia said yes, she knew she would be forever changed.

Her cue came and she stepped out on to the stage, filled with hope and fear, excitement and anxiety. In less than 24 hours, she would know what the rest of her life held for her. 

-  
As they finished the encore, Yennefer instinctively looked up the balcony as she had at every venue. Tissaia wouldn’t be there obviously, but it was habit. It was both a painful and pleasant reminder of the woman. She hadn’t played Tissaia’s song since that first night, she had stopped working on the demo a while ago when she realized that no matter what, it would never be good enough anyways. There is no song good enough to sum up the tiny woman with blue eyes that could chill you to the bone. Every time she listened to it, it just hurt more. Focusing on the details to try and forget her feelings didn’t work so she abandoned it, hoping that this wouldn’t be a sign of what is to come. 

Now she waits outside the tour bus, hugging fans, taking pictures, doing autographs, appreciating all the wonderful things these people have given to her. Actual gifts are something she still isn’t used to even though it’s been years. When people bring her their art, she is still awestruck that anyone out there is so dedicated to her and the band. They spend hours painting a portrait, editing photos, drawing, creating logos, taking their lyrics and creating art that represents how that song has touched them. The letters they write, the things they share with her, it’s all still unbelievable. Many also go through the trouble of bringing her some of her favourite things - she has so much lilac & gooseberry perfume, lotion etc she will probably never need to buy it again. They bring her DVDs of movies she likes or, movies they think she will like. They dedicate so much time to learning about her, learning about all of them, to try and bring things they will love. Little do they know just the fans showing up is more than enough for all of them.   
It can be overwhelming sometimes, especially when it comes to social media. Things can get toxic real quick, but by and large, their fans are the best. Is it a little weird that someone will bring her a Lion King watch because she made a tweet about loving that movie 5 years ago? Sometimes, a little, yes but she appreciates the gesture nonetheless.   
The hardest part to get used to, in terms of gifts or content, was fan-fiction. Her audience is creative, sometimes too creative. There around thousands of pages centred around all the sometimes incredibly kinky sex the whole band is probably having on this tour bus. She doesn’t read much, it’s hard to imagine Philippa between her thighs ever, but she’s gotten used to it. She sees the positives in it: the humour, the camaraderie, the passion. She is in awe that people care that much. Too much when they viciously attack someone online for a perceived slight but... overall, it’s good.   
But it’s more than the physical gifts and art work; these fans gave her her livelihood. Her career, her life, her friends - she owes it to their support. 

As she and Sabrina get to their seats on the plane, Yennefer is freaking the fuck out. This is real, she’s going back. She’s going to see Tissaia again. No matter what tomorrow brings, at least she can see her again. Even just for a goodbye.   
Sabrina too is freaking out, but not because she’s excited to see Triss. Well she is excited to see her but she’s also terrified. This is yet another side Yennefer had rarely seen in the blonde. Sabrina is nothing but confidence, especially when it comes to bringing people in to her bed. Now, however, you would think she is 13 year old attending her first school dance. She worries that after spending longer than a day in her presence, Triss will realize it’s a mistake. She’s scared she’s going to ruin everything. Yennefer tries to reassure her but Sabrina believes her about Triss about as much as she believes Sabrina about Tissaia - which is to say, not at all.   
Together, they are two very chaotic peas in an airplane shaped pod trying not to explode. 

When the plane starts it’s descent it is both too soon and not soon enough. Yennefer is lucky in a way that Tissaia won’t be there (probably?). It means she doesn’t need to spend the entire flight double and triple checking her outfit, her makeup, her hair. It means even if she steps out of the plane looking like a car wreck, it’s fine.   
Sabrina however has used the airplane lane way as a cat walk for most of the flight, trying outfit after outfit. Yennefer was surprised that she managed to fit so much crap in to her carry-on. On the other hand, most of the clothes she chose had barely any material anyways. Chilly March weather was not about to stop Sabrina from showing most of her skin.   
The flight attendants had asked her several times to settle. Each time it was a different attendant because the glare Sabrina gave them sent them scurrying away to look for backup. When Sabrina suggested she could strip naked in her seat and change there, the few other passengers on this late-night flight spun around. Especially the men.   
Of course, Sabrina was begged not to do such a thing. They tried to compromise by reasonably asking if she could at least use the bathroom closest to their seats, since they were nearly sat at the back and Sabrina had been walking all the way to the front.   
This suggestion was ignored because “the whole point is to see which outfits make people’s heads turn. They can’t see me if I don’t walk up the aisle.”   
Pragmatic as ever. 

When the plane landed, Sabrina had finally decided on an outfit that was so entirely inappropriate that Yennefer was even more thankful they had taken the red-eye because they were less likely to see children. She’s not even entirely sure why Sabrina wore clothes at all given her outfit of choice. She wore tight, very short, spandex shorts and her thong was all too visible. Her shirt was black and so transparent it might as well have not been there at all. Not to mention, the cut dipped down between her breasts to such a depth it almost like it should have a zipper. She also wore 3 inch heels so she could almost match Triss’ height. Her hair was down in waves, she used a green eye shadow which brought out her eyes. The only thing on Sabrina that wasn’t flashy was her light application of a pink lip gloss.   
She may be a disaster but Yennefer can’t deny she looked hot as hell, she was deeply concerned that Triss might faint. 

She didn’t, but barely. The moment Sabrina and Triss spotted each other across the room, Triss’s knees visibly gave way and she leaned on a chair next to her. Her inability to stand only caused her to flush an unhealthy shade of red as Sabrina approached. Sabrina was steady on her feet but Yennefer knew her too well - she was on the verge of losing her own knees if not for the suitcase she was wheeling along.   
Yennefer had suspected a “fuck-me-now” outfit from Sabrina but she was surprised to see sweet Triss had also decided to limit the layers of clothing Sabrina would need to rip off of her.   
Her black skinny jeans stretched over every curve of her long legs and her not-weather-appropriate tank top appeared to have been pulled down and tucked in until her bra was barely covered by material. Yennefer nearly fell to the floor with laughter when they got closer and she could see that Triss’s shirt had not simply been pulled down - no, it had been cut and not particularly well.   
It looked as if Triss took out her sexiest shirt and, deciding she needed to do more, hastily cut a deep V. It was sweet and entirely unnecessary, she could have been wearing a garbage bag and Sabrina would have ravaged her anyways. Sabrina’s heels prevented her from doing an all-out sprint, but she was walking dangerously fast and with the structural integrity of her legs being compromised, Yennefer was casually waiting for her to fall. It would be another embarrassing moment for her memory bank, Triss would probably call it “adorable.”   
Triss being more practical was wearing flats, though shy and nervous as she was, she also didn’t sprint. Yennefer had a feeling she would misjudge her speed anyways and instead of passionately colliding with Sabrina, she would just bowl her over entirely.   
As the distance closed Sabrina picked up speech and Yennefer watched as she lost her footing.   
Yennefer’s karmic punishment for wishing her friend had fallen was that, instead, Triss reached her in time, caught her and knocked Yennefer off balance in the process.   
Neither Sabrina or Triss seemed to care enough to even notice, let alone laugh or help her up.   
They were lost in a passionate embrace in this very public airport, turning many heads especially when Triss accidentally moaned and rapidly pulled back, flushing red and looking around the lobby.   
“Don’t mind me, I just came for the show.” Yennefer commented dryly.   
Triss grabbed her and wrapped her in a hug.   
“I missed you!!”  
“Me too Triss,”   
Sabrina had no patience for their reunion.   
“Stop hogging my girlfriend” she said as she roughly pulled Yennefer away.   
Triss looked like she was about to chastise the rude behaviour but was jumped before she could open her mouth. Sabrina wrapped her legs around her waist and Triss found purchase by grabbing her ass and kissing her again.   
Yennefer was more patient than Sabrina but she had to put a stop to their nonsense when she caught Sabrina slipping a hand between their bodies and reaching for a boob.   
“Ohhhkay, this is getting weird, it’s not a porno, can we move on?”   
Sabrina bit Triss’s bottom lip as she pulled away and turned to face Yennefer. Triss whimpered and squeezed her thighs together unconsciously.   
“Fine.” Sabrina rolled her eyes before turning back and slipping an arm around Triss’ waist and leaning in to kiss her again.   
“We’ll finish this later.” She whispered against her lips.   
Triss shivered and it took all of Yennefer’s willpower to not roll her eyes. 

Though Triss had offered Yennefer the guest bedroom in her house, the raven-haired woman did not want to be within 100 feet of the pair on this first night. Knowing Sabrina, she wouldn’t want to be near them this whole week. Maybe longer.   
She was dropped off at the only hotel on Thanedd and   
once she was on her bed, she started to plan a million different things she could do tomorrow to surprise Tissaia. She tried to think through every scenario, every mistake.   
They had landed at 2 AM, Yennefer didn’t fall asleep for another 5 hours. 

By the time she did wake up, it was 2 PM and she had a couple of missed messages from Triss. Much to Sabrina’s annoyance, Triss had agreed that they would help Yennefer prepare for her grand gesture before she executed the plan this evening.   
Yennefer had insisted that this wasn’t necessary, that she had plenty of ideas and she didn’t want to disturb their reunion. At that point, Sabrina decided they absolutely had to help because Yennefer was likely to go way over the top and probably commit a crime. She wasn’t entirely wrong.   
The first ideas she proposed were all shut down resolutely.   
Her first was to pretend to mail herself to Tissaia, wait in a box on her doorstep and then jump out. Triss informed her this would be a bad idea because Tissaia couldn’t say yes if she died from a heart attack. Her next idea involved getting a headless mannequin, dressing it in her own clothes and telling Tissaia “I lost my head when I met you!”  
Sabrina agreed that she had indeed lost her head and her mind.   
“Keep it simple Yenna!” Triss told her.   
“A few basic rules, if you find yourself in costume, you’ve made a mistake. If you’re tying a note to a dog, you’ve made a mistake. If your plan is to unexpectedly jump out at her, you have made a mistake and you’ll probably get hit over the head... which might be an improvement actually.” Triss had wiped Sabrina’s smirk off her face with a firm punch to the arm.   
Yennefer’s most reasonable suggestion was to bring her guitar, plug it in to an amp, and serenade Tissaia with her song on full volume until she came outside. Though Triss applauded her restraint when Yennefer agreed she wouldn’t go in for a small orchestra to accompany her serenade, she reminded Yennefer that Tissaia was not flashy and wouldn’t want to make a scene. 

Ultimately, they settled on the simple gesture of flowers and a knock on her door. Triss assured her that, though she can’t disclose much, Tissaia would likely just be happy to see her on the other side of the door - even empty handed. It didn’t feel like enough, Tissaia deserved more but Triss knew her better, Yennefer took her advice. Mostly.   
Triss had suggested a dozen roses, she could even buy them at Tissaia’s flower shop.   
Yennefer had instead bought 2 dozen red roses, a dozen white roses, lilies, tulips, carnations, lilac... basically everything. The bouquet was massive and unruly but it had to be. Each flower represented a day they spent away from each other. It was symbolic. It was also like more than 100 flowers and she needed to carry them in a basket but it was worth it.   
She walked up the steps to the house, so incredibly nervous she didn’t even have the energy to take in her surroundings. All she could do was think about everything she wanted to say and how to say it. She didn’t even see the house, only the blue door. She didn’t even see Tissaia’s car in the driveway, nor did she see the other car in the driveway.   
Her mind was so loud she almost lost her footing and then she had to divert some attention to walking. Left. Right. Left. Right. 

She got to the door and rang the bell. She was sweating, she was breathing rapidly, then she held her breath, then took a quick lungful. Her heart was hammering.   
She heard a voice through the door,   
“I’ll get it love.”   
Who was that?   
The door swung open as the woman finished speaking. She was looking over her shoulder as she opened the door and didn’t see Yennefer’s soul tear in to a million pieces.   
The woman turned to her and startled seeing the massive basket of flowers.   
“Oh, um, hi?” She was beautiful, dark hair, dark eyes, gentle eyes. Stable eyes. Eyes that didn’t leave on tour. Her voice was gentle. Her smile was warm. With every passing second, Yennefer’s heart tore just a little more, she didn’t think it was possible but...   
She had said “love.” She was in Tissaia’s house, answering Tissaia’s door, calling her pet names. Tissaia had moved on. Yennefer was trembling.   
“Can I... help you?” The woman inquired when Yennefer said nothing. She could see the wheels turning in the woman’s head. She must look familiar but the mystery woman couldn’t put a face to a name yet. Before she had time to connect the dots, Yennefer acted.   
“Delivery for miss De Vries.” Her voice was low, the tremble was ever present. She thrusted the basket forward and as soon as the woman grabbed it she turned and walked away quickly. Her eyes stung and the tears started.   
“Wait! There’s no name! Who’s it from?”   
Yennefer didn’t answer. No one, it was from no one.   
Her phone went off, Triss had texted her   
“Good luck! Tell me how it goes!”   
She nearly threw her phone but settled for shutting it off.   
She got in to her rented car and drove. She drove way too fast, recklessly. She didn’t care anymore. She nearly collided with someone but she made it back to the hotel.   
She immediately went for the full bottle of vodka she had bought earlier - just in case.   
Well, the ‘in case’ was indeed the case. She opened it, took several swings and then collapsed on to the bed. The tears flowed freely.   
Tissaia had moved on. Of course she had. Why would she wait for Yennefer? Yennefer who left. Yennefer who didn’t try to reach out. Yennefer who was a fucking mess. No doubt Tissaia probably had heard about her behaviour lately. Her drinking. Her moods. Yennefer was pathetic. Tissaia deserved better. Everyone deserved better than her. Her bandmates, her friends, everyone. 

—

“You’ve got a secret admirer!” Vanielle called out In a sing-song as she walked back to the kitchen to join Coral, Calanthe and Tissaia.   
“What? Oh my god” Tissaia stared wide eyed at the basket.   
“Are you sure it’s an admirer and not someone returning Tissaia’s entire shop to her home?” Calanthe questioned.   
“All I know is that it’s a delivery for Miss De Vries.” She put the basket down.   
“From who?”   
“No name, hence the secret admirer bit.”   
Tissaia’s mind was reeling, why the hell would someone send her all of this without a name?   
“Maybe it’s from Yennefer” Coral suggested.   
Tissaia’s blood ran cold. She knew Sabrina had been arriving last night, Triss hadn’t stopped talking about it and given the lack of response from Triss, she could assume they were preoccupied.   
She hadn’t mentioned Yennefer, wouldn’t Triss have told her if Yennefer was here? Her romantic side had hoped to wake up to a text saying Yennefer had arrived last night. Her logical side knew it was unlikely - that didn’t lessen the sting when she heard no news. She spent the whole day moping. She let her heart get broken once again and she only had herself to blame.   
Vanielle, Calanthe and Coral had come over for dinner - just a girls night they said but Tissaia knew the truth. They were here because Yennefer wasn’t and they were worried. It was sweet but unnecessary.   
Is that why Yennefer sent flowers? Because she couldn’t come? Or wouldn’t come? She hadn’t heard anything from her. That’s not entirely surprising, she didn’t reach out either. She was used to empty promises, she was also used to gifts to make up for those promises.   
“If it was Yennefer, then she just proved me right.” Tissaia tried to keep the tremble out of her voice and failed miserably.   
“Maybe it’s just a placeholder? Maybe she’s held up?” Vanielle tried.   
“Why send flowers and not just send a message hmm?” Tissaia snapped. It came out too angry and her companions all startled.   
Tissaia just stared at the basket in the silence.   
“I think we need more whiskey.” She heard Calanthe say from very far away.   
Her mind was leaving her body, everything was growing numb. She had been such a fool to even hope.   
She stared at the basket. How many flowers did she send? It didn’t matter, she wanted Yennefer not flowers from her own shop.   
Her own shop.   
Her shop didn’t deliver anymore. Especially not at 7PM.   
Realization flooded her entire being. She gripped the table and trembled so much the glasses shook.   
Coral put a hand on her shoulder,   
“Tissaia?” They were still too far for her to answer them.   
“Tissaia?!”  
Calanthe shoved her hard, tipping the chair and she nearly fell out.   
“Tissaia?! What is going on?”  
She opened and closed her mouth and then looked at Vanielle.   
“Wh-who delivered them?”   
“What?”  
“My shop doesn’t deliver”  
Everyone froze and held their breaths.   
“Shit. Who delivered it Vanielle?” Coral asked.   
“I - I don’t know I didn’t get a good look at her”   
“What did she look like? Was it her?!” Calanthe asked.   
“She had black hair, she was gorgeous and I-“ she was cut off by Coral putting her phone in her face with a picture of Yennefer on it.   
She stopped, “oh my god. Yes. It was her, I knew she looked familiar....” she paused and then a look of horror coloured her features,   
“Oh no... Tissaia...”  
Tissaia’s mind was racing, her body on fire.   
“Tissaia I think... oh god I’m so sorry, the look she gave me... I think she thinks that we’re...”   
“Fuck...” Coral summed up the atmosphere of the room in a single word.   
Tissaia was still frozen when rough hands pulled her out of the chair.   
“Go! Go get your girl!!!”   
She shoved Tissaia and to her surprise, her legs started carrying her to the door.   
She opened it and looked in to the dark street. She saw no one in either direction.   
She slumped down to the ground, still trembling. Vanielle, Coral and Calanthe came out when they realized she wasn’t coming back. They found her with her head in her hands on the front step.   
“Where is she?”   
“Gone.... are you sure it was even her because why would she even...” she was trying hard not to cry. Yennefer had been here. Maybe? Maybe the excitement got to Vanielle and she saw what she wanted to see. But then who delivered the flowers. 

“Tissaia what are you doing you have her number you absolute moron.”   
Shit. Tissaia fumbled for her phone and quickly found the name she had spent months staring at, too anxious and too proud to call.   
She finally hit the long avoided button.   
Voicemail.   
Shit.   
She tried again.   
Voicemail.   
She knew the phone must be off.   
She tried again anyways.   
Voicemail.   
She texted even though she knew it would go unread for now.   
“It’s off... it’s all.. off...”   
They stayed in silence for a moment before Coral reached down.   
“We’ll find her.. Thanedd is small...”   
This is true, Yennefer was bound to be seen by someone. Unless she went straight to the airport or...   
“There’s only 1 hotel in this whole place Tissaia! Come on!”   
Again, Calanthe made the first move and pulled her up.   
Tissaia was reminded of the first night she met Yennefer when Calanthe threatened to drag her out of the office kicking and screaming. She had been right then, Calanthe could drag her effortlessly.   
Before she knew it, they were pulling up to the only hotel in town. Tissaia stared at the sliding class doors.   
This was it, that critical moment she both dreaded and wished for for the past several months.   
She walked out of the car on autopilot, her entourage drove off to park the car and wait.   
She stopped at the doors, even when they slid open to admit her. She looked down at the threshold of the door. Once she crosses this threshold, there’s no going back.   
She takes a deep breath and crosses the threshold to her future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to scream at me in the comments.   
> I have some of the next chapter written and a very clear idea of what I intend to write so you shouldn’t be kept in suspense for too long.


	9. 7 PM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tissaia looks for Yennefer and hopes she’s not too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, quickly written because I didn’t want to leave you guys in suspense. Most of this chapter was written a while ago, actually even before I finished the previous one. I had originally intended it to be an outline for myself but after adding some stuff it felt adequate enough to publish. Hopefully my assumption is correct and this isn’t a dumpster fire. 
> 
> I still have a few chapters planned, which is to say, brace yourselves because we aren’t out of the woods yet. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this update. 
> 
> Content warning: Substance abuse, suicidal ideation.

As Tissaia steps through the doors she hesitates, even if Yennefer is here, where would she be? How can she find her. The hotel would never disclose information about a regular guest let alone a celebrity one. She is certain there are certain protocols in place, at least she hopes there are. Her stomach twists at the idea of a lax security putting Yennefer in danger. What if some rabid fan came looking for her? Or some maniac trying to steal her underwear to sell it online.   
For their sake, she hopes security is tight because otherwise, she will be having a conversation lawyer to manager. For her own sake, she selfishly hopes security is lax and she can find Yennefer. It’s been 30 minutes since the flowers were brought to her home... enough time for Yennefer to get back to her room without a trace.   
Tissaia spies a side corridor leading to a stairwell and hastily makes a dash for it - she knows the manager and she doesn’t need to be recognized right now. She’s on a mission. 

There’s no key card lock on the door to the stairwell and she gets in easily- Strike 1 for the Seven Cats Hotel.   
Strike two came when she reached the first floor - there was still no security precaution. Any maniac could be wandering the halls.  
She spots the security cameras which are a relief, but only just. Unless they have someone monitoring the feeds, the security footage could only be used after the fact. Who knows what kind of damage someone could do in between.   
As she walks down the first floor hallway, she realizes she has no clue how she will find Yennefer. It’s not as if there will be a big blinking light outside her door. She could be anywhere, on any floor. She really didn’t think this through. The hotel only had 4 floors sure, but it’s not as if she can knock on every door.   
She could call Triss... surely if Triss gave Yennefer a Tissaia’s address, she would tell Tissaia the room number?   
It was worth a shot. The phone rang, and rang, and rang. And then voicemail. Shit.   
She tried again. Voicemail. She was really starting to hate voicemail tonight.   
She left a message anyways, asking Triss to call her back. Triss’ phone must be on since it rang so Tissaia also texts her, a couple of times hoping she’ll idly glance at her phone and think Tissaia is in a panic, which she is.   
However, she can’t just wait around for Triss to answer, she is all too aware that right now, her phone is likely the last thing Triss is thinking about. She once again feels a pang if jealousy.... had she not scared Yennefer off, perhaps she could be ignoring her phone right now too.   
There’s no time to dwell, she needs to find the woman before her heart bursts.   
She walks the entire length of the corridor, reaching the other stairwell but when she imagined a reunion with Yennefer she didn’t imagine she would be slightly out of breath and flushed.. well, not at first anyways, maybe later in the evening. It’s not that Tissaia wasn’t in good shape, she was just tired and her body was on fire and elevators were easier.   
Of course, as she steps in the elevator and goes to select a floor she realizes she needs a key card to go to any floors other than the lobby and the roof. Of course this is the one security feature they employ. And why can she access the roof? That’s asking for trouble.   
Stairs it is.   
She passes through the second corridor, listening for sounds - what sounds she couldn’t say... just something, anything.   
Of course there was nothing to be found, not yet. Perhaps if she walks around the halls a few times she’ll get lucky. On the other hand, if there is someone monitoring the security footage, Tissaia will be thrown out on her ass.  
The 3rd floor is also empty and she starts to panic. What if she can’t find her? Sure, she can text her again, call her again and patiently wait for her to turn on her phone but... what if it’s too late? What if Yennefer just jets out and deletes her messages without reading them? She’s being irrational, she knows that, but Yennefer has infected her brain.   
She climbs to the 4th floor, panting from the physical exertion and the anxiety fooling around in her body. It’s filling up her lungs making it harder to breathe.   
She peaks through the window of the stairwell doors, checking to see if the coast is clear when she spots it.   
Quick as a flash, she sees some black hair entering an elevator. Her heart stops - it’s a slim chance but it’s the only one she’s got. By the time she reaches the elevator the doors are already closed and she watches the indicator above.   
The mystery passenger is headed for the roof.   
Tissaia briefly considers what she’ll do if it’s not Yennefer. Did she really see black hair? Or did she just see what she wanted to?   
She hits the elevator call button and the second elevator opens to admit her.   
The journey to the roof is short in reality, but Tissaia felt as though it dragged on forever.   
Finally she found herself in a corridor that led to some stairs marked “roof.”   
Great, more stairs.   
She reaches the landing and grasps the handle, trying to steady her breathing before pushing the door open.   
She steps out and immediately finds her target. She’s leaning most of her upper body over a waist high ledge, looking down at the city street below. In her right hand, she clutched a bottle.   
Tissaia’s breath stops and the door slams closed behind her, startling the woman just a few feet away from her. Yennefer turns and stumbles. She’s clearly managed to use the last 45 minutes wisely, she’s drank. No, she’s plastered. 

Yennefer’s eyes focus on the intruder.   
“T-t-Tissaia? S’that you?”  
“Yennefer” her voice breaks   
“How’did you find meh?”  
“It’s the only hotel. I saw you board the elevator”   
“Sss-stalker” she laughs and stumbles.   
“You’re drunk, why are you up here?”   
“I misseded you” she takes a step towards Tissaia.   
“Yennefer... why don’t we get off the roof hmm?”   
“But comeon, thesesviews” she gestures around her, losing her balance again and stumbling back to the ledge.  
Tissaia frowns, unhappy with how close to a ledge Yennefer is while she clearly has no real coordination.   
“Fuck it. You’re a better view” she stumbles forward and all but collapses in to Tissaia’s arms.   
Tissaia struggles with the weight.  
“Come on. Lean on me. I need you to carry some weight, you’re too heavy for me. “  
“Are you sayin mm-fat?” She teases.   
Tissaia just pulls her along.   
In the elevator, “where’s your room?”   
“407”  
She takes her to the room.   
She reaches for the key she can see in in Yennefer’s back pocket,   
“Aren’t you gunna buy a girl dinner first” she chuckles, “not that I m-m-mind”   
Tissaia sighs and unlocks the door. This is not how she imagined their reunion. Even in her nightmares.   
She hauls Yennefer on to the bed, who grabs her with agility someone in her state should not possess and pulls her down on top of her, holding her tight.   
Tissaia tries to get up but Yennefer is strong despite the alcohol.   
“Yennefer, let me go.”  
“Nnot again, I can’t” she tightens her hug.   
“Yennefer, please”   
“Fine” Yennefer basically shoves her off roughly.   
“I guess your n-new girlfrriend wouldn approve”  
“Vanielle isn’t my girlfriend” she says, looking away.   
Yennefer stares and blinks at her unable to process the information quickly.   
“In that case”   
She smiles and sits up quickly, lunging for Tissaia, but Tissaia steps out of her reach this time and Yennefer collapses backwards on the bed with a groan.   
“Yennefer. You, need to sleep it off.”

Yennefer is exhausted, she can feel her eyes drooping but she manages to sit back up and address the mirage like a sane person.   
“But what if I’m dreamin hmm? And falling asleep wakes me up, and you’re poof, gone”  
“It’s not a dream”   
“Dream Tissaia always says that”   
“Always?”  
“Every damn night. But Imnotgunna fall for it again.”  
“Does Dream Tissaia say we can talk in the morning?”  
“Uh duh. How else would you get me to sleep?”  
“Yennefer, I-  
“Please don’t make me wake up, I can’t.” She pleads, her voice is choked “Not anymore. I won’t. Just.. let me sleep. Forever. It’s easy just..”  
Tissaia’s heart clenches to the point where she’s in physical pain. Her eyes water.   
“I- I came back..” Yennefer’s voice is barely a whisper. Her eyes are drooping, she won’t manage to stay up long. Tissaia just needs to hold out for a bit longer.   
“ I know, you came back. I know dear.”  
“I came back... I said I would nn I came back. Please, please don’t leave me again”   
Tissaia comes to sit on the bed next to her. Brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. Yennefer closes her eyes and leans in to the touch. The tears that streak down her face are enough to make Tissaia’s own tears fall.   
“I’m not leaving. I promise. Just like you promised hmm? I’ll be right here when you wake up.”   
Yennefer opened her eyes and looked at her, swaying lightly.  
“If not for yourself then do it for me. Please?”  
Yennefer smirks, “have you ever used that word before?”   
She falls backwards, reaching her hand out to grab Tissaia’s. She catches it and then closes her eyes, “you’re here” she says quietly before falling asleep. 

Tissaia doesn’t move, not wanting to wake her.   
She stares at their hands and traces her thumb along Yennefer’s. When she’s certain Yennefer is all but in a coma, she gently pulls back the covers as much as she’s able to and readjusts Yennefer so her legs are in the bed and she tucks her in.   
She watches Yennefer sleep for a moment before looking around the room for a perch.   
She spots a comfortable armchair, turns off the lights and sits down. She sends a quick text to Coral and Vanielle letting them she’s safe but will be staying here tonight. Coral’s response is several winky faces. Tissaia doesn’t have the energy to correct her assumption right now.   
It’s not easy, but eventually she falls asleep, already dreading the inevitable sore neck she will have in the morning. But she couldn’t climb in bed with Yennefer. Even over the covers. It would send the wrong message. 

—  
When Tissaia wakes up, she notices a few things. One, the sun is up and streaming through the curtains she never thought to close. Two, she is far warmer than she would have expected and she realizes she’s covered by a blanket. Three, there is a large object pushing against her shins, preventing her from even moving her legs. When she looks down, she sees Yennefer. Asleep and curled up on her feet like a cat.   
Tissaia’s thinks if her heart beats any faster, the muscles may just fatigue and her heart will fail entirely.   
Yennefer must have woken up at some point, noticed her on the chair and brought a blanket before falling asleep again.   
All she can do is reach down and run fingers through Yennefer’s hair. As the woman begins to stir, Tissaia stops moving but does not pull away. 

Yennefer blinks awake and she’s hit with an overwhelming pain between her ears. The hangover is the stuff of legends. She pushes herself closer to the whatever is keeping her propped up in this position and slowly the events of the last night start to return. She then registers the hand paused on her head, mid stroke and she snaps her eyes up to see Tissaia. Too quick. Another wave of pain causes her to shut her eyes tightly and groan in to the legs she finds herself hugging.   
Tissaia begins to move her hand again, and she sighs with pleasure. The fingers gently scratching her scalp are the only thing preventing her brain from exploding.   
“Good morning” Tissaia says quietly.   
Yennefer raises her head again, more slowly.   
She stops short as she looks in to the blue eyes that have haunted her every moment since she first saw them.   
“I’m so sorry”  
“Shh, it doesn’t matter just now. I’m here”   
“You’re here” she sighs and settles in to her awkward position on the floor more comfortably, nuzzling her head in to Tissaia.   
“Let’s get you off the floor hmm?”  
“This is fine”  
“Oh I’m sure, but eventually I’ll need to use the washroom and I can’t do that with you on my feet”   
Yennefer chuckles and starts to move. She stops as a wave of nausea hits her and her head starts pounding again.   
“Take it slow Yen”   
“Yen, I like that. Say it again?” she begins to move again, Tissaia smiles.   
“Yen”   
Yennefer manages to move enough to allow Tissaia to stand and Tissaia helps her to her feet and guides her to the bed.   
Tissaia sits on the edge and brushes hair out of Yennefer’s face, smiling. Yennefer is still not entirely convinced this isn’t a dream.   
“I imagine you feel like garbage?”  
“Hmm”   
“Why don’t I go get you some water and some aspirin, hmm?”  
“Don’t go.” Yennefer desperately reaches for her hand, clasping it between two of her own.   
“I’ll be right back, I promise”.   
She goes to stand and Yennefer holds her hands tighter. Tissaia looks back down.   
“There’s aspirin in the top pocket there” she points to a bag on the table. She drops her hand and allows her to step away. Even the whole 3 steps feels too far. Yennefer wants her back, right now.   
Tissaia grabs the items and comes back, helping Yennefer sit up. Her touch lingers on Yennefer’s upper arm.   
“I’m not hallucinating am I?” She says as she swallows the pills.   
“Afraid not dear”   
“Well, then I have some apologizing to do”  
“You do, but it can wait.” Tissaia gives her a small smile hoping to reassure her.   
For whatever reason, Yennefer stares at her as if she just performed some feat of magic.   
“Have I died?” she asks quietly.   
“What? No, of course not”   
“Shit.”   
Tissaia chuckles, caressing Yennefer’s forehead.   
“You should sleep more”   
“I’m fine I-“  
“You’re not. “  
“I’m sorry”   
“I know.” Tissaia allows her fingers to trace down Yennefer’s temple, to her jaw. She caresses the soft skin she finds.   
“You’ll stay?”   
“I promise.” 

Yennefer stares a moment longer, trying to memorize every detail. The brows creased in concern, the blue depths that hold so much emotion. The gentle pull of a smile.   
She shuts her eyes and drifts off again. 

When she wakes up, she’s alone. Fuck. Fuck. It was just a dream, she scans the room for something to prove her wrong. Nothing. Panic starts to fill her and she can feel fresh tears beginning.   
She hears the door open,  
“Not ready for housekeeping” she says, shutting her eyes again.   
“Good thing I’m not here for that then”   
She sits up abruptly and stares. Tissaia is here. It wasn’t a dream. She’s elated, but also horrified at her behaviour.   
“I brought you a coffee, I don’t know how you take it so here’s some cream and sugar”   
“Gods you are perfect,” it slips unbidden. Tissaia pauses and blushes, then holds out the cup,   
“I’m not but thank you”   
Yennefer adds 1 sugar and some cream and takes a sip, her eyes never leaving Tissaia’s.   
“Yennefer, why did you come back?”  
“You know why”   
“I know you came back for me, yes, but why?”   
“You know why”  
“Yennefer.” Tissaia warns.   
“Tissaia.” She May be appalled at her own behaviour from last night but she is still a stubborn child as she half mocks Tissaia’s tone.   
Tissaia arches a single eye brow and just like every other time, Yennefer’s stomach drops.   
“I had to. I had to see you Tissaia. Talk to you. Anything. I get it if you don’t want to or can’t or... I just, I just needed to see you. Even if you’ll only allow a last goodbye.”   
Tissaia doesn’t know how to respond, she feels the exact same way.   
“I know I’m not perfect. I know. And I tour and I’m busy. And you’re busy but... I couldn’t stay away. I can’t stay away. I’ll always come back, I just know that.” 

The words from her friends had once said to her echo in her mind,   
“Some things are worth the heart break”   
She looks down at Yennefer, her eyes slide to the plump lips and she licks her own with Yennefer tracking the movement. Without another thought she leans down and kisses her, just a brush of their lips but it sets her body on fire. The look at each other for a moment, debating before crashing their lips together hard.   
In no time, Tissaia finds herself pinned beneath the violet eyed beauty who kisses down her neck to her shoulder. Yennefer is straddling her waist, supporting herself with two hands planted on the bed next to Tissaia’s head.   
They open their mouths to each other and Yennefer moans in to the kiss. Tissaia’s hands start to travel up beneath the hem of her shirt to caress the soft skin on her lower back. Yennefer grinds down on Tissaia and uses one of her hands to squeeze Tissaia’s breast through the fabric as she returns to marking the pale throat in front of her. Tissaia groans and arches her back. As Yennefer kisses lower, undoing the buttons of her shirt, Tissaia stops.   
“Wait wait. No no. Stop stop”   
Yennefer stops immediately looking down at her blue eyes shinning with embarrassment.   
“We can’t, not like this... not... not yet”   
Yennefer nods, cups her cheek and places a lingering kiss on her lips before climbing off.   
“Can I take you on a date? A real one? I know it’s complicated but I want to try- I don’t know .. I-think you’re, no I know, you’re worth it.”   
“I want to try too.”  
Yennefer’s whole body reacts and she almost sobs. Pulling Tissaia in for another bruising kiss.   
“Tonight?”   
“Okay”  
“Okay. Well, I-“  
“I should go. I have some work and, I’ll see you later”  
Yennefer tries to hide her disappointment. She would be more than okay with keeping Tissaia hostage here. What if she leaves and decides not to come back?  
“Okay. That’s fair. Um, want to go to the same bistro? 7?”  
“7 o clock”  
She kisses her again, memorizing the taste, the feel, everything.   
Tissaia gets up and Yennefer walks her to the door, before stepping out however Tissaia turns around and stands on her tippy toes to place another kiss on Yennefer’s lips. Yennefer watches her leave until she’s out of sight.   
She’s pissed at herself for what happened last night but she can’t argue with the results.


	10. We live in chemistry away from all the wasted time and taste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yennefer takes Tissaia on a date and meets some of Tissaia’s least favourite people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled to write this chapter quite a bit, sorry about that. It’s an issue of knowing where things are going, but still trying to put some of the pieces in the middle to show how they get there.   
> Even within this chapter, I finished the end of it before I finished the beginning of it. 
> 
> Anyways, hopefully you enjoy anyways. Leave a comment, tell me how much you hate Stregobor. 
> 
> Mistakes are mine.

Yennefer waits outside the bistro anxiously. After Tissaia left, she spent the next 2 hours trying to choose the right outfit for her date. She needed something that worked on two levels: please take me home and, keep me once you do. It would be foolish to pretend she didn’t want to ravage Tissaia first chance she gets - the feeling of her hands on her body, the way their lips met, she wants more. She needs more. But more importantly, she wants it forever. She wants to wake up in the morning, not hungover after a night of bad decisions, next to Tissaia for every morning until the end of time. With that in mind, she has forgone her usual date outfit, the ones she wears for a casual fling to wear something more sophisticated. Something Tissaia might appreciate.   
Her dark grey jeans are still skin tight, and she’s wearing high black boots that stop just below her knee. She’s wearing a simple white v-neck top that shows ample cleavage but which is currently covered by a large violet scarf that makes her eyes glow. To complete the outfit she has donned her favourite black leather jacket. Her hair is loose and curled and she’s decided to only wear light make up.  
She knows she looks good, but does she look good enough?   
She had shown up 20 minutes early because she couldn’t sit and wait in her hotel room anymore. She had walked to the bistro to try and work out some of the nerves. She’s played concerts to thousands of people - friends, fans and critics but she’s never been this nervous.   
She spent every moment she wasn’t fussing about her outfit practicing what she might say if Tissaia asks about the night before. She knows she needs to explain last night, she needs to apologize, she needs to try and convince Tissaia she isn’t some unstable, self-indulgent child. Tissaia was all poise and class, she deserves someone who could match her, Yennefer would never be good enough but she had to try. However, there was a competing voice telling her to just avoid the topic altogether.

To no ones surprise, Tissaia also arrives early and Yennefer feels weak as she watches her approach. It may be March and fairly nice out but clearly Tissaia’s thermoregulation is not intact because she’s wearing a long black top coat, buttoned up and cinched at the waist with a tie. Yennefer can just barely see the hint of a navy blue top underneath. She’s also wearing jeans but they are a shade of dark blue that no doubt compliment her navy shirt. Her boots are not nearly as tall as Yennefer’s, stopping just above the ankle but they do sport a high heel, giving her a few additional inches but not making her quite as tall as Yennefer. She looks adorably bundled still wearing a warm hat and mittens, clutching her bag to her side in an effort to conserve all of her body heat. Yennefer can’t help thinking of other ways she could warm up the smaller woman.   
When Tissaia notices Yennefer waiting, she straightens herself out as if embarrassed to be caught looking cold and vulnerable. Yennefer’s heart speeds up and her chest constricts painfully as they lock eyes. Even with virtually no skin showing, this woman is the epitome of sexy and classy and Yennefer has to restrain herself from just picking her up and taking her back to the hotel.   
Tissaia gives her a small smile as the distance closes and she raises herself to kiss Yennefer’s cheek. Yennefer’s hand instinctually caresses the spot Tissaia’s lips just vacated and she smiles down at her beautiful date.   
“Tissaia you... wow.. even all hidden away under too many layers... wow”   
“We can’t all be as hot as you dear” Tissaia winks.  
“Hmm, smooth” Yennefer says as she grips Tissaia’s waist and pulls her in close. Tissaia lets out a short gasp as their bodies clash before resting her mittened hands on Yennefer’s collarbones.   
“Do you use that line on all the ladies?” Yennefer asks with a raise of her eyebrows.   
“I refuse to reveal my secrets”   
“Tease” Yennefer chuckles as she leans down to kiss her.   
Tissaia allows a brief kiss before nipping on Yennefer’s bottom lip and pulling away.   
“Shall we?”   
Yenenfer reaches for her hand, or more accurately, her mitten and they walk through the doors.   
“Reservation for Vengerberg”   
Tissaia gives the bistro a quick sweep, and seeing it’s not incredibly busy, turns to Yennefer brow furrowed.   
“You had to make a reservation?”  
“For a specific table” she says as the hostess begins to lead them to a small back corner booth. Yennefer notices Tissaia’s expression and answers the question she hasn’t yet asked.   
“I wanted to be tucked away so less people notice us. I can’t exactly have the whole restaurant staring at my date. I’m a jealous creature and I want you all to myself.”   
Tissaia rolls her eyes but leans in to Yennefer’s body, entirely aware the real reason is that last time they went out together many heads turned their way. Since the events that followed and the popularity of the “Thanedd mystery woman” took off, that attention was likely to only intensify. It was a mercy, Yennefer did not want to expose Tissaia, especially so early on. If things went south, she would prefer it if no one tried to drag Tissaia down. 

——

Unlike their first date, Tissaia is more immediately receptive to intimate touches. In their small corner booth, it’s much harder to avoid contact anyways. Along the bench, in the space between them that makes up the inner corner, their fingers intertwine and Yennefer traces small patterns with her thumb as she listens to Tissaia order some food.   
Yes, Tissaia is more receptive but Yennefer can still see the cloud of doubt that hangs over her. She can see it in the way Tissaia jerks back slightly when she feels like she’s leaning in too much, as if she’s built herself a small forcefield. She’s guarded but there is a definable resistance towards her own walls. Yennefer has noticed the pattern, Tissaia will pull away, glance at her before quickly averting her eyes and turning her attention to their hands on the bench. She watches as Tissaia’s face softens for a moment, she traces the patterns of Yennefer’s thumb and offers a barely-there-squeeze as if to remind herself its not a dream. And then she meets Yennefer’s eyes again. She looks guarded, yes, but also sad, guilty even. As if she’s angry at herself for her behaviour - Yennefer can’t be sure if it’s because Tissaia keeps pulling away or if she’s upset at herself for being drawn back in. In either case, it doesn’t matter. She will take the moments she can with this woman, she will give her the time to explore her own emotions. It’s contrary to how she has always approached resistance before. Usually, she will rush in, break down doors rather than waiting for them to open - and it’s worked for the most part. However, a key ingredient to that method was confidence, confidence in her talent as a musician, confidence in her talents as a lover, confidence in her abilities and in her future. With Tissaia that confidence is lacking. She is confident that Tissaia is attracted to her, she is supremely confident she could satisfy Tissaia in bed, but she is far less certain of the direction they are headed in. In truth, she herself has not thought that far ahead - her only thoughts were of coming back and kissing her. She didn’t think about beyond, realistically anyways. She has fantasized endlessly about being with Tissaia, coming home to her, growing in to a better person with her by her side. She has fantasized about making her breakfast in bed after secretly taking cooking classes or proudly bringing Tissaia to an award show, showing the world that she is thoroughly taken. Lord knows she has fantasized about exploring every inch of the woman’s body.   
But those all seemed like impossibilities, even now. When she flew back she knew Tissaia may not want her so she prepared for that. Once she saw Tissaia asleep in an armchair, her only thought about the future was how she would apologize, how she would ask her on a date. She hadn’t even been certain Tissaia wasn’t a figment of her imagination until she saw her shiver and draw into herself more on the chair - in her dreams, she would never let Tissaia be cold. She had padded over carefully and brought a blanket to cover her. She wanted nothing more than to pick her up and bring her to bed but she didn’t want to risk Tissaia waking up and trying to leave. Not yet.   
She had fallen asleep at her feet after watching the woman sleep. She felt like a creep but she couldn’t tear her eyes away. With the moonlight from the window Tissaia looked like a goddess. A goddess who was under far too much stress that only seemed to melt in the peace of night. Tissaia never looked old, but in her sleep all the lines on her face were softer, she looked youthful. Yennefer watched her sleep and tried to memorize every part of her just in case. She fell asleep rehearsing an apology, one that definitely did not come out the way she had planned. Every thing she had rehearsed fell away as she looked in to blue eyes - perhaps it was better this way, Tissaia deserved more than a well-scripted apology. She deserved actions, not words.   
She could see Tissaia had questions about last night but she had yet to voice them and Yennefer was not going to be the one to bring it up. She knows they should talk about it, she knows she should explain but she doesn’t want to spoil this date. Not yet. They could talk about it someday, if needed. It shouldn’t be needed though, in her opinion. Yes, she needed to apologize but they didn’t need to go into it too much. It was a reaction to rejection but now that she knows Tissaia hasn’t rejected her, it doesn’t matter, right? No point in dwelling on it. It’s not like she will ever feel down again as long as Tissaia is at her side. Her cyclical moods were obviously just a way for the universe to push her in to finding the right footing to stay still. Tissaia would be that footing, so the cycles would be gone. That’s probably how everyone is, she just expressed it more than others. She’s sure everyone is a little unstable until they find that stability, Tissaia would be hers so nothing would ever be wrong again. It was so simple. All she needed to do was convince Tissaia to stay, which was going well so far. The woman searched an entire hotel for her, took care of her, then they kissed and now they are on a date. Everything would be perfect now. 

Her thoughts are interrupted by a sudden tension in her beautiful future-wife, a tighter squeeze of her hand. Yennefer follows her gaze to see 3 men entering the restaurant. Two are quite a bit older - late 50s, one was probably early 30s and handsome. One of the older men, with a grey beard, receding hairline and a distinct air of undeserved pride found her eyes and then Tissaia’s. Soon after, the others found them too and they began to walk over. The prideful one lead with a look in his eyes that made Yennefer’s hairs stand on end, he resembled a predator on the hunt having just spotted its target. The other older man seemed less interested but he was nonetheless following the leader. The younger man watched them with curiosity and veiled irritation. 

“Tissaia! Fancy seeing you here” the leading man drawled. Yennefer didn’t know him but she already had a strong urge to stab him in the throat.   
Despite the tension Yennefer could feel as Tissaia continued to squeeze her hand, neither the woman’s face nor her voice betrayed her emotions.   
“Indeed. What brings you out here this evening?”   
“Just having a few drinks with Vilgefortz here, bringing him up to speed on his future”   
“And that didn’t seem like a task for all of the partners at the firm?” Tissaia snapped, her eyes cold and angry. Yennefer was slowly picking up the pieces of the conversation but she was once again reminded of how little she knew of Tissaia. Who the hell were these guys exactly? Law firm partners she gathered, the very ones Tissaia wanted to leave because they were horrible. But the details were fuzzy.   
All three men reacted differently to Tissaia’s chastisement. The younger one, probably Vilgefortz, had the decency to look apologetic. The darker man seemed to be caught off guard by her reproach, as if he could not understand the words out of her mouth. The leader looked smug as he glanced over at Yennefer. The look was quick but she took full advantage of the moment and shot daggers at him. She wanted to wipe the smirk off his face and if Tissaia’s grip was any indication, her date wanted to do the same.   
“Don’t feel left out dear, it’s just an informal boys night. Besides you seem....” he looked at Yennefer again, “adequately preoccupied by this.. young, lady.”   
Seriously? This guy was commenting on the age difference ? He seemed like the type to pick on teenage girls, in her opinion.   
To calm her own anger, she instead watched Tissaia out of the corner of her eye. The woman did not cede any ground. If he was trying to shame her, the intent missed the mark since instead of pulling away, Tissaia leaned in to Yennefer and brought her free hand up to caress the shoulder of the hand she was still squeezing on the bench.   
“Yes well, we all know how you feel about young ladies Stregobor.”   
HA! Yennefer whooped internally for having guessed how this Stregebor operated. 

She could see the man’s body tense, as if he was only restraining himself due to the public setting of the conversation. A heavy silence fell as Tissaia and Stregobor stared each other down. Yennefer couldn’t deny the whole display was turning her on. Quite a lot actually. The tension was broken by Vilgefortz clearing his throat. Tissaia turned away first but she was by no means conceding, her chin was raised proudly as she continued to stroke Yennefer’s arm absentmindedly. No, she wasn’t losing, she was taking the high road because she had already won. As Stregobor collected himself, Vilgefortz began to watch the hand on Yennefer’s arm, his eyes developing a simmering green glow. The other man seemed to have grown bored of the conversation, Yennefer guessed this was fairly routine.   
Vilgefortz began to speak but was unable to stop himself from glancing at the intimate touches that were not his. His expression however did not betray his emotions - externally, he was all affability and charm as he spoke  
“So Tissaia, speaking of discussing the future, I was hoping to grab coffee with you or perhaps dinner soon?”   
Is this guy fucking serious? Did he just ask Tissaia out in front of her? While she was clearly on a date? Yennefer has never been one for controlling her impulses and if not for the gentle pressure on her hand, she might have thrown her drink in his face.   
“We can discuss this at the office. This is my personal time.” Tissaia’s tone was clipped, it brokered no argument, and as the words left her mouth, Yennefer moved even closer to Tissaia, ensuring that this Vilgefortz would be forced to keep her in his line of vision. She would not allow him to mentally crop her out of the view in front of him.   
When he replied, he was still charming, still smiling. To most people he would have appeared to be the perfect gentlemen but Yennefer knew his type. She dealt with his type on the daily: pleasant and handsome, he snakes his way in to women’s lives, convinces them he’s “one of the good ones” and before they know it, he tries to control them. He may speak to Tissaia with the respect she deserves but Yennefer can see the possessiveness in his stance, the annoyance that a woman would ever turn him down. 

“Of course, I did not realize this was a personal meeting. I thought perhaps a client. And who is your quiet but charming companion?”  
“I assure you charming is not how I would define myself. I’m simply her ordinary date.” She emphasizes the word and pauses before properly introducing herself, “Yennefer Vengerberg.” She offers a tight smile.   
“First she says she is ordinary, then she reveals herself to be a famous rockstar” he chuckles, still hardly looking at her. His attention focused on Tissaia clearly hoping for a positive reaction. If Tissaia had any intention of responding, she misses her chance as Yennefer quickly fires back,   
“First he speaks as though she isn’t there, then he loses a limb.”   
Much to his chagrin, and Yennefer’s pleasure, Tissaia does crack a very small smile before schooling her face in to the appropriate expression one wears when their date threatens their coworker. The twitch of her lips, the twinkle in her eye and the way she begins tracing patterns on Yennefer’s hand with her thumb however, betray her true reaction.   
The other two men both brighten at Yennefer’s comment and while Vilgefortz laughs, Yennefer can tell she just made a new enemy. 

The third man who had remained silent throughout this entire encounter finally speaks.   
“Well, we’ve taken enough of your time. Enjoy your evening ladies.”   
Tissaia nods at the man, “You as well, Art.”   
As they walk away, Tissaia let’s out a long breath before turning to Yennefer.   
All of the emotion she had been holding back is now swimming in her eyes and Yennefer decides she will make it her life mission to ensure she is never the cause of this particular expression.   
“I’m so sorry” the brunette says quickly.   
“Don’t be,” she reaches her hand up to cup Tissaia’s cheek, she runs her finger tip along her jaw line revelling in the goosebumps that follow and the way Tissaia swallows hard as Yennefer bites her lip and lets her hand drop to the woman’s thigh. “Besides,” she begins, dropping her voice to a sultry tone, “it was kind of hot. Watching you back that jackass into a corner.” Tissaia’s eyes darken momentarily and Yennefer draws light patterns on her thigh.   
She leans in to whisper in to Tissaia’s ear, her lips ghosting across the shell, “you are very commanding, Miss De Vries.”   
She hears Tissaia’s breath hitch as she slides her hand a little further up the woman’s thigh and pulls away from her ear. She glances in the direction the men left and catches Vilgefortz looking their way, she smirks before pressing a kiss to Tissaia’s cheek who blinks her way back in to the present.   
Yennefer smiles at the colour in her cheeks, the red makes the thin ring of blue around her dilated pupils stand out.   
When Tissaia still does not respond verbally, Yennefer pulls back more to give her some space.   
This seems to loosen Tissaia’s tongue finally, however instead of returning the intimacy Tissaia turns away and pulls her hand back from Yennefer’s. She clasps both her hands on her thighs as a clear indicator Yennefer should remove her hand.   
She worries her bottom lip before speaking, her voice quiet and slightly hoarse.   
“Yennefer...” she begins and Yennefer’s whole body floods with panic because that tone does not sound inviting. Tissaia must have noticed because she quickly reaches for her hand and continues,   
“Don’t get me wrong. I just.. I-I want to take it slow... I don’t want to... jump in to..” she trails off and when Yennefer doesn’t respond immediately, Tissaia returns her gaze to Yennefer’s trying to assess the younger woman’s feelings. She looks entirely too vulnerable and Yennefer just wants to hug her but she can’t seem to move. She is completely frozen. No one has ever rejected her advances and wanted to take it slow. No one has ever cared enough to want to take it slow, no one has ever really wanted to get to know her before. Tissaia misinterprets her silence,   
“Is... is that okay?”   
The slight tremble in her voice finally allows Yennefer’s brain to reengage and she covers their clasped hands with her free one and smiles, trying to stop her eyes from watering because she doesn’t want to start crying at such a small thing and freak Tissaia out more than she probably already has.   
“Of course that’s okay. That’s... that’s more than okay.”   
She lunges forward and wraps Tissaia in a tight hug, snuggling in to the crook of her neck to keep the woman from seeing her face.   
Being this close to Tissaia’s pulse point however still makes her head spin and she desperately wants to paint Tissaia’s throat with her lipstick. She tries to push away the ache between her thighs. She can be patient, probably. Tissaia is worth the effort. 

She finally pulls away from the embrace and Tissaia gives her the sweetest smile she has ever seen in her entire existence. Yennefer’s whole heart melts, she is so dangerously in love with this woman already. She’s in love with her blue eyes, eyes that may be cold to others but warm considerably as she looks in to Yennefer’s. The cleft in her chin, the rarely seen dimples. The way their hands fit together. The way her tongue pokes out to wet her lips. The way she leans forward and closes her eyes before pressing a soft kiss to Yennefer’s lips. The way the whole world melts away until they are the only people left.   
She is so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Casual reminder that Yennefer is undiagnosed, and her delusions unchecked.


	11. Doubling down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yennefer and Tissaia try to build something together but circumstances shake the supports like an earthquake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #LongLiveAngst
> 
> I hate me too, don’t worry. But it can’t just be easy right?

It had been a week since Yennefer and Tissaia had started dating. They spent nearly every evening together but not every morning. Tissaia was still insisting they take it slow and Yennefer was starting to wonder what “slow” meant to the woman. Was six dates not slow enough? Her patience was wearing thin, she desperately wanted to learn Tissaia’s body with her lips and her tongue but Tissaia continued to push back. Oh, they had been close, particularly on their 4th date when Tissaia cooked her dinner again and they watched a film. Truthfully, Yennefer hadn’t been paying much attention to the film the entire time. Most of her focus was spent trying to restrain herself from letting her hands wander too much. They had started the film seated, cuddled under the blanket but somehow they had ended up lying down. Tissaia was basically on top of Yennefer, her head resting on her shoulder so she could see the TV. Her breath would float across Yennefer’s chest, down her cleavage. One of Tissaia’s legs rested between Yennefer’s, and her arm was draped across Yennefer’s waist. She seemed perfectly comfortable and adorable, snuggling her head in every now and then, or shifting to place a quick soft kiss to her throat.  
While Tissaia was comfortable, Yennefer was anything but. Her whole world was consumed by Tissaia - the feel of her weight, the smell of her hair, the soft breaths. The hand that held Tissaia close to her was resting on Tissaia’s perfect ass. Every now and then she would squeeze that ass lightly and relish in the sound and feel of the older woman’s breath hitching. Her other hand was resting on the one Tissaia had on her waist. She wanted to guide that hand elsewhere but Tissaia refused to be guided when Yennefer tried softly.  
She didn’t say anything, or move really, she simply resisted.  
The last straw came when Tissaia turned her head to place a lingering kiss on Yennefer’s throat. She sucked on the flesh driving Yennefer insane. Yennefer gripped her backside harder and urged her up to kiss her lips. Tissaia responded in kind, stretching to kiss her. She kissed her languidly and licked her way inside Tissaia’s mouth. At the press of their tongues, Tissaia shifted, bringing herself up higher. She had not even realized that the leg she had between Yennefer’s thighs had moved up to press on the younger woman’s core. Yennefer bucked against the brunette’s thigh, trying to get more pressure. She was surprised when Tissaia obliged and slid her thigh up harder, rocking it slightly against her. Yennefer whimpered into the kiss and began to slide her hands up the back of Tissaia’s shirt when Tissaia pulled back. Her pupils were dilated with want as she looked at Yennefer, but even with the pupillary response giving away her desire she insisted she wasn’t ready yet.  
Yennefer tried to be patient. She knew it would be worth it in the end. 

And so they continued. Yennefer spent her days doing whatever she pleased while Tissaia went to work. She surprised her for lunch one day, arriving just in time to catch Vilgefortz inviting Tissaia to lunch.  
She had strode in Tissaia’s office with the confidence of someone who had been there before, but in truth if not for the lovely receptionist Anica, Yennefer would never have found her way. She could see Vilgefortz’s back through the glass and didn’t even knock before entering. Tissaia had reacted to the intrusion with a steely glare that softened when she realized it was not some moronic intern but instead her girlfriend carrying a picnic basket.  
Vilgefortz turned and did not soften in the slightest. Yennefer pretended he wasn’t there as she walked around Tissaia’s desk to kiss her, “hey babe!” She cupped Tissaia’s cheek and held their kiss longer than necessary.  
Only after she took a moment to admire the slight blush and awe in the blue eyes did she turn her attention to the man who clearly couldn’t take a hint.  
“Sorry, I didn’t see you there. Didn’t mean to interrupt, I just came to take my girlfriend to lunch.” She plastered on her best fake smile - not her most convincing one but that was the idea. She wanted him to know the smile wasn’t real.  
“Right well, I’ll let you get to it then. We can finish up this conversation later I hope? I would love to pick your brain on this case. And we can talk about the Crach case as well, I’m sure you would like another lawyer to talk to now and then.”  
It was a weak jab. So weak Yennefer wasn’t even upset by his attempt.  
“We can speak about your case later.” Was Tissaia’s short response. Yennefer almost felt bad for the guy, she’s not sure what he expected his jabs to accomplish but they clearly weren’t working in his favour, Tissaia only seemed to distance herself more. Didn’t anyone ever tell this guy that insulting someone’s romantic partner was not the way to win hearts?  
Once he left, Yennefer leaned down to kiss Tissaia again, stopping just before their lips touched to whisper,  
“You really are hot when you’re annoyed.”  
When she pulled away, she moved in front of Tissaia‘s chair and then sat on the woman’s desk. She noted idly how organized the thing was, and empty... there were possibilities in that. She reached for Tissaia’s hand and pulled her up into her, between her thighs. She locked her ankles behind Tissaia’s back and brought her even closer as they kissed. This time, she wasn’t surprised when Tissaia pulled away, but she was a little surprised that she didn’t try to break free from Yennefer’s legs and instead just pushed a lock of raven hair behind her ear, smiling.  
“I don’t think he likes me much” Yennefer said, with a wink. Tissaia let out a throaty chuckle and let her hands fall to intertwine with Yennefer’s before she answered.  
“No, I don’t think he does.” Tissaia leaned in to kiss her softly. “He has been trying for quite a while to win me over.”  
“And you never wanted him for a moment?” It was teasing, but there was a real question there. She couldn’t help but be worried about someone stealing Tissaia away.  
“Never. There’s too much under the surface, some version of himself he needs to hide.”  
“And what about me?”  
“You, my dear, are altogether too forward with your intentions”  
“Speaking of which...” Yennefer brought her back in for another quick kiss, “I intended to surprise you with lunch.” 

—

It was not all sweet kisses and near misses though. With long evenings spent in each other’s company brought on long conversations. The first of which had of course been to address the night of their reunion. Tissaia had spared Yennefer on the first date but they had hardly started the second when the question came. At first, when Tissaia suggested they stay in for dinner Yennefer had thought, or hoped, Tissaia had already given up on taking it slow. This meant she was entirely caught off guard by the real reason for privacy. She had still been hoping they wouldn’t need to discuss it, she said as much when Tissaia broached the subject, but she knew only a fool would never circle back to it.  
She had started softly, while still cooking dinner.  
“Yennefer..” she began, not looking away from her pot, keeping her back turned to Yennefer.  
Yennefer was never one to ignore an opportunity and she approached Tissaia, wrapping her arms around her from behind and resting her chin on her shoulder.  
“Hmm?”  
Tissaia leaned back into the embrace and used her free hand to cover Yennefer’s and intertwine their fingers.  
“About the other night...” Yennefer stiffened immediately, “we should talk about...” she withdrew from Tissaia slightly.  
“I don’t think we need to it was just a moment”  
Tissaia dropped the spoon she was using to stir and spun around to face Yennefer. Before Yennefer could try to flee, Tissaia grabbed her waist and held her firm.  
“My dear, I don’t think that’s true.”  
Yennefer scoffed, averting her eyes and instinctively hugging herself.  
“I was just upset because I thought you had a girlfriend but you don’t so it doesn’t matter.”  
“It still matters... what if..”  
“What if this doesn’t work? I’m not some fragile bird Tissaia. I was upset, I had a couple of drinks - just like anyone else would by the way. I was just surprised to see you so I was emotional. That’s it” her voice rose with every sentence and she pulled away from Tissaia’s grip, turning her back to her.  
“Yennefer..” when Tissaia tried to place a hand on her shoulder, she shrugged it off. The contact would only make this worse. 

Tissaia retracted her hand and some of her heart, beginning to put up her own walls. 

“Yennefer I’m not saying you’re fragile. You just... it worried me, it pained me to see you so upset..”  
“But you don’t need to worry,” she spun back around to face those blue eyes, “It was just a silly combination of factors - it was a long tour, a long flight, it’s not like I freak out every time things don’t work Tissaia. It’s not like I’ve never dated people before...”  
“I know that, but I still want to talk about this”  
“Why?!” She practically yelled.  
“Because it’s important Yennefer! How can you not see that? For fucks sake when I found you you were drunk on a roof leaning over the edge. What were you doing on the roof Yennefer?” Tissaia’s voice was rising to meet hers, frustration palpable.  
“I just wanted fresh air”  
“You could have opened a window, gone for a walk, why were you on the roof?”  
“The view was pretty okay! I like looking down and seeing cars passing by, people looking small. It helps me get perspective. I wasn’t going to jump if that’s what you’re thinking.” 

“I don’t think you’re telling me everything”  
“And I don’t know where you got the idea that I would throw myself off of a building because you rejected me.”  
Tissaia pauses, her lips slightly parted, she was baffled.  
“Do you remember anything you said to me that night?”  
“Yes, of course” she lied, she remembered bits and pieces but she wasn’t about to admit that.  
“Then you should know why I’m jumping to the worst conclusions. Yennefer... please talk to me.” When she stepped forward this time, Yennefer didn’t back away, she let Tissaia reach out to grab her hand. She stared at those hands as the older woman caressed it softly, pleading. When Yennefer returned her eyes she could see everything. The pain, the frustration, the concern... she hated seeing that look but she didn’t know what to say to fix it.  
When she didn’t respond, Tissaia sighed and dropped her hand. Her voice was smaller now and a little choked.  
“You asked me to let you sleep forever, Yennefer. You told me that you would dream of me and dreaded waking up to find the bed empty. You told me you couldn’t do it anymore...”  
She saw the tears well up in Tissaia’s eyes, she felt the sting in her own. She reached up to brush away a tear that had hardly fallen.  
“Yennefer, I just want you to talk to me. Because I care, I want to know all of you.”  
That broke her, a choked sob escaped her lips and she quickly pulled Tissaia into a crushing embrace so she could bury her face in the older woman’s neck.  
“I’m sorry” she mumbled against the soft skin. “I didn’t mean... I don’t want to ... sometimes I just- I say things. In the moment but I- I’m so sorry I scared you.”  
“Shh, it’s okay. I know.” Tissaia rubbed her back gently as she continued to console her.  
“Sometimes it’s so dark and.. you, you were like a light and I just - I didn’t want to wake up in darkness again. That’s all but I- I’m not, Tissaia if you can’t - I...” she didn’t know how to finish her sentence. Or, more accurately, she didn’t want to because she was terrified of the response.  
“I didn’t bring this up only to run away from it dear. I’m not going to run away from you just because it’s not always easy”  
“But you already did...”. 

The words tore through her heart because Yennefer was right. Tissaia had already run from her, overwhelmed by her own feelings. Of course Yennefer wouldn’t trust her enough, she hadn’t earned it. But she meant what she said, she wanted to try to make this work. She already tried forgetting about it and it only made everything worse. 

“Exactly, I’ve already tried running away, and it didn’t work at all. So now I want to take a new approach.” Tissaia reached for Yennefer’s chin, forcing the violet eyes to meet blue. She smiled softly, and Yennefer’s small smile in return made her heart flip.  
“Walking away then?” Yennefer quipped, breaking the tension with a smirk on her face.  
“Shut up and kiss me, Yennefer.” And she did. It was tender and slow, Tissaia could taste the salt from Yennefer’s tears but she found it did nothing to diminish the sweetness of their kiss. 

They spoke no more of that evening, though it still stayed with Tissaia like a cloud. She wanted to believe what Yennefer had said but it was hard to do so with the evidence. It’s not as if she was unaware of Yennefer’s spiral during the tour. Everyone in the world knew about her spiral. Yes, it probably was not only Tissaia’s fault, but nevertheless, it happened. For Yennefer to say it was just a momentary lapse when it had been going on for months...  
But Tissaia did not return the subject. In truth, a selfish part of her was afraid to. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the role she played, she didn’t want to have that knowledge. Perhaps they could come back to it later, when things were less fresh. So instead of listening to her brain, she listened to her heart. She allowed herself to believe what Yennefer had told her about that night hoping the reality would be inconsequential. 

—  
After that elephant had been forcibly removed from the room, their deep conversations were far more shallow. Despite having already cried in front of one another, despite having already shown vulnerability, they were both hesitant to do so again. Yennefer mainly divulged information she had long since reconciled with. Stories that many knew by now - stories of her parents, stories of the meaning behind songs she’s played countless times. For a normal person, these subjects may have appeared intimate but Yennefer was careful to focus on the subjects she was numb to. It was easier to share without sharing.  
Tissaia was similar, rather than focus on the painful memories, she focused on those of anger. She shared the stories of how she came to work with Stregobor, she shared more of Stregobor’s history than her own.  
While Yennefer talked about her past major relationships, Tissaia avoided the subject altogether. She was not ready to talk about Rita, or any of her other relationships, but especially Rita. Her few others were not nearly as important but she knew if she shared about those, they would lead down to Margaritaville - it was safer to avoid it altogether. 

For the most part, this worked.. They created such an excellent false intimacy that they convinced themselves it was real.  
When conversations turned heavy, they used teeth and tongue to chase it away. It was perhaps the subconscious knowledge of the true nature of their relationship that held Tissaia back from taking the next step.  
She wanted to, gods she wanted to. Especially when Yennefer’s hand wandered and felt so good on her body or when Yennefer moaned into their kisses and marked her neck. But she just couldn’t. Something didn’t feel right and it had to feel right. She wasn’t going to let their first time be some desperate attempt to reach something she knew couldn’t be found in an orgasm.  
She could see Yennefer’s frustration even if her words were patient. What Yennefer didn’t realize was how frustrated Tissaia was as well. She couldn’t think of a way to demonstrate this frustration without going too far. She tried with words, but they never conveyed enough, they didn’t explain her reservation because she herself didn’t understand it.  
She tried to demonstrate her need physically as she searched for more in their intimate moments, as she arched into Yennefer; but her point was lost every time she pulled back. She felt like a tease, she felt guilty, she felt trapped.  
This situation was not helped by the fact that she couldn’t seem to confide in her friends either. She couldn’t explain it and they couldn’t understand it. 

They would be going on a double date this evening with Triss and Sabrina which only made her more nervous. She knew Triss and Sabrina were not having the same problem she was. She reasoned that unlike she and Yennefer, Triss and Sabrina had stayed in touch during the tour. They had already built a foundation. No matter the reason for their differences, the fact remained - Tissaia would feel guilty that she could not be like Triss. She would feel jealous that she could not simply fall in bed with Yennefer.  
Simultaneously, she was hopeful that this date would be the push she needed. Her academic mind craved evidence and were Triss and Sabrina not evidence that this could work? Perhaps seeing them would unblock her heart.  
—

Yennefer waits outside the hotel for Tissaia to pick her up for their double date. She had considered getting Tissaia to come to her room in order to fetch her. She thought she might be able to pull Tissaia in and convince her to be late but she decided against it knowing Tissaia would refuse and she didn’t feel like being rejected again.  
Her sexual frustration was reaching an all time high and her own fingers were simply not enough. Patience. It will be worth the wait and truthfully, even if Tissaia said “we won’t have sex for a year,” hell even if she said “we’ll never have sex” Yennefer would stay anyways. Even when they argue, even when Tissaia stops her hands from roaming, Yennefer is still happier than she’s been in a long time, maybe since forever. So she’ll find a way to deal with this. One day at a time.  
Yennefer was particularly nervous about this evening because she knew she would need to tell Tissaia she had to go back to Vengerberg for a few weeks to work on the album.  
Francesca had called her two days ago with the news. 

“Yennefer, how is your romantic getaway?”  
“Fine, why are you calling?” Yennefer was still annoyed with Francesca, she wasn’t one to forget when people treated her like garbage. Yes, she can admit some of it was warranted but still... she blamed Francesca for the stagnation in her relationship. Perhaps if she hadn’t so rudely interrupted that first date, Yennefer would have had time to convince Tissaia she would come back. Maybe Tissaia would never have stormed in, they never would have fought and they would be more like Triss and Sabrina.  
And now, despite already ruining everything, Francesca still came to tear down the fragile structure she was building with Tissaia.  
She had protested, requested more time off, threatened that she just wouldn’t come at all. In the end, the wellbeing of her friends and bandmates became equally as important - this was not just her career.  
They managed to reach a compromise - Yennefer would return for a couple of weeks and then could come back to Tissaia for a week or two until the album was finished. Yennefer only managed to snag this compromise as a result of having written and demoed more than an album’s worth of material on tour. Nevertheless, even with the compromise she was scared of telling Tissaia. She had worked through every scenario and most were unpleasant. It is for this reason that Yennefer hasn’t said anything despite getting the call two days ago. 

Tissaia pulls up and Yennefer buries everything she’s feeling before climbing into the car and leaning over to give Tissaia a quick peck. She is certain she will never get tired of the way Tissaia’s lips feel against hers. 

—  
The double date starts off quite well, if a little awkward at times. In fairness, any discomfort is almost entirely her own fault, she only has her own decisions to blame. She had been right - seeing Triss and Sabrina together does make her feel jealous and guilty because they are smitten.  
They opted for a booth, Sabrina and Triss sat on one side, Tissaia and Yennefer on the other. The sexual energy between the two women across from her was blatant. More than once Triss had accidentally started playing footsies with her, ironically paralleling the same strategy Yennefer used on that very first date. Like then, Tissaia pulled away from the contact which allowed Triss to realize her mistake.  
There was virtually no space between the two and had they not been in public, Tissaia is certain Sabrina would just sit in Triss’ lap. Actually, from the short amount of time she has spent in Sabrina’s company, she’s fairly certain the only reason she’s not in Triss’ lap is because Triss cares about the public location.  
Only one hand on each of them is visible and Tissaia prays they are just holding hands under the table. Though, every now and then, she will see Triss flush red and her arm move in a way that suggests she’s halting wandering hands. Sabrina only ever seems to smirk.  
The awkwardness amplifies when Sabrina is laughing at a story from the tour and her laugh turns into a groan as she shifts in her seat. 

“Okay, this is ridiculous. Hands where I can see them.” Yennefer interjects. While Triss flushes and immediately complies, Sabrina is more composed and lays her hands on the table softly.  
“Am I under arrest Yennefer?” Sabrina asks.  
Her only response is a glare from all 3 women at the table. 

It’s at this point that everything really goes to shit.  
“I’m sorry, I’ll just miss her when you guys go to Vengerberg next week for the album.” 

Yennefer’s heart rate rises considerably and she stares wide-eyed at her new enemy. Triss is so on her shit list now. It’s not Triss’ fault, she knows this. She never told Triss or Sabrina to avoid the topic and she’s the one who waited to tell Tissaia but STILL. 

Tissaia’s brow furrows,  
“What?”  
Triss looks at Yennefer who has leaned back to be out of Tissaia’s peripheral vision and is making wild hand gestures, trying to get Triss to stop talking.  
“Umm…” she glances at Yennefer again and Tissaia turns to follow her gaze.  
Yennefer is not quick enough to stop Tissaia from seeing her make the slit throat motion along her throat. She quickly drops her hand in her lap and tries to look innocent.  
Tissaia repeats the question,  
“What?”  
“You didn’t tell her?” Sabrina asks, incredulous.  
“Not yet.”  
Tissaia repeats her “what” more forcefully.  
Yennefer freezes, all conscious thought leaves her body as she looks into Tissaia’s eyes. The same eyes that haunted her dreams for months - eyes filled with hurt.  
Sabrina answers for her,  
“We just need to go back to work on the album for a couple weeks..”  
Tissaia doesn’t turn away from Yennefer,  
“How long have you known this.”  
“Tissaia, can we talk about this later? I-“  
“How long?”  
“Two days”  
Tissaia purses her lips before continuing, softly.  
“How long will you be gone?”  
“Just two weeks. Then I’ll come back…It's two weeks on, one week off.”  
Tissaia’s features change again, anger slipping through.  
“Tissaia I was going to tell you tonight, I swear. I just hadn’t found the right time…”  
Tissaia takes a deep breath and gives Yennefer a small smile.  
“It’s fine, I understand,” she says as she turns back to the others at the table who are anxiously watching the exchange.  
Tissaia is very clearly not fine and Yennefer sinks in to the booth more. Misery washing over her.  
There’s a long silence before Tissaia makes up her mind.  
“I’m sorry, I - I think we should get the bill”  
Sabrina looks to Yennefer, but Yennefer doesn’t even see her. 

As they leave, Triss apologizes for the 10th time and Yennefer assures her it’s not her fault - because it isn’t.  
The car ride is silent until Yennefer sees Tissaia take the turn to bring her back to the hotel.  
“Wait, Tissaia, can we.. talk.”  
“About what? How you decided not to tell me you were leaving for 2 weeks? Even though you knew it would upset me.”  
“Yes. Please don’t take me to the hotel. Just… please can we talk… I.. please..” 

Tissaia’s resolve crumbles, because she too wants to talk, even if it hurts. She promised she would try, she ought to at least hear her out.  
She takes the next turn to change their destination. 

Despite wanting to talk, they both remain quiet until they are sat on Tissaia’s sofa.  
Their voices may have been silent, but Tissaia’s brain was not. It’s not so much that Yennefer is leaving, it’s that she didn’t tell her. She had to find out in the middle of dinner from Triss. Two days, many hours spent together talking and still, Yennefer hadn’t said anything.  
It was the same when Rita had delayed telling her she was returning to her travelling job. They both claimed it was because they didn’t want to hurt her, they wanted to wait for the right moment… bullshit. They were looking out for themselves. 

“I didn’t tell you yet because I was scared. I only just got you back and -“  
“And now you’re leaving again.”  
“Only for two weeks”  
“That’s not the fucking point Yennefer.” Tissaia let her anger get the best of her too quickly.  
“I know that Tissaia. I’m just saying… I… I’m sorry okay? I didn’t know how you would take it and I wanted to practice saying it. I didn’t think it would be this big of a deal anyways.” Yennefer’s own frustration was starting to bleed through.  
“I’d prefer if you just tell me these things instead of trying to spare me.”  
“Forgive me for taking your emotions in to account”  
“Oh don’t pull that shit. You were scared of how I would react because it might spoil the mood of the relationship and you care more about getting what you want from me than you do about us.”  
“Are we seriously here again? I’m not just trying to fuck you Tissaia..”  
“I know that’s not all you want, but it was a factor wasn’t it? Don’t lie. You didn’t want to ruin your chance of getting laid before you left. And I get it, I just wish you weren’t afraid you would be punished for honesty.”  
“Can you blame me? It didn’t exactly go well the last time did it?”  
Tissaia rolled her eyes,  
“But we’ve talked about that already and I told you I would try to make it work, because I trusted you to keep me in the loop. Still you just lie to me. How long were you going to wait? The night before? When did you plan on telling me you were abandoning me?”  
“Abandoning? Don’t be dramatic. It’s 2 weeks, not 4 months. How clingy are you?” 

It was the wrong thing to say. The minute it passes her lips she knew she fucked up hard. She watched in slow motion as Tissaia’s face contorted before closing off completely.  
“Allow me to demonstrate how not clingy I am” Tissaia said, rising and walking to the door. She threw it open and looked back at Yennefer.  
“I believe you can find your own way back to the hotel.”  
Yennefer crumpled,  
“Wait Tissaia. No I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I’m just. Fuck. Please” she rushed over and grabbed Tissaia’s hands, holding them. Pleading.  
“You should go, Yennefer.”  
Yennefer’s knees gave way and she nearly fell,  
“Tissaia please…”  
“We can talk tomorrow. Right now, I need my space.”  
When Yennefer didn’t budge, didn’t release her hands, Tissaia sighed and met Yennefer’s eyes. She had been avoiding them, she knew what she would see and she knew how it would make her feel.  
She squeezed Yennefer’s hands, holding back her tears.  
“Please, Yen, I just… not tonight. We can talk tomorrow.”  
She leaned in and kissed Yennefer’s cheek, in part to distract herself from those eyes.  
Before she could pull away however, Yennefer grabbed her face and kissed her hard. She could taste the tears, again and she wondered just how many times she would have to taste her tears before they could either become too much or they could get their shit together. She melted into the woman’s arms. Gods she needed her. She needed Yennefer way too much. It was terrifying.  
The kiss was slow, the embrace was tight and it broke her heart to pull away but she did need some time.  
Perhaps more to deal with her own issues. She was projecting the insecurities Rita had riddled her with, she knew this and she needed time for that. However, there was also the reality that this wasn’t all in her head - Yennefer chose to keep her in the dark and that hurt. Yes, she understood her reasons but that didn’t change the facts. If this was going to work, honesty would be important because today it’s 2 weeks but what about next tour? And the one after that?  
So she pulled back, she told Yennefer they would talk tomorrow, she reassured the younger woman this wasn’t a goodbye, not at all. Tissaia had meant what she said before, she had tried running away and it didn’t work so she wasn’t about to try it again.  
Yennefer accepted and left, but not without pressing a final kiss to Tissaia’s lips. She explored her mouth as if trying to remember all the details just in case. Tissaia did the same. Just in case.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tissaia has an unexpected visitor who shows her the value of shedding your facade. Old habits are hard to break though and the stakes are high.  
> Meanwhile, Yennefer returns to her roots for inspiration when things seem to fall apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a filler chapter, in a way.  
> I originally wrote it in 3 parts as important moments in time that push the narrative forward somewhat quickly. Not time-wise but personal development-wise. 
> 
> I’ve also been on a heavy Blink-182 kick so I couldn’t resist... and I love clichés.

Tissaia had just finished her nightly routine, even though nothing about this evening felt routine.  
After Yennefer left she spent long moments restraining herself from chasing after the woman. She knew she needed to clear her head in order to actually find a good resolution to the situation. If she ran after her now, she would fall in to her arms and forgive everything and the world would be wonderful until the next shoe dropped. In any relationship, there is bound to be fights and disagreements, and one of the excellent lessons she learned from her time with Rita was that it’s better to have those fights. Otherwise those “forgotten” fights were not forgotten, nor forgiven, they were just pushed aside for the moment. The undiscussed feelings fester, they haunt the edges of every other argument waiting for the right moment to come out. No, it was better to have 50 tiny arguments that could be resolved with calm discussion than to have one huge fight where every hurt, every slight, every negative moment comes out all at once. Those are harder to come back from, not only because they usually result in many hurtful comments filled with extended resentment, no, that’s not the part that is difficult to reconcile. The hard part is realizing that for months or years you were never comfortable enough to be honest with each other. It’s the realization that you were holding on to an idea of a relationship, you would fix the symptoms but never the cause.  
She didn’t want to do that again. If things with Yennefer were not going to work in the end, she wanted to get there honestly. She didn’t want to spend months hiding hurt feelings in hopes that things would get better. She wanted to build a solid foundation, otherwise there was no point at all.  
So Yennefer had to leave because Tissaia was weak for her. When she saw her pain, she wanted to kiss it away, she wanted to tell Yennefer that she was being silly and Yennefer did nothing wrong by keeping this from her. She wanted to smooth it over and take the blame. But that was unhealthy and it would ultimately end them.  
She thinks she may have overreacted a little, but sometimes the similarities between Yennefer and Rita terrify her beyond rational thought. She thought back to the nights when Rita would ‘make things up to her’ between the sheets, and then leave the next morning as if Tissaia had no right to even miss her when she left. She thought about the times Rita would come back and blatantly ignore the effort Tissaia would put in to welcoming her home with dinner, the times she would rush in the house and kiss Tissaia until the dinner burned away. At the time, it felt romantic. Her girlfriend had missed her so much she just had to have her, but towards the end it felt more like catharsis. But Tissaia would accept it because she was afraid if she didn’t, Rita would find another outlet.  
Every time she reflects on that relationship, she seriously questions why she lets Rita in her home anymore.  
As if the gods had been listening to her thoughts, her doorbell rang. She froze... it couldn’t be Rita right? Rita usually spent much more time away, especially if Tissaia didn’t let her in her bed.  
The doorbell rang again, several times, as if whoever was on the other side of that door urgently needed her. Definitely not Rita, Rita would die before seeming needy.  
It could be Yennefer. It was most likely Yennefer. Or perhaps Coral.  
She mulled over all of the options as the doorbell rang again.  
Her hair was down, her teeth were brushed. She was wearing her PJs and now a housecoat.  
By the time she reached the door, she was thoroughly annoyed with the incessant caller.  
She threw the door open and saw probably the last person she expected on her doorstep. Largely because she did not know her personally, but her sudden appearance was quite alarming.  
“Sabrina? Is Yennefer okay? Did something happen?”  
“She’s fine. Having girl time with Triss. Which is why I’m here”  
“Umm...”  
“We’re going to have a chat Miss De Vries”  
“I was about to go to bed”  
“Okay...” Sabrina seemed confused about why this fact should matter.  
“Can I come in? Great” as she shoved her way through the door. Sabrina was about her size, which was rare for Tissaia, but the life of a rockstar evidently helped build more muscle than that of a lawyer.  
“Excuse me, you can’t just barge in here. I’m going to bed, if we must talk, can we do it tomorrow?”  
“I think it’s best we do it now.”  
“Please just leave my home” Tissaia knew she wasn’t as convincing as she needed to be. In part, she was tired and didn’t have the energy to put on her lawyer voice. The other part, was that she was quite curious about what would lead this small blonde woman to burst in to her home and demand her attention. How her sweet Triss had fallen for such a domineering bitch would probably be a mystery she would never solve.  
“Yeah sorry honey. I’m not in love with you so ‘please leave just for tonight’” won’t work on  
me. Do you have wine? I daresay I’ll need it.”  
Tissaia was stunned staring at the blonde, blinking fast.  
“What?”  
Sabrina looked at her like she couldn’t understand how this woman became a lawyer.  
“Do you have wine?”  
“You’re not in love with me?”  
Sabrina smiled wide before schooling her features in to a look of amused disinterest. Tissaia couldn’t help but notice the similarities between Sabrina’s ability to control her expression and her own talent. Though she suspected Sabrina’s was more innate while she had spent years working on the skill.  
“I hope you didn’t think I was in love with you? If you hadn’t noticed, Triss was the one I couldn’t keep my hands off all evening,” she finished with a wink.  
she w Tissaia blushed furiously, and looked away.  
“That’s not... that’s not what I meant...”  
When she looked back at the blonde, her amused disinterest was replaced by a look of utter shock, Tissaia was worried she might have started crying or something by accident. 

“Oh god, you are just as stupid as she is. You deserve each other”  
“What? Who? Triss?”  
“Don’t ever insult my girlfriend” it was said fiercely but with a twitch at her lips. Tissaia might have been more amused if she wasn’t still hung up on Sabrina’s earlier statement.  
“You said you’re not in love with me so...”  
Sabrina rolled her eyes dramatically.  
“Where’s the wine? This might take all night.”  
She started walking through Tissaia’s home, looking for a kitchen. Tissaia followed mutely, feeling one again, like a guest in her own home. What was it with pretty blondes acting like they owned her house?  
Sabrina found the kitchen and turned to Tissaia, eyebrows raised in question.  
Tissaia sighed and grabbed the wine and glasses. Setting them on the table.  
Once seated, Sabrina began.  
“She might kill me for letting that slip but whatever. Yeah, she’s obviously fucking in love with you and it’s ridiculous that it needs to be said. A blind man would have an easier time seeing this than you.”  
“When you say in love...”  
“I’m exaggerating about as much as I would  
Be if I said the same about you”  
Tissaia’s first thought was that Sabrina might make a decent lawyer. Her second was that she was starting to see why Triss was smitten. Despite her haughty attitude, her playful tone, Tissaia could see that spark of genuine feeling. This woman all but forced herself in to her home on a mission for her friend and that was admirable on its own.  
“Does Yennefer know you’re here?” She decided to avoid the topic of love for now.  
The blonde laughed loudly, it was so sudden it made Tissaia jump.  
“No, she would kill me. I mean it, Triss doesn’t know I’m here either for the record.”  
“Wait then how do you know where I live?”  
“I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you and it doesn’t matter anyways. So if you’re finished redirecting the conversation your honour...”  
“I’m not a judge I’m-“  
“Clearly not finished your redirect” she smirked, waiting for Tissaia to challenge her.  
Tissaia shut her mouth quickly.  
“Why are you here then?”  
“You tell me.”  
“I don’t care for guessing games, Ms. Glevissig.”  
“Oh is that the tone you use on Yennefer to make her wet?”  
Tissaia felt all of the blood in her body rush to her face. Well, not all the blood. Some of it rushed south at the thought of Yennefer wet. She could only splutter out nonsense in response.  
For a woman who constantly faced professionals in a court of law, she felt thoroughly outmatched.  
“Look, I don’t know what happened with your ex” she put up her hand to stop Tissaia’s interruption, “relax, that’s all Triss let slip before sealing up that vault. And believe me when I tell you I tried everything to get that information from her. I mean my hands were everywhere and she wanted it but-“  
“Can we get to the point” Tissaia said, still blushing which only made Sabrina smile at her, a mischievous glint in her eye.  
“She wouldn’t tell me anything. She only mentioned ‘Sabrina you don’t get it. There’s more to it, her ex-‘ so I don’t know what this ex did, but whatever it is, keeping it from Yennefer is not helping.”  
Tissaia was a little caught off guard - she had expected Sabrina to tell her to just get over it.  
“What do you mean...?”  
Sabrina rolled her eyes again,  
“God I have to do everything. If you’re holding something back, something that fucks with your ability to see that Yennefer is clearly in love with you, you need to stop burying that shit and just tell her what happened and why you’re fucked up because otherwise, it’s not going to work and I can see it in your eyes the same way I saw it in hers - you want this to work. So both of you need to stop being idiots.”  
She huffed loudly, having barely taken a breath while speaking so as to not give Tissaia the opportunity to interrupt.  
Again, the unsolvable mystery of why Triss was with Sabrina was starting to seem not-so-unsolvable. The woman was a little rough around the edges, blunt, but she was honest.  
When Tissaia didn’t respond, Sabrina decided to continue,  
“Look, I’m not here to make you feel guilty about kicking her out. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t be mad about tonight because that bitch is a mess and you have every right to call her out on it. I’m just saying that both of you are acting like stubborn cows trying to hide a part of yourselves instead of just I don’t know... being in each other’s lives. It’s never a mistake to be vulnerable: if they leave then you’re better off. If they don’t, then you’re way better off.”   
She paused and waited for a reaction from Tissaia, or a response. Tissaia could only give a small nod, she was too caught up in letting the words wash over her to do much else.  
“You think Triss and I don’t have problems too? Some of the same ones you do? We work because I know I can trust her to listen to me and she can trust me to do the same. If you don’t feel that way about Yenna then let her go.”  
Finally, Tissaia found something to respond to,  
“My ex travelled a lot. It was a sore spot. She made promises about coming back, about staying even, but one day she realized she wasn’t born for commitment. And everything we built for two years just vanished. Towards the end, it felt like she was mostly using me for sex. She framed it romantically - a night of passion before she left again or a heated return because she missed me. And maybe that was true, but it didn’t feel like it. And Yennefer...” she wasn’t sure why she was sharing so much but now that she started, it kept flowing, “she’s so much like her and it just...”  
“Scares you” Sabrina whispered. Sabrina was looking over Tissaia’s shoulder wistfully. Eventually she cleared her throat and turned her eyes back on Tissaia.  
“I get it. But she’s not your ex. And I.. I’ve never seen her like this. I’ve known her for most of our lives and I’ve never seen her this... content. Even now, she was sad, yes, but also hopeful... I’m not going to ask you not to hurt her, that’s between you two, and I know she’s a handful, but you should give her some credit here. Tell her about the ex, Tissaia.”  
Tissaia worried her bottom lip, and nodded, coming to a decision. She would do as Sabrina suggested, she knew it was the only way.  
“I will.”  
“Good.” Sabrina went to stand but Tissaia stopped her by speaking her name,  
“Is there... you’ve said you’ve never seen her this happy... and.. how do I say this... her.. her mental health is that... “  
“She’s just a moody and impulsive bitch.”  
Tissaia was not convinced entirely by this answer but she knew not to pry. If she wanted answers she had to go to the source, even if the source was cagey about those topics. So she simply nodded and rose to walk Sabrina out. Just before she left, Sabrina turned back to face her.  
“Remember, I wasn’t here. If I get my asked kicked, I am holding you 100% accountable for that.”  
With that she left and Tissaia stood rooted for a few long minutes, going over the conversation in her head. She hadn’t even realized she had moved until she found herself sitting on her bed. It would be a long night, of that she was sure.  
—

Despite her promise to Sabrina, when Yennefer came by, she did not talk about Rita. She had planned to but she just froze. So instead, she let Yennefer talk, she let Yennefer apologize and because she knew she was holding back, she forgave her. She probably would have forgiven her regardless but now she had no choice. Because now, this was not Yennefer’s fault. Tissaia made the choice to stay silent, at least for now. She didn’t want to have this conversation before Yennefer left tomorrow. She didn’t want to spend the next two weeks with that knowledge weighing over them. At least, that’s what she told herself. In reality, she was afraid that Yennefer might not come back. It was toxic but right now, Yennefer felt indebted to Tissaia, she would come back just to prove Tissaia wrong again. But there was a small part, an irrational part, that believed if she was vulnerable and she transferred the power, if she laid herself bare, then that would give Yennefer the chance to spend 2 weeks thinking about whether or not Tissaia was worth it. So she decided to just blatantly ignore Sabrina’s warning and advice on the subject.  
She stayed silent and paralyzed. In two weeks, they would speak about it. Or at least that was her plan, until Yennefer decided to ruin it.  
— 

Yennefer had been nervous to knock on Tissaia’s door the next morning. She had spent a large part of her evening with Triss, who helped her practice all the things she needed to say. Triss softened her rougher edges, and Yennefer felt ready for this talk. She would tell Tissaia about her fears of not being enough for her, she would tell Tissaia how much she cared for her. She would save the declarations of undying love for another time.  
She had expected Tissaia to be on edge, she had practiced her speech with that in mind. She had even forced Triss to be stern, even though it looked physically painful for the literal angel of a woman.  
Tissaia, however, welcomed her with open arms. She listened, without interrupting, though there were times Yennefer wasn’t entirely sure she was actually hearing her but Yennefer didn’t let that distract her. If she went off the rails, or if she faced the reality that Tissaia might not be entirely present, her resolve would crumble.  
She hadn’t expected such easy forgiveness and understanding.  
She hadn’t expected Tissaia to pull her in roughly for a kiss. She hadn’t expected wandering hands. She definitely hadn’t expected Tissaia letting her remove her shirt, leaving the woman in a skirt and a bra.  
What she had expected came only when Yennefer’s open mouthed kisses fell on to Tissaia’s hips and the woman beneath her tensed.  
“Wait wait wait. Yennefer. I...”  
“You can’t. Right.”  
Perhaps it was because she had gotten so close, perhaps it was the weight of the night before, or the fact that Tissaia seemed to be only half present during their heart-to-heart. Perhaps it was all of these things colliding that made her stand up and shout.  
“You never can. Did I do something Tissaia?”  
Tissaia looked smaller, sitting on the couch, her arms wrapped around her exposed torso.  
Yennefer found her shirt and threw at her unkindly while Tissaia began to speak.  
“It’s not you. I just don’t want to have make up sex right before you leave for two weeks”  
“Are you sure that’s the reason?”  
“Of course I’m sure!” Tissaia pulled back on her shirt before standing to face Yennefer.  
As Tissaia stepped forward, Yennefer stepped back and Tissaia froze, concern etched across her face. This only served to spur Yennefer on.  
“Wanna know what I think?” Yennefer asked, it was rhetorical but Tissaia answered regardless, murmuring “I’m sure you’ll tell me anyways.”  
Yennefer ignored her.  
“I think you don’t want this at all.”  
“What?”  
“I’m not finished. You know when I realized it? Last night. When you kicked me out but then you hesitated.”  
“What the hell are you talking about Yennefer?”  
Yennefer scoffed, “I get it. You saw me melt down, so when you thought it might happen again you reacted. You hesitated just long enough to make sure I would stay hopeful. You kept me on your leash..”  
“Yennefer.”  
“Still not done.” Yennefer spoke louder to ensure she would drown Tissaia out regardless.  
“I think, you’re afraid I’ll lose my shit if you leave. So you’re waiting until I seem stable enough to just break it off. That’s why you don’t want to sleep with me, you don’t want me to get too attached.” 

Tissaia stumbled backwards, shell-shocked. She wouldn’t deny she worried for the girl but Yennefer was so far on the side of wrong... she had to make that clear, somehow.  
“Yennefer that’s not”  
“Spare me. I’ve been here before Tissaia and yeah, it will suck to let you go but I’m not going to jump off a fucking bridge so you don’t have to keep pretending. I don’t need to be your charity -“  
“WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONE SECOND.”  
Tissaia yelled at the top of her lungs, far louder than she even intended to. Yennefer did in fact shut up, and Tissaia almost wished she hadn’t because now Yennefer was just staring at her and Tissaia hadn’t yet come up with the words to express herself. She’s a fucking lawyer, arguing is her job, but with Yennefer she just can’t think straight.  
The silence drags on, Tissaia looks at Yennefer, the tears in Yennefer’s eyes match Tissaia’s own.  
“Yennefer -“ she chokes on the name.  
Yennefer softens for a moment, she nearly reaches out but then it shifts. Tissaia watches as she catches herself leaning towards Tissaia, watches as she pulls her hand back and straightens. Watches as she turns for the door and leaves Tissaia standing in her living room. 

Yennefer needed to get away. Seeing Tissaia so sad made every fibre of her body run cold. She couldn’t stand to look at her. She also couldn’t stand to leave, not fully. She slammed the door to announce her departure, but hardly walked down Tissaia’s street before collapsing on a large oak tree and sliding down to the grass. She was faintly aware of the fact that she was crying in a children’s park where she could see children not far away but she didn’t care.  
She doesn’t know if she even believes the accusation she levelled at Tissaia but it wouldn’t be the first time someone tried to placate her until she seemed more stable and if there was even a chance that was happening now....  
She had hoped Tissaia would vehemently refuse, maybe even tell her she’s being crazy, even though hearing that in the moment would have only fuelled her anger and she might have broken a vase or something. Tissaia had looked shocked, she’ll give her that. Though she was likely just shocked Yennefer had figured it out. Right?  
The adrenaline was coming down and the sound of happy children was getting much too loud. She pulled out her phone, popped in her headphones and hit shuffle.  
She hadn’t been looking for a sign, but if there was a god or something... this had to be its doing.  
She hadn’t heard this song in a long time but god had she listened to it on repeat when she was young. This song and every other song Blink-182 had ever released, of course. 

“I’ve been here, before, a few times.  
And I’m quite aware, we’re dying” 

Accurate. 

“And your hands they shake, with goodbyes  
And I’ll take you back, if you’ll have me.” 

Blink-182 had been one of her greatest inspirations musically, their songs along with those from all those other fun pop-punk and emo bands like New Found Glory, Sum 41, My Chemical Romance, Mariana’s Trench had helped her through many a tough time and today was no different. 

“So here, I am, I’m trying  
So here, I am, are you ready ?”  
As if on cue, Yennefer stood.  
“Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always.  
Kiss you, taste you, all night always” 

Her feet carried her to the spot she had left her heart behind. 

“And I’ll miss, your laugh, your smile.”  
And gods would she miss Tissaia’s laugh and smile if she continued to be an idiot.  
The most ridiculous idea, one that she would forever blame cheesy romantic comedies for, popped in to her mind as she stood in front of Tissaia’s house again. She was grateful she hadn’t managed to walk far and the timing worked.   
She removed the headphones from her phone, raising the volume to maximum. It wouldn’t be loud enough anyways, unless Tissaia’s home was far less soundly constructed than it appeared. Fortunately, Yennefer sang for living so she just sang over the song. She couldn’t help but laugh again as she realized she arrived at this point on the perfect line. 

“I’ll admit, I’m wrong if you tell me.  
I’m so sick of fights, I hate them.  
Let’s start this again, for real” 

She watches as Tissaia comes to the window, looking utterly confused and ruffled. Yennefer hates that she is the cause of the tear stains she can see even through a window.

“So here, I am, I’m trying  
So here, I am, are you ready?”  
She notices a few others have popped their heads out to have a look at what the hell was going on in their usually quiet suburb.  
“So here I am, I’m trying  
So here, I am, are you ready?”

“Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always.  
Kiss you, taste you, all night always”  
She winks playfully at Tissaia and her heart melts at the soft smile she sees.  
But then Tissaia is gone and she panics until the front door opens and Tissaia starts walking towards her.  
Yennefer turns to face her but has no intention of stopping her silly romantic gesture, that is until Tissaia all but jumps in to her arms and kisses her. Forcing her phone to fall to the ground as the vocals kick back in.  
“I’ve been here, before, a few times.  
And I’m quite aware we’re dying.” 

No. Not this time, Tom Delonge, Yennefer thinks as she spins Tissaia around, fully aware they have performed an impressive level of romcom cliches for this reconciliation.  
But even as Tissaia lands back on her feet, both hands intertwining with Yennefer and their foreheads touching, Yennefer can’t resist one more cheesy moment.  
She whispers the final “Always” of the song by the same title as the music fades. 

—

Their sweet romcom make-up does not remain light and fluffy, even though it would have been so easy to drag Yennefer in to her home and kiss her senseless away from her nosy neighbours. Tissaia has always found those silly gestures in romance films to be well, silly. Unrealistic. People don’t do that shit. She is still of the firm belief people would not do that shit if movies hadn’t made it a thing, but currently it’s hard to complain. Because seeing Yennefer on her front lawn, singing to her with her phone held high over her head was effective. Even if she was angry at her for rushing out, at least she came back. And in record time.  
Tissaia was very much willing to tell Yennefer she was sick of fights, even if Yennefer didn’t admit she was wrong. Because though Yennefer was wrong about her motivations, she was right that Tissaia was holding back from her. And if they were going to start this again, for real, then Tissaia had to be all in.  
She had never been a fan of that pop-punk stuff but she might have a new favourite song.  
Learning more about Yennefer’s taste in music could wait though. 

She was grateful that Yennefer seemed more than willing to put the feeling, kissing and tasting always, aside for now. As lovely as the kissing was, they were both on the same page for once about needing to have a serious talk. 

“Yennefer, I’m not just waiting until you’re stable”  
Yennefer looked down, but Tissaia grabbed her chin and forced her eyes to look back at hers again.  
“I know.”  
“I’m so sorry that someone ever did that to you.” She said, squeezing Yennefer’s hands. It was beyond her how someone could do that to another person - didn’t they realize that just made everything worse? Pretending to care for someone so you can leave them at the right time?   
“I haven’t dated anyone in a long time, and the last time I did it was one of my very few long term relationships. She, Margarita, was my best friend and she consumed my entire world very quickly. She was someone who travelled for work quite frequently.” Tissaia let that sit for a moment, allowing Yennefer to react with a soft “oh.”  
“It wasn’t healthy... not the travelling..that-that wasn’t the issue really. I mean it was, I missed her when she was gone and I didn’t like that she had to leave so often, but it was the time we were together that made the time apart worse. I had convinced myself if she didn’t leave, then we could build something more out of our time together. We always seemed to be rushing everything, trying to cram in as much as possible. Including sex”  
Yennefer looked away, clearly understanding where this was going. Tissaia gave her time to return, and when she did she was surprised to see the amount of anger in Yennefer’s eyes. She was afraid for a moment that she had said something to make her storm out again. Perhaps she didn’t want to hear all the details and Tissaia was oversharing or maybe-  
“I’m going to kill whoever she is.”  
Or maybe she’s angry for Tissaia, not at her.  
“Don’t be silly. We’re still friends.”  
“What?!?”  
Tissaia sighed... she needed to tell it all to tell it right, this wasn’t the time to get sidetracked.  
“Please, Yen, let me finish and then...”  
“Okay.” Yennefer gave her a small smile and reassuring squeeze of the hands.  
“Eventually, she decided to switch jobs so she wouldn’t have to travel. She promised to stay here so we could build something more solid. I was over the moon at the time. But that didn’t last because she was born to travel, born to roam. She went back to her old job, but with the promise of shorter travels. Soon that promise was broken too.  
When we broke up, I broke. I threw myself in to project after project, which lead to Aretuza becoming what it is today. Which lead me to you...” she smiled, it was something she hadn’t thought of much. How Rita had inadvertently lead her to Yennefer. It strengthened her resolve not to repeat the same mistakes.  
“As the pain ebbed away, I started missing our good times. So when she returned, as a friend, I accepted. Friends eventually became friends with benefits but that doesn’t matter because I stopped that. The point is... darling, it’s not that I don’t want to be with you because believe me I do it’s just...”  
“I get it.” Yennefer stopped her. And when she looked in to her eyes, she saw the sincerity.  
“I’m so sorry I pushed you”  
“You didn’t know, I didn’t tell you”  
“Still, I should have trusted you had a good reason.”  
“Why would you? We hardly know each other.”  
Yennefer smiled again but more sadly, she looked over Tissaia’s shoulder. She was clearly deep in thought, so Tissaia waited.  
“I want to change that.”  
By way of response, Tissaia simply leaned in and kissed the woman. It was different, softer, more exploratory as if they really were starting all over. This suited Tissaia perfectly. Yennefer would leave tomorrow, but she would be back. And in the mean time, perhaps they could use the physical distance to close the emotional one. Without the temptation of this beautiful body, they were likely to make more progress. 

“I still want to kill this Margarita” Yennefer whispered as they parted.  
Tissaia chuckled. “Jail might put a strain on this relationship, my dear.” 

The rest of the evening they spent wrapped in each other’s arms, talking about everything and nothing. Enjoying this last evening before they had to endure the separation. Though neither of them were looking forward to the distance, at least they were finally settled enough to not worry about the consequences.  
Tissaia fell asleep that night to the sound of Yennefer‘s heartbeat, while the raven-haired woman gently played with her hair and they lay fully clothed, but still satisfied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can promise you like 2 chapters of pretty much all fluff - between these two anyways.  
> That’s all I can promise though. The ride isn’t over yet folks. 
> 
> Also am I the only one who struggles with fade to black type scenes? Or leaving things unsaid/inferred. I find that I always want to describe every moment even when I can’t come up with anyways. I hate writing “the evening ended with cuddles and conversation” because I’m like “but what was the conversation?” Lol.  
> It’s for that same reason I struggle to keep track of time in the story. Reasonably speaking, an event may take an hour but because I get caught up writing all of it, I make too many things happen in the span of 5 minutes. 
> 
> I also get hung up on justifying every single thought or action from the character’s POV even if it adds nothing. Anyone else weird with that?
> 
> I’m not even criticizing myself for this, just rambling aimlessly.


	13. Two days away, decisions to make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yennefer and Tissaia deal with their temporary separation before a single event changes things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, nobody cries this time.  
> This was written in bits and pieces so hopefully it still flows decently. 
> 
> I’m not sure if the emojis will actually show up... we shall see.  
> 
> 
> Enjoy!

It had been two days since Yennefer left. She had expected to feel insecure, upset, all the things Rita made her feel, despite their reconciliation. She was surprised that when she kissed Yennefer at the airport on Monday, she didn’t feel any of those things. That’s not to say she’s pleased she’s gone, she misses her more than she thought possible after such a short and contentious time together, but she’s okay. She’s not worried Yennefer is going to go meet someone else, in part because she knew Yennefer had a busy schedule for the next two weeks, but the larger part was that she knew Yennefer was as anxious to come back as she was to see her again.  
It helps that Yennefer has taken to repeatedly reminding her of this fact over texts and facetimes. The minute she could no longer see Yennefer at the airport gate, Yennefer had texted her saying she already missed her.  
She felt like a lovesick teenager but she simply didn’t care. Every morning she woke up to a sweet message and her heart flipped. Every night, after they finally hung up, Yennefer would also send her a goodnight message usually filled with an obscene amount of emojis.  
So yes, she missed her but she was okay with missing her. It has only been two days, but between Stregobor being well, Stregebor and Vilgefortz doubling his efforts now that Yennefer was not around, she was ready to take an early vacation and fly to Vengerberg.  
She wouldn’t of course because she was an adult with responsibilities and clients and she also didn’t want to appear clingy because despite Yennefer wholeheartedly retracting that comment, it still stuck with her.  
Not to mention, running away and avoiding her coworkers clearly left no impression on them so she might as well face them.

Her first task was Vilgefortz. She can’t imagine how she could possibly be more clear that she was taken and, moreover, not interested regardless but the man was relentless. Fucking men not understanding the word ‘no.’  
She imagined he thought himself the dedicated charmer; if he kept up his advances, perhaps she would finally see how committed he would be to her. The problem with his logic was that she didn’t give a shit about his commitment to her. He was a friend, and a valued coworker because he shared many of her views - even when the other partners did not. She enjoyed hearing his insights on cases, she enjoyed helping with his, they worked well together. Which is why the situation is so problematic - he won’t take the hint and she is anxious about risking their relationship with bluntness. She knows she shouldn’t be because she shouldn’t have to put up with his flirting to be effective coworkers or even friends, but it’s still a man’s world.  
Yennefer, however, has spent a great deal of their short time telling her she’s far too smart for these morons and she should follow through with starting her own firm. Even joking that if things go wrong, Yennefer can support them both. Which was sweet, and she was joking so Tissaia didn’t take it too hard, but she was never going to be some trophy wife. Not to mention it’s a little early to be talking about being any kind of wife. Could she see herself marrying Yennefer? Yes. Could she see herself doing that today? Even next year? Less likely.  
It’s not only her enamoured girlfriend pushing her to make an exit. Vanielle and Coral have added their voices to the chorus that has been sung by Calanthe, Triss, even Geralt for years.  
So yes, she will leave... eventually. There’s too much to plan first and not enough time to plan it.  
Regardless of when she would leave, this Vilgefortz issue needed to be dealt with. She just needed to decide when and how she would approach it.  
She didn’t have much time to think about it as he soon provided an opportunity. 

“Tissaia! How are you this lovely morning?”  
“I’m good, how are you?” She kept her tone professional.  
“Fantastic now that I’ve run into you.”  
She scoffs.  
“I mean it! You’re a sight for sore eyes. Anyways, I know we’re both busy but I was hoping we could catch up soon! Since I became a partner, I feel like I don’t see you enough.”  
“Well, fortunately Stregobor and Art are willing to fill your work socialization needs.” She was still annoyed about that but that’s not why she brought it up.  
“Right. I’m really sorry about that night, I thought they had invited you and you declined. Especially when I saw you were having a meeting with someone else.”  
Having a meeting? His refusal to say ‘date’ is quite comical.  
“I was not informed but you’re right, I would have declined, my date was much more entertaining. No offence”  
His face contorted for only a moment before he smiled again.  
“None taken, they are quite boring. Which is why I was hoping to take you out instead.”  
Here she goes, it’s time to lay this to rest.  
“Vilgefortz, I feel I should address this once and for all. Our relationship is of the work variety, friendship at best. I’m sorry but I have no interest in pursuing anything beyond that, even if I was not currently seeing someone else.”  
Vilgefortz looked taken aback, as if this was all some misunderstanding. Which made Tissaia pause - had she been reading into it? Certainly not, even if she had been - Calanthe, Triss and obviously Yennefer had also picked up on this, right ?  
“Tissaia, I never meant- I was only interested in friendship.”  
He’s saving face, which she understands so she won’t press it again unless necessary.  
“Hmm. In that case my apologies.”  
“So dinner then? As friends?”  
Seriously...  
Maybe she is reading into it, that doesn’t change her answer from a firm no.  
She sees the twitch again, the one she’s become familiar with, the one that crosses his face when women don’t give him what he wants. He will swear he’s a feminist, she will swear his dedication only goes so far.  
She watches him walk away and she doesn’t feel guilty in the slightest. In fact, she’s relieved. It’s as if a weight has been lifted off her chest. Even if it did ruin the friendship, the relief she feels makes it more than worth it. 

Stregobor was next on her hit list but there was nothing she could really say, the biggest slap in the face would be when she left and took half his clients with her. It would be worth the wait. 

That pleasant weightlessness of ditching Vilgefortz carried her through the rest of her day, and before she knew it she was back in Aretuza with her friends celebrating another victory. Granted, this victory was not as substantial as Coral’s innocence, but it still deserved celebration. Besides, Tissaia had been spending all of her time with Yennefer and she missed her friends.  
Vanielle and Coral pressed her for all of the details of course. Coral was especially interested in trying to probe about her sex life. When Tissaia told them, a bit shyly, there wasn’t one, Coral shook her head in disbelief.  
Triss had already been privy to this secret and didn’t react. Vanielle thought it was altogether too funny, as she tended to think about many things after a certain number of drinks.  
Calanthe was proud of her. She had been wary of the way Tissaia appeared consumed by Yennefer. Tissaia couldn’t blame her, she had done the same thing with Rita but this time was different. Calanthe didn’t exactly believe her when she explained this but there was nothing she could do to change that yet. Only time could tell. 

It was strange, she had never been the kind of person to share much about her love life, especially after Rita, even with friends. When she had been with her ex and turned to others for shoulders to cry on, or even shared positive aspects of their relationship, the reception was mixed at best. She remembered the first time they had had a major fight and she and Calanthe had gone out for a drink to cheer her up. She remembered Calanthe warning her this wasn’t necessarily a healthy relationship - she ignored her of course. If she had listened she may have saved herself heartache for the next two years. Calanthe had pegged Margarita from the start but Tissaia was far too enamoured to see it clearly. As she tried to defend Rita, talking about all the sweet moments, Calanthe had been skeptical. After a few more fights, Tissaia stopped telling Calanthe about it because she was sick of hearing “I told you so.” Good or bad, talking about her relationship became an anxiety inducer, so instead the only person she could talk to about Rita was, well, Rita. 

Now though, she found herself excited to talk about Yennefer. The good and the bad. Because the bad didn’t leave her feeling bad this time around. But mostly, she found herself excited to gush about this beautiful young woman. Her cheeks were warm, her smile wasn’t forced. She laughed as she recounted the story of Yennefer singing on her front lawn. She sighed thinking about how Yennefer had responded to her opening up. Her heart burst when she talked about the sweet messages she was receiving. She realized that she has suddenly become Triss and it was startling. 

——

It had been two days since Yennefer and Sabrina had returned to Vengerberg.  
Leaving Tissaia after finally having found peace was an excruciating experience. But unlike the last time they parted, this time they kept in touch. Unsurprisingly, Yennefer returned to find that her itinerary did not only include “work on album.” Not that she had expected it to. No, instead they were booked solid with photo shoots, interviews, signings, acoustic gigs. When Yennefer complained about the unbelievably packed schedule, Francesca and their band manager Ida, reminded her that it was her insistence that she only stay 2-3 weeks at a time that lead to this. They also reminded her unkindly that she ought to be grateful they still left Friday’s and Saturday’s to be uninterrupted studio and/or down time. She couldn’t really argue, if this was the price to see Tissaia in 2 weeks, it was well worth it.  
She firmly held this belief even when she was woken up at 4AM for an interview and photo spread.  
The van ride was fairly silent and if it had been longer, Yennefer would have slept. But it wasn’t and before she knew it their long-time driver, Matthew, gently roused them knowing how cranky they would be if he spoke too loudly at this time.  
They trudged in, each retrieving a coffee and trying to pretend arriving at the magazine for 6AM to do hair and make-up was an enjoyable experience.  
All Yennefer could think about was Tissaia, who would be waking up right about now. She sent her a good morning text, telling her that 1. She missed her like crazy and 2. She’s swamped so the texting might be sporadic.  
Despite both having full schedules, they managed to text quite frequently, their nightly FaceTime calls were Yennefer’s motivation to make it through each day. However, their late FaceTime calls where they both act like lovesick puppies and refuse to hang up the phone, are also the reason she is getting less than optimal sleep and the reason the makeup girl seems quite disappointed in her.  
She doesn’t care. She has the best girlfriend in the world and she was already planning how to propose.  
Her favourite part about photo shoots were all the outfits she got to try on (and sometimes keep). Her least favourite part? All the outfits she had to try on and the poses she had to hold. She loves the clothes mostly and would absolutely wear them on stage or clubbing, but she hates not having much of a choice. She hates knowing that these outfits aren’t chosen because of a “signature stage look,” they are chosen because they are revealing. She’s fine with showing off but on her own terms. It just feels more invasive when she has no control.  
The best part about being in a band is that she is not alone in this discomfort.  
Quite frankly, none of them would be opposed to walking on stage naked, but if they were ASKED to do that? Hell no. 

However, these costume changes and revealing outfits can now serve a far more interesting purpose. These are chosen because she looks hot, because the fashion experts have told them what to wear to make every person drool and Tissaia is a person. 

She dresses in fishnet stockings, with small black boy shorts on top and a crop top that definitely shows her underboob since she’s not wearing a bra, she smiles at the thought of sending these photos to Tissaia. Her impulsiveness wants to send them right away but it’s now 9AM so Tissaia is at work, as is she. She would be fine with making Tissaia unbearably horny at work but it also means she will be unbearably horny and unable to do anything about it. In truth, she is already wet just thinking about Tissaia’s reaction but it’s bearable.  
The photo shoot is done 2 hours later and the group is led to a casual lounge that serves as an interview room. Fortunately their publicist, Assire, never books television interviews for the morning if she can help it. That way, no one can see how much of a mess they are even at 11:30AM.  
Yennefer is a little more nervous than usual about this because she knows the subject of Thanedd will eventually come up.  
She and Tissaia haven’t exactly talked about the media aspect and worse, the social media aspect of their relationship. They totally should have but in her defence she’s so used to it that she didn’t even think to bring it up. They’ll need to talk about it tonight... after the unbearable horniness is dealt with anyways.  
Assire always screens the questions so the girls know what to expect and so she can make sure the reporters aren’t straying into unsafe territory.  
For this interview with VenRock, Assire had removed many questions about Thanedd, Yennefer‘s following dark cloud, the ‘fits’ that were filmed. She wanted to focus on the upcoming album, as did everyone else in the band. So no, the first question probably won’t be “did you go back to Thanedd?” But she can guarantee any good journalist will find a way to casually steer the conversation in that direction. 

Their interviewer, Carthia van Canten, is one of the best journalists. In another life, this woman could easily have been a spy. She knew exactly what to ask and exactly how to listen. More importantly, she knew exactly how to ease people into off-limit topics.  
She makes it to the second question before it’s brought up.  
“So, this new album, will it feature any of the demos from the last tour or is that chapter behind you?”  
“Yup, um some of the songs will be there. Not all, some new material too and other older stuff so.” She avoids answering the probe about closing that chapter of her life.  
“I know those demos were quite popular, not just music wise but subject wise. Does the newer material have a similar tone?”  
Yennefer has to hand it to her, she’s doing a great job at avoiding the question she clearly wants to ask directly.  
“It’s a mixed bag, I wouldn’t want to spoil it.”  
There, hopefully she’ll take the hint that Yennefer is not falling for this crap.  
“Now come on, the fans are dying to know what the future holds. Where are we headed in this next era? At least give us some themes, some indication of the inspiration behind the album.  
Yennefer smiled and shook her head slightly, looking at the interviewer in the eye. Fine, she’ll give her inspiration.  
“It’s about growth, acceptance, new beginnings and endings. The songs reflect all of our lives from the moment we finished the last album to the moment we finish this one. It’s about our fans, their experiences that they have shared with us, ours that we’ve shared with them. There’s no one thread, really.” There. Vague as fuck.  
Before Carthia can even continue, Philippa jumps in, as blunt as always.  
“If you’re probing for gossip, allow me to indulge you.” Yennefer, Sabrina and Renfri all whipped around to stare at their drummer, who preened under the attention.  
Philippa reached over to Renfri and grabbed her hand.  
“There have been unconfirmed rumours about various relationships right now, so let’s just get it over with. Renfri and I are dating, have been for a while.”  
Renfri blushed a little and Yennefer’s heart softened to see this usually so confident woman look so bashful. 

Philippa’s confession did indeed offer the necessary distraction and though Carthia continued to poke around the topic of Thanedd here and there, she ultimately dropped it for the remainder of the official interview. Though Yennefer rightly guessed she would receive “off the record” question later that if she had answered would probably have become an “anonymous tip” on TMZ. This time, Sabrina swooped in to save her by talking about Triss. 

After VenRock, they had three other smaller interviews. One being a livestream that quickly derailed when viewers were invited to send questions. Almost every other question was asked about Yennefer and Thanedd. She quickly ran out of ways to say, “I’m not ready to share at the moment.” She felt bad about it, she wanted to be honest because she wanted the whole world to know how smitten was but things were too fragile to throw a curveball at Tissaia without warning. So she kept shut, but she’s certain her face betrayed her sometimes. She couldn’t help it, just thinking about Thanedd or Tissaia made her smile.

By the time Yennefer fell into her bed, and gods did she miss her bed, exhausted after a full day where they didn’t even step foot in the studio, she had nearly forgotten about her “make Tissaia ache for her” plans. Suddenly she felt pretty awake. 

Like my outfit from the shoot?  
She attaches a photo she had taken in the mirror in her fishnet costume. It’s only 9PM so Tissaia should still be awake, but her lack of response makes Yennefer burn with anticipation. 

—-

It was an early night since it was Wednesday and Tissaia was happy to climb into bed, slightly buzzed, and read some case notes until Yennefer called her.  
Instead of a call however, she got a photo. A breathtaking, earth-shaking, panty-soaking photo. Yennefer had the audacity to ask if Tissaia liked the outfit as if there could be any other answer but yes. 

_T: You are stunning... 😍  
_ Yennefer laughs, Tissaia was not the emoji type and Yennefer decides that her use of the heart eyes means she’s speechless. 

_Y: Does that mean you like the outfit ;)  
T: Yes, but I like the woman in the outfit more.  
Y: You smooth talker.  
Y: So now that you’ve seen what I was wearing today, can I see what you’re wearing?_

Tissaia never really got into the whole sexting thing, so she hesitates. Her outfits aren’t comparable anyways. Even her PJs aren’t sexy. She is wearing flannel bottoms and a sweater. She gets cold at night, okay?

_T: I’m afraid it was a boring outfit that ive since changed out of. I’m in my pyjamas.  
Y: You say that like it’s a problem?  
T: *eyeroll*_

Yennefer loves that Tissaia writes “eye roll” instead of using the emoji. It’s so quintessentially Tissaia it makes her heart ache. 

_Y: Pleeeasssseeee.😍 I’ll send you more of my outfits in return.  
T: Please don’t, if they are anything like the last one, I won’t survive it.  
Y: Is that so..? 😏_

She sends another. This one is from the shoot itself. She’s wearing a dark skirt that goes to about mid thigh and a white button down with all the buttons down. Though she’s only in profile so that detail is hardly noticeable. In the photo, she leans against one side of a doorway and props her leg up high, her skirt riding up slightly. Her head is thrown back, her long neck exposed. 

Tissaia’s mouth drops open at the second photo. She’s absolutely certain she will never be able to properly reattach her jaw to it’s hinges. Gods this woman would kill her.  
_T: My god Yen....  
Y: Two for 1?  
T: Fine.._

Oh fuck, Yennefer didn’t think it would be this easy to convince her. Granted, she was technically asking for a photo of fully clothed Tissaia, it’s not like she’s asking for nudes. But she totally would if she thought Tissaia would ever agree. 

Tissaia quickly takes a photo in her current attire and almost hits send before a wicked idea comes to mind. . If Yennefer is hell bent on being enticing, Tissaia might as well wear a few less layers. For the photo anyways, afterwards she’ll crawl back into her hoodie and pants.  
She decides to swap her hoodie for a shirt Yennefer left for her. It still smells of Lilac and Gooseberries and this does nothing to dampen her arousal.  
She angles the camera so that Yennefer can’t see she isn’t wearing any underwear, but can tell she isn’t wearing much on her legs.  
Feeling nervous, she takes the photo and sends it right away knowing if she dawdles she will hate it and retake it a million times. 

Yennefer is treated with a photo of Tissaia in her bed sitting up. Her smile is shy and it’s so obvious she doesn’t like selfies but it’s so adorable. She rests her back against the headboard, giving Yennefer a view of most of what she’s wearing. From the amount of skin Yennefer can see on her legs, she deduces the woman is only wearing underwear which is enough to make her mouth water. Her shirt is an old, light blue, Pursuit of Everything band tshirt she had left for Tissaia. If that wasn’t enough to make her bite her lip hard, the fact that she can see hardened nipples beneath that shirt does the trick. Yennefer is literally drooling. 

_Y: Gods you are just the most beautiful person in the world.  
T: That’s most certainly not true but thank you dear.  
Y: it cold there?  
T: No? Why?  
Y: Just looks like you might be cold in the photo... or something else is the cause…;)_

Tissaia is greatly confused by this line of questioning because, in fact, she would argue her room was about 20 degrees too hot right now. She almost dies when she realizes why Yennefer was asking. 

_T: Oh my god. I did not mean to... I am so sorry.  
Y: Are you kidding?_

When she gets no response she continues.  
_Y: Don’t say sorry. Fuck Tissaia that is so hot, my mouth is watering and so are my fucking panties. Don’t you dare apologize you beautiful, sexy, genius woman._

This kills Tissaia for an entirely different reason. Thinking of Yennefer, laying on her bed, wet…. she suddenly has a deep need to forgo the underwear and slide her fingers between her legs. 

When Tissaia doesn’t answer for several minutes, Yennefer gets worried that the woman is still embarrassed. This is something she can easily fix. Probably.  
She takes off her shirt and replaces it with a red lace bra and takes a photo. There, hardened nipples vs bra photo.  
Still no response. 

Overcome with the sensations she forgets to reply to Yennefer but has no regrets when Yennefer sends her a delicious photo of her in a bra. Fuck. She was going to come almost embarrassingly fast. 

_Y: Tissaia? Is everything alright?_

Finally, a response. 

_T: Sorry. I got distracted.  
_ Heat pools in Yennefer’s stomach imaging just what Tissaia might mean by ‘distracted.’  
_Y: Is that so? What could be more interesting than me?  
_ When Tissaia doesn’t respond, Yennefer decides to dive in head first.  
_Y: Are you touching yourself Tissaia?_

A single word sets her entire world on fire. 

_T: Yes  
Y: Fuck_

Fuck. Yennefer had greatly underestimated how wet a single person could ever make her. Her fingers quickly find her swollen clit and the desire to see Tissaia consumes her 

_Y: You’re killing me. Can I see you…?_

She watches Tissaia type and stop and type again several times. 

_T: I’m sorry… I… I know it’s old fashioned but, I want the first time to be the first time… is that okay..?_

Yennefer can practically see the insecurity on Tissaia’s face and she feels it pull at her heart. Of course it’s okay, it’s more than okay it’s… 

_Y: that’s hot and more than okay. I’d much rather make you scream in person anyways…_

Tissaia whimpers, and the thought of Yennefer doing just that, takes her over the edge. The thought of Yennefer touching herself right now, causes an unexpected second orgasm to ripple through her body and she collapses, exhausted.  
She takes several moments to collect herself before crawling out of bed and putting on her PJ bottoms. She decides to keep the t-shirt, she’s way too hot anyways. 

It’s another 10 minutes before Yennefer does call her and when she picks up the call, she can’t help but smile. Yennefer is there, beautiful and fully clothed which Tissaia supposes is fair but not necessary, she’s still more than a little turned on despite her orgasms. This isn’t helped by Yennefer still being slightly out of breath and smiling the sweetest smile Tissaia has ever seen. Not even puppies have anything on Yennefer’s smile.  
It is that smile that seals the deal for her. She is ready. More than ready. And she is not going to wait for Yennefer to come back. She will need to make some arrangements but she will surprise Yennefer in Vengerberg this weekend and fuck her brains out as if her life depends on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed them finally enjoying themselves in multiple ways.


	14. It’s not a sexcation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tissaia surprises Yennefer at her home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Try not to scream at me too much in the comments, I promise good things are still to come. With that cryptic warning - enjoy!
> 
> Apologies for mistakes. I proofread even less than usual.

It was Thursday evening and Tissaia was working her way through her exhaustive list of things to do and things to pack in order to leave for Vengerberg tomorrow.   
One item on her list - book a hotel room (she wasn’t going to be presumptive) was thrown out by Sabrina who she had contacted in order to plan this surprise.   
In Sabrina’s words: “If you think she’ll even let you leave the house, let alone stay somewhere else, you’re delusional and I worry for your clients.” 

She’s packed her suitcase 3 times. The first time she packed it as she normally would before realizing this was not a normal trip. She ditched the work clothes for more casual attire, things to lounge in or go to dinner with. Then her wonderful, meddling friends stepped in to remind her of why she was going on the trip in the first place. Coral and Calanthe had dubbed this a “sexcation” which was ludicrous because that wasn’t the only she was going. Okay, so her first thought was ‘gods I need to have my hands on that body.’ But that initial lust fuelled plan had changed slightly during the day. Not much, she very much intended to get her hands on Yennefer, but she was also simply excited to see her. To see her home, to kiss her in her kitchen, maybe cook her dinner while she was at the studio. She just missed Yennefer. She missed her little smirks, the way her hand felt in hers. Maybe she was being a little clingy but she’s blaming the honeymoon phase. And it’s not like this is one sided. Yennefer reminds her multiple times a day how much she misses her. She sends a photo of a cheesy “Days till Tissaia” calendar every morning. She is looking forward to ruining that calendar tomorrow. 

Nevertheless, no matter her intentions, Coral and Calanthe were insistent that Tissaia packed some racier items. The problem of course was that Tissaia did not own anything of the sort. She had foolishly hoped that would be the end of the conversation and was mortified when she was dragged to a lingerie store. She’s not ashamed of her body, but she’s not exactly Yennefer either. She also didn’t really see the point… isn’t she just going to have to take it off anyways? Coral had insisted that Yennefer would probably faint at seeing Tissaia in a bustier or lace romper, which was actually a nice thought. She would love to make the girl speechless and watch her eyes darken.  
So she tried on various things and, despite her reservations, she actually found a few pieces she felt good about and she was pretty sure Yennefer would feel good about them too. Strangely, when Calanthe told her Yennefer might simply rip these very expensive items of clothes off her body, she didn’t care too much. In fact, a lot of blood rushed to a few places in her body at the thought of Yennefer being unable to control herself. She could always buy more lingerie. 

Coral had suggested that she Only pack lingerie but ultimately she decided to prepare for everything. So, feeling a little ridiculous because it was just one weekend, she grabbed a bigger suitcase and filled it with a combination of items from her first two attempts.   
She packed a few date-appropriate outfits, more than she would need but she knew even with a limited wardrobe she would anxiously try on various combinations. She anticipated that given Yennefer’s busy schedule, Tissaia may end up awkwardly lounging around the woman’s house all day, so she also brought some more casual clothing, loose shirts and sweat pants. However, she did have a vivid fantasy of Yennefer returning home after a long day and being greeted by Tissaia in lingerie, waiting to massage all the stress from the woman’s body.   
No matter where her thoughts started, they always ended in the gutter. Since last night, she has been in a near-constant state of arousal. It is distracting. She had already had to change her underwear twice today. It was a little embarrassing and she hoped finally touching Yennefer would help this situation. 

Packing the rest of her necessities was far simpler. A toothbrush, floss, mouth wash, lotion, shampoo, conditioner, a face cloth, her alarm clock - the usual. Well, her usual. She didn’t pack light.   
She checked and rechecked her flight time. She texted Sabrina far too many times about where to go when she landed, what a good taxi company was, when she should aim to arrive at Yennefer’s house, etc. She was informed that Yennefer lived in a quiet, expensive part of town and that Tissaia would need a code to get through the front gate. She had written down this code in many places just in case. In her phone, on a note with her luggage, on a note with her wallet. She slid a post-it note in her phone case. She also committed it to memory. 6-9-6-9-1. She had rolled her eyes when she first saw the code her girlfriend chose.   
Everything needed to be perfect because it would be highly embarrassing to call Yennefer because she ran in to some issue with the gate or transportation when she was supposed to be surprising her. 

She was absolutely certain that if not for Triss, Sabrina would have blocked her number by now. Especially when she asked for the 3rd time if Sabrina was sure Yennefer would be home by 6:00 PM. Sabrina had told her she would “drag the bitch home by her hair if need be.” Tissaia suspected that Sabrina would actually take great joy in doing that. 

When she woke up the next day, she didn’t even need coffee. She still had it because she was an addict, but the imminent flight and the person on the other end of that flight made her feel very awake. The day went by both too slowly and too quickly. She was suddenly on her flight, once again harassing Sabrina for constant updates. Her flight was due to land at 5:45PM. She would likely get out of the airport by 6:15 at the latest. She knew the travel time was 20 minutes. By her calculations, she should be in Yennefer’s arms by 6:35. If the gods were good, she would be in Yennefer’s bed by 6:40. 

—

Yennefer pulled up to her gate at 5:45, unlocking it and driving her Tesla in to the garage. She was home earlier than usual on a Friday, but she wasn’t complaining. She was exhausted after having stayed up to talk to Tissaia and then stayed up longer thinking about the same woman. She was relieved, but very surprised and confused, when Sabrina made up an excuse about why Yennefer couldn’t go out for drinks before Yennefer could even open her mouth. On another day, she might have questioned Sabrina’s motives, but today she just wanted to go home and soak in her hot tub for hours before calling Tissaia.   
It had been a long week of photoshoots, a small acoustic gig in a coffee shop, recording and writing and, most exhaustingly: dodging questions about her relationship status. This last one was mostly her own fault because every time she saw Tissaia’s beautiful face or heard her voice, she completely forgot to bring up the whole “can I tell people about us?” thing. It was hard to focus on anything serious when she could instead make Tissaia turn an adorable shade of red or hear her melodious laugh. Perhaps she would try again tonight. After her body is turned to jelly from the jets.   
The beauty of having some money is that she also has a high privacy bush around the back of her home (and a fence of course). This meant there was nothing to stop her from skinny dipping.   
There were times when she missed living with the band, which they had done initially for about a year. This was not one of those times. 

She brought herself a plate of fruits because she was a responsible adult and a bottle of wine because she was not always a responsible adult and sunk into her hot tub sighing as the warmth engulfed her. 30 seconds in and she was already more relaxed. She never got to find out how relaxed she would be after 10 minutes of soaking because her phone alerted her that someone had opened the gate. On its own, this was fine. She figured it was Sabrina or someone similar. They had the code so it wasn’t a crazy fan. She could check the video feed but she didn’t care that much. Anyone who had the code to her gate had probably seen her naked before, so she had no intention of leaving. But she knew that ultimately, if she had a visitor, she wouldn’t be able to stay in here indefinitely. She resolved to enjoy her last few minutes and waited for her trespasser.   
Instead of her sliding door opening, she heard her doorbell.   
That was weird, it wasn’t locked. Though it probably should be. But either way, someone with the code would probably know where her spare key is so why is she being disturbed ?   
The doorbell went off again, more insistently.   
She groaned before rising out of the tub and grabbing her soft bathrobe, padding her way to the front door.   
She had long since lost the belt for this thing, so she just held it closed with one arm as she reached for the handle, ready to glare at the person on the other side. 

When she threw open the door however, any thought of being angry left her brain. Actually any thought at all left her brain. As did the grip her hand had on the robe which casually fell open. 

—

Tissaia did not often reflect on who she was dating but as she pulled up to the gate of Yennefer’s home she was sharply reminded that Yennefer was in fact a celebrity.   
The wall around the property was 7ft tall and all white stone, with a black wrought-iron accent on top. The gate was also thick black iron bars. There was a little pin pad near the entrance and Tissaia noticed a camera as well. She both hoped Yennefer took security seriously and kept an eye on these cameras and hoped she didn’t because that might ruin the surprise.   
Her taxi driver had given her quite the look when he pulled up outside the gate and she couldn’t blame him. Down the flagstone driveway sat a large house. Two stories and double the width of her own home. The house was made of a similar stone to the fence. Stone pillars flanked a black double-door with stained glass windows. The garden around the home, which Tissaia suspected Yennefer didn’t really maintain herself much, added splashes of colour that contrasted the plain white of the home. She could imagine the inside was just as modern and lovely and expensive.   
She felt strangely intimidated as she walked up the steps even though she knew the woman inside was nothing like the small mansion she lived in. It was why it was so easy to forget who Yennefer was: she never flashed her cash or talked about her fame.   
But now Tissaia was being confronted with the knowledge quite aggressively. It made no difference to her, rich and famous or homeless, she would still feel the same. It was just a lot to take in.   
Nevertheless, after a few deep breaths (in part because she needed to catch her breath after dragging her suitcase all the way to the front door) she rang the doorbell. Hearing no movement, she rings it again. This time harder as if that would make a difference. She was starting to worry that Sabrina hadn’t gotten Yennefer home in time when she saw a distorted figure approaching the door through the stained glass.   
She anxiously ran her hands over her clothes, smoothing out any wrinkles and then the door flew open.   
There was a split second where Yennefer looked like she was going to throttle her, but her eyes immediately softened when she saw Tissaia. Tissaia herself felt the air rush out of her lungs at the beauty in front of her.   
Yennefer was wearing a long black bath robe, her hair was wet and her skin was still glistening in places. Momentarily, Tissaia felt guilty for having interrupted what she imagines was Yennefer’s shower. But when Yennefer’s hand fell away and the robe fell open exposing more of the woman’s body, Tissaia lost the executive functioning to have any thoughts, let alone feel guilty for interrupting. How could she feel guilty when her interruption is what gifted her this sight? 

Heat swam through her entire body, settling below the waist and without even a hello, she pounced on the woman, pushing her inside the house and kissing her fiercely. After stumbling backwards for a moment, Yennefer quickly regained her balance and returned Tissaia’s kiss with equal fervour.   
Even as she felt herself running low on air, she was hesitant to pull away from the kiss. Eventually, they were left with no choice and broke apart, panting. 

“What are you doing here?” Yennefer sighed, while pressing their foreheads together and sliding her hands down to intertwine with Tissaia’s.   
“I wanted to see you.”   
“Like what you see?” Yennefer gave her a sly smile.   
Rather than respond with words, Tissaia simply brought their lips together again.   
Without breaking the kiss, Yennefer walked them backwards until she could reach the door. Tissaia was impressed that Yennefer had the wherewithal to remember the luggage she herself had abandoned on the doorstep.   
Yennefer wrapped one arm around Tissaia’s waist while leaning down to grab the suitcase and drop it inside before closing the door and pinning Tissaia against it.   
When they pulled away from the kiss again, Yennefer’s free hand came up to cup Tissaia’s cheek and caress it with her thumb.   
“Gods I missed you.”   
Yennefer swiped her thumb along Tissaia’s bottom lip while biting her own.   
“I missed you too,” Tissaia responded while reaching under Yennefer’s robe, caressing her soft skin before pulling their bodies flush together by the her hips. Yennefer moaned when she felt the fabric of Tissaia’s shirt against her barely covered skin.   
Tissaia allowed her hands to travel up the skin until her fingers were just below the woman’s breasts. Yennefer arched in to the touch, trying to encourage Tissaia to move her hands upwards, just a little more.   
“Can you show me your bedroom, Yen?” Tissaia stood to whisper against the shell of her ear.   
Yennefer’s knees weakened and a choked whimper escaped her from her lips.   
“Are you sure?”   
Tissaia pressed her lips to Yennefer’s neck once, twice and a third time before biting down on the skin, causing Yennefer to gasp and buck her hips. She felt the warm tongue soothe the pain and she became very aware of the wetness between her legs that had nothing to do with her hot tub. She also realized no hot tub could ever be as hot as Tissaia teasing her by swiping her thumbs along the bottom of her breasts while leaving marks on her throat.   
“I’m sure.”   
“Fuck.” Yennefer growled before picking Tissaia up and carrying her bridal style while Tissaia giggled.   
The giggles subsided quickly as the woman instead wrapped her arms around Yennefer’s neck and brought her lips to her pulse point, returning to her earlier task of claiming every inch of the younger woman’s throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I did end it there. But don’t worry, that’s just the end of this chapter, not the end of that scene.


	15. Maybe it is a sexcation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The continuation of the last chapter. Enough said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter is basically smut. Some feelings, particularly at the end but mostly sex. 
> 
> If that’s not your thing, you can see the end notes for a brief summary of the very minor bits of plot.

Yennefer nearly dropped Tissaia at the top of the stairs when Tissaia ran her tongue down Yennefer’s jaw. Before she could actually drop her though, Tissaia hopped out of her arms with surprising agility and pinned Yennefer to a wall, kissing her on the mouth.   
When Tissaia’s tongue danced against her own, Yennefer moaned and grabbed the woman, guiding her down the hall, occasionally running into the walls on the way.   
When they finally got in Yennefer’s bedroom, Tissaia wasted no time pushing the material off her body before pushing Yennefer on her own bed.   
Given her hesitation, Yennefer hadn’t expected Tissaia to be so dominant. And she really hadn’t expected to enjoy being dominated so much, but as she moved up her bed, propped on her elbows, completely naked with Tissaia’s hungry eyes watching her every move, she was entirely aware that she would do anything this woman asked. Anything.   
Tissaia, still fully clothed climbed on Yennefer’s bed and crawled towards her target before straddling her. She took a moment to enjoy the awe in the younger woman’s eyes, never had she felt so… desired. That look, the way Yennefer’s breathing was laboured, the way her full lips were parted and swollen, the way her tongue peaked out to nervously moisten them… it gave Tissaia a confidence she had never felt before.   
She descended on to those lips, sucking the bottom one in to her mouth, relishing the moan this action elicited before she pulled back with that same lip between her teeth. Yennefer bent her head upwards in an attempt to keep her lips close to Tissaia’s until Tissaia pushed her back down by her shoulders and let the lip fall from her grasp. She slid her hands down Yennefer’s arms until she reached the woman’s wrists, and then she pulled those hands to the hem of her shirt, encouraging Yennefer to do the task she was hesitant to do herself. Though Yennefer seemed more than pleased with the current state of affairs, there was still some insecurity she wouldn’t be able to just get over. Especially not when she had an actual model beneath her.   
It was for this reason that when she felt Yennefer’s hands on her skin, she instinctively closed her eyes. She hadn’t noticed her body tense up but Yennefer must have because she quickly felt the hands caressing her torso freeze and then one of those hands disappeared before reappearing on her cheek, caressing it softly.   
“Tissaia?”   
Yennefer waited patiently. Stroking her cheek with her thumb until Tissaia’s eyes opened. And when they did, and she looked into the violet eyes of her lover, she felt a profound calm wash over her. Because in those eyes was nothing but concern and love and patience.   
“We don’t have to do this Tissaia.”  
Tissaia smiled, “it’s not that love. It’s just silly insecurities, I promise.”  
Yennefer shifted and sat up more, reaching her hand around Tissaia’s back to steady herself. The movement of the hand on her bare skin seemed to ignite her whole body.   
“Insecurities? Tissaia, you have nothing to be insecure about.”   
Tissaia scoffed, and Yennefer added more pressure to her cheek, looking in to her eyes.   
“I’m serious. You are so beautiful Tissaia. And you are so worth waiting for. We can go slow.”  
The words were spoken with such conviction that Tissaia couldn’t help but believe them. And then she let three words slip before she could stop herself.   
“I love you.” She whispered then immediately froze, cursing herself for letting it slip.   
She avoided Yennefer’s eyes, unable to deal with seeing her reaction.   
Yennefer however sat up fully, wrapping her hand around the back of Tissaia’s neck to pull her in for a kiss. It was a short kiss, barely a brush of their lips. When Yennefer pulled back, she spoke against the lips of the other woman, not wanting to move away further. She wanted Tissaia to feel the words on Yennefer’s lips as much as she wanted her to hear them.   
“I love you too.”   
Tissaia’s eyes snapped back to Yennefer’s, and for a moment they just stared into each other’s eyes until Tissaia reached for Yennefer’s hand to guide it back down to her body as she leaned forward, forcing Yennefer to fall back on to the bed.   
Her hands over Yennefer’s, she guided the woman up until her shirt was pulled off and thrown across the room playfully by the raven-haired woman.   
Yennefer stared at the newly exposed skin, her eyes taking in every detail.   
She sighed as she spoke “you are so beau-“ her words were cut off by Tissaia’s lips crashing into hers.   
Tissaia reached back and with a deep breath unhooked her bra, letting it fall down slightly. Yennefer’s hands moved up her arms to pull the bra off completely before throwing it in a different direction. Yennefer lunged forward to claim her prize, wrapping full lips around a hardened nipple. Swirling her tongue around the areolar making Tissaia moan and arch in to the touch. Yennefer switched to the other breast, this time nibbling the sensitive skin, causing Tissaia to buck her hips and slam Yennefer back down on to the bed, ducking her head to kiss Yennefer’s neck, down to her collar bone. Tissaia palmed Yennefer’s left breast while flicking her right nipple lightly with her tongue.   
“Fuck Tissaia.”   
Tissaia continued her descent with teeth and tongue, marking Yennefer’s body, claiming it.   
She was enjoying being able to explore the younger woman’s body. Learning that sucking on the skin above her hip caused her to shake and whimper. Running her tongue along Yennefer’s smooth abdomen caused the woman beneath her to giggle for a moment before the sound became an obscene moan. She used her hands to spread the woman’s legs apart and settle between them. She ran her hands up the woman’s thighs, her thumb nail digging into the soft flesh of the inner thigh.   
By the time Tissaia’s mouth reached Yennefer’s inner thigh, the woman was practically writhing beneath her, rutting in to the mattress to get some kind of relief. Tissaia wondered if she could make Yennefer come without even having to taste her. This experiment would need to wait for another time though as right now Tissaia could not resist running her tongue along Yennefer’s slit. Prompting the woman to moan loudly and tangle a hand in Tissaia’s hair.   
Tissaia pulled back slightly,   
“Hands to yourself dear.”   
The way Yennefer’s pupils somehow grew darker, the way her chest heaved and the colour spread through her body made Tissaia smirk. Yennefer seemed to quite enjoy being told what to do, under the right circumstances.   
When Yennefer did as she was told, Tissaia dove back in, keeping her eyes on the violet ones above.   
She pushed her tongue through the folds and ran her tongue along her entire length, relishing in the way Yennefer’s hips bucked when Tissaia brushed her clit. She immediately became addicted to the taste and smell and feel of Yennefer.   
She could tell the younger woman was already struggling to keep her hands on her sides.   
“Good girl” Tissaia murmured against her wet cunt.   
She used her thumbs to spread Yennefer’s folds and found her clit with the tip of her tongue. Applying firm pressure and circling the nub a few times before using the flat of her tongue to lap at her clit. Yennefer squirmed beneath her, moaning Tissaia’s name and a variety of other colourful words.   
When Tissaia dipped her tongue inside, she could swear Yennefer was about to come but the woman managed to hold it off. At least until Tissaia pushed two fingers inside her with no resistance.   
The taste of Yennefer on her tongue as she returned to her clit, and the way she could feel the woman’s walls fluttering around her fingers made Tissaia’s own arousal all the more apparent. She was aching, shifting on the bed to apply any kind of pressure. But despite her own need, she was very dedicated to making Yennefer come first. It was only when she pulled her mouth away to tell Yennefer to come for her that the woman fell apart. Her back arching off the bed before seizing momentarily and trembling as Tissaia continued to fuck her through the aftershocks.   
Tissaia didn’t stop however, even when Yennefer went limp. Yennefer tried to pull her sensitive clit away from Tissaia’s wicked tongue but her hips were held down firmly by the older woman as she slid a 3rd finger inside. Tissaia fucked her hard, curling her fingers.   
“Oh god, Tissaia I- I-“ but she couldn’t finish the sentence as the pleasure took over her body. She was so sensitive but it felt so fucking good.   
It was no time at all before a second orgasm rocked her and she screamed.   
This time, as collapsed, her body still twitching, Tissaia retracted her fingers eliciting a groan from the woman beneath her.   
Yennefer looked down to see Tissaia’s very smug smile as the woman languidly kissed her way up Yennefer’s body before bringing their lips together.   
Yennefer could taste herself on Tissaia’s lips and moaned into the kiss. 

She slid her hands down Tissaia’s back, pushing her fingers under the waistband of the pants Tissaia was still wearing. Which should be a crime in her opinion.   
“You’re wearing far too much clothing.” She said when they pulled away from the kiss. Tissaia moved to kiss her jaw up to her ear.   
“I was waiting for you to strip me.”   
Yennefer bit her lip hard, this woman had absolutely destroyed her. She would never be able to have satisfying sex with anyone else and she knew it. Fortunately, she had no intention of ever fucking anyone else anyways.   
“Allow me to fulfil your request then” she said before rolling them over and pinning Tissaia beneath her with her body. Yennefer kissed Tissaia’s neck, sucking on her pulse point until it bruised. As she explored the woman’s collarbones, she slid a hand down to undo Tissaia’s pants before sliding down to remove them completely. She crawled back up the bed, kissing up Tissaia’s legs until she reached the woman’s underwear which she had intentionally not taken off with the pants. She could see how wet Tissaia was through the black fabric and she kissed that wet spot eliciting a groan. Tissaia shifted beneath her and when Yennefer grabbed her panties with her teeth. Tissaia very nearly came just from the sight. Yennefer pulled down her underwear with her teeth before using her hands to finish the journey.   
Yennefer decided that she wanted to make sure Tissaia understood that she was in love with every single part of this woman’s body. Which is why she took her time kissing every inch of both legs, leaving soft caresses with her hands along the way.   
Using all of her willpower, she bypassed Tissaia’s dripping cunt to continue her exploration upwards.   
This detour was not appreciated by Tissaia who groaned,   
“Yen please..”   
“I’m not done worshipping you.”   
“Well can you hurry u—ah” the sentence ended in a moan as Yennefer pressed her thumb against Tissaia’s nub. Tissaia’s jaw fell open as she continued to breath hard. She was so fucking wet, Yennefer’s own arousal spiked again and she was suddenly aching for another orgasm. She would wait her turn though.   
She continued to apply gentle pressure to sooth some of Tissaia’s discomfort but didn’t give up on her mission of getting her mouth on every piece of exposed skin.   
Once she was satisfied that her lips had tasted every inch, her tongue had found every perfect imperfection, she allowed two fingers to dip inside Tissaia who was caught off guard and moaned obscenely, her eyes rolling back and her hands grasping Yennefer’s back, leaving indents from her fingernails.   
Finding absolutely no resistance, Yennefer slid a third finger inside and paused to enjoy the feeling of the woman stretching around her fingers. She continued to circle Tissaia’s clit with her thumb while setting the pace with her fingers. She kissed her way up Tissaia’s throat and along her jaw, to her lips as she increased her speed and force. She swallowed Tissaia’s moan as their tongues met. She could feel the woman getting closer and so she abandoned her mouth to instead suckle her nipples. Tissaia’s moans and gasps became laboured and her hips began to thrust harder in to Yennefer’s fingers. It was fucking glorious. As she sunk her teeth on to the woman’s nipple, Tissaia came with a shout. She seized before thrusting her hips in to Yennefer’s hands more forcefully, fucking herself hard through the aftershocks. The waves of pleasure began to subside, she reached down to bring Yennefer’s mouth back to hers.   
Yennefer allowed her hand to trail back up Tissaia’s body slowly, leaving a trail of her juices on the woman’s body before pulling away from the kiss to bring the fingers that were just inside Tissaia to her lips. She poked her tongue out and ran it along her own fingers before sucking them into her mouth, all the while watching Tissaia with hungry eyes. Tissaia worried her lip, entranced by the sight.   
She pulled Yennefer’s hand out and licked her middle finger with the flat of her tongue before pulling the woman back in for a languid kiss. 

Eventually, Yennefer found herself on her back again, with Tissaia’s head on her shoulder. Tissaia’s hand rested on Yennefer’s stomach, absentmindedly tracing small patterns with her thumb, one of Yennefer’s hands covering hers.   
Yennefer’s free hand was stroking Tissaia’s hair softly as they lay cuddled together.   
They stayed in a peaceful silence for a while until Tissaia broke it.   
“Why Vengerburg?”   
“Hmm?” Yennefer responded, trying to figure out why this was the first question Tissaia asked after being thoroughly fucked.   
“Why use your hometown as a stage name? Why not use your real last name? What is your last name? I feel like I should have asked this sooner.” Yennefer laughed, the vibrations of which Tissaia felt against her cheek which had grown hot at her sudden decision to bombard the woman.   
“You mean to tell me you stalked my Instagram but didn’t Google my name?”   
Tissaia’s head shot up to look at her in the eyes. Yennefer could only laugh more, she looked adorably confused.   
“You accidentally liked one of my photos Miss. De Vries.”   
“Oh god…” Tissaia dropped her head back down to nuzzle in to Yennefer’s neck.   
“Hmm. I was not wearing much in that particular photograph. I wonder why you accidentally liked it.”   
Tissaia only groaned in to her neck, prompting another chuckle to erupt.   
Yennefer slid the hand in Tissaia’s hair down the woman’s body to her ass.   
“Did you touch yourself to a photo of me not once, but twice?”   
Tissaia decided to answer by biting down on the woman’s neck causing her to quietly yelp.   
“Let me tell you, when I thought that might have happened…. I was alone in a hotel room and I absolutely could not help myself.” She husked, while squeezing Tissaia’s ass.   
Tissaia finally extracted herself from her ineffective hiding place, moving up slightly to look into Yennefer’s eyes and kiss her softly.   
“Neither could I” she whispered, before kissing Yennefer again. This time for longer.   
She pulled back and rested her head back on Yennefer’s shoulder.   
“To answer your questions though: I didn’t want anything good to be associated with my family name. They were pricks, they didn’t deserve any attention, good or bad. And when I was younger I was super in to fantasy books. Like magic and monsters and knights. They were often named after their homes or kingdoms like ‘Arthur of Camelot’ so I though ‘Yennefer of Vengerberg’ but the ‘Of’ seemed pretentious. Besides, though a lot of bad shit happened here, a lot of good shit did too. Vengerberg shaped me, it just made sense.”   
Tissaia hummed in response.   
“Chalotra is my family name though.”   
“I like Yennefer Vengerberg”   
“I don’t know, I was thinking Yennefer De Vries had a nice ring to it,” she joked as she returned her hand to scratch at Tissaia’s scalp.   
Again the woman only responded with a hum, though this one was slower and Yennefer realized Tissaia was falling asleep. She continued to play with Tissaia’s hair as she watched or rather felt her breathing even out. She kissed the top of her head before whispering,  
“Good night future wife.”   
And drifting off to sleep herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you I wouldn’t leave you hanging on that last chapter. Hopefully I delivered. 
> 
> Plot points: Tissaia was insecure about her body, they shared a cute moment of Yennefer being soft and convincing her there is nothing to be insecure about. This ended with Tissaia accidentally saying “I love you.” Tissaia got nervous but Yen reassured her with a kiss and an “I love you too.” 
> 
> At the end, Tissaia asked Yennefer why she chose to use a stage name for her surname and why she chose to go with the name of her hometown.   
> Yennefer explained she 1. Hated her family name because of her family, 2. Used to love fantasy novels with characters like “Arthur of Camelot.” 3. Good and bad, her hometown shaped her.   
> They end on Yennefer saying she liked the sound of Yennefer De Vries though. 
> 
> And that’s it. That’s the only bit of plot and it’s not even important plot.


	16. You’ve been framed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Tissaia joins Yennefer at work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a couple very specific plot points I’m working towards but they don’t make sense to just jump to right away. So if these chapters feel random, I apologize. They do have a purpose lol.
> 
> I also like to find ways to throw in as many characters from the novels just for funsies and these chapters make that possible. 
> 
> Note: there’s some light smut right at the beginning.  
> As always the mistakes are mine and I hardly proofread.

Yennefer woke up first, which came as an incredible surprise to the young woman. She hadn’t even remembered to set an alarm but she was awake two hours earlier than she needed to be and quite pinned down by a warm weight. For the first time in probably her entire life, she was happy she was awake early because now it gave her the chance to watch as the sun rose slowly and cast different beams of light on Tissaia’s gorgeous face. Tissaia was still very much snuggled in to her, actually she seems to have shifted to be more on top of her. They fell asleep with Tissaia’s head on her shoulder and her body lying next to her. Now, Tissaia’s leg had slid between hers and half of the woman’s body was covering her own. Tissaia was holding her tightly as if she was afraid Yennefer might have left if she hadn’t been clinging to her.  
She gently strokes Tissaia’s hair, trying not to wake her but loving the feeling too much to resist.  
With the warmth of the sun coming through the window and the body on top of her, she feels her eyes start to get heavy again. She’s just about to fall back asleep when Tissaia shifts on top of her. The woman’s head drops further down her chest as she murmurs in her sleep. Her leg slides up between Yennefer’s and presses against her core.  
Suddenly Yennefer is feeling much more awake.  
She bites her lip, looking down at the body she very much wants to ravage again. And again. And again. 

So instead of falling asleep, she shifts her own thigh to press against Tissaia. The woman is already wet or maybe still wet? She applies a firm pressure as she simultaneously shifts her hand down Tissaia’s body to squeeze her ass, causing the woman to grind down.  
Tissaia wakes with a moan and Yennefer guides her to grind down again.  
Tissaia shifts to straddle Yennefer’s thigh more and nuzzles in to Yennefer’s neck.  
“Good morning to you too.” She murmurs before kissing Yen’s throat.  
Yennefer’s head tilts to allow Tissaia more access for a moment before she grabs the woman’s hips and quickly flips them, causing Tissaia to yelp.  
Before the older woman can even find her bearings Yennefer is already kissing a trail down her abdomen. Tissaia arches up in to the touch, her hands finding Yennefer’s hair and tangling in to it. Yennefer feels the slight pressure Tissaia applies to encourage her to travel further south, and she laughs against the woman’s skin as she complies.  
She had tasted Tissaia on her fingers last night but tasting from the source is even more addicting. If she had any thought of trying to tease the woman, that plan was immediately thrown out the door. Instead she dove in, lapping at Tissaia’s clit before dipping her head lower to push her tongue inside her. Above her, Tissaia was writhing and moaning, her eyes never leaving Yennefer.  
Yennefer could feel Tissaia’s orgasm building quickly and she felt quite proud of that. Desperate to make the woman come apart, she slid two fingers inside Tissaia, immediately curling them to find that rough patch that made Tissaia’s grip tighten on her hair.  
She sucked Tissaia’s clit into her mouth as she hit that spot once, twice and a final time making Tissaia come with a silent scream. As she came back down, her grip on Yennefer’s hair became softer which was Yennefer’s clue to crawl back up and then flop down next to Tissaia dramatically. Leaning on an elbow to face her.  
Tissaia still looked a little sleepy and her smile was small and warm. She leaned in to capture Yennefer’s lips in a long kiss.  
“Good morning.” Yennefer whispered against her lips.  
“I’d say a great morning,” Tissaia responded.  
Yennefer kissed her again and when she pulled away to look into those blue eyes she nearly died. The sun had risen enough to bathe the room in a warm glow and from this angle, Tissaia seemed to have a halo around her entire being, the woman herself was glowing. This seemed fitting given that Tissaia was a goddess and an angel and every good thing that there has ever been or ever will be.  
“How are you so gorgeous?” She hadn’t meant to say it out loud and the words came out as barely a whisper.  
Before Tissaia could react however, she pressed on,  
“Do you want pancakes?”  
“That depends…”  
“On…?”  
“They’re not from a box right?”  
Yennefer shoved her shoulder playfully, laughing.  
“Do you think so little of me?”  
Tissaia chuckled before kissing her again.  
“I know how to cook Tissaia.”  
“I guess we’ll see won’t we.” Tissaia raised a single perfect eyebrow at her and Yennefer pounced on her. Pinning her to the bed and kissing her senseless.  
They pulled away panting and just as Tissaia was going to pull her in for another kiss, Yennefer hopped off the bed and offered her hand.  
“Shall we?” 

Tissaia had half a mind to wipe that smug grin off Yennefer’s face by pulling the woman back to bed by her outstretched hand. Her stomach however informed her that she had not eaten for several hours. So, she accepted her lover’s hand and got off the bed. Her clothes were… everywhere. She managed to find her underwear but before she could grab her shirt, Yennefer handed her a thin sweatshirt.  
“I do have my own clothes you know.” She joked.  
“But I like seeing you in mine.” Tissaia could only hum as she was pulled in for another kiss. They were still both wearing far too little clothing and the embrace sent heat through her body. This was dangerous. She would be perfectly content to starve to death if it meant keeping Yennefer in bed. 

She had hoped finally sleeping with Yennefer would reduce her constant state of arousal, but now she thinks it only made it worse. Every single thing Yennefer did was sexy.  
The way she wore only a short tank top and black underwear, giving Tissaia an all too delicious view of her ass as she reached up in the cabinets to grab supplies for cooking. The way she licked the batter off the spoon. Even just watching Yennefer cook for her, watching her put blueberries and chocolate chips in the batter… it was somehow sexy. She constantly wanted to jump the woman. It would be incredibly unsanitary but she would absolutely fuck Yennefer on this countertop right now. 

Yennefer seemed all too aware of Tissaia’s insatiable hunger. Sending her winks and sly smirks. Leaving soft caresses on her arms and the small of her back. Kissing her whenever she could. 

As delicious as she’s sure those pancakes were, she spent breakfast far too focused on the feeling of Yennefer sliding her foot up her calf. She was so distracted she hardly heard Yennefer speak. 

“Tissaia?”  
“Hmm? Sorry dear I-“  
“was too busy thinking about all the ways to fuck me?”  
Tissaia nearly choked. She wasn’t wrong, but she didn’t think she would get called out so quickly.  
“You’re so hot.” Yennefer said, leaning forward on table and pushing up her breasts to give Tissaia a show.  
“I just choked on my food.” She said, matter of factly.  
“And yet, still hot.” She finished with a wink.  
“But as I was saying while you were fantasizing. You should come to the studio with me.”  
“Is that wise?” Tissaia asked.  
“I’m sure we can control ourselves for a day.”  
Tissaia laughed,  
“I wouldn’t want to distract you from work, darling.”  
“Fuck it, Philippa gets to have her girlfriend there.”  
“Isn’t her girlfriend also part of the band?”  
“Maybe….. If you think you’ll be bored at the studio that’s cool, you can stay here and rummage through my belongings..“  
“I don’t think I could be bored when I’m around you, love” she said, as she reached forward for Yennefer’s hand.  
“I would love to see you work, I just don’t want to cause trouble.”  
Yennefer’s entire face seemed to light up.  
“You won’t! I promise. And if you do get bored, you can take my car as long as you promise to pick me up..” she finished.  
“I make no promises.”

The rest of the morning was spent stealing kisses. Tissaia asked to use her shower and Yennefer insisted Tissaia would need help in that shower. The following events can’t have been good for the environment. The shower was long and hot which had nothing to do with the temperature of the water.  
Getting dressed had also taken longer than usual because neither of them really wanted to get dressed and leave the bed. If not for Tissaia insisting that making Yennefer late would be the definition of causing trouble, they probably would still be in bed. 

As it was, Yennefer was glad they woke up early because even with all the time they wasted this morning, they still had enough time to park a block away from the studio and walk. She was actually going to be on time for once.  
She wanted to give Tissaia a quick tour of the immediate area in case the woman did get bored or hungry. The weather was nice and since Yennefer knew she would end up spending most of the day in the studio, she wanted to enjoy the sunlight. However, presently it wasn’t the sun that was making her warm, that was all Tissaia. They walked with their hands connected and with her other free hand, Tissaia wrapped herself around Yennefer’s arm so she could cuddle up to her while they walked.  
Downtown Vengerberg was a sight to behold. Even with the modern hustle and bustle, most of the old stone architecture had remained.  
“It’s so beautiful.” Tissaia said while looking in every direction, trying to take it all in.  
“Not nearly as beautiful as you.”  
Tissaia gave her a light smack on the arm as they continued walking. Yennefer was quite happy about Tissaia’s reaction, it would make it easier to convince the woman to move here. If pressed, she would move to Thanedd without a doubt. But if she didn’t have to leave behind her house, her hometown and the convenience of having a recording studio so close, that would be ideal.  
For now though, living arrangements didn’t matter. All that mattered was the way Tissaia’s weight felt against as they walked, the way their hands intertwined perfectly, the way Tissaia would squeeze her bicep whenever saw something she really liked. All that mattered now was the smile Tissaia wore, the kisses they shared as they walked, Tissaia’s laughter when Yennefer nearly tripped on the pavement.  
And since that was all that mattered, they hadn’t noticed the man with a camera across the street. They hadn’t noticed him taking pictures as Tissaia gently smacked her ass when they approached the large doors. Or when Tissaia kissed her quickly as Yennefer held the door for her. They hadn’t noticed anything at all except each other. 

—  
They entered studio A hand-in-hand and Yennefer was practically skipping. She was so fucking happy Tissaia was here and she was so proud that she got to call this amazing woman her girlfriend. She was so excited to introduce her to the other people in her life so they could also fawn over her. Tissaia was a piece of art that should be appreciated by everyone. 

“I can’t believe you’re the first to arrive, Yenna. What happened? Stay up too late talking to your girlfriend then decide to forgo sleep altogether?” said a blonde woman sitting in a chair facing the consoles with her back to them. The woman spun in her chair and stopped when she saw Tissaia.  
Her eyes went down to their hands and she smiled.  
“Ah, there’s the one responsible for your good behaviour. You must be Tissaia.”  
Yennefer was nodding enthusiastically like a kid who was just asked if they would like to eat ice cream for every meal.  
“Tissaia De Vries, this is Keira Metz. She’s been our producer for the last two albums.”  
Keira stood to shake Tissaia’s hand, and Tissaia was stuck wondering once again if Yennefer only surrounded herself with gorgeous women. It was hard not to be a little jealous.  
Keira was a little taller than her with blonde hair and green eyes full of mischief, it was no wonder she got along with Yennefer. And like Yennefer, she had no qualms about showing her body if the neckline on her blue shirt with red lace was any indication.  
“Truly a pleasure. I’ve grown so tired of hearing about you, perhaps now that we’ve had a taste of you in the flesh,” the woman chuckled at her own innuendo and winked, “ Yennefer will finally stop thinking we need to know about the colour of your eyes and how they reflect the light. Or the shape of your mouth, the cleft in your chin, the way you crinkle your nose when Yennefer does something shady.” As the woman went on, Tissaia felt herself growing redder. She wasn’t alone as Yennefer stared at Kiera in horror.  
“Oh and also how when you blush it deepens the blue of your eyes.” She finished, rolling her own eyes for good measure.  
Neither Tissaia nor Yennefer could respond, which was clearly the blonde’s intention as she stood there smirking.  
Before the silence became too awkward, the door flew open behind them, hitting them since they hadn’t moved far into the room yet.  
“Yennefer? Since when do you get here on time? Let alone first.” A familiar voice said. The push from the door had left Tissaia out of view, and as the door closed and the two women saw her they both spoke.  
“Ah, that makes sense.”  
Francesca walked in, hand in hand with another woman who had red hair, a strong jaw and eyes that seemed to penetrate straight to your soul.  
“Nice to see you again Tissaia.” Francesca said.  
Tissaia narrowed her eyes at the woman she doubted was actually pleased to see her. Yennefer squeezed her hand and Tissaia relaxed.  
“And you.”  
“This is my wife, Ann Saevhern”  
“Call me Ida, I manage the band and therefore your troublemaker,” she joked.  
“Pleasure to meet you.” Seriously, why were all of these women beautiful? Is there something in the water here? 

Philippa and Renfri arrived shortly after and they were the 3rd party to question Yennefer’s early presence.  
They did not have long to talk before Sabrina burst in to the room in a huff.  
Everyone turned to face her, Tissaia was almost certain she could see literal flames dancing in the woman’s eyes.  
“Guess who is fucking here?”  
Everyone turned to look at Tissaia and then back to Sabrina.  
“Tissaia?” Yennefer tried.  
“Obviously not, I knew she would be here. Fucking Tawny Owl.”  
“What?!” Yennefer exclaimed. “I thought they broke up when Skellen tried to go solo”  
“They did, but he came back after that dumpster fire.”  
Tissaia was entirely lost, but that didn’t stop her from reacting the same way everyone else was, even if she didn’t understand why.  
“It gets worse.” Everyone groaned. Well, except Tissaia.

“Cahir didn’t come back and now they have a new drummer.”  
“God.. Cahir was the only decent one. Who is the new guy?” Renfri asked.  
“His name is Leo Bonhart. He’s creepy at hell.”  
“If they so much as knock on that door, I can’t promise I won’t burn the whole place down.” Philippa added.  
Ida sighed loudly,  
“They are in studio D, all the way across the building. Reign it in ladies.” 

In the silence, Yennefer quickly explained to her what was going. Apparently this other band had been a rival to Yennefer’s band, musically and personally. She explained how the men in the band, sans the youngest one Cahir, used to make constant misogynistic comments in general, but especially in reference to POH. Further, they thought they were entitled to have a little fun with eager groupies, sometimes less eager groupies. It was all just rumours technically, but it was common knowledge that the rumours were true, even if they didn’t end up in court.  
Tissaia had half a mind to burn Studio D to the ground herself now. 

Nevertheless, the band listened to the voice of reason and focused on their work.  
Within 15 minutes, Tissaia was once again completely lost, but very intrigued.  
The band were reworking an idea from the previous day. They had hit a wall which had been the cause of their early night. Well, they hadn’t hit a wall, Sabrina had. Tissaia hoped the guilt was not written on her face… did Sabrina make something up so Yennefer would be home early? She would need to send the woman a box of chocolates. Or just fly Triss out for the weekend.  
With that, the members all found a comfortable seat, to listen to what they had accomplished the day before. Yennefer’s comfortable seat was Tissaia’s lap which received an eye roll from everyone except Tissaia, who was content to feel Yennefer’s weight and also be hidden from view so her obvious confusion wasn’t as visible.  
By the second replay, Sabrina had an idea for her part. Everyone assumed that “sleeping on it helped,” Tissaia assumed Sabrina no longer needed to stall and played what she likely had already written for the piece.  
It was beautiful, the melody, the drums and bass were easy to dance to. The vocals had yet to be laid down but even without them, Tissaia could tell this would easily qualify as a hit single. Perhaps she was bias. Yennefer was adorably excited when Sabrina played through the melody the first time, she was practically jumping up and down. 

“Wait wait, Brina. What if you add a G after the high E, slide to A and go from there?”  
Sabrina’s face lit up as well as she tried the new variation. Tissaia was amazed only two notes could drastically change everything. She felt a swell of pride in her chest watching Yennefer work.  
Tissaia’s thighs had nearly lost all feeling by the time Yennefer stood up to pace the room while trying some vocal melodies.  
The more excited and passionate Yennefer became, the sexier she seemed to become. Watching Yennefer work was a turn on she had not expected.  
The way she froze, eyes closed to listen to the track again, biting her lip and quietly humming a tune was totally working for Tissaia. 

It was another hour and a half before Yennefer went in to try some rough vocals. If Tissaia hadn’t been turned on before, she certainly was now. She had somehow forgotten how sexy Yennefer’s voice was. She had to casually cross her legs to find some relief. This was not at all how she expected today to go. 

-  
Yennefer couldn’t be happier to have Tissaia right there. Watching her with hungry eyes and awe. She was certain her head had doubled in size just from the ego boost.  
Better yet, with Tissaia here, it was actually easier to focus. Otherwise, she’s just stuck thinking about her and wanting to check her phone every 5 minutes. Tissaia made her want to work harder, to impress her, to turn her on, to make her smile. Whatever. Tissaia made her better and it was making the whole band better as a result. This woman was her muse, her lucky charm, her entire world. Fuck she needed to marry her like yesterday.  
Even her singing was better now, she felt at peace and ecstatic. She could probably stay up for days writing and singing just to see Tissaia looking at her like this forever. She wants to write 100 love songs for the woman and it still wouldn’t even be close to enough. She would never be able to capture Tissaia in a song but fuck if she won’t try.  
Perhaps she’ll just write a song about not being able to write a song. 

She hadn’t told Tissaia what they would be working on today. They were finishing this track which was mostly delayed because of Sabrina but whatever. And then they were going to work on Tissaia’s song. The one she wrote after their date. It’s what motivated her to work hard on this track. She wanted to move on before Tissaia got bored of hearing the same unfinished tune.  
Eight takes later and they had something they could work with. It would need polishing but it could be left for another day. Yennefer was practically bouncing. 

Instead of moving on however, everyone decided they should take a lunch break? Why? It’s not even lunch? Oh wait, it was. She wasn’t hungry, so why is everyone else? Can they just continue, tough it out? She wants her moment damn it.  
Her attempt to articulate this desire to continue fell on deaf ears. Everyone was apparently down for pizza, which was arriving soon anyways.  
Why was everyone so lame? Couldn’t they feel the energy in the air? Seriously, no wonder things don’t get done. They have no focus. How is she the only one that cares about finishing this? She only agrees to go along with their stupid ‘break’ when Tissaia pulls her back on to her lap and hugs her. She feels Tissaia’s stomach growl. Well fine, she’s not going to starve her girlfriend. But her girlfriend isn’t at work so everyone else should just suck it up.  
Knowing they absolutely would not, Yennefer decided to pout and stare while they ate to make them hurry along.  
Tissaia tried to convince her to eat but how anyone was even able to eat with the energy in the room was insane. Why was no one else buzzing? She wasn’t hungry, damn it.  
If not for Tissaia’s hand on her thigh, she would absolutely have left by now because she didn’t want to be around a bunch of downers who couldn’t focus on one fucking task so that she could impress her girlfriend. Did they not realize Tissaia was the centre of the universe and everyone should be trying to make her smile always? Yennefer was best at this task in her opinion but that didn’t mean everyone else shouldn’t even try. Assholes.  
She was so lost in thought, she barely heard Tissaia ask her where the bathroom was. Fortunately for the entire room, her dedication to helping Tissaia meant she would escort her beautiful girlfriend lest she run in to those Tawny Owl jackasses. Holding Tissaia’s hand meant the rest of the room wouldn’t get a scolding for being lazy.  
“Are you okay, Yen? You’ve been quiet,” Tissaia asked as they put a few steps between them and the door.  
“I’m great. Or I would be if they could get on my level. I wanted to move on to the next track.” She could hear herself speaking faster than she usually did, but she was frustrated.  
“Yen, they’re just hungry. It’s been hours.”  
“I know but, the energy in the room is going to fade if we don’t take advantage. It’s like, it’s like, it’s like.. Why don’t they get that? Energy doesn’t just stay creative. It will transform. Don’t we learn that in like high school? Energy can’t be created or destroyed, it just changes. High school was the worst but if I can remember that then everyone else should and…” she paused trying to remember what point she was trying to make… “and if we don’t act then the energy will change then they’ll be tired and then we’ll like never finish things. It’s like they don’t know we need to push the rock up the hill while we have the strength. We can’t wait. But they don’t care clearly.”  
Tissaia stopped in her tracks and stared at Yennefer for a moment. Too long. She looked concerned which wasn’t the face Yennefer wanted her to make.  
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Tissaia. I’m being silly. You’re right. They should eat and-“  
“You should eat too dear” she said cautiously.  
“I’m not hungry Tissaia. Why is that hard to understand?” It came out harsh and Tissaia stepped back a moment.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean. I’m just frustrated. Maybe I should eat. You’re right. You’re always right. You’re so perfect. I love you. God I love you.” She kissed Tissaia before the woman could even think to respond.  
Thankfully, being a jackass didn’t ruin everything and Tissaia kissed her back.  
And then they heard a loud wolf whistle.  
“Well hello ladies…” Yennefer’s spine tingled as she faced 3 of her least favourite people and a 4th person she could already tell would be high on her ‘no consequences hit list.’  
“Skellen I swear to fucking god, I will punch you so hard that your train wreck of a solo career won’t be the worst thing that ever happened to you.”  
Stefan Skellen laughed, but not nearly as loudly as villain number 4 who stepped forward. He was tall, gaunt, he had shadows under his eyes. He was older than the others in the band and had a considerable amount of white hair, his moustache was white. 10/10 this guy has killed people in an alternate universe.  
“I like a little fire. I’m Leo. Leo Bonhart, new drummer of this crew.”  
Skellen seemed thrown off by this Leo stepping in front of him, as if the band wasn’t named after Skellen’s own nickname.  
“It is not a pleasure to meet you. Fuck off.” At this point, Yennefer had already guided Tissaia to stand behind her. She didn’t even want Tissaia to have to look at these piles of pig shit.  
“Sounds like you could use a good lay,” Bonhart said, laughing.  
To everyone’s surprise, it was Tissaia who stepped away from her human shield to respond.  
“I assure you she has that covered.”  
Yennefer squeezed Tissaia’s hand while the man-children laughed.  
“Oh Yennefer, if you give me the chance, I will prove I am better.”  
Yennefer scoffed.  
“I doubt it. You don’t look fit to do much of anything, let alone satisfy a woman.”  
He stepped forward again.  
“You vex me witch.” He sneered.  
“That’s what I wanted.”  
“Oh really? You may regret that one day.” 

The women in Studio A rushed out when they heard a crash and a shout not far outside the door.  
The scene they came upon was 3 men holding back a fourth who had blood running down his nose and his cheek, colouring his white moustache crimson.  
Yennefer was holding a broken picture frame which also showed spots of red.  
“You fucking bitch. I’ll sue you.”  
Tissaia laughed,  
“Good luck, as a defence attorney I’ll give you free legal advice: your case will be thrown out.”  
The older man growled as the rest of the band members pulled him away.  
No one, not even his own band members, had anticipated Skellen pausing before all but running away to apologize. Once he was out of earshot, Philippa spoke. 

“I fucking told you I should have burned the place down.”  
“Are you okay?” Ida’s calm voice spoke as she approached the women.  
Yennefer was beyond angry, but physically she was fine. However, she found she didn’t have the ability to say this as her jaw was clenched too tightly.  
“We’re okay.” Tissaia responded for them both.  
“I’ll call security” Francesca said as she stepped away. 

There was a long moment of silence, the only sound was Yennefer’s heavy breathing.  
She felt Tissaia’s hand cup her cheek and looked in to her blue eyes that made everything feel calm inside her.  
“Come, you still need to show me where the bathroom is love.”  
She smiled slightly, leaning into the caress before wordlessly taking her hand and continuing on their path without a backward glance. She dropped the picture frame she had smashed over that barbarian’s face. He stepped way too close to Tissaia.  
By the time they reached the bathroom, she was still seething but Tissaia was safe and here and still perfect so she would be okay.  
She had been completely caught off guard when Tissaia pressed her up against the bathroom door and locked it before kissing Yennefer hard.  
When she felt Tissaia’s tongue press against her lips she allowed the intrusion, moaning softly and finally regaining enough of her sense to pull Tissaia closer by the hips.  
Breathless they pulled away,  
“My knight in shinning armour.” Tissaia whispered nuzzling her neck.  
“My foolish knight but nevertheless mine.” She clarified before kissing along Yennefer’s jaw.  
Yennefer could only laugh. All the anger faded, replaced with a bubble of happiness that threatened to blow her apart. The only thing for it was to kiss Tissaia again. And again. And again. 

They didn’t leave the bathroom for 20 minutes, both feeling simultaneously satisfied but still aroused. Yennefer was certain she would never get tired of how Tissaia’s fingers felt inside her. Or how Tissaia tasted. 

When they came back to Studio A, nobody mentioned their appearance or the time they took. Besides, the story of how Yennefer smashed a picture frame over the head of a threatening brute was far more interesting. 

When they did get back to work, Yennefer immediately felt guilty for her reaction towards the group for wanting to eat. She had been wrong, the energy was still there.  
If anything it had tripled.  
She was absolutely certain she had died and gone to heaven because Tissaia had to be an angel. When she heard the first notes of her song she gasped and leaned further into Yennefer. And that fucking smile, the way her eyes lit up, the way she kissed Yennefer on the cheek and then the lips. No human being could be this perfect. So Tissaia wasn’t human. Logic. 

With Tissaia in the room, it took almost no time to get through the track. Her muse, her subject, her entire world that she was singing about was right there. She got to sing this song to her, this time knowing that Tissaia felt the same and it made everything easy. She was almost sad when they moved on because she would have been very happy to watch Tissaia watching her. 

By the time they left the studio it was 10PM and they had finished 3 tracks. A pretty productive day. And Yennefer had beat the crap out of a guy. And she got fucked in the studio bathroom.  
All around great day which only got so much greater when she and Tissaia skinny dipped together in her hot tub. When she sat Tissaia on the edge of said tub and made her moan obscenely. When they went upstairs and continued to make love and hold each other until the world slowed down and they fell asleep. 

It had been a long day and neither of them had paid much attention to their phones - they didn’t need to, they were together.  
Yennefer’s phone was virtually unchanged, but Tissaia’s was a different story.  
As they slept, the missed calls on Tissaia’s phone crept up to 1357, only 100 of which were from people she knew. She had over 5000 text messages, most from random numbers. Her email showed 8756 unread emails.  
As Tissaia slept, the Internet discovered her identity from photographs she didn’t know had been taken.  
While she slept, her life was changing in a big way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will this be the start of a new round of angst? Stay tuned.


	17. Don’t Wake Me Up, Baby I’m in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tissaia wakes up to a minor disaster, Yennefer hates the Internet.   
> By day’s end, Yennefer must ask Tissaia an important question she hopes she’ll get a yes to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of the second half is smut again. Minimal plot so you can skip it. The only plot point within the smut is at the end so just skip to there if you need to. 
> 
> I wrote this in bits and pieces so I’m hoping it comes together decently.

“Oh my god,” she whispered putting her hand over her gaping mouth. She was still a little sleepy, but there was no mistaking what she saw on her screen. Thousands of missed calls, texts, emails. Thousands of little red bubbles announcing she had too many notifications. Tissaia hated those, she prided herself on not having those notification bubbles. How the hell was she going to check all of these?! What the hell happened?!  
Most of her missed calls and texts were from numbers she didn’t recognize, the area codes scattered across the continent. She had 10000 new followers on the Instagram account she had all but forgotten she had made. She didn’t even have a single post.   
Yennefer stirred next to her,   
“Tissaia? I can feel your anxiety, what’s wrong?”   
An arm crawled across her waist and pulled her closer. She barely felt it.   
She turned her phone to Yennefer who woke up rather quickly.   
“Fuck.”   
Tissaia hummed and began the daunting task of finding out what the fuck was going on.   
She saw 23 missed calls from Margarita. Yennefer saw them too and scowled. She had missed calls from Vanielle, Triss, Coral and Calanthe but even combined they didn’t climb as high as Stregobor’s 46 missed calls.   
Her voicemail, which had a capacity of 15 messages thank the gods, was full. The first 3 were just giggles and hang-ups. Then Stregobor. 

“Tissaia, your new exhibitionism has come home with you. The office has received 1300 calls from people asking for your fucking girlfriend.”   
She listened on speaker, she was glad Yennefer was here for this. She felt the woman shrink away but she reached for her hand and kept it on her belly. She wanted her close.   
Margarita left several voicemails.   
“OH MY GOD WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME WE EVEN TALKED ABOUT IT I AM HURT. IS THIS WHY YOU TURNED ME DOWN?! I CAN’T BLAME YOU”  
Next message  
“Also please call me back I need to know everything.”  
And again,  
“You are blowing up. Do you even know?! Are you in bed with her right now?!”   
Tissaia blushed ridiculously.   
The next voicemail was from Vanielle   
“Tissaia, I don’t know what happened but call me if you need to. Even if you don’t need to.   
Ps. for a candid shot you look lovely in those photos my dear!”

She would have just deleted the rest but she couldn’t guarantee there wouldn’t be one important one.   
There wasn’t. Though she did have voicemails from the press asking for comment.   
The final voicemail was from Calanthe. She hadn’t known what to expect truthfully, but hearing the woman laughing uncontrollably and then apologizing because she couldn’t even remember what she had wanted to say was not on her list. The laughter was contagious though and she smiled despite the ever-increasing anxiety. 

Her texts were worse. Those from Rita were much the same as her voicemails and she stopped reading them quickly when they started asking for far too many details. Coral had also texted her multiple times to announce how relieved she personally felt because now she didn’t have to keep Tissaia’s relationship a secret. Who the hell was Coral talking to that this was an issue in the first place? Coral’s other texts mentioned photos as Vanielle’s voicemail had. However, where Vanielle had a sense of decency, Coral instead informed her that it “looks like the sexcation was a success. You’re practically glowing from all the sex. Or is that just sweat ? ;) ;)”  
Triss, ever the angel, sent her multiple messages asking if she was okay and offering helpful advice as the “other new girlfriend.”

The texts from Stregobor had started in good humour, well his version of good humour but as the evening went on, they became angry. She couldn’t even blame him this time. Though she did get a sick pleasure in knowing that while she was cuddled up with Yennefer, he was dealing with an onslaught of fans.   
The texts from unknowns were a mixed bag. She only read a few before Yennefer took the phone from her.   
The first few were nice, people were excited she was with Yennefer. A few wanted Tissaia to pass on some message to Yennefer. When she read two messages about how Yennefer could do better and Tissaia was a witch, that’s when her phone was confiscated. 

Tissaia was still quite stunned and she didn’t even care that Yennefer was deleting all of the messages from strangers. Tissaia watched her do it, comfortable with Yennefer’s head on her lap. The texts continued to pour in. Their delete-a-thon was being constantly interrupted by new calls they had to silence.   
Tissaia would need to get a new number now. 

Yennefer also went through her emails with her. Deleting most of them. It was nice, having Yennefer be so gentle and caring. She was strangely quiet throughout the whole thing. Tissaia could feel the insecurity and the anger rolling off her. She absentmindedly tried to soothe this by playing with Yennefer’s hair. 

They found the source of the problem quickly. Photos of them walking together yesterday had been released. The Internet used its collective skills to identify Tissaia in under an hour. Since Tissaia is an easily accessible lawyer, and since her name isn’t exactly common it took 5 seconds for people to find her profile on the law firm’s website. Which of course had her email, her office phone and even her cell phone number because she wanted to be sure she would be there for her clients. Her life had been the same for so long, she had forgotten all that information was easily accessible. Now she is paying the price for her negligence.   
“God, Tissaia I’m so sorry. I should have told you about this. I didn’t think anyone saw anything, I was just so happy you were here and I should have talked to you about this before. I should have told you about this side. I’m so sorry I’ve fucked your life. You’ll have to change your number and like your email and I’m just-“   
Yennefer was cut off by a strange sound. Tissaia’s face was in her own hands and her shoulders were shaking. 

“Fuck Tissaia, I’m so - wait are you laughing?”   
Tissaia raised her head from her hands, she was indeed laughing.   
“Oh gods. I broke you.”   
Tissaia laughed harder before grabbing Yennefer’s beautiful face and kissing her.   
“You didn’t break me dear. It’s not your fault. I didn’t think of it either.”   
“Why are you laughing then…?”   
“Because I-“ she couldn’t even finish her thought.   
“Just the thought - of -of Stregobor getting — 100s of calls about this… he must be so mad.”   
Yennefer let out a surprise chuckle.   
“Are you sure you’re okay… because… I can understand…”   
“It’s fine dear. I mean, it’s… insane but… yes, it would have been nice to not have my phone number and email public knowledge but it’s not your fault.”  
“I mean, it kind of is. I should have-“  
Tissaia put her index finger on Yennefer’s lips to shut her up.   
“Shhh.”   
She pushed Yennefer on to her back and straddled her waist.   
“It doesn’t matter now love. What could have been is passed.”   
“Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?”   
Tissaia smirked wickedly.   
“You know you’re right,” she said, watching Yennefer’s brow furrow in confusion. “Perhaps you should be punished.” She pushed Yennefer’s shoulders further in to the mattress to emphasize her control.   
Their first night together told Tissaia Yennefer liked being told what to do, she liked being praised, but this felt like unchartered territory nonetheless.   
Yennefer’s eyes darkened, her chest heaving. She wet her lips nervously.   
Tissaia leaned down to her ear,   
“Would you like that Yennefer?”   
All she heard in response was a choked whimper.   
“I’m afraid your punishment will have to wait my dear. We don’t have nearly enough time for everything I want to do to you.”   
“I could be late…” Yennefer begged.   
“No my love, you could not.” And she couldn’t. Tissaia would not allow Yennefer to fall behind for her. Besides, she really did want to have more time to enjoy ‘punishing’ her, far too long for Yennefer to even be just late. 

Before Yennefer could protest, she kissed her again. Hard.   
She would punish Yennefer, but not for this. She had meant it when she said it wasn’t her fault.   
Yes, she was still incredibly anxious about this new development. She hated that she needed to change all of her contact information and would need to keep this secret apparently but...  
“I will tell my fans to fuck off.” Yennefer gasped as they broke apart, her hands wandering around Tissaia’s body.   
Tissaia just nodded and kissed her again.   
This next week would probably be hell at work, but when she looked down into violet eyes that had gone mostly black she figured it might be worth it.   
Her life had already changed considerably when Yennefer walked in, it was worth the pain then, it will probably still be worth it? Besides, the Internet would calm down soon right? Right..?   
She didn’t have time to think on it more as she felt Yennefer’s hands creep up her loose t-shirt.   
Worth it. 

—

Yennefer took a half day at the studio citing her need to do damage control. She was surprised the excuse had worked. She wasn’t lying, she did need to do some damage control but she had already started that when she not-so-kindly announced that everyone needed to fuck off through Twitter, Instagram and even Facebook.   
She gets it, Tissaia is hot gossip but people need to chill. Especially her ‘fans’ that decided they needed to tell Tissaia how wrong she was for Yennefer. Assholes. She knows they are trying to look out for her in some twisted way but sending mean messages to her girlfriend was not okay. Ever. Actually, sending mean messages on her behalf is never okay. Unless it’s to Tawny Owl. The fans have blanket immunity on that subject. 

Before Yennefer could leave though, Ida caught up to her.   
“Yenna! Wait.”  
“Yes my Sage?”   
“You haven’t responded to my email. Again. The VenRock awards are next weekend, you’re expected.”   
Wait what? Is it already that time of year?  
“Next week is my Thanedd week though.”   
“Good thing it’s on Saturday.”  
“That’s still part of my week , Ida!” She had started basically screaming.   
“Whoa, calm down. I didn’t book the awards show. Bring your girlfriend, the cat is out of the bag anyways.”  
“I’m not sure if..”   
“Ask her. We’ll even pay for her dress Hmm?”   
Yennefer narrowed her eyes at her manager and long-time second mom.   
“Why are you-?”  
“Yenna for the first time in years you were on time to weekend studio time. Your writing has been on point. You’re radiating happiness. These things matter to the Aen Elle management. They matter to Lodge Records. They matter to me.”  
Yennefer couldn’t resist it, she threw her arms around Ida and hugged her tight.   
“Thank you.” She whispered.   
Ida patted her back and sent her on her way. Once again, she was skipping across cloud nine all the way home. 

Taking a half day at the studio still meant it was 4 o’clock by the time she got back home. She had texted Tissaia all day but she still missed her, a lot. Always. Even when they were in the same room it didn’t feel like enough unless she got to hold her hand. It was a dangerous obsession but she couldn’t shake it.   
She skipped into the house and stopped short when she noticed that her house had been tidied, or what she could see of it and there was a wonderful aroma of cooking. She nearly melted on the spot. She needs to marry Tissaia now.   
“I’m in the kitchen darling,” came the voice of an angel.   
She had been expecting Tissaia to be a little more stressed honestly. She was worried that a whole day left alone to skim through the mess that was the Internet would leave her in a state. It was why she hated leaving this morning. Okay, well that and she really wanted to know how Tissaia would punish her.   
But mostly the emotional support.   
So to say she was surprised that everything seemed so… good… or maybe this is what Tissaia does when she’s not good? She realizes that she doesn’t know nearly enough about her future wife and that needs to change.   
However, any notion of talking and learning more about how Tissaia copes goes flying into outer space when she walks into her kitchen. 

Tissaia has her back to her, as she finishes stirring something Yennefer can’t see and doesn’t even care to look at right now. That is because Tissaia is wearing a bustier set in her kitchen casually as if this wasn’t expected to send Yennefer into a catatonic state. The back is black and the fabric starts below Tissaia’s shoulder blades and stops above her ass. It’s strapless, and tight and every curve known to mankind is beautifully on display. To make everything worse, or better, the bottom is a thong meaning there is nothing to cover the view of Tissaia’s ass. Two lace straps run parallel down her bum to mid thigh where they attach lace garters and stockings.   
Tissaia’s hair is down and when she looks over her shoulder to see Yennefer’s reaction she looks very pleased with herself. The smug grin only makes her sexier.   
With Yennefer still unable to move or speak or even breathe, Tissaia takes the lead and turns around. She abandons the bowl she was mixing but keeps hold of the spoon. Yennefer idly notes that Tissaia was making whipped cream because of fucking course she was.   
It’s this fact that briefly makes her wonder if this is actually just a really hot dream. If that’s the case, she would like to request that no one wake her up. Unless that person is Tissaia wearing this outfit.   
Tissaia is leaning back against the counter, her arms crossed under her chest which pushes her breasts up even more.   
The front of her outfit is far more elaborate than the back. The central portion of the corset is a deep blue that reflects Tissaia’s eyes, making them pop especially with the contrast of a slight blush on her perfect cheekbones. The darker material covers her breasts while pushing up her cleavage. Along the top is a thin black lace that is entirely decorative and does nothing to cover her skin. The blue fabric meets at her sternum and creates a slight hourglass along her middle, fanning out slightly at the bottom just below her belly button. The front straps of the garter are attached here at the base. The fabric in the middle is only a few inches thick and is framed by a sheer black material, similar to the stockings on her legs. The design helps draw the eyes to her curves. The entire corset stops just above her hips and there is a naked strip of skin between the bottom of the corset and the top of the thong. Yennefer desperately wants to run her tongue along this strip and watch the goosebumps rise on her girlfriend’s skin.   
Yennefer bites her lip hard trying to contain the whimper she feels at the back of her throat as her eyes roam over every inch of this beautiful woman’s body. 

Tissaia decides to interrupt her staring with a smug taunt,   
“Yennefer, my eyes are up here,” 

Yennefer surprises herself when she manages to formulate a response, a breathy sigh of a response but one nonetheless.  
“I’m not looking for your eyes at the moment.”

Tissaia laughs and Yennefer admires the way her abdominal muscles contract beneath the fabric. This is definitely a dream.   
Tissaia starts to approach her slowly like a tiger stalking its prey, hips swaying more than necessary (not that Yennefer can complain.)  
It’s only when Tissaia stops in front of her that Yennefer is able to look for her eyes, finding Tissaia smiling with her trademark eyebrow-raise. A beat passes as Yennefer swallows hard, though her mouth is far too dry to actually have anything to swallow.   
With a growl she pounces on Tissaia, kissing her hungrily. Eager hands roam Tissaia’s body as Yennefer quickly kisses along her jaw and down to her throat, murmuring against Tissaia’s skin,  
“You are so fucking beautiful,” she sucks on the flesh below her lips and feels Tissaia arch in to her more.   
She continues to kiss Tissaia’s throat, hands caressing the woman’s sides until she feels a hand on her shoulder pushing her back.   
“Dinner first,” Tissaia whispers.   
Yennefer pulls away from her throat with a pop and pulls back to look at her incredulously,   
“You’re kidding.”   
Tissaia brings her hand up to trace Yennefer’s jaw with her finger.   
“I’ve spent valuable time making this meal for you.”  
“Mmm I bet you have,” Yennefer responds as her hands slide down to squeeze Tissaia’s bare ass.   
She looks at Tissaia’s chest and finds Christmas has come early. Her initial pouncing caused the spoon Tissaia was holding to smear whipped cream atop her breasts.   
“Looks like you’ve made a mess Tissaia”   
Tissaia looks down but hardly has time to see what Yennefer is talking about when Yennefer uses the flat of her tongue to lick away the divine mess. She lingers to suck on the skin there.   
Tissaia, however, is seemingly unmoved by this as she once again pushes Yennefer away.   
“Patience my darling.” She says, all too aware that she might as well be asking the sky to stop being blue.   
Yennefer is absolutely confident she could convince Tissaia that dinner could wait, however she’s even more confident that submitting right now will yield mind-blowing results. But she wouldn’t be Yennefer if she actually stopped trying to seek immediate gratification. She compromises with her body and decides to try pouting instead of a full-on attack.   
Tissaia cups her cheek gently,  
“I promise it will be worth the wait and dinner is getting cold.”   
Yennefer groans and squeezes her ass again.   
“Yennefer,” Tissaia warns, “if you don’t relent, you’ll need to be punished.”   
Whatever effect Tissaia was hoping for, Yennefer is certain she missed the mark.   
“Is that so?” She says leaning forward to gently nibble Tissaia’s earlobe, she continues,  
“And how will I be punished?”   
She uses her grip on Tissaia to bring their bodies closer.   
“For one, I’ll go change out of this. Then you’ll have to wait even longer to see if I decide to forgive you for ruining dinner.”   
Yennefer sighs deeply. If there’s one thing she knows about Tissaia it’s that the woman will make good on this threat.   
“You are a cruel woman,” she says, kissing her a final time and regretfully stepping back. 

Despite every cell in her body screaming at her in need, Yennefer finds the willpower to sit and eat dinner. It’s fucking delicious. She can’t be sure if she’s biased but she’s certain Tissaia is some kind of goddess of love and beauty and intelligence and cooking and everything. If she weren’t so distracted by the way Tissaia is casually eating dinner in an outfit that can only be described as a weapon of mass destruction, she might love the food even more. It’s a testament to how good it is that she can taste it at all. She assumes most of the brain power needed for sensation is focused on her sense of sight as she marvels at the way Tissaia’s breasts look like they are about to fall out of her cleavage as she leans over the table on fucking purpose.   
Yennefer has completely ruined her underwear. 

—   
Tissaia had felt silly and nervous when she decided to throw on this lingerie. Despite this, she wanted to live out this fantasy before she had to fly home, so she found the courage needed.   
The moment she heard Yennefer stop dead in the kitchen, her doubts faded. She could hear Yennefer panting even from across the room.   
When she looked over her shoulder, she was met with a look she had never known was possible. She has never felt so desired and her confidence skyrocketed.   
It was indescribably painful to stick to her plan and push Yennefer away. She wanted nothing more than to let Yennefer have her way with her.   
But she didn’t regret her decision as she got to watch Yennefer shift and struggle through the entire dinner. Little did Yennefer know, Tissaia was having just as hard a time but she was disguising it much better.   
Yennefer ate quickly and Tissaia took her time. Was she cruel? Absolutely. The tension in the air justified the means.   
“Desert?” She asked as she finally finished her food. Yennefer’s leg was shaking impatiently under the table.   
“Only if you’re on the menu.”   
Tissaia chuckled darkly.   
“Naughty girl.”   
She hadn’t thought Yennefer’s pupils could dilate any further, she was wrong.   
She stood to put their plates in the sink and heard Yennefer approach quickly and then a body was pressed against hers, pinning her against the counter.   
“You are such a fucking tease.” Yennefer growled harshly. Her breath was uneven against Tissaia’s throat. She could feel the rapid rise and fall of her lover’s chest against her back.   
“You make it so fun, darling.”   
Yennefer bit down where Tissaia’s neck and shoulder meet. She held the bite until Tissaia moaned, quickly soothing it with her tongue.   
Yennefer’s left hand crept up her body, splaying across her stomach before grabbing a breast.   
Tissaia arched into the touch, laying her head back on Yennefer’s shoulder, allowing more access to her throat.   
Yennefer nudged her thighs apart with her own before trailing her freehand down to cup her. She moaned as she felt how wet Tissaia was.   
She began to massage Tissaia over her thong, roughly and quickly.   
Tissaia allowed her eyes to flutter shut. Suddenly, Yennefer shifted and pushed Tissaia down so that her hands would grip the counter. She moved her hand away from Tissaia’s wetness and placed it on the small of her back, bending her over the counter.   
The hand on her breast disappeared only to appear on her ass before sliding down and shifting the small fabric of the thong she had on. Two fingers were pushed inside quickly and she moaned.   
Yennefer began to fuck her hard.   
“This.. ah- this is unsanitar-eeee”   
Her words ended in a high-pitched squeal as Yennefer quickly removed the hand from her back and instead snaked it down her front, sliding down her wet folds before applying pressure to her clit.   
Yennefer was relentless and Tissaia came quickly. She shuddered against the counter as she came down, panting.   
“Bedroom.”   
Yennefer grabbed her wrist, her hand still wet from Tissaia and began to drag Tissaia to the bedroom.   
She wasted no time throwing Tissaia on the bed and before Tissaia could realize what happened, she felt her thong be literally ripped off of her body followed by hands urging her to sit up so the corset could be removed. Yennefer undid some of the laces but became impatient and tore the rest off her body.   
Despite having just been fucked, Tissaia was painfully aroused by Yennefer’s uncontrolled state.   
Naked, save for her garters and stockings, she reached forward to slide her hands underneath Yennefer’s cropped shirt and pull it off her.   
Yennefer descended upon her nipple and Tissaia’s hand tangled in her hair.   
It was not long before Yennefer found her way down, using her glorious tongue to ring another quick orgasm from Tissaia. Tissaia couldn’t help but marvel at Yennefer’s ability to know exactly what she wanted. What she needed.   
She liked to believe she knew the same of her lover. She made quick work of Yennefer’s pants and encouraged the younger woman to straddle her waist and ride the 3 fingers she provided.   
Yennefer used Tissaia’s breasts as a balance, her hands digging roughly into the soft flesh as she leaned back and rode in earnest.   
Tissaia was entranced by the way Yennefer’s breasts bounced with every thrust. It soon became too much and she sat up to claim Yennefer’s nipple with her mouth. Yennefer’s hands scrabbled for purchase on her shoulders as her thrusts became erratic.   
Tissaia could feel her walls fluttering around her fingers so she curved them and found a way to thrust further in to her girlfriend who came with a shout, her whole body tensing before it began to shake with aftershocks.   
Satisfied, Tissaia pulled Yennefer back down on to her as she fell back on the bed.   
Her fingers were still inside Yennefer and she was reluctant to take them out, though she did.   
They lay panting for a few moments, Tissaia brings a hand to the messy black locks and plays with Yennefer’s hair.   
Yennefer hums.   
“You are too good for me, Tissaia.” It was said as a joke but Tissaia wasn’t about to let it slide regardless.   
“Nonsense. You don’t give yourself enough credit my love.”   
“I love you.”   
“I love you too” she responded before kissing the top of her girlfriend’s head.   
A few more minutes of silent bliss passed before Yennefer rolled off Tissaia.   
She propped herself on her elbow and Tissaia did the same.   
“There’s this award show that I have to go to next week. On Saturday…”   
“So you’ll be leaving early then?” Tissaia tried to keep the disappointment from her voice. It was just one weekend but still, she wanted every minute with Yennefer she could have.   
“Yes but..”  
“It’s okay darling.”   
“I was going to ask if you wanted to come…. As my date…?”   
Tissaia’s eyes widened without her permission. Yennefer was looking at her with such vulnerability it broke her heart a little.   
“You don’t have to I just thought I’d ask so we didn’t need to cut our weekend short. But it’s fine. They’re boring anyways and -“   
“Shhhhh. I would love to.”  
A smile that could outshine the sun broke across Yennefer’s features.   
“Wait seriously?”   
“Of course I want to support you, Yen. Are you like, nominated or..”   
“Yeah, best live band and uh… frontman, or frontperson, of the year.”   
Tissaia smiled, grabbing Yennefer’s face.   
“That’s amazing!!” She leaned forward to kiss her.   
Yennefer looked shocked that someone cared.   
“I’ll have to find something glamorous to wear won’t I?” she said, with mock exasperation.   
“Yes but the label said they’d pay for it.”   
“What? No no, that’s not-“  
“Tissaia it’s fine they offered.”  
She narrowed her eyes, “do they not trust my fashion sense?”   
Yennefer snorted, “they don’t trust mine either.”   
“Yes well, tshirts and jeans do not a red carpet outfit make.”   
“Shut up,”   
“Make me.”   
The atmosphere changed and their lips met again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many of you did I fool with that chapter summary? I am so sorry but it was too good to pass up. 
> 
> On another note, there aren’t enough synonyms in the world and I feel like a broken record but whatever.


	18. And the award goes to...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yennefer introduces her girlfriend to the world formally at the annual VenRock awards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A cheeky little filler chapter before we start walking towards some angst. Not to spoil anything, just to prepare you. 
> 
> I’m also 100% sure I messed up on the timeline at some point but let’s just forget about that.

Yennefer wasn’t feeling all that great. She anxiously paced in her kitchen while Tissaia slept soundly in her bed.   
She hadn’t been able to fall asleep despite being pretty exhausted after catching an early flight back and then having mind blowing sex.   
The problem was that she had failed Tissaia yet again, not that the other woman knew yet.   
It was 2AM on Saturday and that night they had to go to the VenRock Awards, she had been looking forward to showing off her girlfriend and she’d also been looking forward to finally seeing Tissaia’s dress since the woman insisted on keeping it a secret.   
Now however, she was worried. She was worried because 2 days ago she had gotten a call saying that she and the band would need to be at the venue 3 hours early for a soundcheck. This was nothing new, they had performed at the awards before but in the past they would do soundcheck and then return home to prepare for the actual night. Not this time. Well, not for Yennefer. She had been asked to present an award which meant after soundcheck she needed to stay for a full on rehearsal of the whole show. It was broadcasted live so they wanted to make sure everyone knew what to do and when.   
This meant Yennefer would have to stay at the venue and change at the venue, which meant she would not be able to accompany Tissaia on the drive.   
Thankfully, Sabrina, Philippa and Renfri did not need to stay so they, and Triss, would be with Tissaia but still.   
They had talked excitedly, well Yennefer had talked, about walking out of the limo together and now that wouldn’t be happening. And she hadn’t told Tissaia yet because staring in to her blue eyes always made her lose herself.   
And now she would have to face the consequences. Tissaia had never been to an event like this and now Yennefer had to abandon her and it wasn’t fucking fair.   
Yes, they would meet on the red carpet, ideally Yennefer would be there to open the door for Tissaia but still.   
So now she was pacing, worrying about telling Tissaia she had fucked up yet again and not told her something until it was too late.   
She felt like crying. Or drinking. Or driving too fast. Or all three at once.   
She settled on only having a drink. Well 3 drinks. 3 very quick drinks that made her head spin and her eyes droop.   
She found her way back into bed, trying to be as silent as possible so as to not disturb the angel she had to let down soon. 

—

Tissaia was a light sleeper, so she had noticed when her girlfriend left. She assumed it was for the bathroom. Then she didn’t return. A midnight snack perhaps? She wanted to get up and check on her but her body betrayed her as she drifted off. 

She heard when Yennefer came back in. Heard her stumble and amused herself thinking it was entirely possible that Yennefer had tripped on the scattered clothing they had torn off each other earlier.   
She could tell Yennefer was trying to be quiet, not wanting to upset her by proving her efforts futile, Tissaia stayed still. She felt the bed dip and an arm wrapped around her waist as Yennefer pulled herself flush against her. She relaxed into the embrace, feeling a gentle kiss on her shoulder. As she fell back asleep she felt a a wetness behind her, a drop of water on her back but she was too sleepy to think much of it. 

— 

Tissaia woke slowly the next morning, not wanting the moment to end too soon. Yennefer was entirely wrapped around her. Her arm was still on her waist from the night before, but now their legs intertwined and she could feel the steady rise and fall of her sleeping beauty’s breathing.   
Eventually though, she had to pee so she stirred, trying to gently extricate herself from the koala bear that mistook her for a tree.   
Her attempt was thwarted by a grumbling Yennefer who tightened her grip.   
“Don’t leave,” she heard the younger woman say against her shoulder, placing another kiss there.   
“I need to pee darling.”   
“Pee here”   
Tissaia barked a laugh and shifted Yennefer’s arm off of her as she pulled herself away.   
Yennefer groaned dramatically.   
Before Tissaia made it to the ensuite Yennefer called after her.   
“Can you close the blinds babe? It’s too bright.”   
Tissaia looked at the form on the bed who had dragged a blanket over her head. Of the 3 large windows in Yennefer’s room, light only came from one who’s black-out curtains were half closed. The room was dark, in other words.   
Tissaia frowned and worried her lip but complied anyways, lowering the blind all the way before entering the bathroom.   
In the brief time she was gone, Yennefer had fallen into a deep sleep. She was snoring quietly. Tissaia decided to let her sleep while she went to make breakfast. Yennefer had a big day coming after all. 

—

It was only after two more hours of sleep and breakfast that Yennefer found the words she needed. They lay cuddled on the couch just enjoying each other’s company and Yennefer dreaded the results of her next words but she couldn’t put it off longer.   
“Tissaia…”  
“Hmm?”   
“About tonight…”   
she trailed off and when she couldn’t pick her words back up, Tissaia turned her head to look at her. Her hair was still down and she wore a soft smile that Yennefer loved so much it hurt.   
“Well you know how I need to go early for soundcheck?”  
“.. Yes.. and then you’re coming back so we can go together?”  
Yennefer sighed.   
“No.”   
Tissaia looked at her perplexed and tilted her head waiting for an explanation.   
“I - It’s - well because I’m presenting an award they want to do a whole dress rehearsal because apparently some people are too stupid to understand how to smile and wave without practice. Like seriously, they give you the card, just read it? How hard can that be? I don’t understand how everyone is so useless and-“   
“Yennefer”  
“Right. Sorry. Well thing is, because of the stupid rehearsal I have to stay. And so I can’t come back in between and I’ll have to get ready there for the rehearsal anyways and then… yeah.”   
“Oh.” Tissaia looked away.   
“But the others will be able to leave,” she started. Speaking quickly before Tissaia could interrupt or she lost her nerve, “so you can come with them. And Triss will be with you. And I’ll see you there. Like I’ll come meet you outside obviously and it’ll be like just like. I’ll only be missing the drive really. And I know that this is .. I just .. I’m sorry to spring this on you and I know it’s not ideal and I’m sorry and I tried to get out of it bu—mmmph”  
She was cut off by lips pressed to hers.   
When Tissaia pulled away, Yennefer was scared to look at her. Tissaia grabbed her chin with her finger and thumb and insisted upon eye contact.   
“It’s okay. I understand.”   
“You— you— you do?”   
“I wanted to go with you, no use in pretending it’s not upsetting but it’s not your fault.”   
“But I should have told you sooner.”   
Yennefer realized her mistake. She was getting away with it before she stupidly opened her mouth.   
“When did you know..?” Tissaia pulled back slightly.   
She worried her lip…   
“Just a couple days. And I’m sorry I should have said it but when I’m with you I just lose myself in you totally. And I’m so sorry. But like your eyes are so… even now you’re just so… I just I don’t want to ruin our time when we’re together because I love you and I love talking to you and kissing you and hugging you and I- I’m sorry.”   
She felt the tears well up in her eyes and closed them, cursing herself for the warm tear that rolled down her cheek. Where was that alcohol again?   
She felt a thumb wipe away her tear, a hand cupping her cheek. Tissaia sighed,   
“This is my fault, darling.”   
Yennefer’s eyes shot open,   
“What ? No no I-“  
“Shh. Let me speak, Yen.”  
She did not want to do that. She wanted to tell Tissaia nothing was her fault because she was perfect. But she nodded her assent.   
“I’ve made you feel like you can’t tell me these things. That’s my fault. I’ve made you feel like any kind of trouble and we will fight and I am sorry.”  
“No, that’s not. It’s not your fault. Tissaia you’re amazing, nothing is-“  
“Yen, I must insist you remove me from this pedestal. I don’t want you to be afraid to give me bad news. Or afraid it will ruin the mood. I love you Yennefer, truly. I want you to talk to me, we can’t fall back in to old ways. Okay?”   
Yennefer swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. How the fuck could she take Tissaia off the pedestal after that? This woman was perfect. Why aren’t they married yet?   
“Good.” Tissaia leaned in and kissed her again, this time shifting her weight to push Yennefer down against the couch as she climbed on top of her, never breaking the kiss. 

— 

It was hours later and Tissaia was sitting in bed reading a book. Yennefer had gone to shower and get ready for the sound check. Tissaia hated that she would have to travel to this thing alone but she wasn’t going to make Yennefer feel bad about something out of her control. It wouldn’t help anything.   
“Babe!” She heard Yennefer call from the adjoining bathroom.   
“Yes?”   
“I forgot my underwear. Can you grab them for me? Top drawer. Black ones with the red lace”   
Tissaia did not miss the way Yennefer’s tone had turned salacious in the last sentence. She chuckled and began to rise,  
“You can’t travel the 3 feet to get them yourself?” She said.   
Yennefer’s dresser stood almost next to the door, the woman would hardly have to leave the washroom to reach it.   
“That would let all the steam out. Besides, I wanted to give you an excuse to raid my panty drawer without guilt.”   
“Who’s to say I haven’t already?” She hadn’t.   
“Well then you’ll know which bottoms I’m talking about.”   
Tissaia rolled her eyes and opened the drawer.   
Her girlfriend had far too many bras and panties, something she didn’t think was possible. What is more, there was no organization. Most of it wasn’t even folded. It was just a mess and she could see various non-clothing items as well. Random jewelry boxes, a couple of pens for whatever reason.   
A glint of metal caught her eye and she shifted some fabrics aside.   
Her eyebrows climbed up to her hairline as she looked down at 2 sets of handcuffs.   
She could not ignore the heat that pooled at the sight. She’s never been one for handcuffs or anything of the sort but still, the image of Yennefer tied up assaulted her brain. It was a nice image.   
She bit her lip before shaking her head and returning to her task.   
She found the desired item and opened the bathroom door, letting all the steam out anyways.   
“Close the door!”   
Tissaia leaned against the frame instead.   
“Not even a thank you?” She tried to sound stern but she was in fact a little distracted by Yennefer’s glistening naked body. Yes she’s seen her naked before but the sight still affected her deeply. Especially after her recent discovery.   
Yennefer strode towards her, stopping in front of her, her bare breasts against Tissaia’s clothing. She reached forward and closed the door before kissing Tissaia.   
“Thank you.”   
“You’re welcome.” She returned with another kiss.   
Whatever steam had escaped was quickly replaced as their kisses became deeper and Yennefer pinned Tissaia to the wall.   
“Yennefer?”   
“Hmm?” she responded as she moved her kisses to Tissaia’s collarbone while gently tugging the material down to get better access.   
“Why do you have handcuffs?”   
Yennefer froze and smiled against Tissaia’s skin before moving up and whispering in her ear.   
“Why do you think?” She purred making Tissaia shiver.   
“I got arrested twice and managed to escape, I kept the handcuffs as a souvenir.” She said as she laughed.   
Tissaia smacked her shoulder.   
“Idiot.”   
“Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers, babe.”   
“Insolent girl.” She said as she pushes Yennefer away, though she smiled.   
“Whatever will you do with me…?” the raven-haired woman used her knuckle to caress Tissaia’s face.   
“Perhaps I’ll call the police, put those handcuffs to good use.”   
Before Yennefer could pounce on her again, Tissaia stepped into her space and reached up to kiss her girlfriend before promptly leaving a stunned Yennefer behind. She chanced a glance back before closing the door. Yennefer was still standing still, slightly slack-jawed and smiling. 

—

When the menace was finally ready to leave, she pleaded with Tissaia once more to show her the dress.   
“Are you sure I can’t just get a sneak peak?! Pleassseeee?!”   
“Absolutely not.”   
“But what if I die?!”   
“In the next 3 hours?”   
“No!! Well actually yes, that’s a good argument. But I meant what if when I see you at the awards I just die because I know you’re going to look gorgeous and without any preparation for how you’ll look, and with the heightened atmosphere and cameras flashing I’ll just get overwhelmed and LITERALLY DIE!” 

Tissaia shakes her head, “that might be your weakest argument yet darling. Besides, I would love for the cameras to get a shot of your face when you do see the dress.” She winked.   
Yennefer’s knees visibly weakened.   
“Sexual frustration Tissaia, that’s how I will die.”   
“I don’t recall you complaining last night?”   
With a growl Yennefer grabbed Tissaia’s waist and pulled her close.   
“If I didn’t have to leave in 5 minutes, I would ravage you.”   
Tissaia bit her lip in that seductive way that makes Yennefer tremble,   
“I’m just trying to build the tension for tonight, Yennefer.”  
The way Tissaia had said her name, the way she emphasized every syllable in that dark voice forced a whimper to fall out of her mouth.   
Worrying her own lip, she asked,   
“What’s going to happen tonight?”   
She had tried to sound seductive but she ended up sounding incredibly needy, which was a more accurate portrayal of her current state.   
“Depends on how well you behave… speaking of which… you need to go love or you’ll be late.”   
Yennefer leaned in to kiss Tissaia, pulling her closer again and holding her tight.   
“I can’t decide if I want to behave or not” she whispered against the older woman’s lips as they broke apart.   
“If you want to play later, you need to work now my love.” Tissaia responded, stepping back from Yennefer.   
“Ugh. Fine. I’m still sorry we won’t drive there together. Steal some snacks for me from the car, I’m certain I won’t be fed.” She gave Tissaia another quick peck before opening the door.   
Before she stepped out she turned and reached for Tissaia’s hand,   
“I love you.”   
“I love you too darling, now go! I’ll see you soon.” 

Once the door shut Tissaia stood still for a moment. Listening. Waiting. When she was sure Yennefer wouldn’t return, she allowed the weight of today to pull her down to the couch.   
She had 3 hours to get ready to be the girlfriend of a rockstar at an awards show. She’s had 3 hours until she’s going to be on a red fucking carpet with cameras flashing. And she doesn’t even have Yennefer here to calm her down. This is a lot. Because Tissaia isn’t afraid of crowds or public speaking, she’s a lawyer. She sits in a courtroom and spends her time trying to convince groups of people that she’s right. She’s done guest lectures at Universities.   
But this… this isn’t about her brain. In court, she knows the facts. People focus on the facts and her ability to convey them. In a lecture hall, students are there to learn from her. Their judgement is about her career.   
But this? This is… the media. People are going to be talking about what she’s wearing, if she’s pretty enough, if she’s good enough for Yennefer. There will be fans and cameras and so many people she doesn’t know.   
She didn’t want to tell Yennefer about any of this, she didn’t want to make her feel guilty but gods, the thought that now she has to go to this venue without Yennefer…  
The idea that she would be attached to Yennefer’s hip the entire time was her main source of comfort. She wants to go, she wants to support her beautiful girlfriend but she doesn’t know how to do this.   
Her only saving grace is that Triss is in the same boat, mostly. Triss would be here soon to pick her up and take her to Sabrina’s where they would get ready together. The band, except Yennefer, would come to Sabrina’s after soundcheck and get ready as well before they all left together in a ridiculous limousine. What has her life become?   
In October she was a lawyer and a business owner. She had a routine, quiet life that was suddenly disrupted by a storm she never could have anticipated. Since meeting Yennefer her entire world has been shaken. When they actually got together, she couldn’t believe how happy she was. This crazy, young, beautiful woman had just stolen her heart so quickly. She loved being in the woman’s arms, holding her close, kissing her.   
Then the media had found out and everything blew up. When she had gone back to work on that first Monday, everything was different. Her colleagues looked at her differently, Stregobor was even grumpier than before, Vilgefortz looked like someone had pissed in his cornflakes and Artorius seemed strangely disappointed.   
But it wasn’t just her equals, even the interns were giving her looks. Usually approving looks. But she was gossip all of a sudden. Everywhere. Thanedd wasn’t that big of a place.   
After changing her number and deleting the Instagram app (how did people even find that?), things almost felt normal. For a minute.   
People called the law office however, asking for her. It had become such a problem that Yennefer had to go on a whole social media tirade to tell people to stop.   
It did, mostly. There were some calls here and there but by and large, things settled at the office.   
But that didn’t change the looks she got, the snickering, the gossiping. 

Then there was everything else. The upshot of this new fame was that people were suddenly more interested in spending money at her businesses. At this rate she would be able to start her own law firm in no time.   
Calanthe had even started selling Aretuza merchandise after a multitude of requests from random people on the internet.   
The club was packed almost every night, and not only with locals. More bands had also submitted requests to play shows there.   
All of this was hard to complain about. However, the Internet was not a kind place. Nor was the world, but people were braver behind a screen.   
She couldn’t change her work email address, she couldn’t block emails from non-contacts because that’s how potential clients would reach out, so she had to leave the emails.   
They had slowed significantly after Yennefer told people to leave Tissaia alone. There were still too many. Tissaia tried to ignore them as best as she could.   
Many were nice, most were very short. A few people had decided that, since her inbox was probably a mess, they would provide some comfort if they could. So she would get emails from Yennefer’s fans with pictures of puppies or kittens or kind words. It was a sweet gesture, still a little strange but she appreciated that they seemed to genuinely care for her well-being. If only because they care for Yennefer.   
Some were less kind. Some were downright cruel.   
The problem is that those who listened to Yennefer and left her alone tended to be the “good” people.   
There were some ‘fans’ who desperately wanted her to know that they didn’t trust her because she destroyed Yennefer. She never read the emails but they often made their point in the subject line,   
“YOU BROKE HER HEART ONCE YOU WITCH. BE CAREFUL”   
“SHE DESERVES BETTER THAN YOU”  
“I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOUR ACT. YOU JUST WANT CLOUT” 

She ignored them as best she could, but they were there.   
It was reassuring to know, from Triss, that the attention does settle and that Triss also got some negative messages. How anyone could say a mean word to Triss was beyond her. 

She was suddenly thrust into the spotlight with no real clue of how to handle it. Her only focal point being the woman who put her in this position.   
It was worth it though. It was not easy. Not at all. Not even just because of the media, but everything. The distance, the schedules, the fights. But it was worth the fight. She was reminded of this every time she stared into those violet orbs. Every time their lips met.   
It would just take… time. An adjustment period.   
She was endlessly thankful for the support she had during this. Calanthe, Vanielle and Coral had become even more important to her now. When things became overwhelming, they were always there. Ready to help. Calanthe, without permission, once wrote down several email addresses from the little shits in Tissaia’s inbox and then proceeded to send them strongly worded emails. Anonymously, she had informed her when Tissaia almost lost her head over it.   
Of course, some ‘people of the Internet’ assumed the “anonymous” person was Tissaia nevertheless which is the only reason Calanthe stopped. 

She was torn from her thoughts by the sound of the doorbell.

—

Yennefer was still thoroughly displeased with this whole rehearsal nonsense. But after seeing how uncoordinated and awkward some people were, she understood why they had insisted on the rehearsal.   
The only bonus to this whole thing is that now she had the help of the makeup artists already here so she looked stunning with minimal effort.   
As the clock ticked down, she became increasingly restless. She couldn’t wait to see Tissaia. She wanted to see that dress. But more importantly, she wanted to just see those blue eyes and know everything was okay. That Tissaia was okay and wasn’t mad that she had to basically abandon her.   
She had begged the band to take a sneaky picture of Tissaia so she could see the dress. Philippa, much to her surprise, readily offered her services. However, Yennefer hadn’t been specific and Philippa took advantage, sending her a photo of the bottom hem of the dress, which was maroon. So all she learned was that Tissaia was wearing a maroon dress. 

It didn’t matter now though, she would soon be here and Yennefer would get to see it in person. She felt like the groom who wasn’t allowed to see the bride before the wedding. All of her thoughts lead back to weddings these days. 

Sabrina had texted her when they had left and Yennefer made her way outside. In her excitement she had completely forgotten what that would mean.   
The red carpet walk-in was in full swing already. Fans were screaming around barricades, cameras were flashing at new arrivals. Interviews were happening all along the carpet.   
Shit.   
She tried to casually make her way to the end where the cars drop off but was stopped halfway by some techs who directed her to go through a different way.   
Which forced her to walk right towards a barricade of fans, which meant she obviously had to stop and say hello. She checked her phone.   
They would be arriving soon.   
She continued to walk down, giving passing smiles and the occasional hug to friends. Waving at fans. Until someone grabbed her wrist gently. She turned to see an awkward looking usher. He smiled and released her quickly,   
“Sorry Ms. Vengerberg, you couldn’t hear us. It’s your cue for the carpet interview with Carthia”   
“What? What are you talking about?” What the hell was he talking about? What interview? Had she missed something ? She looked up to see Carthia waving her over. She looked down at her phone, then back to the arrival point and sighed heavily.   
She might as well just get this over with. Besides, Carthia was on a platform so Yennefer would be able to get a better vantage to find Tissaia in the crowd. 

“Yennefer! So good to see you again!” She said before turning to the camera.   
“Hello! For anyone just tuning in we are live on the red carpet at the annual VenRock awards. This is your pre-show station. Right now I’m being joined by the ever beautiful Yennefer Vengerberg from Pursuit of Everything. Yennefer, you look stunning in that dress!”   
“Thank you, it’s by Elihal as always.”   
“Well he does such a good job, I can’t blame you for being a return customer. This is a big night for the band and for you.”  
“Yeah, I’m really excited” Yennefer said, while trying to casually glance around and spot Tissaia. Is she here yet? Can she check her phone? How long does she have to stand here?   
“Now I heard a rumour your girlfriend would be coming too.”   
Yennefer snapped her head back and smiled.   
“I had to come early so she’s coming separately but she should be here any second….”   
Yennefer, now that she had the excuse, focused on scanning the crowd.   
It was Carthia who ultimately spotted them,   
“Oh is that Sabrina there with the taller redhead? Triss right?”   
“Yeah that’s them.” Yennefer’s heart hammered as she caught a glimpse of Tissaia, who was short and therefore hard to spot.   
Then Tissaia turned and their eyes met.   
“There she is!” She exclaimed as she quickly walked down the two steps off the platform without another word. From her high vantage, she could see barely anything of Tissaia’s dress. As Philippa split the crowd, Tissaia came forward and Yennefer’s jaw dropped.   
The dress was maroon. But it was way more revealing than she expected Tissaia to wear, ever. She would have to thank whoever convinced Tissaia to give Yennefer this gift. The maroon dress hung loosely on her shoulders and there was a deep V that stopped a few inches below her breasts. Yennefer was wet just looking at her. The maroon was accented with silver dust making the whole dress glitter. It was long, stopping just above Tissaia’s feet, but the skirt fit her snugly, her curves on display. She had opted for a loose chignon and the long column of her throat made Yennefer’s mouth water.   
She was going to die.   
Tissaia’s make-up was slightly darker than usual, she had a Smokey eye with deep purple accents that looked as though the colour of her dress and the colour of her eyes met and had a baby. Her lips were pink, her smile was shy. There was a visible relief in her eyes as she strode forwards. 

“Hi babe!” She opened her arms wide and Tissaia came into them. They held each other in a warm embrace.   
“I missed you. You look amazing Tissaia.”   
They pulled away from the embrace but kept hold of each other’s arms.   
Tissaia looked her up and down.   
“How did I get such a beautiful girlfriend?”   
“You’re one to talk. You are stunning. I actually almost died.”   
Tissaia laughed and stood up on her toes to kiss Yennefer softly.   
When they pulled back again, Tissaia’s brow furrowed and she brought her hand to Yennefer’s eyebrow.  
“You have an eyelash right here, love.” She said as she tried to grab it and throw it away.   
Yennefer leaned back down to kiss her again, chuckling.   
A voice called out to them,   
“Get up here you two!”   
Yennefer had completely forgotten that she had walked away mid-interview. The camera had been trained on them and their reunion this entire time. She hopes she can find the clip on YouTube later.   
As they reached Carthia, Yennefer slid an arm around Tissaia’s waist.   
“You must be the famous Tissaia! It is so lovely to meet you.”   
Tissaia smiled, clearly uncomfortable in front of the camera,   
“Likewise.”   
Despite the way her body tensed, her voice sounded perfectly pleasant.  
“You look stunning Tissaia. And by the look on Yennefer’s face, I’d say she approves?”   
Yennefer took this opportunity to unashamedly stare at Tissaia again.   
“I’ve got to say, Christmas came early.”   
Tissaia blushed and laughed.   
“So Tissaia, Yennefer is nominated for best front woman of the year and Pursuit of Everything is nominated for Best Live Band. How proud are you of your girlfriend?”   
Tissaia smiled and looked at Yennefer, their eyes met and Yennefer almost cried at the softness in those blue eyes.   
Tissaia turned back, still smiling.   
“Incredibly proud. But I’m not surprised because she is quite amazing all around.”   
There was an audible awe from everyone in earshot and Yennefer pulled Tissaia a little closer.   
“Well I will let you two enjoy your evening. Yennefer, good luck in there and Tissaia well… good luck in there.” Carthia finished with a laugh. 

They made their way down the platform and back on to the main stretch.   
The next 40 minutes flew by as they made their way down the carpet. Stopping for photos as a group, as just the band, just Yennefer and Tissaia.   
It was all very overwhelming for Tissaia, but having Yennefer here made it bearable.   
The entire journey over she had been bubbling with anxiety.   
When they stepped out of the limousine and Yennefer was not there, Tissaia really started to panic. There were so many people. And cameras. And people.   
Triss and Sabrina stood on either side of her and guided her down the carpet until they found Yennefer.   
She had never felt such profound relief in her entire life. Seeing Yennefer was like being able to breathe again.   
Before she knew it, they were seated inside the theatre. Yennefer had lifted the armrest between them and Tissaia cuddled into her as much as she could. 

“You okay?”   
“Just a lot.”   
“I’m sorry.”   
“Don’t be darling. I’m happy to be here with you. I’ll get used to it.”   
“Plan on sticking around then?” Yennefer teased.   
“If you’ll have me.”   
“Tissaia, I will propose to you right now. Or better yet, on stage.”   
Tissaia’s frame shook with laughter. She sat up straighter and looked Yennefer dead in the eye.   
“If you propose to me tonight, I will punch you clean in the mouth.”   
—- 

Yennefer hadn’t expected to win one of the VenRock awards, let alone both of them. She assumed after they won Best Live Band that she wouldn’t need to get up again, since she’d already presented her award and they had already played their song.   
The evening was winding down and Yennefer was tired. And hungry. Tissaia had managed to sneak her some snacks but it was not nearly enough.   
So when they had called her name for front woman of the year, the surprise on her face was entirely genuine.   
Tissaia squealed excitedly next to her, a sound that was almost as surprising as winning this award. Tissaia grabbed her face and kissed her before pushing her to go get her award. 

“Wow, um. I can say I really was not expecting this. I am so flattered and wow. I will be brief. I want to thank my band obviously because without them there is no me. I want to thank our fans because without them there is no us. I always want to thank Lodge Records, Aen Elle management. Francesca for not giving up on me on tour and pushing me to be a better performer. Everyone who has to deal with me really, especially this last year. I want to thank VenRock for always supporting us and letting us in the door at these things. Truly an honour to be here. Finally, I want to thank the woman that really gets me through the day because she just puts up with me. She told me, if you propose I will punch you clean in the mouth,” Yennefer paused briefly for the laughter and made eye contact with Tissaia who just shrugged casually.   
“I don’t have the time, nor the words, neither of which would do you justice, Tissaia except to say, thank you.”


	19. Distraction/Attraction/Dysfunction/Destruction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yennefer sets an exciting course for the next step in her life, while Tissaia tries to keep up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s probably more smut than is necessary in this fic but here we are. If that’s not your thing, it’s only at the beginning so skip to the stars “********” 
> 
> Content warning, which is spoilery: Substance abuse, violence, mentions of blood, strong suicidal ideation, overall emotional imbalance.

Tissaia was having immense difficulty sitting at her desk and focusing today. Every now and then, frankly far too often, her mind would replay the events that occurred here the day before. 

She was sitting at her desk, reviewing the files of a potential client when she heard a knock on her office door.  
“Come in.”  
She didn’t look up from her papers until she finished the sentence she was reading.  
When she did look up, she was surprised to see Yennefer.  
“Hey you, what are you doing here?”  
“Do you want the honest answer?”  
“What happened?” She furrowed her brow, both concerned and just scared at the thought of what havoc Yennefer could wreak.  
“No, nothing. I’m just kidding. I brought you a late lunch because I know you haven’t eaten.”  
She wasn’t wrong but,  
“You can’t possibly know that.”  
“But I know you”  
“Touché”  
Yennefer approached and dropped the take-out Chinese food bag in front of her.  
“And here I thought you were bringing me a sack lunch.”  
“You know Tissaia, I’m a very busy woman, I can’t always cook for you and clean up after you” she sarcastically replied.  
“Gosh, I am so sorry I saddle you with all the responsibility”  
“Did you say straddle because I could be down for that,” she winked.  
“How can I ever repay you for your service?”  
“I have so very many ideas, but I’ll settle for a kiss.”  
Yennefer rounded her desk and collected her reward.  
“For now.” She whispered against Tisssia’s lips. Pouring gasoline on a flame that seemed to always be burning these days.  
“I trust you brought enough for two?”  
“Of course, I’m not that altruistic. Besides, if I leave now there’s no guarantee you will eat.”  
Instead of returning to the seat across the desk, Yennefer sat on Tissaia’s lap, wrapping one arm around her shoulders.  
“Hardly an efficient position for eating.”  
“Perfect for kissing though.” Which is exactly what she did.  
“Now, I will feed you.” Her tone was playful but Tissaia had no doubt Yennefer would try and the last thing she needed was someone walking in while Yennefer spoon-feed her. The gossip was bad enough as it is.  
“As if! I am not a toddler.”  
“You never let me do anything sexy.” Yennefer fake pouted. Despite the ridiculous request, the pout was actually convincing. Not convincing enough though.  
“I will give you free reign later.”  
Yennefer’s eyes darkened and this was her first clue that she had made a terrible mistake.  
“Can we put that in writing?”  
“This is a trap, I can feel it”  
“Your lawyery senses are tingling?” Yennefer whispered hot against her ear, letting her fingertips run up Tissaia’s arm to leave goosebumps. She hopped off of her lap and repositioned herself sitting on Tissaia’s always meticulous desk before giving her a container.  
“So what are you working on?”  
“A case”  
“You don’t say…”  
“Client-attorney privilege, dear. What have you been  
up to?”  
“Besides having sexual fantasies about you? Not much.”  
Tissaia nearly choked but covered it up as an aggravated sigh.  
“Must you?” Yennefer knows that even something so simple as mentioning she’s been fantasizing all morning would turn her on and Tissaia cursed herself for being so easy in this regard. Well, with Yennefer at any rate.  
“I thought you would want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”  
“Not in my office.”  
“Weird policy for a lawyer.”  
Tissaia glared but couldn’t hold her stern expression because Yennefer was making that damn face she got when she thought she was being funny.  
“So should I lie then? And definitely not tell you about how I was thinking of-“  
Tissaia put her finger over Yennefer’s lips, which only worked for about a heartbeat before Yennefer licked said finger and Tissaia pulled away quickly. Damn it, why is she so easily turned on.  
“Don’t start you absolute menace”  
“Your absolute menace.” She purred, leaning forward to reduce the distance between their faces.  
“Yet still a menace.” The words came out far more breathy than she had wanted, but it was a little harder to concentrate when she could see down Yennefer’s top. It took more strength than she’s willing to admit to pull her eyes away. She was only half successful as her eyes landed on Yennefer’s lips. Which the woman bit seductively, knowing Tissaia was entranced.  
“Yennefer.” It was a warning. Not an entirely sincere one but she needed to regain some balance.  
“Tissaia.”  
Tissaia met her eyes, a charged moment passed but just before Tissaia closed the distance, Yennefer threw her head back and laughed.  
“I love you.” She said, returning to kiss Tissaia again.  
“I’m not sure the feeling is mutual right now.”  
“Perhaps I can help with that.” She felt Yennefer’s foot slide up her leg.  
“Yennefer.”  
“Yes darling?”  
From her vantage point, Yennefer was able to slide said foot up Tissaia’s inner thigh, where her legs had spread unconsciously.  
The foot reached up to her upper thigh and then retreated back down.  
Yennefer gingerly plucked the food carton out of Tissaia’s hand and put it back on the desk, standing and hovering over Tissaia with her hands on the arm rests. Tissaia’s breathing was already shallow and she did not even consider resisting when Yennefer closed the distance between their lips. The kiss was languid, but still full of heat. It wasn’t like the teeth and tongue kisses they often shared in moments of need. This kiss spoke to patience, the art of the build-up.  
Soon Yennefer nudged Tissaia’s legs to stand between them. Within seconds, her irresistible girlfriend was kneeling between her thighs. She settled in the space beneath Tissaia’s desk and Tissaia was pulled closer in her chair until she was flush against the desk.  
“This is a bad idea, Yennefer.”  
She felt hands creeping up her thighs with a gentle pressure. A hand passed over her sex through her nylons.  
“Your anatomy certainly doesn’t agree, miss De Vries.”  
She wasn’t wrong, Tissaia was wet. Very wet.  
Yennefer began to massage through her underwear and whimper escaped her throat.  
That whimper became a quiet moan as Yennefer kissed her sex before pulling her nylons and underwear down and off. The cold air on her heated flesh made her shiver.  
This shiver grew when Yennefer’s tongue licked up her slit.  
“Fuck, Yen.” Yennefer gave a dark chuckle that vibrated against her cunt.  
Just as she leaned back and shut her eyes, another knock on her door came.  
She sat up straight and Yennefer pulled away.  
“Yennefer get out.”  
“Just tell them to go away.”  
“I can’t, just… “ did she want Yennefer to get out? Not really, she was incredibly turned on.  
“Just.. stay quiet.”  
“Yes, Mistress.”  
Tissaia’s cheeks flared and a new wave of arousal travelled through her.  
“Shut it… Come in.”  
This was her second major mistake.  
Of all the people in the world who could walk in at that exact moment, the man who strode in was second on her list for worst possible scenarios, only beaten by Stregebor.  
“Hey Tissaia.”  
“Vilgefortz.”  
She felt Yennefer tense. She couldn’t blame her.  
What she could blame her for was the feeling of her tongue running up her inner thigh.  
Oh god. Oh god. What has she done? Shit.  
“I was wondering if you’d gotten a box of discovery material for the Brownston case? They sent it to you by accident apparently.”  
Yennefer’s tongue swirled on her clit and she gripped the desk, causing Vilgefortz to frown. Deep breaths.  
“Um no I-I” she clears her throat, “I haven’t gotten anything yet.”  
Yennefer slid a finger inside her and sucked on her clit.  
“Okay cool, well if you do can you let me know?”  
“Mhm. Yes. I ca-I can.” Can he leave now?  
“Are you okay…? Forgive me for saying but you look a little flushed.”  
Yes, that’s because there’s a woman hiding underneath her desk currently dipping her tongue inside of her and then lapping at her clit.  
“Bad Chinese. I think. Maybe a flu. Thanks, I’ll let you know about the box.”  
“Alright, feel better.”  
She merely nodded. As soon as he closed the door she relaxed, but only slightly because someone was still building her up to an orgasm.  
“Fuck. Yen, you are… I told you to stay quiet.”  
“I did stay quiet.” She responded as she bit down on Tissaia’s inner thigh.  
“It’s not my fault you didn’t forbid me from eating a very different lunch.”  
Tissaia whimpered, she was close. As much as she hated to admit it, and she would never admit it to Yennefer, this whole situation was incredibly hot and a large part of her was not even remotely upset about it. But she had to put on a brave face. Well, as brave as possible when your girlfriend is sucking your clit and curling 3 fingers inside of you. She came hard, but quietly. Very quietly.  
Yennefer, looking all too pleased with herself pushed Tissaia’s chair back and appeared, her lips still glistening with Tissaia’s arousal.  
“You really do look flushed babe. Are you okay?”  
“I hate you.”  
Yennefer pouted again and crawled into Tissaia’s lap. Tissaia kissed that too effective pout off her face, tasting herself on Yennefer’s lips.  
When they pulled away, Yennefer sat back on the desk and gave Tissaia her takeout back as if nothing had happened. 

**************************

So now, Tissaia is no longer able to focus at her desk. Or in her office. This was now a unique reason to leave the firm. Though she’s certain Yennefer would devour her at any office and any desk. That thought did not help with her ability to focus.  
She was excited to get home and work out some of this frustration. This never-ending frustration which was both the best and worst thing in her life. 

—  
Yennefer had woken up at 5 AM. One and a half hours before Tissaia had to be up for work and she was buzzing. There was no way she could sleep again but there was also no way she was moving from this very comfortable position of Tissaia’s head on her chest. If she had her way, they would never move from this position. So she spent her quiet time thinking about the last few months.  
Even the bad times were some of the best times of her life because she had this beautiful woman in it. After the awards, their relationship shifted again into something more comfortable. Domestic. The fact that everyone now knew she was happily taken just felt so right. She relished being able to post cute photos of them together and talk about Tissaia in interviews. Since the VenRock awards some of the unnecessary hate Tissaia was receiving died down too. Yennefer spent more time than she probably should have reading articles and comments about how cute they looked together. She was just happy.  
And now she had 3 weeks off to be with Tissaia. Week 1 had already got off to a good start when Yennefer visited Tissaia at work yesterday. Tissaia had come home needing to work out some unresolved frustrations and fuck, Yennefer would never ever tire of this woman’s body.  
So as she laid in bed, naked, with her beautiful girlfriend sleeping against her and she thought about how happy she was, she came to a decision.  
Since she still couldn’t get up for another hour, she started to plan everything and she would need to have a good plan because she would have to get everything ready before Tissaia came home from work.  
It was going to be an amazing day. Probably the second best day of her life, the first being the day she met Tissaia. Though this day might actually become number one and the meeting will be number 2. 

She watched the clock and shut off Tissaia’s alarm clock before it went off. She had wanted to wake Tissaia up with a surprise under the sheets but after her epiphany earlier, she kind of needed Tissaia out of the house. She tried to act cool and natural but it was hard to hide her energy.  
“You’re in a good mood.”  
“Why wouldn’t I be? I have 3 weeks in Thanedd and next week you’re taking vacation days so in 6 days I get to spend 7 whole days in your company”  
“Indeed you do darling. Though you might finally get sick of me.”  
“Don’t you dare. That could never happen.” This was true, entirely. Tissaia shook her head and kissed her. Why didn’t Tissaia see how amazing she was? Yennefer would make sure she knew it by the end of the night.  
—

After her extremely unproductive and therefore stressful day, Tissaia was anxious to get home. As much as her lack of productivity could only be blamed on one individual, she still wanted to be with that one individual. She was sorely looking forward to her week off.  
She opened the front door to some music in the kitchen, which Yennefer was singing along to and the smell of a home cooked meal. It was a very foreign feeling, being taken care of.  
Yennefer’s music was loud enough she didn’t hear Tissaia come in, so Tissaia was able to take her time and let the emotions wash over her. The bliss, the love. Every time Yennefer sang her knees became a little weaker. She started walking to the kitchen quietly but made a full stop as she passed her living room and saw that things were not quite right in her peripheral vision. She took two steps back to get a better look. Her furniture was rearranged. Why? Did Yennefer do this? Why? What was wrong with her previous arrangement ? Why didn’t Yennefer just say something if she didn’t like it? Tissaia’s eye twitched. She took a deep breath. This isn’t a big deal. She can just ask Yennefer in a minute. Or she can sneak down in the middle of the night and rearrange everything back and then hopefully Yennefer will get the hint. They can rearrange, that’s fine. Especially if they are permanently living together. Tissaia can cope with that but they should talk about it right? Not just rearrange entire living rooms on a whim.  
She was dwelling on it. She forced her feet to carry her to the kitchen.  
The sight wiped the living room from her mind. A very prettily dressed girlfriend of hers was swaying her hips and singing while washing the dishes she had used to make whatever smelled so delicious.  
“Are you going to stare or are you going to join me?”  
“I was enjoying the view.”  
Yennefer turned around and began to walk over to her, in her loose; white v-neck shirt that Tissaia could see she was wearing a dark bra under.  
“In that case, let me allow you a closer look.” She closed the distance, wrapping her arms loosely around Tissaia’s neck.  
“How was your day?”  
She whispered between kisses,  
“Distracting.”  
“Hmm? Is that so… what could have distracted the great Tissaia De Vries?”  
Tissaia slapped Yennefer’s ass, hugged by black yoga pants, gently, responding,  
“Just some pretty menace of a woman.”  
Yennefer bit her lip before kissing her again.  
“Dinner is almost ready, why don’t you go take a cold shower.”  
“Oh shut up.” She kissed Yennefer again, longer and then did go and freshen up.  
By the time she came back down, the table was set and food was on her plate. There were even a few candles lit. Yennefer held her chair out for her.  
“What’s all this for?”  
“Because I missed you and I like surprising you.”  
Yennefer kissed her before taking her own seat.  
She could see Yennefer was fidgeting excitedly. It reminded her of the day in the studio when she grew impatient with the band for wanting to eat lunch.  
“Are you okay Yennefer?”  
“I am better than okay.”  
“You’ve hardly touched the food you made. Wait did you poison me?” She joked  
“I’m just happy.”  
Her soft smile melted Tissaia’s heart just as it always does.  
“Me too, dear.”  
“I love you Tissaia.” She said it with such stern conviction, Tissaia was starting to wonder if at some point she gave Yennefer the impression she didn’t believe her declarations of love.  
“I love you too, Yen.” 

A moment of nervous hesitation passed before Yennefer spoke again,  
“Tissaia I- I have something for you.”  
“Oh?”  
“A present.”  
“For what occasion ? You know you don’t need to buy me things.”  
“Why shouldn’t I buy you things? It makes me happy to. Anyways, it doesn’t matter. Just… here..”  
She slid over a folded piece of paper. Tissaia looked at it skeptically then back at Yennefer who urged her on.  
She opened the paper to see a photo of an office building.  
“And this is…?”  
“Your new office building.”  
Tissaia looked up sharply.  
“What?”  
“Well I mean, it’s the best option but there are other ones if you don’t like it and-“  
“Wait wait back up, why do I have an office building?”  
“For your firm” she smiled proudly as if this was obvious.  
Tissaia just stared, unable to process what was happening.  
“You keep saying you want to start a new firm but there’s all these reasons and I know space is one so…”  
“So you bought me an office building…” she replied slowly, the words still seeming ridiculous in her head. She looked back at the photo,  
“Where even is this?”  
“Vengerberg.”  
What?  
“You- you bought me an office building in Vengerberg to start a law firm? What- what about my life here?” It would be a massive adjustment and Tissaia could never do it suddenly but she had already decided that in time she would be willing to move to Vengerberg. However, this was not that time. 

“Well I’m not saying you have to move or anything. You could have two offices if you want. Or if you really want we can get something here and I’ll buy studio space. The building isn’t really the point, it’s just the opener.”  
“What is that supposed to mean?”  
Tissaia was doing her best not to hyperventilate.  
Yennefer seemed not to notice.  
“Well, I love you and you love me. And this is a good thing and I want to be with you forever so, I just”  
Yennefer got down on one knee. Tissaia’s eyes widened the size of saucers. Shit. Shit. Shit.  
She pulled out a jewelry box and opened it revealing a ridiculous diamond ring that looked far too expensive to be remotely practical. Though she supposes it was probably less expensive than the fucking office building.  
“Will you marry me?”  
She just stared, her jaw dropped.  
“Tissaia?”  
“Yennefer... we’ve been dating for 4 months. This is hardly our 3rd month without having fights that lead to break-ups and make ups.”  
Yennefer’s face was still hopeful and undeterred. She seemed to also not be understanding the situation unfolding but for completely different reasons than Tissaia,  
“Exactly. I know. So it can only get better from here on out obviously. We’ve finally hit the stride so… so… “  
“Yennefer, this is…”  
“Wait- are you… are you saying no?” She stood up quickly, dropping the ring box, the ring clattered to the ground.  
“No Yennefer, I’m just-“  
“Yes or no Tissaia?”  
“It’s just too soon…”  
“For who? I know what I want! Don’t you? I thought you loved me.” It’s only been 4 months but she knows a Yennefer enough to recognize when she’s escalating too quickly. Her voice was raising with every word, becoming panicked as if the girl couldn’t keep her thoughts straight. She began to fidget more. Biting her lip, picking at her cuticle, eyes trying to find a grounding spot to focus on. Tissaia tried her best to keep her tone soft, she needed Yennefer to hear her out.  
“Yennefer I do, that’s not about that.”  
“I went through all this effort to show you how committed I was to you. I-I- I found a way for you to push your career forward. Because I want to support you I”  
“I didn’t ask you to do that,” she interjected, a little more forcefully. This wasn’t exactly deescalating but it needed to be said.  
“You didn’t have to because I care about you and I know you weren’t happy so I wanted to fix it. That’s what love is. And marriage and-“  
“We’re not married, Yennefer, we’ve hardly even known each other for a year.”  
“Love at first sight is a thing.”  
“Marriages aren’t just about love”  
“No they’re about commitment and compromise!! Like how I just said I would move here if you wanted but you won’t even entertain the idea of moving to Vengerberg”  
“You didn’t ask me!! You just told me you bought an office for fuck’s sake!”  
This is the opposite of deescalating.  
“Would you have said yes?”  
“I don’t know Yennefer, it’s too soon. I have a life here, friends, businesses.”  
“And I said I would move here!!!”  
“That’s not the point.”  
“Then what is it?” She shouted, a little hysterically, the tears were already in Yennefer’s eyes before but now they began to fall in earnest as she continued to raise her voice, seemingly trying to combat her throat’s desire to close with emotion. “Because I don’t get it! I spent this whole day planning some romantic bullshit! I even rented a honeymoon suite at the hotel with a damn jacuzzi in the room! And I was going to surprise you with a moonlight picnic under the stars! I rented a fucking car and parked it at the hotel to make it all a big surprise. I wanted to show you that I’m committed to us so I tried change the living room-“ she was starting to ramble now, the pace and volume of her words becoming more chaotic, but Tissaia cut in.  
“That’s why you rearranged my furniture?”  
“I wanted it to be our furniture!!”

Yennefer felt the panic rising more and more. She needed to leave. She needed to leave. She needed to leave now. Forever.  
“God I’m such a fucking idiot.”  
“No, you’re not, Yen”  
“Just don’t. I get it. I’m going to go. You can rearrange your fucking living room”  
She started to walk away, when she felt Tissaia’s slender hand wrap around her wrist to stop her,  
“Yennefer wai-“  
“NO! TISSAIA DON’T TOUCH ME”  
She ripped her hand away violently, throwing Tissaia off balance who stumbled backwards and fell on to the table, the dishes clattered to the ground.  
Yennefer stared horror struck. Tissaia looked small and shocked. Had she just pushed Tissaia? Why would she do that? Fuck. Is she a danger to Tissaia? The little voice in her head tells her that she is indeed a danger to Tissaia, to others in general. She’s a mess. She’s off the rails. She hits men with photo frames just because they stood too close to her girlfriend. Probably ex-girlfriend now. Who would want to be with someone who loses their temper and shoves them to the ground like a maniac?  
“Oh- oh my god. I-Tiss-I’m so sorry”  
She ran. She ran slamming the door behind her before Tissaia could say anything else. Do anything else. Before she could even move. Because she couldn’t be there anymore. She just pushed Tissaia down. She just- she hurt her. Tissaia will never want to see her again.  
With nowhere else to go, she lets her feet carry her unconsciously. She arrives at the universe’s colossal joke - the door to the hotel room she rented. She gets to see the events of her failed proposal. All of her failures. She arrived much more quickly than she would expect. She’s out of breath. Had she run here? She can’t remember anything except for Tissaia’s face. Tissaia’s scared face. She was scared of Yennefer. That wasn’t shock, it was fear. Disgust.  
Shaking, she opens the door. Of fucking course she put rose petals on the ground. Like an idiot who thought she could actually have a chance with a woman like Tissaia. The minibar was inviting, even if the bottles were tiny.  
She drank one. Two. She screamed then. Threw the little bottle at the stupid painting on the wall. The bottle was plastic. The frame was not. She hadn’t thrown the bottle that hard but clearly like everything else she put money into, this hotel was shit and the painting fell with a crash.  
Huh.  
That was satisfying. 

She looked around the room. At the rose petals on the bed. The stupid fucking jacuzzi with champagne in an ice box and chocolates on the side. She tore the covers of the bed, the lamp fell off the end table and crashed to the ground. She screamed again as she ripped a painting off a wall and threw it at the television. She drank the champagne bottle after letting the cork fly at the television too. She stomped on the chocolates, staining the carpet. She continued her destruction until there was not much left to destroy. Other than herself. She sat on the bed. Panting. There were still more minibar bottles thankfully. And this champagne which did not taste nearly as delicious when it wasn’t used for celebration.  
She surveyed the damage. Fuck. This was going to cost her. A lot. Money wise and everything wise.  
But fuck it. Everyone knows she’s a mess. Nobody cares. She’s a diva. She’s a bitch. She’s a nutcase. She threw the half full bottle of champagne at the wall for a final satisfying crash and explosion of liquid.  
An insistent knock on the door startled her.  
“Ms. Vengerberg? We’ve had complaints about the noise”  
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. She needed to leave. To drive. Far. Far. Far away.  
She grabbed the remaining minibar bottles, put them in her pockets and grabbed her rental car keys suddenly glad she had been a stupid enough romantic moron to rent a car for a surprise stargazing event. At least now she had something to get away in.  
She swung open the door. She was certain that she was the picture of a psychotic woman. Her hair was a mess, her makeup was everywhere. She had broken the mirror so that’s 7 years of bad luck.  
“Ms Venge-oh my- what happened?!”  
“Relax chief, I’ll pay for it. I have all the money now.” Her speech was slurred, she stumbled slightly while trying to casually lean against the door frame.  
The manager looked between her and the room a few times.  
“Ms. Vengerberg are you drunk?”  
“Not your concern. Out of my way.”  
“Ms. Vengerberg you destroyed the room!”  
“And I’ll pay for it. Now move.”  
“You- you can’t drive in this state-“  
“You can’t tell me what to do..”  
“Ms. Vengerberg please, if something has happened-“  
“If something has happened? No I just destroyed a room for fun. Please move before I make you move! last warning chief”  
“Ms. Vengerberg, I can’t let you drive like this I will need to call the police.”  
For whatever reason, this was funny. So she laughed. A lot.  
“Please do. Fuck, that’s gold. Call them. But since you’re doing that, you might as well have a good reason”  
With that she wound up and punched the poor, probably well-meaning but nosy night manager in the face. He reeled back and grabbed his nose. He looked terrified, she saw blood coming out of his nose. She remembered Tissaia on the floor, scared. Bleeding? Was Tissaia bleeding too? The dishes fell off the table. Had Tissaia cut her hand on something? Was there blood? The image is distorted. Was Tissaia even conscious when she left? She looked back at the hotel manager, seeing Tissaia in his place for a moment before the image refocused. He looked better than he had a second ago. Was there blood? She shoved him out of the way with her shoulder in passing. He didn’t call after her. Good. Point to Yennefer.  
She made her way to the car, not wasting time because she didn’t want to be stopped by those pesky police. She just needed some space. 

It’s late now, her breakdown took longer than she thought. Time seemed to be moving too slowly and too fast all at once. But now she’s driving. Windows down. Wind blowing through her hair. That’s all that matters. The streets are quiet which is good because she’s not really paying attention to the lights. And why would she? In one night she tanked her relationship and her career. She pushed Tissaia. She punched a hotel manager. Literally two hit and runs. She did thousands of dollars of damage to a hotel room. What was speeding and red lights? Who cares? She has nothing left now. Tissaia will never speak to her again. Even if she could forgive her for the push, she also assaulted another person so… Renfri is going to be so disappointed. Philippa will probably win a bet she’s placed. Sabrina will be better off. She’s more talented than Yennefer. She doesn’t need Yen’s shadow. And now she has Triss. She’ll be happy. Francesca can be rid of her nuisance. Maybe the band can get a new front woman. A better one. One that doesn’t ruin everything. Maybe Sabrina would just take over. Either way, they’ll all be better off.  
There’s a dead end ahead, the brick wall of a large building. She can pick up enough speed easily and then no one will have to worry about her anymore. She won’t ruin another life. This is better.  
She focuses on the wall. Only the wall. She ignores the red light as she has this entire drive. She slams on the gas.  
The thing about a red light is there’s always a green somewhere else. Sometimes there’s nobody at the intersection. Sometimes you just don’t see somebody else. Yennefer didn’t see the headlights, not even after they hit the back end of her car. The car spun round and round, still approaching the wall. When the contact was made, Yennefer’s head jerked forward hitting the steering wheel. Everything was in pain, she was certain she was bleeding. Her last thought before everything went black was that she was so stupid she had put on her seatbelt during a suicide attempt. Hopefully it wouldn’t matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I absolutely did warn you though.  
> Stay tuned for the next episode of “why did you have to do them like that?”  
> I assure you I have no intention to leave you in suspense for too long here.
> 
> To be very clear: Yennefer did NOT push Tissaia. That’s just how her mind framed the incident and the more she replays it, the worse it looks in her head.   
>  The way it was described- Yennefer pulling her arm away putting Tissaia off balance is the accurate depiction. That’s not to say it’s not upsetting for both of them, but I just want to be clear Yennefer’s mind is not an entirely trustworthy source. Tissaia was not/is not afraid of Yennefer, that’s just Yennefer’s brain twisting reality.


	20. Worst family reunion ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Yennefer’s attempt brings out some uncomfortable conversations for all involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter just so you’re not left in suspense.

Look who finally showed up” she heard someone sneer from nearby. Nearby, almost in her ear, but she couldn’t see anyone. It didn’t matter though, she knew who the voice belonged to.   
“What did I tell you hon, she’s decided to join the 27 club”   
“She’s not 27 yet” the woman’s voice was smaller but no less familiar.   
“Two weeks off, I’d argue it counts.”  
“Welcome home little Yennefer. Did you think you could really get away forever?”   
“Did you think fame, money and good looks would change who you are?” A cruel laugh.   
“Leave her be.”   
“Shut up woman. I’ve waited a long time for our reunion, my darling daughter.” 

——

When Yennefer left Tissaia didn’t know what to do. She sat on the ground, her hip sore from where she made contact with the table. How did everything go so wrong? Yennefer’s face. She looked broken. Tissaia wanted to chase after her but she couldn’t. She didn’t know how. She wanted to tell her that she didn’t push her. Tissaia stumbled. She wanted to tell her that she wasn’t saying No, she was just saying not now. But she didn’t move. At all. She just curled up in a ball on her kitchen floor and cried. How would they fix this? Should they fix this? Yennefer bought her a fucking building. She proposed. It was too soon. Right? Maybe it’s just Tissaia. She’s too emotionally closed off, she pushed away a good thing because she got scared. Maybe she was insane for saying no. Well, for saying not now.   
She didn’t know how much time had passed when her phone vibrated incessantly. She searched for it frantically, hoping it was Yennefer.   
The caller ID said Triss. She ignored it.   
She called again.   
It was well past midnight, she could be sleeping that’s why she ignored the calls. Or that’s what she’ll tell Triss when she gets back to her tomorrow.   
She receives a text from Triss.   
“TISSAIA PLEASE ANSWER”   
Another message comes in saying the same thing but this one from Sabrina.   
Tissaia starts to panic. Oh god. What has she done? Has something happened? Why else would they be calling her at this hour?  
Her phone began to ring. This time she was just scared. Too scared to move. A coward. She didn’t want to pick up because she didn’t want to know. What if- what if…   
The phone rang again, Sabrina.   
Again. Triss.   
Again. Triss.   
Again, Triss.   
She picked up.   
“Triss?”  
“Oh my god. Tissaia thank god”   
“Triss what..”  
“Tissaia it’s Yennefer..”  
A sob tore through her body.   
“What-iS - is she?”  
“Breathe.”  
“I CANT FUCKING BREATHE. WHAT HAPPENNED TRISS?”  
“There was a car accident” Triss’ voice broke.   
“Oh my god” she started hyperventilating.   
“She’s in the hospital but she’s okay.. relatively speaking”  
Wait. 

“What?”   
“She’s alive, I mean”   
“WHY DIDN’T YOU LEAD WITH THAT?!?” She yelled before composing herself.   
“I’m sorry Triss, I-“  
“It’s okay.”  
“I’m on my way”  
“Wait Tissaia”  
“What?”  
“She’s… well we can’t see her. For a few days apparently...”   
“Why… y- you she was okay?”  
“Well they… the doctors are… they don’t think it was an accident…”   
Tissaia’s heart dropped.   
“I’m on my way.”   
She hung up the phone. Grabbed her keys and left without a second thought. 

—

“Tissaia!”  
“Triss!”   
She ran up to her and wrapped her tightly in her arms. Though Triss was taller, somehow, Tissaia seemed to be protecting Triss. Sabrina came up behind and hugged her as well.   
“What happened?”  
“Well, we were going to ask you that…” Sabrina trailed off.   
“We uh-“  
“Sabrina!”  
Tissaia turned around to see Philippa and Renfri approaching them.   
“You got here quick.”  
“Called in a favour. Is she okay? What’s going on? What happened ? Where is she?”  
Renfri asked all the questions none of them could really answer, not even Tissaia to some extent.   
That didn’t stop everyone from turning to look at her for an explanation.   
She collapsed into a chair, head in her hands.   
Triss came to sit next to her, rubbing her back.   
“Tissaia, it’s okay we don’t have to do this now…”   
“It’s my fault” she sobbed.   
“I’m sure that’s not true.”  
“She- she proposed and-“  
“WAIT SHE PROPOSED?!” Philippa cut in, loudly as was her style.   
Philippa laughed, “what a dramatic bitch”  
They all glared at her.   
“I say it affectionately, but come on. She proposed. PROPOSED”   
Sabrina and Renfri shared a look and a shrug, they couldn’t really disagree with the drummer’s assessment.   
“So you said no?” Triss commented  
“Yes”  
“You said yes?” Philippa asked, incredulous.   
“No. Yes, I said no. Well I said it’s too soon. But then she she was upset and it’s my fault that-“  
“Tissaia it is not your fault. No one would expect you to say yes. Except for Yen obviously but-“ Sabrina tried to reason. Everyone seemed to agree but Tissaia still felt guilty. Maybe if she has explained herself better, this wouldn’t have happened.   
“It wasn’t a no, it was just… not right now…”   
“Either way, that’s a perfectly normal answer. This isn’t your fault Tissaia” Triss said. 

“No, it’s my fault.”   
They all turned once again to see Francesca and Ida.   
“Our fault,” Ida corrected.   
When no one asked the question, Francesca explained.  
“We knew there was something off. We all knew. The label, the management. I knew better than anyone but we let it go.”  
“Well we’re all guilty of that,” Renfri said.   
“It was our job to look out for you though. We let the label ignore it because it wasn’t that big of a problem.” There was an uncomfortable silence. Then something truly unexpected happened. Francesca broke. She turned to cover her face in her wife’s shoulder but with that slip, the rest of the band really felt the weight of their decisions. The hall grew even more silent, as if it was possible. The emotions were high, even Philippa couldn’t keep it completely together. 

“Are you here for Yennefer Vengerberg?” A doctor approached.   
“Yes” they all answered in surprising synchronicity.   
“Um, which is the next of kin…”   
Everyone looked around, uncertain.   
Ida stepped forward,   
“We are her family.”  
“Right. Um. Technically, we’re supposed to talk to just-“ the doctor froze when he looked at the faces of seven very emotionally charged women that looked about ready to tear him to shreds,   
“... That’s fine. Um. I’m Dr. Chireadan. She’s stable, a few bruises and scratches. A concussion but otherwise healthy physically. We are keeping her for a 72 hour psychiatric evaluation. It’s just standard procedure in cases like these.”   
“Cases like these?” Renfri asked the question no one really needed an answer to.   
“Accidents suspected to be, well, not accidents.”

Silence. 

“We know this is a difficult time, she is sleeping and it is better if she wakes up with someone there before the evaluation begins so…”   
Ida turned to Tissaia.   
“It should be you…”   
“I don’t know if-“   
“If you can’t, it’s okay Tiss but don’t say no because you think she wouldn’t want to see you” Triss interrupted her before she could voice exactly that argument.   
Tissaia could only nod mutely. 

“Tissaia De Vries?” The doctor asked.   
“Yes.”  
“Okay, there’s also police that need to speak with you all, particularly you, Ms. De Vries.”   
Tissaia swallowed and nodded again.   
“Okay, well we’ll come fetch you soon,” the doctor said as he left. 

They all let out a collective exhale when the doctor left, which was cut short when the police entered. 

“I’m Officer Roche, this is officer Ves. We know this is a difficult time but we do need to ask some questions about tonight. The fresher it is, the more accurate the answers are.”   
Francesca, having regained her calm, stepped forward.   
“What is this about?”  
The cops looked at the group anxiously,   
“We’re her family. You know who she is. This is the band and her girlfriend so just talk please.” Ida chimed in.   
“Right well, we received a call from a hotel manager around 11PM. They had had noise complaints which he linked to Ms. Vengerberg’s room. When he went to check on her he found the room destroyed and she was intoxicated. He tried to prevent her from leaving and they got into a physical altercation.”   
“She punched him.” Philippa interjected. It wasn’t a question.   
“Yes. Now he’s not pressing charges. But Ms. Vengerberg did leave the hotel, intoxicated with the intent to drive. Street camera footage shows she ran 3 red lights, the last of which ended up causing this accident.”  
“The other driver, are they okay?” Triss asked. Thanedd wasn’t a big place, she likely knew the person. What if someone else was hurt?   
“Yes, Mr. Rivia is fine, he was in an SUV. Very minor injuries.”  
“Wait Rivia? Geralt?”  
“Yes, it was Geralt.” Roche smiled. Triss knew Roche and Geralt had struck up a solid friendship through their numerous encounters with unruly Aretuza customers.   
“Small world.” Triss whispered.   
“We have reason to believe, based on her speed and trajectory that Ms. Vengerberg was intending to crash the vehicle.”   
Tissaia choked back a sob.   
“We need to know more about the events that lead to this incident. We aren’t trying to get evidence, we have that. But we still need to know this information. We know it’s not an ideal time but..”  
Tissaia nodded, “we can talk in private Ms. De Vries.”   
Tissaia nodded again and followed. Only stopping to hug Triss. 

The rest of the night seemed to just pass by as a blur. She spoke to the police, police officers she knew. It was all so surreal. She has questioned these police officers on the witness stand. She has worked with them as a defence attorney many times. But now they felt like strangers. Strangers prying into her personal life. She knew they probably were not judging her but she still felt judged.   
After speaking with the police, she went back to the waiting area where only Francesca, Sabrina and Triss remained. Though the latter two had only stayed to bring Tissaia a change of clothes and other necessities. Francesca had insisted they go home and rest. There was no sense in them staying here and worrying. She assured them Yennefer was in good hands, with a small smile to Tissaia.   
When they left, Tissaia repeated Francesca’s own advice back to her.   
“I can’t leave. I just- I can’t. I wouldn’t sleep anyways.”   
Tissaia was torn. She felt sympathy for the woman, but she couldn’t deny that she had agreed with what Francesca had said earlier. She had been complicit, not for a few months, for years.   
Still, Tissaia couldn’t bring herself to let it be. Who was she to judge? Had she not ignored the signs in her past? Not only with Yennefer but with Pavetta, Calanthe’s late-daughter? Had she not remained complicit when things seemed unhealthy with her husband at the time, Duny? Yes, this situation was different for sure but we all do these things. As a lawyer she has heard this case many times - overlooking something you don’t want to see is all too commonplace.   
Tissaia sighed and sat down.   
“She never would have listened to you anyways.”   
The woman chuckled, “but I could have tried harder.”   
“Maybe. But it’s not as if you had never intervened.”   
Tissaia hasn’t forgotten seeing an article about Yennefer being forced into rehab by the very woman sitting next to her.   
“At the label’s behest.”   
“I just- I knew. It wasn’t just diva mood swings. I knew and I let it go. This is not the first time we’ve been here Tissaia. Not to this extreme but I knew she had been suicidal in the past. I knew. I knew she would jump from that state to complete excitement the next day. I knew it wasn’t normal. I- I- I didn’t take care of her and now- I almost lost-“  
The end of the sentence never came.   
Tissaia valiantly fought her own tears.   
“Now you have a second chance. Go get some rest.” She finished, patting the woman’s hand once before leaving towards the room she had been told Yennefer was in. 

Her first look at Yennefer on the hospital bed threatened to break her. If not for the young intern doctor that had been asked to wait for her, she may well have collapsed in the door.   
It wasn’t brutal, no. Two black eyes, some bruising on her jaw. She had a bandage wrapped around her forehead. She could see cuts on her hands but Tissaia had seen worse. However, she had never seen this image with someone she loved being in the centre of it.   
“Tissaia? She’s okay… I promise.”   
The young doctor smiled. She had short red hair and pretty green eyes. She looked… soft, but you could see a fierceness in her eyes.   
Tissaia nodded, and the woman grabbed a chair and moved it next to Yennefer’s bed.   
“I’m Shani. I’m on call in this wing tonight, if you need something you feel free to buzz me or the nurse.” 

And then Tissaia was alone. She watched Yennefer sleep from her uncomfortable chair. She was exhausted but she couldn’t close her eyes. She was too afraid that if she did, she may never get to see Yennefer’s face again. She knew her girlfriend was fine but she couldn’t convince her heart.   
It was overwhelming. She was all out of tears and simply held the woman’s hand.  
—

Yennefer couldn’t tell if she was alive or dead. The vague beeping she could hear, the hissing of a hospital machine suggested she was alive. She didn’t feel like opening her eyes to get a closer look. Her head felt like a smashed vase that had been glued back together by a horse.   
She thought she might be dead because despite the hospital smell, she could also smell a familiar vanilla based perfume and she could feel a hand holding her own. A soft hand that she could recognize anywhere. Fingers softly caressing her hand. Fingers she loved so much it hurt.   
She found the energy to produce a weak groan. 

—   
Tissaia felt a slight stirring followed by a quiet groan. She shot up to stand next to the bed. Pushing curls that still ended up in Yennefer’s face despite the head bandage. She hadn’t wanted to touch her face earlier, she didn’t want to wake her. But now she just wanted to touch every part of Yennefer, to make sure she was real. 

“Tissaia-“ came a weak voice.   
Tissaia discovered she was not out of tears after all.   
“Oh god. Yen, what were you thinking, my love?” She leaned down further. Bringing her hands to very gently cup Yennefer’s face. The woman hadn’t opened her eyes yet. They fluttered but didn’t open. 

“You’re- you’re here?” She sounded groggy and confused.   
“Of course I’m here.” She kissed her then, once. Twice. Three times.   
“I’m sorry-“   
“Shh. Just, Yennefer. I love you.”   
Tears started to form in Yennefer’s eyes, even though she hadn’t opened them yet. Tissaia gently wiped away the tears with her thumbs, but did not release the woman’s face.   
Yennefer opened her eyes just a little. She winced and shut them again.   
“You absolute idiot. I love you, Yennefer. And I want to marry you someday. Just not today. I wasn’t saying no, just not now.”   
Yennefer’s shoulders began to shake. She tried to open her eyes again. She was more successful this time, seemingly spurred by the need to see Tissaia as she spoke.   
“I know. I’m sorry I- I just lost it and I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I-“ she started sobbing now. And Tissaia just pulled her closer so Yennefer could bury her face against her as she smoothed her hair down.   
In time, Yennefer began to settle and Tissaia squeezed into the very very small hospital bed.   
“We’re going to get you the help you need, Yen. We’re going to get through this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all are feeling better now. It’s not all easy road from here but ya know..


	21. Celebrity vs Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yennefer’s psychiatric evaluation is over but the questions have just begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I have been thoroughly distracted by watching 8 out of 10 Cats does Countdown and The Americans. 
> 
> Mistakes are my own.

“Abso-fucking-lutely not. I don’t care why you’re in the hospital, I don’t care what meds you’re on, I refuse to listen to another ‘song idea’ that is just an apology to or a love song for your girlfriend.”   
“I hate to say it but I’m on team Phil, Yenna.” Sabrina added, betraying Yennefer’s very soul.   
“Fine! What else am I supposed to do with 3 days to myself?!”   
“Gouging your eyes out might have been a better option.”   
“Harsh, Phil” Renfri said, shoving her playfully.   
“Sorry love.” Philippa smirked, leaned and kissed Renfri on the cheek.   
“Renfri you need to teach me how to do that!”   
“Yenna, I’d never let get you close enough to be able to execute the technique Renfri uses.” This earned her another shove and grimaces.   
“Ugh gross.” Yennefer gagged.   
“Yeah I’m back on Team Yennefer” Sabrina agreed before high-fiving her.   
The laughter was interrupted by a hulking figure by the door, platinum blonde hair, tall, muscled, in a dark knit sweater.   
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”   
“You’re not Geralt” Yennefer smiled.   
“You’re the one who hit her with your car!” Philippa exclaimed much to the horror of everyone. Geralt turned a shade of red. The whole situation only got weirder when Philippa went in for a high five.   
Geralt, too confused and/or polite to refuse, limply put out his hand after seeing Yennefer laugh.   
When Philippa turned back to her bandmates she shrugged,   
“What? Didn’t we all agree that is why Yennefer is still alive? I thought that earned a high five”   
“Oh my god” Renfri said before grabbing Philippa and dragging her out,   
“We’ll come back later,” she said as she was leaving, then she looked at Philippa, “I’ll come back later!”   
Yennefer just laughed.   
Geralt looked proper confused, and it didn’t help when Sabrina went up to him, forced him to bend down so she could kiss his cheek and then whisper something in his ear before saying her goodbyes as well. 

“Hey,” she said when the room was clear of the misfits.   
“Hey….”  
“Well don’t just stand there, come here.”   
He walked over with a crooked grin.   
“Sorry I hit you with my car.”   
“Sorry I ran a red light and got in the way of your car.”   
He chucked but he seemed troubled,   
“Seriously, Geralt you… you saved my life. If you hadn’t hit me, I would have hit that wall. So you know you’re stuck with me forever. I’m bound to you. Forever in your debt,” she joked.   
Before he could reply, an enthusiastic, familiar, obnoxious voice flooded the room,   
“Ger, I got your coffee. Are you almost done with the witch?”  
The speaker, a small man with a mop of brown hair, bright blue eyes and an annoyingly charming smile came in dressed in his usual bright coloured clothing that was a stark contrast to the hulking man he was approaching.   
“Jaskier,” Yennefer sneered.   
“Yennefer,” he responded in the same tone.   
“You’re looking…. well, I guess. Ger did you tell her to thank me ?” Yennefer looked at him curiously,   
“Geralt was being a gentleman and fetching me some ice cream”   
“Oh? Menstrual craving Julian?”   
He put a hand to his chest, mocking offence.   
“Jaskier, you’ve seen better days. The crows feet are new.”   
“Yeah well your jokes are…”  
She tilted her head waiting for his response.   
“Old.”   
She scoffed. She didn’t hate Jaskier, not truly. Nor did he hate her. They wouldn’t have toured together multiple times if they truly hated each other. Geralt seemed to be not entirely sure of the dynamic though.   
“Speaking of old, where’s your girlfriend?”   
Okay, now Yennefer hated him.   
“I’m going to kill you.” She lunged, but was caught by Geralt.   
“Ooohhhkay, we’re going to go. Sorry Yen. Get well soon.”   
Yennefer continued to glare at Jaskier but gave Geralt’s arm a friendly squeeze.   
They both turned to leave, Geralt chuckling slightly. She heard Jaskier stop and gasp before quickly retreating out the door but she couldn’t see what caused that until Geralt approached the frame and she saw a hand she knew very well caress his arm before he stepped away revealing a form leaning against the door.   
Tissaia was dressed quite casually for a week day, a knit sweater and jeans and she leaned against the frame (Yennefer had never really seen her lean against anything other than whatever pole kept her back so damn straight). She wore a soft smile and Yennefer’s insides melted. So did her outsides. In fact she is certain she was a puddle of goo as the light streamed through the window just right to make Tissaia’s eyes look impossibly blue. Her hair was still tied up but only in a loose ponytail. 

Tissaia seemed to be taking Yennefer in as well, and for the first time in a long time, Yennefer felt self conscious. She wasn’t exactly looking her best in sweats and less make-up than she should be wearing for reuniting with a woman she very much needs to convince to not leave her after months of reckless behaviour. 

Finally, Tissaia approached and immediately sat on the hospital bed and wrapped Yennefer in a tight hug.   
“How are you feeling?”   
“Much better now,” she sighed after inhaling the wonderful scent of Tissaia’s hair. Tissaia’s essence in general.   
“Sorry Jaskier is an ass”   
“He makes quite the odd pair with Geralt.”   
“Understatement of the year.”   
They pulled away from the hug but Tissaia held her hands, caressing them with her thumbs.   
She didn’t ask, she just waited until Yennefer was ready to speak.   
“They put me on lithium” she looked down, ashamed. She knows she shouldn’t be but…  
“Well that’s good, right?”   
She shrugged, not meeting Tissaia’s eyes.   
“Maybe. Don’t know yet.”   
“Well, we’ll figure it out.” Tissaia brought one of her hands to Yennefer’s cheek, encouraging her to meet her eyes.   
When she did, the words that had been weighing on her just spilled out,  
“Look, Tissaia. I-I know this is a lot. It’s not what you signed up for. I-I mean, it’s not everyday you find out your girlfriend is some mentally ill bipolar mess after she tries to kill herself over a failed proposal and a trashed room. If you need… I can understand if… I know you have a life and -“  
Lips suddenly covered hers.  
“Does that answer your question?”   
“I just want to be sure you know what you’re getting in to and that if you need to leave, I understand because”  
“Yennefer shut up. Just, gods. Shut that pretty little mouth of yours.”   
Yennefer was distracted by how turned on she got from Tissaia’s commanding tone to do anything but listen. 

“I don’t care that you’re bipolar or anything else. I don’t care that it’s going to be tough. It’s already been tough. Life is tough. Darling, I had full intention to sit in that waiting room for 3 days, and only by threat of violence did Calanthe get me to move. I want to be here, Yennefer. So shut up and eat your croissant. No more talk of me being allowed to live my own life. I like having my life intertwined with yours.”   
Yennefer’s eyes were watery but she smiled and took the offered food that she hadn’t noticed before. 

“Now when do I get to take you back to my bed?”   
Yennefer laughed, heat pooling in her stomach.   
“Aren’t you eager?”  
“Don’t pretend you don’t like it.”   
“I would never.” She leaned over to kiss her before continuing,   
“Soon. Today. Then we can have all the wild and crazy sex you want babe.”   
Tissaia gave her a stern look,   
“Listen miss concussion, that will have to wait.”   
“So you teased me about wanting me in your bed just to tell me you plan to adhere to medical guidelines?”   
“I said I wanted you in my bed. I didn’t say anything about sex. That’s all you darling.” Tissaia’s smirk did nothing to take Yennefer’s thoughts out of the gutter.   
“Just you wait.”   
Tissaia brought her lips to Yennefer’s stopping just before they kissed.   
“Oh I will be” she whispered before sealing the promise with a kiss.   
Yennefer groaned.   
“That’s not fair, you’re not allowed to turn me on if I can’t do something about it.”   
“Consider it your overdue punishment for making me need a new desk at work.” 

—-  
Tissaia felt two arms snake around her waist and a warm body press against her back. Lips left kisses on her throat.   
“Hmm you’re finally up, just in time for lunch.” Tissaia tilted her head, giving Yennefer more access to her throat even if she shouldn’t.   
“I have a concussion” Yennefer whispered, leaving more hot, wet kisses on her throat, her shoulder.   
“And how long do you plan on milking that?” she tried to keep her voice under control and was quite pleased with her efforts, for once.   
“How long can I keep getting away with it?”   
“You know there’s a double edge here. The longer you milk this concussion, the longer I’ll have to do this,” she said, stepping out of the embrace, putting a stop to Yennefer’s intentions.   
Yennefer pouted.   
“Chireadan said no rigorous activity for a week, Yennefer. There’s still 2 days left.” Not that Tissaia was counting.   
“I have my suspicions about his intentions Tissaia,” she responded, stepping into Tissaia’s space again and putting her hands on her hips.   
“I’m sure his crush on you did not influence his medical advice.” The man had been more than obvious. He blushed every time Yennefer spoke and he looked crestfallen when Yennefer had asked him to define ‘rigorous activity’ while holding Tissaia’s hand and looking at her slyly.   
“But what if it did?”  
“But what if it didn’t?”   
Yennefer only pouted again, knowing Tissaia was right but hating it. 

—

“Yennefer, it’s time to wake up.”  
Tissaia had already been awake for an hour but decided to let Yennefer sleep in, all too aware of how difficult the day ahead would be.   
Yennefer only groaned and pulled the blankets over her head. Nearly a week of sleeping in has taken its effect.   
“Yen, you can’t avoid this forever.”   
“I know. I know. I don’t want to but… why can’t you just be my lawyer again?”   
“Conflict of interest, darling.” She said, as she sat on the bed and pulled the blanket away revealing a mess of hair and an unhappy face.   
“I love it when you lawyer talk.”   
“That is hardly lawyer speak, Yen.”   
“Still, it’s hot.”   
This was a new game Yennefer very much enjoyed playing whenever Tissaia tried to get her to do something. Hands came to run across her leg, fingertips reaching below her shirt to make delicate patterns on the skin of her hips and her stomach.   
Tissaia had gone years without having much of a sex life. She had even managed to take things slow with Yennefer in the beginning, but now she was having a harder and harder time resisting.   
It didn’t help that Yennefer had kept reminding her that she’s “in the clear” in 2 days, then 1 day and now it’s today.   
This was another reason Tissaia let Yennefer sleep in.  
Tissaia had to go to work today, it was her last day before she took her week off. She couldn’t be… distracted and end up running late.   
More importantly, Yennefer was having her official meeting with the police today and Tissaia didn’t want _her_ to be late, or distracted.   
Reluctantly, she stilled Yennefer’s hands.   
“There’s breakfast in the oven. Triss will be here soon to drive you. I’m sorry I can’t drive you.”   
“Tissaia if you apologize for that one more time, I swear to god I’ll…”  
Tissaia arched an eyebrow waiting for a response.   
Yennefer’s eyes flashed mischievously and before Tissaia could think, Yennefer had lunged forward and captured her lips.   
Yennefer fell back down on the bed, pulling Tissaia along so her upper body was leaning over her, one hand on the other side of Yennefer to support herself. She had the wherewithal to stay seated, feet pointed towards the exit she knew she should be taking.   
A hot tongue ran against the seam of her lips and she couldn’t resist the intrusion, moaning as their tongue slid together. Deft fingers reached up and undid a single button on her blouse, allowing for the rest of the hand to slide inside and squeeze her breast.   
With a deep reluctance, Tissaia nipped Yennefer’s lip hard enough to distract the woman and pulled back and out of arms reach.   
“Naughty girl.” She hadn’t meant to say those words, she definitely hadn’t meant for them to come out so hungrily. Yennefer ran her tongue over the small swollen lump forming from where Tissaia bit her.   
“You’ll have to punish me.”   
She choked down a whimper and looked away from the enticing woman who’s tank top had slid down during their brief moment enough for Tissaia to see most of her nipple which she desperately wanted to take into her mouth right now.   
“Later.” She took a deep breath, composing herself before looking back at her girlfriend who was either unaware or didn’t care about her exposed nipple. Tissaia focused only on her eyes, which were also black with desire and only slightly less tempting than the view further down.   
“Later.” She said more confidently before running for the hills. She doubts she could resist Yennefer a 3rd time in one morning.   
She heard Yennefer’s very loud, dramatic groan and smiled to herself.   
“Text me when you’re done, love you!” She called out while literally running down her stairs.   
Yennefer didn’t respond verbally, but within seconds a text came in with the cheerful message of “I love you too, have a good day at work!” This benign message was coupled with a selfie of Yennefer laying in her bed, just above Tissaia’s head as she stood in her living room, with her tank top pulled down even more so both breasts were exposed completely.   
“I hate you!” She called out. She heard Yennefer laugh and just before she left, she heard the shower turn on. 

—

Yennefer was inappropriately turned on given what the day ahead held for her, but she couldn’t help it. She craved Tissaia.   
Since she started her new medication, she had noted a marked difference in her libido which probably wasn’t a bad thing overall, especially when her girlfriend was every sapphic girl’s wet dream.   
As a result, she hadn’t really touched herself as much as she used to. Even when she would get turned on, she found it was easier to get distracted and lose that edge.   
This morning was different. Probably in part due to the anxiety of her meeting with the police, probably also because she would get to touch Tissaia tonight - doctor’s orders.   
However, she quickly discovered a new problem. She was having a hard time getting off. Such a hard time that she simply gave up. This was new and entirely unpleasant.   
Was this like, a thing now?   
She knew it could be a side effect but would it always be an issue? What if she just couldn’t? What would she tell Tissaia? Could she tell her? Maybe it would be different with Tissaia. Maybe the stress of her meeting was disrupting it.   
Whatever it was, she didn’t really have time to dwell. 

She got dressed, ate the food Tissaia had left for her - scrambled eggs and bacon because her girlfriend was an angel- and went outside to wait for Triss.   
The unpleasant consequence of this whole mess was the temporary suspension of her license. Well, the first unpleasant consequence. She is sure she will hear of more soon.   
She has no intention of trying to defend her actions. She deserves to be punished, she could have killed someone or seriously injured them. It didn’t mean it didn’t suck though. She hadn’t hired a lawyer, despite her jokes about Tissaia being her lawyer.   
She didn’t need one. She wasn’t going to contest the charges or the sentence. Okay, if she thought she was going to jail she would have contested but Tissaia already laid out the likely punishment. Therapy, which she was already in, Alcoholics Anonymous which she dreaded but probably did need, possibly some community service. Her license will be suspended for two months, minimum.   
Overall, it’s not that bad and she’s not about to complain. Nor is she about to use her celebrity and money to get away with it.   
She thinks about Geralt. She thinks about the fact that if he had been driving something less substantial, he may have gotten more serious injuries. She thinks about the fact that if he had been just a few seconds earlier, she may have T-boned him. Or if he had hit her differently he may have spun out. If there was another car on the road they may have hit him.   
She royally fucked up and was lucky nobody got hurt.   
Except for the hotel manager. Who didn’t press charges even though she told him he could.   
His refusal to press charges did nothing for her guilt. 

Triss, bless her heart, allowed Yennefer her contemplative silence on the drive. She assured Yennefer she would wait for her, no matter how many times Yennefer told her it wasn’t needed.   
Soon she was sitting in a room with two police officers. It wasn’t some badass interrogation room which was strangely disappointing.   
“We just need to wait for your lawyer before we begin,” the male officer with a name badge saying Roche, on his breast spoke.   
“Oh I- I didn’t ask for a lawyer?”   
The other officer, Ves, gave her a scathing look,  
“We were told by our captain you had a lawyer coming. I was surprised you were early. Surprised you came at all.”   
Finding out she had a lawyer was only slightly less surprising than the intense vibes of hatred coming off the woman with a blonde pixie cut. She looked a little like a “Karen” and Yennefer smirked wondering if that was her first name.   
The smirk was involuntary and poorly timed, the officer shot daggers at her while her partner gently nudged her.   
She shot daggers at him too. Yikes.   
The door opened and a man with wavy blonde hair, blue eyes and slightly pointed ears walked in carrying briefcase. The sharp, 3-piece suit in grey and briefcase screamed lawyer but almost everything else about the man did not. He looked vaguely familiar. A much more familiar face that she was not a fan of followed behind. 

“Yennefer, always a pleasure to see you. Though these circumstances are not ideal,” she could never really tell if he was mocking her, scolding her or applauding her. His voice never gave much away, “you look in good health.” He smiled, an unpleasant smile. He had small, perfectly straight and even teeth which always made her feel uneasy. His hair was grey and receding. It was still long though, slicked backwards. His eyes were a horribly pale shade of green and he always had a way of seeming to look beyond you. Through you. Right to your soul.   
Overall, it seemed a little extreme for the head of Aen Elle management to be here. Her attention was then brought to the stranger.   
“This is Mr. Filavandrel. He’s your lawyer.”   
The man reached to shake her hand which she took awkwardly.   
“I didn’t ask for a lawyer Avallac’h”   
“As an employee of Aen Elle, Filavandrel is here to represent you in all legal manners.”   
“I’m not an employee-“  
“What would you call someone who is paid by a company for their specific skillset? Contractually Ms. Vengerberg, you work for us. I was sure Ida would have explained this to you.”   
Yennefer swallowed and looked away. She can’t remember Ida ever saying anything of the sort but she also didn’t listen often.   
“Perhaps you’ve forgotten…” he says with a smile. Can he read her mind?   
“Well, I don’t want a lawyer then.”   
The man bristled but only for a microsecond.   
“He’s flown all this way, as have I, to protect you and your rights. Let us not make hasty dismissals.”   
It wasn’t a question, or a suggestion she could refuse. She knew this, so she just refocused on the officers as Filavandrel sat down. Avallac’h cleared his throat, looking at the two officers expectantly. He was still standing since there wasn’t a 5th chair.   
It took the officers a minute to understand what Avallac’h wanted. It would have taken less time if the prick just spoke instead of waiting mutely.   
Roche turned to Ves, silently telling her to go grab an extra chair.   
If Ves was in a bad mood before, this made it 10 times worse.   
She returned, roughly leaving the chair in front of Avallac’h rather than putting it by the table.   
He smirked, grabbed the chair and sat on Yennefer’s other side. She wished he wouldn’t.   
Filavandrel spoke for the first time,   
“So what are the charges.”   
“Driving under the influence, reckless driving, vandalism of the hotel room and assault,” Roche began.   
“The assault charges were never filed.” Avallac’h cut in calmly.   
Ves glared at him. “Driving under the influence, reckless driving and vandalism then.”   
Avallac’h nodded, seemingly proud of himself.   
“The hotel has been compensated generously for the damage to the room, the rental car dealer was also compensated. And we’ve already offered to pay for any damage caused by my client’s vehicle to the surrounding buildings.”   
Most of this was news to her, other than the hotel.   
“That doesn’t negate the charges, sir,” Roche responded, much calmer than his partner.   
“Of course not, but surely it helps.” Avallac’h dropped his voice, the implication clear. Before anyone could respond, the fox continued, “Aen Elle Management is prepared to pay a settlement-“  
“This isn’t a settlement issue” Ves cut in.   
Avallac’h raised his hand to silence her and Yennefer was sure Ves was ready to break his arm.   
“We are prepared to pay any settlement, whatever your department feels is necessary. Before you interrupt again, Officer Ves, I should let you know this has already been discussed with your captain. And the district attorney.”   
Yennefer quickly caught up on what was going on, she was fuming.   
“What the fuck are you talking about?!” She rounded on him, not caring that he was the CEO of her management company and held her career in his slender hands.   
Filavandrel leaned in to her, speaking softly,   
“Ms. Vengerberg, it’s usually best if you allow your attorney to discuss these matters. The less you say, the better the outcome usually. The easier it is to make this go away.”   
Yennefer recoiled, “I don’t want this to just go away. I’m not throwing money at this.”   
“Can you excuse us for a moment?” Avallac’h spoke from behind her. The officers looked wary but ultimately had to do as they were told.   
She felt a cool hand on her wrist,   
“Yennefer, you don’t only represent yourself here. You represent AEM. Your image, is our image. Your mistakes, are our mistakes. The sooner we can settle this and move on, the better.”   
“Absolutely not.”   
“Respectfully Yennefer, this isn’t your choice.” Avallac’h voice was like ice now.   
Yennefer’s voice took on the same tone, but louder.   
“It’s my life. It’s my fucking choice Crevan.” Hardly anyone used his first name, no one would dare. Not one but Yennefer.   
“It’s time you shut your loud mouth for once Yennefer. You’ve been a train wreck for more than a year and we have done everything, spent countless thousands of dollars to protect you. I understand you’re feeling fragile right now but this is out of your hands. So sit quiet, don’t answer their questions. Do as your told for once in your life.”   
Avallac’h stood and opened the doors for the officers before Yennefer could say anything. She was physically shaking, angry. Too angry.   
“You need to leave.” She said finally just as he was about to sit back down.   
He chuckled and sat down anyways.   
“You’re not my fucking lawyer, he is. So you can fucking leave.”   
Avallac’h looked about ready to strangle her, she felt the same.   
He stood, walking to Filavandrel and whispering something in his ear before walking out the door.   
She was surprised, she didn’t think it would be that easy.   
Filavandrel cleared his throat next to her.   
“Right, well. We’re here to discuss a settlement of the charges and we would like to keep all of this as quiet as possible. We’ve drawn up NDAs for you to sign. Your bosses have approved this so-“  
“We haven’t even started asking questions.”   
“Yeah, they haven’t even started asking questions.” Yennefer responded. Okay, maybe it’s not the wisest decision to side with the cops about herself but she was suddenly very aware of the reason Ves seemed to hate her. She knew this would come down to hush money even before Yennefer did.   
“There’s no need for questions.”   
“I want them to ask their questions.”  
“I would advise against that…”  
“Thanks for the advice.”   
She turned away, looking at the officers.   
Roche hesitated before continuing.   
“Ms. Vengerberg we do know the generals of what happened and we have statements from others but what we need from you is to fill in the gaps.”   
“For what purpose?” Filavandrel asked, “why would you need her statement? It won’t change the charges.”   
“It’s for our report.”  
“Your report? Or the newspaper?”  
Ves had steam coming out of her ears.   
“Why waste our time officers? This matter is already settled, we gave you the courtesy of allowing this unnecessary meeting but let’s not waste energy here.”  
“Get out.” Yennefer ground out.   
Filavandrel looked at her.   
“I said get out.”   
“Ms. Vengerberg, I was asked to represent you-“  
“And I don’t want your representation so fuck off because you’re fired.”   
“I don’t work for you.”   
“Doesnt fucking matter. My girlfriend is a lawyer, I know you can’t forcefully represent me so get out.”   
“Ms. Vengerberg, this is a mistake.”  
“Maybe. But it’s my mistake and I’ll accept the consequences of this too. I’m not going to be some fucking celebrity that waves their fame and fortune at a problem to make it go away.”  
She turned to the officers, speaking fast.   
“I proposed to my girlfriend. She said no. I was upset, I ended up at the hotel room I rented as a stupid celebration surprise. I drank the entire minibar. Then I destroyed the whole room. The manager came up, he asked me to stay because I was drunk. I punched him in the face. I got in to my rental and started to drive. I wasn’t planning on- on,” she hesitated here, “I had no plans. It was late, I was drunk and I was sad. I saw a wall and decided to- decided to kill myself,” her voice broke just a little having to reflect on that moment. The feelings she had felt in the car came surging up. The utter lack of hope. The emptiness. The sadness. The pain. Her eyes started to sting and she angrily wiped at them.   
“I ran a red light, another car hit the back of mine. I spun out and then it went black. I was drunk. I was driving too fast. I ignored the red lights and I-“ now the tears that had threatened began to flow. Her voice losing strength with every passing second.   
“And I - I could have killed someone. Or hurt somebody. Or- I- I was lucky. So no, I’m not just going to pay some money to keep this quiet. People need to know there are consequences to this shit. I need to know it.” She said this last bit to Filavandrel himself.   
Filavandrel hung his head. He knew she just fucked herself hard. She didn’t care.   
The officers sat there stunned at her outburst and subsequent breakdown as she was now fully sobbing.   
—   
It was a half hour later that she all but stormed out of the police station, grabbing Triss and ignoring Avallac’h until he caught up with her and grabbed her wrist.   
“That was foolish, Yennefer.”   
She just smiled.   
“Your renegotiation date is fast approaching. Don’t think I’ll forget the danger you’ve put us in.”   
“What danger would that be Hmm? I’m not the first Aen Elle artist to tangle with the cops. And you couldn’t pay them all off, so what’s the problem?”   
His nostrils flared.   
“Oh, I get it. It’s not the legal issue you’re worried about is it? You’re scared everyone will start asking, ‘why was this obvious pattern of behaviour ignored for so long?’ Right? You’re worried everyone will think you don’t care about your artists. You just care about what we can give you.”   
“We do care.”  
“Hardly. Don’t worry Crevan, I won’t go tell the whole story. Not for you, or Aen Elle but for Francesca and Ida. I know who gave them their orders, don’t think I don’t.”   
She walked off then, grabbing a frozen Triss by the elbow and dragging her away.   
—

Tissaia came home early after finding out what happened at the police station.   
Yennefer was beside herself. Angry, upset, ecstatic that she had stood up for herself, and upheld the law. She was a flurry of emotions and energy. It was all Tissaia could do to convince her to stop pacing and sit on the couch.   
She’d wrapped her arms around her then, held her tightly to keep her from fidgeting.   
She stroked her hair and encouraged deep breaths and soon, Yennefer was much calmer. Tissaia made a quick dinner and they ate while watching The Office, which always lifted Yen’s spirits. Though Yennefer offered to help with the dishes, Tissaia insisted she rest.   
And she did. When Tissaia returned not even 10 minutes later, Yennefer had fallen asleep sitting down, her head leaning back against the couch.   
Tissaia grabbed a blanket from the nearby chair, quietly positioned herself on the couch, and gently eased Yennefer down to cuddle into her. Tissaia marveled at how peaceful Yennefer looked. She was shocked the woman hadn’t even stirred.   
She wrapped her arms around her, running her fingers through her hair and scratching her scalp lightly.   
Yennefer murmured and snuggled into Tissaia’s chest even further.   
Even asleep the woman was incorrigible, but Tissaia wouldn’t have her any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could not resist the nods to canon of Geralt saving Yen’s life when she decided to do something stupid.   
> I also couldn’t resist using that dialogue from the show between Yen and Jask before the Dragon Hunt. 
> 
> For those that have only seen the show, Avallac’h is a super sketchy dude who claims to have others futures in mind but really he cares only about the futures that work in his favour. 
> 
> There’s not a whole lot of plot left. Honestly I feel like I’ve dragged this out way longer than needed but oh well. I don’t know how many more chapters I have, I would like to say 2 or 3 but knowing me it might be 5 or 6 as I continue to dig in to subplots or something.   
> The end game is still clear, but the path to that is shrouded. 
> 
> Thank you for bearing with me thus far!


	22. Denny, Don’t Plan Too Much, It Might Not Come Out Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tissaia regrets making plans to make plans which won’t be able to go as planned. Undeterred she continues to make plans. 
> 
> Yennefer meanwhile would much prefer if everyone just left her alone for half a minute. Instead, her current position forced her to take on a role she isn’t sure she’s up for.  
> The pressure builds in more ways than one, but will she erupt?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a reference to the best worst movie ever made - The Room. I would suggest you watch it on YouTube if you like laughing at really bad movies with nonsensical dialogue. 
> 
> I wrote and rewrote this chapter so many times, let me tell ya.  
> In part because I would write something and then I would be like “oh let’s add that as a plot point” and would therefore need to edit everything else to accommodate that addition.  
> The worst part is it often wasn’t that important so I just rearranged the plot for something minor.  
> OH WELL, HERE WE ARE. 
> 
> As we know, I’m not big on proofreading. I’m even less inclined when I’ve rewritten it so often even though realistically that is when I should be proofreading for flow. Yikes, apologies in advance for any errors. 
> 
> I would reckon 2-3 chapters (again). The next one will be a good deal of smutty nonsense, just a heads up.

It was 7 AM on Saturday morning when her phone started ringing incessantly. Her first guess was that she had accidentally set her alarm. Therefore she blindly reached for her phone to silence it.  
It was more difficult to reach her phone than normal, and why was her neck so sore? It was then she noticed the other abnormalities. Why weren’t her black-out curtains shut? Why does her bed feel so small? The only question she knew the answer to through the haze of waking up was what was serving as such a heavy blanket.  
She was usually sharper, even first thing in the morning, but she was on holidays okay? She had turned off her brain.  
The pieces clicked finally and she remembered the night before and how she and Yennefer had accidentally fallen asleep on the couch. Her neck muscles seemed keen to remind her of her mistake as she felt a pounding headache every time she moved an inch.  
Nevertheless, she silenced her phone. Ready to fall back asleep even if it would permanently ruin her neck.  
Then the phone went off again. 

Whoever was calling her at 7AM on the first Saturday of her week off would have hell to pay.  
She grabbed her phone, Calanthe’s name and the silly picture she’d taken of the woman asleep in her office chair flashed on the screen. She was too slow to answer. It was only once her dear friend’s contact information disappeared did she notice she had missed 6 calls. The first 4 hadn’t woken her. Shit. She was supposed to be awake a while ago.  
She answered, trying to be quiet so Yennefer wouldn’t wake up.  
“This better be an emergency.”  
When Calanthe didn’t respond, Tissaia flooded with annoyance.  
“Calanthe?” No reply.  
She looked at the phone, the call was still connected.  
“Calanthe?” she whispered more harshly  
Still nothing.  
“I swear to god if this is a prank…”  
“Calanthe!!” She spoke loudly this time, a pinch of fear starting to wrap around her heart.  
Yennefer stirred, her eyes flickering open for a moment before she just cuddled into Tissaia more.  
The anxiety of this non-phone call was diminished for a moment. How could she not melt when Yennefer had a soft, contented smile and murmured against her skin?  
“Jesus Christ, Cal!”  
“Shit shit sorry Tissaia.”  
“What the fuck was that?!”  
“I didn’t realize I was on mute.”  
Silence filled the space. 

“You nearly gave me a heart attack.”  
“Good, so you’re already primed to hear my next sentence.”  
Tissaia’s breathing sped up.  
“So, last night there was a little issue at Aretuza,” she began, “a pipe burst so the place is mildly flooded.”  
“Define mildly flooded”  
“Maybe like an inch, inch and a half”  
“ACROSS THE WHOLE VENUE?!”  
She yelled, startling her sleeping beauty awake.  
“Whatsgoingon”  
“Nothing, nothing. You sleep.”  
“That’s cute…” Calanthe whispered.  
“What’s the damage Cal?”  
“I think insurance covers it.”  
“What’s the damage?”  
“Well, see the whole flood thing was just one part.”  
“IT GETS WORSE?!” She spoke too loudly again.  
“It gets worse?” She whispered.  
“Well, so some of the wires may have come in contact with some of the water. And that may have resulted in a small fire.”  
“What?! Why are there exposed wires in the first place?!”  
“The good news is, since the place was ya know, flooding, the fire didn’t really do much. Structurally we’re good.”  
Tissaia sighed heavily, looking at Yennefer who somehow had fallen back asleep.  
“I’m on my way.”  
“Sorry, Tiss.”  
“Did you bust the pipe?”  
“What? No!”  
“Then don’t apologize. See you soon.”  
She let her phone fall to the floor, bringing her hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose. She ran her fingers through Yennefer’s hair gently, trying to coax her into waking. She didn’t want to wake her abruptly.  
A sign of life gave her the motive to speak.  
“Yen, darling?”  
“Hmm?”  
“I need to go to Aretuza.”  
A groan was her only response. Tissaia felt the same.  
“There was a flood, and a fire and god knows what else.”  
“Mmh.”  
“So I’m going to need to get up.”  
Yennefer held on to her more tightly.  
“Do ya wanmeto come?” She slurred.  
“No, no. You sleep. I suggest going to the bed though.”  
Another groan as she picked herself up ever so slowly from the couch.  
“How long are yougunnabe?”  
“Not long, I think.”  
“Okay.” Tissaia couldn’t tell if she was sad or just tired. She kissed Yennefer, pulling her upstairs and literally tucking her into bed. If only because she wanted to prolong every second with her.  
“I’ll leave some breakfast in the oven, okay?”  
“Cool.” Again, sad or tired Tissaia could not tell. Probably both.  
Yennefer pulled the blankets over her head and Tissaia closed the curtains.  
She went down, made herself a quick eggs and bacon breakfast and left a plate as promised.  
In no time she was at Aretuza, horribly grumpy and dreading this whole mess. 

“Did she buy it?” Calanthe asked as she walked in.  
“I think we oversold it. She was basically dead, I don’t think she even heard us.”  
“Well I had fun.” Cal responded with a smile.  
She regretted the deception she herself had planned the moment her phone rang but it was already too late to back out. 

—

It was hours later when Yennefer’s phone, that Tissaia must have brought upstairs for her and plugged in because she sure as hell would never bother on a Saturday, rang.  
She only bothered the check the name because she wanted to be sure it wasn’t Tissaia.  
The name was shorter than her girlfriend’s so she just dropped the phone back down, not bothering to find out more.  
She really didn’t care anyways. She just wants to sleep. She’s exhausted and yesterday was shit and now her Saturday with Tissaia was ruined by divine intervention. So she would sleep in hopes that by the time Tissaia came home she would have the energy to do anything other than lay in bed.  
This lithium bullshit was killing her. It was fine at first, she felt normal but now? Now she was tired. And moody. Clearly “mood stabilizer” was the wrong description for this bullshit.  
Her phone rang again, still not Tissaia.  
She answered though,  
“Fuck off I’m sleeping”  
She hung up the phone and dropped it again.  
A full blissful five minutes passed before her phone went off again. She was going to throw it against a fucking wall.  
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!”  
“Yen?”  
Dread. All of the dread. She probably shouldn’t be as upset about this moment but she felt tears in her eyes.  
“Shit. I didn’t look. I’m sorry Tissaia.”  
Then she heard a laugh, the laugh of an angel.  
“It’s okay love, did I wake you?”  
“No” she lied.  
“Sure. I just wanted to check in. I’ll be another couple of hours.”  
Yennefer tried not to sigh audibly.  
“That’s fine. Do what you do.” Something in her voice must have given her away, because Tissaia replied more quietly.  
“Is everything okay?”  
“Yeah. Yes. I- I was still sleeping, sorry” the guilt of such a small lie was agonizing (and annoying).  
“If I was there we would still be in bed anyways”  
“Oh we would, would we?” Tissaia’s original statement may not have been suggestive but Yennefer would much rather play ‘turn-on the girlfriend at inopportune times’ than risk any honest discussion about her feelings over the phone.  
“That’s not what I meant,” it was almost a whisper.  
Those were the words Tissaia said, but Yennefer could all but hear the woman blushing. She imagined Tissaia would have turned away to face a wall so no one could see her.  
“Hmm well that’s a shame… because I could sure use some of your naughty ideas right about now…” she finished with a low, breathy moan.  
It wasn’t real. She was a little turned on but it was mostly just for show. A diversion.  
“Oh god. Okay, I will see you later.”  
“Sooner rather than later… oh, please.”  
She heard a strained noise on the other end of the phone which made her feel quite smug.  
“I hate you. But I love you. Bye.”  
Tissaia hung up before Yennefer could ruin her further.  
Yen dropped the phone again, still more than ready to fall back asleep, albeit with a smile now.  
Tissaia truly was perfect.  
Her phone rang again. Now, more awake, she bothered the read the name. 

“Yes Ida, what is it?”  
“Well hello to you too Yennefer.”  
“Hi mom.”  
She could hear the eye roll.  
“What’s up?”  
“That’s what I called to ask Yenna. How did yesterday go?”  
Yennefer was skeptical of Ida’s motives. She had no doubt her manager already knew all of the details.  
“Did Avallac’h come down on you? I’m sorry if he did.”  
“It’s fine. Did you really have to piss him off that much?”  
“I’m not going to be some pop star princess that gets away with bullshit because of money.”  
She hadn’t noticed that her voice became louder with every word.  
“Shh. Yennefer, I know. And I support your decision.”  
“Oh. Okay. Thanks…. so, why are you calling?”  
“Can’t I call just to check in?”  
“Is that why you’re calling?”  
Silence.  
“Is that the Only reason you’re calling?” Yennefer amended.  
“No. I have some… bad news.”  
“Oh fuck. What now? If the hotel manager is pressing charges…”  
“No, no. It’s… well sweetheart, it’s what we knew was coming…”  
“The press” they said together.  
“They finally got the story.”  
Yennefer rolled her eyes, of course they did.  
“That took longer than usual.”  
“Different city, quieter place, minimal witnesses, media blackout on our end.”  
“I guess a week and a bit of peace was more than I could have hoped.”  
“I’m sorry Yennefer.”  
She sighed. There was no reason to be sorry, Yennefer got herself in this mess.  
“So when is Sheala calling then?”  
Ida chuckled lightly.  
“I’m supposed to conference her in but we can do this later.”  
“No, no. Let’s get it over with.” 

Within a few minutes, another voice joined in.  
“Yennefer, how are you?”  
“Until about 5 minutes ago, pretty good.”  
“Don’t panic.” She was not. If anything she was just annoyed. Almost bored. Of course the press would find out. She got drunk and nearly killed herself in a car accident. She was under psychiatric evaluation for 3 days. The last time the world saw her was weeks ago at the awards and since then she went from “front woman of the year” to “drunk mess destroys property with reckless nonsense.”  
She just wanted to get this bit over with.  
“Avallac’h is interested in a press conference”  
“And what would he like me to say? I was wrongfully accused? Or the Aen Elle has taken such good care of me? Or is he dropping us entirely?” She wouldn’t even be that upset if it was the latter. At this point in their career they could self-manage. Well… maybe not 2 months ago but now… they were stronger than ever as a band.  
“He just thinks, and I agree, that we need to get ahead of this. Tell the true story, or… a version of it, before rumours get out of control.”  
“A version?” Yennefer laughed, she could already see how the pieces were going to fall.  
“As close to the truth as need be without any of the-“  
“She’s been a mess for years but it was ignored until now stuff?”  
This honesty was met with silence.  
It was Ida that broke it,  
“Yennefer, this isn’t about our reputation.”  
“Don’t even start, it absolutely is. But I already told that sly little fox I wouldn’t go down that road. It’s not your fault, it’s the business. It’s whatever. Just, what is the game plan? Tell me what you want, I don’t care anymore just fucking talk straight”  
This was met with more silence. She had half a mind to hang up.  
“We think it would look better if you did a video call from Thanedd. Looking rested ideally. Tissaia did spectacularly at the awards, her polling is high and -“  
“I’m sorry what?! Are you focus grouping my girlfriend?!”  
“That’s not what-“  
“Good fucking gods.” She took a deep breath, trying to dial it back.  
“Fuck it. Just keep going with whatever the fuck you’re trying to say.”  
“We didn’t focus group your girlfriend. Not intentionally. Point being, if she can be with you that would look great. There are bound to be rumours about how we got here and the stronger you two look together, the easier the media will be on her. Before you get angry- no one knows anything, but they will speculate. You know this! You’ve been the one speculated about!  
Anyways, we will screen the questions but you know how some of them can be, so just be ready to talk about well, more than you may want to. You don’t have to answer but the shadier you are, the worse it will look.”  
“What do you mean? Is confessing to the crime not proof enough?”  
There was another silence, one which Yennefer was actually confused about.  
“What?!”  
“Yennefer this… our sources suggest that this is being looked at less as a ‘rockstar criminal’ piece and more of a ‘mental illness’ piece..”  
“...okay?”  
“So they will want you to be open about that.”  
“How open? I mean, I’m not even sure of what is going on yet…”  
“On that front, Sheala has acquired some literature.”  
“Oh goody.”  
“Yennefer, look, there is some concern that with this being so new you might… say the wrong thing, give the wrong impression,” Ida spoke slowly, cautiously.  
Sheala cut through that bullshit,  
“We need you to read about what other people experience and emulate that.”  
This took Yennefer several seconds, maybe minutes to process, then she started laughing.  
“You want me to be the poster girl for fucking bipolar disorder?!”  
“No, no. We just don’t want it to seem as if you’re not adjusting. Or worse, like you’re ashamed. If you are reluctant to talk about this, it will translate as you feeling ashamed. Which will lead outlets to suggest you, the band, your label and/or management think mental illness is something to be ashamed of.”  
Yennefer was still laughing,  
“There it is! I knew it would come back to Aen Elle.”  
Then Ida cut through. Her voice was clear, forceful but strained.  
“No, Yennefer. That is not our concern. Not my concern. This is bigger than you. There are 13, 14, 15 year old girls who look up to you. If you’re afraid to talk about mental health, they are afraid to talk about mental health. After all this you still only think of yourself Yennefer. For once try and realize the whole world doesn’t revolve around you.”  
The line clicked dead. Sheala was still there but quiet for a moment.  
It was in that silence that Yennefer did indeed remember not everything was about her, including Ida’s outburst. She now remembered, much too late, that Ida’s childhood friend had died by suicide. It was a boy, who was gay and horribly ashamed of it. Ida was the only one who knew but not because he had told her, she had just found the evidence. She never said anything about it to him, not wanting to upset him. This, unfortunately, meant he did not know he had an ally. He shouldered the burden, he shouldered the bullying, he shouldered everything on his own until one day his shoulders collapsed and he was found in his bedroom.  
This was only Ida’s first encounter with this kind of tragedy. Only a few years ago her niece took her own life, the note detailing how she felt she had no one to talk to. How she was afraid her parents, her family would look at her differently if they knew how sad she was. The girl was only 14.  
Besides that, it was generally all too common. Hell, it was one of the reasons Yennefer wanted to be in the scene. She wanted to help other bullied and lonely kids and now that she had a chance, she nearly threw it away for a petty feud, against a truly heinous man in her defence, but still. There was a larger picture.  
So she listened to Sheala, and then she texted Ida an apology. 

This whole ordeal did nothing to improve her mood, nor did it particularly energize her. She fell back asleep quite quickly despite her mind reminding her of every selfish thing she had done lately. Her brain seemed determined to torment her with every mistake thereafter, sleep was the only escape. At least the lithium making her tired was good for something. 

— 

When Tissaia finally did go home, it was nearly 4 o’clock. She wanted to get the planning portion out of the way in one day, that way she could actually spend her entire week with Yennefer. So, unfortunately, that meant lying to Yennefer about a flood and abandoning her for a whole day.  
The plan was made days ago, while Tissaia was fretting about not being able to see Yennefer. Her friends, and Sabrina who was now her friend, decided to distract her by playing to her strengths - planning. Sabrina had reminded Tissaia of Yennefer’s upcoming birthday, suggesting that they plan something fun since Yennefer will likely need it. In the past the birthdays involved more alcohol which was Sabrina’s strength but this year things had to be different. She tried to not be offended by Calanthe saying Tissaia is the best person to plan a less exciting party.  
She wasn’t wrong, but still.  
So Tissaia started planning a planning meeting. Unsure of how Yennefer would be by this Saturday, she planned an elaborate scheme that would ensure she could sneak away for hours.  
She had not planned on the Police choosing Friday to talk to Yennefer. She had not planned on Yennefer breaking down.  
So when her phone rang, she had half a mind to cancel the whole planning meeting plan.  
But when else would they do it? And Yennefer definitely needed a pick-me-up. 

Nevertheless, she still felt guilty. She’d texted Yennefer a few times after the first call, checking in and apologizing. Yennefer’s responses were short but not angry at least.  
When she walked in the front door, the house seemed empty. No television, no lights on even - not that it was dark enough to turn lights on but Yennefer had a terrible habit of leaving them on.  
“Yen?” she called out, taking off her jacket.  
No response.  
She passed through the kitchen and livingroom finding no trace of her raven-haired beauty.  
She found her in their bedroom. Curtains still drawn, Yennefer still wrapped up in blankets. She was sleeping based on her breathing pattern but her face was obscured by the blanket she’d pulled over her head.  
She sat on the bed, gently easing her fingers to the blanket to uncover Yennefer’s head. Yennefer began to wake up almost immediately, reaching for the blanket Tissaia was holding hostage.  
“Hey,” she began.  
“Oh, hi.” Yennefer dropped her pursuit of the blanket.  
“Did you stay in bed all day?” She asked with a chuckle.  
Any trace of sleepiness vanished in a moment before Yennefer rounded on her.  
“Is that a fucking problem?!” She bit out. Seemed like a bit of an overreaction but okay. Tissaia raised an eyebrow at the tone. Yennefer, who momentarily burned with indignation, sunk back down giving Tissaia her cue to speak.  
“Did I say it was, love?”  
Yennefer looked away.  
“No. Sorry. I-“  
“It’s fine, Yen.” She replied, reaching her Yennefer’s hand to assure her it was fine.  
“Everything okay Yennefer?”  
“Just tired.”  
“Well that can be a side effect.”  
Again, the sudden vitriol returned, “I am aware, thanks.”  
Tissaia again waited.  
“Sorry, sorry.” Yennefer eventually said.  
“It’s okay.” Tissaia knew something was not okay.  
“Have you eaten?”  
Yennefer’s hand rummaged under the blanket, producing a crackling noise before pulling out a near empty bag of chips.  
Tissaia did her best to not react to the fact that Yennefer ate chips in her bed, and she would now need to change the sheets as soon as possible. Ideally, she would do this when Yennefer wasn’t present, she didn’t want to make her love feel guilty.  
“Hardly nutritional.” She joked.  
She saw that anger flash again, but this time Yennefer kept her words and then calmed back down.  
She pushed a lock of hair away from Yennefer’s face and began to run her hands through it, scratching the scalp lightly.  
“How about I make us some dinner Hmm?”  
“You don’t have to. I’m not a baby.”  
“Contrary to popular belief, I too like to eat dinner on the rare occasion.”  
This finally cracked Yennefer just a little, a small smirk appearing.  
She continued,  
“Tell you what, if it sounds better, I’ll make myself dinner and you can have the leftovers? There will be just enough leftovers for a person to enjoy a full meal.”  
Another small smile.  
“Any requests?”  
“Doesn’t matter. Whatever.” Tissaia sighed, something was definitely wrong. Yennefer never passed up the opportunity to choose the meal. Her choice was almost always the same, so Tissaia would make burritos.  
“Rest love, I’m going to get cleaned up and then cook.”  
“Sorry I ate chips in your bed,” Yennefer mumbled quietly enough that Tissaia suspected she wasn’t meant to hear it. She approached the bed again, cupping Yennefer’s cheek.  
“Our bed.”  
She got another small, albeit sleepy, smile. Tissaia leaned down to kiss her forehead before leaving to make good on her promise of food. 

— 

They ate on the couch, turning on the Office, despite Yennefer’s protest that they could watch whatever Tissaia wanted. Yennefer did not realize that all Tissaia wanted to watch was her smile and her eyes. All Tissaia wanted for Yennefer to be happy, but she knew it wasn’t her choice.  
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it love?”  
“I said I’m just tired.”  
“After sleeping all day?”  
“There you go, judging again. Sorry I didn’t run around like the happy-go-lucky woman you want.”  
“Yennefer,” she began sternly, “I have told you time and time again, I love you. All of you. I would never want you to be anything other than you.”  
The violet eyes turned away from her and Yennefer grumbled. 

It was an hour later that Yennefer spoke suddenly,  
“The press have the story of… you know. I need to do video interview or something. From here. I had a phone call about it. I also have to read some stuff about bipolar so I seem adjusted because we don’t want to make kids feel like being bipolar or depressed or whatever is something to be ashamed of. So basically I have homework to do on myself I guess. There’s all this pressure because what if I say the wrong thing and some kid thinks they need to bottle it all up? I was one of those kids. So I agreed to read and learn even though I was kind of annoyed by the whole thing at first. It will probably be good for me anyways. People like you, like ‘the people’ who saw you at the awards. They like you. The management wants you to be with me during the video conference. You don’t have to be. You can be. But you don’t have to say anything. It’s up to you. They just don’t want, and I don’t want, people to make assumptions that you and I are fighting or did fight and that’s… it doesn’t matter. Anyways that’s next week so. On my birthday no less.”

Tissaia was grateful for the skills she had acquired as a lawyer. There was a lot to unpack there. Not to mention her entire day of planning was just thrown out of the window. She focused on the most important parts,wrapping her arms around Yennefer and hugging her tightly before responding.  
“I’m so proud of you, I’m sorry the news got the story. I’m sorry they’ve put the fate of every teenager on you darling. That’s not fair either. You are allowed to learn and recover at your own pace. But I understand why you want to be a role model and I’m proud of you but please don’t take this all on yourself. I am here for you, and I will be right next to you during that whole call.” 

She felt Yennefer relax into the embrace. She rubbed Yennefer’s back until her girlfriend moved out of the embrace. A small smile and a thank you were all she managed to respond with, following this with a soft kiss to Tissaia’s lips. Tissaia would never get tired of those lips, she was certain. 

Without another word, Yennefer turned back to the TV. Within moments, it seemed as if nothing had happened. Tissaia kept glancing towards Yennefer though, seeing the tension build up in her shoulders slowly as time ticked on. She watched the weight of this upcoming responsibility slowly eat at her girlfriend. Her face drooped, her eyes became heavy. 

By 8 o’clock, Yennefer announced she was too tired and would be going to bed.  
Tissaia intended to join her, even if it was a bit early.  
“You don’t have to come. Stay up, live life. I’m fine, just tired. You don’t need to waste your evening.”  
“As if spending time with you is ever a waste. Stop being ridiculous. I would much rather spend my time with you.”  
She only offered a weak smile in return. 

Before joining her for bed though, she had to make a couple of quick calls to change just about everything they had planned today. 

—

The next day, Sunday, they were supposed to go to Calanthe’s for a dinner party. Triss, Sabrina, Geralt, Jaskier, Vanielle, Coral and of course, Calanthe’s husband, Eist would be in attendance. Likely Cirilla as well given her obsession with Jaskier.  
When Tissaia woke up, it was to an empty bed. Yennefer’s side was cold, so she hadn’t been in bed for a while.  
Tissaia checked the obvious spots first - kitchen, living room. Nothing. Her shoes were still here so she hadn’t left.  
The only other spot was the guest bedroom, which is indeed where she found her, looking much like the day before: hiding in a nest of blankets. There was usually only one blanket on this bed, she didn’t have guests often. Now she could make out 4 or 5. Some thicker comforters, other small fleece ones. If not for the hand peaking out from this pile, Tissaia would never know someone was on the bed.  
Cautiously she approached, hearing Yennefer’s deep breathing indicating she was in fact asleep. She grabbed the rogue hand gently, sitting down.  
The hibernating girlfriend stirred. She pulled her hand back and tried to extricate herself from her apparent prison. She got stuck for a moment and then seemed to give up entirely. Tissaia was about to reach and help her when a flurry of movements finally allowed Yennefer to escape.  
She patted the blankets down around her angrily before remembering she had company and looking at Tissaia sheepishly.  
Tissaia worried laughing might not be the best response so she forced herself to remain neutral.  
“Morning, sleeping beauty. Can I ask why you’ve moved?”  
“Sorry. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to wake you by tossing and turning.”  
“I appreciate the gesture but I would always prefer to have you close and keeping me awake than the alternative.”  
“Okay.” There was no banter, no innuendo. Yennefer was simply not Yennefer at the moment.  
She surveyed the blankets.  
“And the Fort?”  
“Oh… well… it was.. cold without you so…”  
Tissaia sighed, pushed off some of the blankets and climbed into bed with Yennefer.  
“What are you doing?”  
“I missed out on cuddling time Yen, I plan to get that back.”  
There was a genuine smile that graced her lovers lips but her eyes were still darker, troubled.  
At a loss, Tissaia did the only thing she could and brought their lips together.  
At the first touch, Yennefer clung to her. But not in a desperate need for friction or intimate touches. She just pulled her closely and hugged her so tightly Tissaia was concerned she would probably get squeezed to death.  
“Darling, my ribs are fracturing.”  
Yennefer loosened her grip immediately without saying anything.  
Tissaia repositioned herself to lay her head on Yennefer’s chest and listen to her heartbeat. The heartbeat she could have lost a week ago. The thought made her grip tighten.  
“I love you Yennefer.”  
“I love you too.”  
There was a sadness in the words still, a melancholy that seemed to grip every part of her. She wished she could just fix it. She hated having so little control. She hated not being able to just kiss away Yennefer’s troubles. She knew it would take time. Things would settle, Yennefer would adjust to her medications, therapy would start. She knew the police matters and now the press conference was weighing on her as well. But right now, knowing that Yennefer was not feeling like herself, and worse, knowing that she was taking steps to avoid bothering Tissaia with her problems (as if she could ever be a bother) was tearing Tissaia apart. She needed to find a way to make sure Yennefer knew she meant it, she meant it when she said she wanted Yennefer to open up to her, that she wasn’t a burden, that Tissaia would be here through it all. 

“Why don’t we stay in tonight? Skip the dinner.”  
“The dinn- oh. Shit that’s… that’s tonight.”  
Tissaia hummed in response.  
“No. We should go. Tissaia, I don’t want to be holding you back from stuff. I’m just tired. I’ll have some coffee and be fine. I manage on tour. I can manage now an-“  
Tissaia covered her entire mouth with her hand.  
Yennefer, in a brief moment of her usual self, licked Tissaia’s hand causing her to pull it away and give Yennefer a look. A cheeky smile graced the lips she wanted to kiss always. And from her position of now laying almost entirely on top of her violet-eyed girlfriend, she had easy access so she closed the distance.  
Yennefer’s hand came up to stroke her hair gently. So gently she felt like she was made of glass all of a sudden.  
She pressed closer, before pulling her lips away.  
“You are not holding me back from anything. I would much rather spend my evening alone, with you, doing… anything you want,” she punctuated this by shifting her leg up to wedge Yennefer’s apart and press her thigh against Yennefer, “than talk to everyone at once in a loud room.”  
“Tissaia, I-“  
“Shh. No more nonsense. Yennefer, I know there’s so much going on, and I wish you would tell me what you’re feeling because I know you’re not just tired. But if you would rather pretend it’s just that, that’s fine, I won’t press you. But please hear me, I love you. I love being with you. I love just cuddling with you in silence. I love talking to you. I love laughing with you. I am comfortable with you and I want you to be comfortable with me-“  
“Tissaia I am-“  
“Ah Ah Ah, I’m not finished. Being comfortable with me means that if you’re feeling off, you don’t need to force yourself to do something for my benefit. I’m not missing out. If you want to truly make me happy, don’t discomfort yourself. I would feel much worse knowing you’re faking it for me. Do you understand?”  
“Tissaia I-“  
“Do” she kissed her lips, “you” again, “understand?”  
“Yes.”  
“Good.” She snuggled back down into Yennefer’s chest, with the sole intention of listening to her heartbeat, which she noticed was slightly faster now.  
Yennefer’s arms tightened around her and when she felt the woman’s lips on the top of her head, she also felt the wetness of her face. And heard the muffled sniffle.  
—

“Do you still want to make the pie? Just for us?” Tissaia asked. She was perfectly comfortable where she was, cuddled up to Yennefer, but she knows letting Yennefer stay in bed and stuck with only her thoughts isn’t helping her situation.  
Yennefer sighed deeply.  
“You can, I know we bought the stuff though.”  
“But isn’t the most important ingredient love? Now how could I pour true love into the pie without you Hmm?”  
She felt Yennefer’s chest shake with laughter. The vibrations against her cheek. She didn’t respond though and Tissaia knew she had to push. Gently, of course.  
“It will be good to walk around a bit, love. At the very least you could keep me company?”  
“You know you don’t need to baby me. I know staying in bed isn’t the best thing.”  
“And I know you know that.” She responded, tracing lazy circles on Yennefer’s hip.  
“I just.. it’s just…”  
Tissaia didn’t interrupt. She would give Yennefer all the time she needed to come up with the words. She gave hand a reassuring squeeze.  
“I’m exhausted. Actually tired. I just want to sleep but then I feel worse for giving in. And I just want to sleep again to avoid those thoughts… I know it’ll take time but… fuck, I just wish it would take less time.” She felt Yennefer’s chest heave as she tried to suppress a sob.  
“I’m so sorry Yen.” She moved to look into her eyes. Yennefer’s eyes were watery and at the sight Tissaia felt her own eyes well up.  
“I wish I could fix this. What I can do is reaffirm that you can talk to me about these moods. You don’t need to hide from me, I’m not going anywhere.”  
“But what if I become too much?”  
“You won’t”  
“How can you possibly know that?!” Yennefer’s voice broke, “you wouldn’t be the first, Tissaia. Fuck even I’m tired of me.”  
She shifted their positions so Yennefer could bury her face in Tissaia’s chest. Quite literally as Yennefer accidentally pulled her shirt down nearly exposing her breasts.  
In any other situation, she might be aroused by the small distance between Yennefer’s lips and her nipple. 

“I can’t know the future Yen,” she began, rubbing Yennefer’s back, “I can only tell you why I think I will never want to be away from you. Yennefer from the minute you approached me at my own bar, I knew I was lost. I hated you for that, truly. I hated you for flirting with me. The minute I looked in to your eyes, I just knew. Even if you never came back, I knew I would be hung up on you. Hell even before our date. Even before we kissed. That first look already had me in trouble. I tried to avoid it, but then I heard you outside. I watched like a stalker as you met with your fans. I held my breath as that Neanderthal approached you from behind. I almost cheered when you clocked him in the face. I can now admit, it was pretty hot.”  
Yennefer chuckled.  
“Gods and then I heard you sing. I felt like a teenager with a crush on a celebrity. I was so terrified that it would just be one date. Part of me wanted you to never come back because I knew if you did, and if I got to be with you, really with you… if I ever lost you, even then I felt like I would never find anyone else. Maybe that’s silly but it’s how I felt. How I feel.”  
She pulled Yennefer’s face up, forcing their eyes to meet,  
“Yennefer, now that I know you, all that is 100 times stronger. I don’t know if this will last forever, but I know I want to love you. All of you. Your mood swings, your foolishness, everything. Good and bad. I meant it when I said “someday.” I want to marry you one day my love, truly. But I don’t want to rush into it. I want to enjoy every stage of our relationship to the fullest.  
So when I tell you that I love you and that you can be open with me, I mean it.”  
Tissaia let out a long breath. She was amazed that she hadn’t broken off into a complete sobbing mess. She’s never spoken that openly. She’s never meant ‘I love you’ so much. Yes, she’s loved others, but not like this. Not even close. 

Her train of thought was cut off by a bruising kiss. A bruising kiss and wandering hands. She didn’t even have time to catch up to the situation before she felt a warm mouth wrap around her nipple. Yennefer squeezed her breast, taking more of it in her mouth. Tissaia moaned, arching in to her. This was not what she anticipated would follow her confession but this was certainly a welcome development. How could it not be when she felt a hand slide in her panties eagerly? Yennefer shifted her mouth to Tissaia’s other breast as she began to stroke her. She bit Tissaia’s nipple when she slid 3 fingers inside with no resistance. She had not realized how wet she was until now. Tissaia’s eyes rolled back at the sudden, very welcome, intrusion.  
She wasn’t sure if the emotional vulnerability played a part but she quickly came on Yennefer’s fingers much sooner than she would have liked.  
As she tried to let her own hands express her pleasure on Yennefer’s body, she was stopped.  
“We have a pie to make. Can’t get too distracted.”  
Yennefer was out of bed before Tissaia really heard her words.  
She pouted and Yennefer laughed. A spark of her old self returned as she teased Tissaia to stop being lazy and get out of bed.  
Later, Tissaia told herself. Later she would punish Yennefer for this moment. The thought of doing so sent a pulse of arousal through her and she groaned as she got out of the bed.  
— 

Despite Yennefer’s protests, Tissaia insisted they not go to the dinner party. Yennefer was in a better mood, certainly, but Tissaia could see in her eyes that it wasn’t enough. Tissaia didn’t care. This meant she had more chances to punish her beautiful girlfriend.  
She used the excuse that she wasn’t feeling well, keeping Yennefer out of it so no one would ask questions.  
The excuse was not believed but, thankfully, that wasn’t because they suspected Yennefer was feeling low. No, her group chat was instead filled with innuendos and all kinds of filth. She ignored them all which only prompted more teasing about what “illness” she might need Yennefer to cure. 

They made their pie and ate it too, all too glad they didn’t need to share with anyone but each other. They cuddled and watched a cheesy movie, all the while Tissaia planned what she would do to Yennefer when they went to bed.  
Every single one of her ideas was thwarted when Yennefer pounced on her first.  
She tried to take control back but Yennefer wasn’t having it. Even when Tissaia slipped her thigh between Yennefer’s legs as the younger woman drove in to her, Yennefer remained focused on Tissaia’s pleasure alone.  
She came once, twice and then a 3rd time. Yennefer had been relentless, hardly allowing Tissaia a moment. It wasn’t a complaint, the things Yennefer could do to her…  
But she wanted to touch her too.  
Yennefer had other plans apparently. After thoroughly exhausting her, Yennefer held her tight so she couldn’t let her hands wander. She whispered sweet words in her ear, encouraging the older woman to simply fall asleep. Tissaia tried to fight it, but ultimately the exhaustion took over.  
—

She woke first, still feeling the effects of the night before and seeing a perfect opportunity to return the favour. She shifted on the bed, turning her body so she could lay on her side as she slowly let her hand crawl to Yennefer’s thigh.  
Yennefer’s medications however, seemed to have the side effect of making her a damn ninja, as Yennefer reached down and stopped Tissaia’s hand.  
“Later, Tissaia. I’m not done with you…”  
Despite her best intentions, Tissaia found herself catching her breath again as Yennefer left the bed to go shower.  
—

An entire day of Yennefer keeping her distance, pushing away wandering hands, avoiding sexually charged moments had Tissaia slightly concerned. Yennefer is not a selfish lover but this seems extreme. She’s certain there’s an explanation and she’s determined to get it. However, every time she tries to broach the subject, verbally or otherwise, Yennefer changes the subject, or goes to grab more water. Or go pee. She can’t count the number of times Yennefer has gone to the bathroom. It would probably be weird if she could.  
She had not put much thought in to how she would spend her vacation, but she definitely thought it would involve more instances of her tongue in Yennefer’s cunt. Granted it’s only been a few days but this few days followed an entire week of mandatory abstinence so Tissaia feels she can be forgiven for being needy. 

The conversation begins when, as she’s changing into pyjamas, Yennefer grabs her and pulls her to the bed, laying her down before straddling her. While Yennefer caught Tissaia naked, the raven-haired woman is still dressed.  
With a triumphant look, Yennefer begins to descend on her prey. But Tissaia stops her with a hand on her chest.  
Yennefer pulls back, concern immediately etched on her face as if she has no idea why Tissaia might be pushing back.  
“Is everything okay?” Yen asks.  
“You tell me.”  
“I would argue things are pretty great” she whispers as her hands slide up Tissaia’s sides. 

Clearly words were not effective. So while Yennefer distracted herself, Tissaia used a swift move and flipped their positions, immediately pinning Yennefer’s hands on the bed next to her head.  
Yennefer’s face was flushed, her chest heaving. Her eyes black as pitch. Clearly the issue was not that Tissaia was no longer able to turn her on - which had been a short-lived but unpleasant suggestion her mind conjured up.  
Seeing Yennefer’s clear desire, Tissaia ground her hips down on Yennefer’s groin, causing her girlfriend to shift and close her eyes.  
She released one of Yennefer’s hands and slid her own up Yennefer’s shirt. She gave Yennefer’s left breast a firm squeeze, eliciting a delicious sound from her lovers lips. A sound she wanted to taste, so she leaned down to kiss her, immediately probing with her tongue for entry. Yennefer parted her lips to allow Tissaia’s tongue to slide against hers as she squeezed her breast again, swallowing Yennefer’s moan.  
She released Yennefer’s other hand in order to chart a new course down Yennefer’s underwear.  
As she approached the waistband, she felt Yennefer’s entire body tense, and not in the good way.  
“Wait wait wait stop.” Yennefer said, pushing her away with hands on both shoulders.  
Tissaia did immediately, hearing the anguish in the words. She retracted her hands.  
“What’s wrong Yen?”  
“Nothing. Nothing. I just, I prefer to touch you…”  
Tissaia was not having it. She leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest.  
“Enough. Yennefer, please do not lie to me. Am I doing something wrong? You can tell me.”  
“What?! Gods no. Tissaia no. It’s not you…” Yennefer sat up as best as she could in bed, hands on Tissaia’s hips to anchor herself. Tissaia shifted lower to allow Yennefer more space before responding. 

“Then what is it?!” She looked away from the violet eyes, feeling very insecure.  
“It’s…” she stopped, long enough that Tissaia returned her gaze to her girlfriend’s troubles face. Yennefer, however, was looking around the room. Her fingers anxiously fidgeted on Tissaia’s skin.  
“it’s the meds okay?!”  
Tissaia climbed off, covering herself with a blanket before laying down next to Yennefer. She layed on her side, propped on an elbow waiting.  
“They’ve just… made this.. it doesn’t feel the same…”  
Tissaia felt a wave of sadness pass through her body, landing heavily on her heart.  
“With me…?”  
“No no. No. I’m sorry. Look no. It’s not…. just… overall. I-I”  
“Yennefer you can tell me.”  
“I haven’t been able to get off okay?! It’s all out of whack. My sex drive alone is just… less”  
“So probably more of a normal level now then?” Tissaia jested.  
This broke Yennefer out of her own head. She laughed loudly before turning to cup Tissaia’s cheek and look in her eyes.  
“Yeah probably. But… I… I tried, ya know and it just… it’s different. I can’t… it doesn’t feel like it used to and none of my old techniques work.”  
“Have a lot of them do you?” Tissaia leaned in to kiss her gently.  
“Shut up.” But there was no malevolence to her words. She trailed her hand away from Tissaia’s cheek, down to intertwine their fingers.  
“I just don’t want you to… I don’t know, be disappointed.”  
“Disappointed?”  
Yennefer shrugged.  
“Darling if you’re the one who can’t get off, I imagine you’ll be the disappointed party.”  
Yennefer glared at her, feigning annoyance.  
It was a complete reversal of their roles. Usually Tissaia is the one softly shaking her head at her girlfriend’s antics.  
“If it feels different, then we’ll just have to try something different,” she dropped her voice, using the thumb of their intertwined hands to caress the inside of the younger woman’s wrist.  
“Is that so?” Yennefer copied her tone, immediately shaking Tissaia’s control. That voice did things to her.  
“Yes, it is.” She leaned in again to kiss her, bringing their bodies closer and forcing Yennefer on to her back. She didn’t climb back on top, she simply kissed her. Letting her fingertips explore Yennefer’s body. Looking for new points of interest.  
Soon, Yennefer’s breathing had become labored, choked whimpers escaping as Tissaia applied a hint of pressure to her hip, as she let her fingertips gently circle Yennefer’s hard nipples over the shirt.  
She moved her mouth to Yennefer’s jaw, then to her ear before whispering,  
“Something different.”  
And pulling all touch away immediately.  
Yennefer gasped and reached for her, trying to pull her back.  
Tissaia, feeling rather smug about turning Yennefer in to a puddle, chuckled at her attempts.  
“We said something different. Usually, I would give in to my desires and fuck you senseless.”  
She knew what her words were doing. She didn’t even need to see Yennefer’s pupils grow somehow darker to know Yennefer’s thoughts. She would have known even if tongue hadn’t peaked out to wet her lips. The power was intoxicating but in truth, she was torturing herself too. Because she wanted to touch her.  
So. Badly.  
It was physically painful to restrain herself but she had a bigger game in mind so she had to push her desire for satisfaction away. She needed to leave Yennefer wanting. She needed to slowly build her up until her body had no choice but to erupt.  
So, regretfully, she turned around in bed. She didn’t bother to put on those pyjamas. No, instead she let Yennefer sit with the knowledge that Tissaia was right there, so close, so naked, so aroused but not forthcoming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something different this way comes.... 
> 
> The pun was not intentional at first, I was just playing off “something wicked this way comes” but good god am I ever proud of that pun now. More proud than I ought to be but I will take my little victories thank you.


	23. Something different...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tissaia plots and schemes and utterly ruins her lovely girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took so long. I kept getting side-tracked and then awkwardly coming back in and trying to add bits and pieces. 
> 
> 99% of this is smut. The first scenes are not, look for the **** to indicate the change. 
> 
> Honestly there are probably so many mistakes but if I proofread it I just know I’ll start changing shit and not post it again.

Tissaia wakes up in bed alone again. This is more upsetting than the last time because she thought they had made good progress the night before.   
With a frown, she leaves her bed, grabbing her auburn fleece robe from the back of the door to wrap around herself as she pads off to find her love. She checks the spare room first this time. The door is shut and she’s just about to reach for the handle when she hears the soft plucking of guitar strings.   
She pauses, hand hovering over the doorknob.   
She hears some muffled and mumbled singing and it seems unfair that Yennefer’s voice is still so beautiful even when barely audible.   
She hears a few more quiet plucks, the tapping of a keyboard and then a drum track plays before Yennefer curses and hits the keyboard to stop the noise. Everything is silent for a moment and Tissaia realizes Yennefer is trying to ascertain if she’s woken up.   
She hears a few more taps on the keyboard and then nothing again for a while. More taps, quiet guitar playing, mumbled singing and then silence again. The silence stretches this time and Tissaia takes a couple of steps back expecting Yennefer to come out and catch her spying at any moment. Not that she thinks Yennefer would mind.   
However no movement comes, nor does much sound. Eventually, her curiosity gets the best of her.   
She quietly opens the door, thankful that she has the good sense to oil the hinges.   
She opens it just enough to peer inside and stops short at the endearing sight.   
Yennefer sits on the bed, cross-legged, an electric guitar on her lap hooked up to a small audio interface, which connects to her laptop. There a miniature keyboard just in front of the laptop, also hooked up. It’s a mess of wires with Yennefer in the middle looking far too adorable for someone wearing huge studio headphones. Her hair is messy, her tank top is loose, one of the straps having slid down off her shoulder. She’s wearing loose blue boxers Tissaia didn’t even know the woman owned. Currently, her eyes are closed and she’s bobbing her head to the music, miming on her guitar.   
Tissaia watches as her face screws up in concentration for a moment, her fingers fumbling on the neck. Yennefer’s pink tongue peaks out and is captured between her teeth before she slides her hand down the neck almost sensually, regaining her rhythm.   
Quite suddenly, Tissaia realizes how hot it is to watch Yennefer’s fingers move expertly. To watch her eyes closed and her body move to the music. She bites her own lip as she watches like a stalker. 

Yennefer suddenly turns to her, as if Tissaia had just been projecting every naughty thought. She pulls off the headphones and smiles.   
“I hope I didn’t wake you.” Her voice is quiet, apologetic, soft. Gods this woman makes her melt.   
“Not at all.”   
“Then I’m sorry for leaving bed again,” she says, patting on the bed she’s currently set up shop.   
Tissaia laughs it off and approaches, taking Yennefer’s outstretched hand and leaning in for a quick kiss before sitting next to her.   
“I heard some of it. Well, kind of. Enough to know it’s amazing.”   
Yennefer’s eyes light up but there’s a lingering insecurity in her voice, “Yeah? Think so?”  
Tissaia is baffled that this woman could possibly doubt her creative abilities.   
“Absolutely,” she leans in for another kiss, breaking the moment to ask a question she dreads.   
“Everything okay?” She hopes Yennefer doesn’t take this the wrong way. She’s seen Yennefer’s phases of manic writing. Staying up far too late and waking up far too early, disregarding her own well-being. Tissaia can’t avoid the lingering concern she feels. Yennefer however seems perplexed by her tone,  
“What? Of course! why would- oh. No. It’s not a- I slept well, I woke up to pee and it came to me but- I’m fine.”   
“I’m sorry.” Tissaia responds quickly. She feels guilty for questioning it. She feels guilty for assuming Yennefer can’t just have ideas without it being a sign of a problem. She feels guilty for not knowing what to do.   
Yennefer reaches for her hand,   
“What for?”   
Tissaia avoids her gaze. Now she feels guilty for feeling guilty.   
“I don’t know...asking. Worrying over nothing.”   
Yennefer smiled softly, moving her guitar and pulling Tissaia closer so the older woman was tucked under Yennefer’s chin. Tissaia sighs happily as strong fingers stroke through her hair. She nuzzles in to Yennefer’s neck, leaving a soft kiss there. 

“All my life I’ve been looking out for myself. Yes, my label, management and friends look out for me but usually for their own gain. Well, maybe not friends. You know what I mean. Point is, it’s easy to slip when you’re the only person looking out for your best interests. But now I also have you. I know I get mad sometimes about it but, gods please don’t stop checking in.”   
The sincerity struck Tissaia. This wasn’t just a “it’s okay if you want to check on me.” Yennefer was asking her to do so. Yennefer was trusting Tissaia in a whole new way, freely admitting she not only wants Tissaia but she needs her. Tissaia feels the same. She needs Yennefer, no amount of time or distance could ever change that. Not anymore.   
Tissaia responds with actions rather than words. She kisses Yennefer hard, holding her close.   
When they finally break apart, slightly out of breath, Yennefer brings their foreheads together,  
“I love you, Yennefer.”   
“I love you too.”   
A beautiful moment of silence, of contemplation, of bliss surrounds them while they look into each other’s eyes. There was a depth of feeling Tissaia had never felt before, one she couldn’t have even fathomed existing. She felt bonded to this woman, this beautiful, intelligent, funny, courageous woman. It was as if their very souls were caressing each other. The emotion of it all threatened to bring her tears before Yennefer broke the gaze, looking back to her computer.   
“Want to hear what I have so far?”   
Tissaia’s whole face lit up.   
“Fuck yes I do.” 

Yennefer put her mind to focusing on the music and not how hot Tissaia saying “fuck” still was. In the comfort of their bond, Yennefer felt no hesitation to show Tissaia what she had so far. Usually, she preferred to wait until the tracks were more polished, wanting to put her best foot forward, even when it was just a demo. But with Tissaia it didn’t matter. She didn’t need to look polished, or sound it. She knew she could trust the woman to give her honest opinion, she knew Tissaia would support her. She simply knew Tissaia. She felt safe, she felt home.  
—

Tissaia had used her time wisely today, in her opinion. She hadn’t read case notes or learned a new skill. She hadn’t started a new book or learned a new recipe.   
No, she spent her day in the company of Yennefer, subtly winding her up before shutting it down, building a careful sexual tension that stifled the air around them by the time they cuddled on the couch to watch a film.   
Though trying her very best to be patient, she could tell Yennefer was uncomfortable. 

Her entire day had been full of calculated touches, longing kisses and naughty words and the effect was causing her to shift on the couch as she tried to ignore the throbbing. Or rather, try to fool Tissaia into thinking the ache wasn’t all that strong. She wanted to convince Tissaia she could play this game, when in truth she couldn’t. It had been a while since she had had a proper orgasm and this entire day of torture was threatening to tear her apart. It was almost embarrassing, Tissaia hadn’t done anything outright. It’s not as if any wandering hands had found there way to where she needed them most.   
It was just subtle strokes, the way she would press her ass against Yennefer’s crotch when hugged from behind. The way she’d caress Yennefer’s ear lobe with her teeth while whispering about how patient Yennefer was being and how she would be rewarded later if she could control herself. It was a challenge Yennefer was not sure she was up to but she was going to try.   
It was the way Tissaia’s hand would gently squeeze her ass when they kissed, and worse, the way the touch was pulled away too soon.   
The way Tissaia would chuckle darkly when Yennefer was unable to repress a wanton whine.   
Stubborn to the last, she held out anyways. Even if it killed her. 

Now they were watching a movie Yennefer could barely pay attention to what with Tissaia curled up on her. She sat, leaning against the armrest of the couch, Tissaia huddled on to her other side, looking even smaller than usual as her legs were tucked underneath her.   
Yennefer’s arm was wrapped around her shoulders - a sweet torture, they were so close and she was so tempted. Every time Tissaia would shift - which she was convinced were calculated choices and not merely spontaneous movements, her breath would hitch just a little. Subtly, these slight shifts lead to a more intimate embrace each time. What started as Yennefer’s hand resting on Tissaia’s upper arm was moving to Yennefer’s hand resting nearer to her shoulder, then to her collarbone. Now her fingers grazed the top of Tissaia’s breast over the shirt. The woman was not wearing a bra and her shirt was just tight enough and lightly coloured enough for Yennefer to see hardened nipples below. They hadn’t started hard, but as Tissaia shifted to lower Yennefer’s hand, she noticed. Gods she noticed. She anxiously awaited Tissaia’s next shift, hoping it would result in her fingertips hovering over the hardened nipple. Sure, she could shift herself or more brazenly lower her hand to where she wanted to but this was a game and for the first time in her life, she wanted to follow the rules.   
So she waited. She waited and she ignored how Tissaia’s head rested against her own shoulder, hot puffs of air travelling across her collarbone. A hint of breath made its way to her cleavage making her desperate for Tissaia’s tongue to run through the valley of her breasts. She did her best to ignore the hand Tissaia had now placed just above her knee. How she moved that hand higher ever so slightly when she shifted. She tried to ignore how that hand would alternate between drawing delicate patterns on her bare leg - for Yennefer had decided to tempt Tissaia by staying in short boxers - and lying completely still. How the pressure would increase as Tissaia feigned an unconscious, spontaneous squeeze. Tissaia may pretend it was nothing, but Yennefer knew it was intentional. That fact only made it hotter.   
She did her best to ignore the fact that she was a goddamn wreck while Tissaia seemed virtually unaffected by the tension. 

****

And then it happened, a shift. More dramatic than the previous fake readjustments, Tissaia brazenly slid her hand higher on Yennefer’s thigh. A brush of fingertips following the pressure of the heel of her palm. She shifted upwards, allowing Yennefer’s fingers to land on that nipple that once seemed a distant dream. Yennefer was not nearly as calculating as Tissaia so when her fingers instinctively flexed to caress this nipple, it was unintentional. Tissaia hummed approvingly before turning her head upwards to lay a kiss on Yennefer’s throat.   
It was soft, barely a brush of her lips but Yennefer’s hips shifted, pushing Tissaia’s hand higher and her fingers rolled the hard nipple beneath them.   
Instead of pulling away, Tissaia indulged this wanton display, leaving a longer, wetter kiss on Yen’s throat.   
Suddenly Tissaia’s other hand was brushing away Yennefer’s hair to allow more access to the sensitive skin. Tissaia nipped playfully as she shifted to practically straddle Yennefer.   
She bit down harder, waiting for Yennefer’s moan which came all too soon. Her hot tongue soothed the sting as her hand continued to make its slow pace up her thighs.   
Sliding her fingers between them, she flexed them and Yennefer’s legs fell apart instantly to allow access.  
“Good girl” Tissaia whispered before taking her earlobe between her teeth and pulling gently.   
Yennefer’s hips bucked at the praise. It was almost embarrassing how hot it was to hear Tissaia praise her. It made her want to know what would happen if she punished her instead.   
Growing bold, Yennefer squeezed Tissaia’s breast while bringing her other hand to Tissaia’s jaw, tracing the sharp angle with a fingertip before pulling the woman’s face in for a kiss.   
Upon contact, Tissaia’s hand swiftly moved up her leg and Yennefer groaned loudly against the woman’s mouth as a small hand cupped her.   
Tissaia’s tongue demanded entrance and really, who was Yennefer to refuse?   
Her heart rate increased measurably at the slide of their tongues. Gods she needed more. She needed more than the soft press of Tissaia’s fingers. She was desperate already and not afraid to show it as she reached down from the woman’s cheek to the hand between her legs, squeezing.   
To her dismay, Tissaia resisted.   
“Naughty girl, patience is a virtue.”   
“I’ve been patient all day” even she was surprised at the pleading in her voice.   
“Then you can last a little longer can’t you? Be a good girl.”   
Fuck. That was a damn near impossible request when Tissaia used that tone but she did her best. Reluctantly retracting her hand.   
“Good.” She gave a reassuring press of her fingers on Yennefer’s clit, appreciating how wet she was even through the underwear.   
“Would you like to play a game, my love?”   
Yennefer pulled her closer with the arm draped around Tissaia.   
“That depends, what’s the game?”   
Tissaia pulled back just enough to watch Yennefer’s whole face before speaking. A mischievous smirk took over the older woman’s face and Yennefer is certain Tissaia would have felt the new gush of arousal down below.   
“Hide and seek.” Tissaia smiled at Yennefer’s baffled expression.   
“You’re not fucking serious? I’m dripping and you want to play hide and seek.”   
“I’m well aware of your condition, darling” she drawled, flexing her hand for emphasis causing Yennefer to hiss with pleasure.   
“This is an adult version, my love.”   
Yennefer regarded her, curious and painfully aroused,   
“Go on.”   
“Would you like to hear the rules.”   
“That depends, are there many?” She didn’t think she could handle a complex explanation given the way the fingers pressing between her folds over her boxers were making languid circles around her clit.   
Tissaia only chuckled before continuing.   
“It’s quite simple. It involves whipped cream and blindfolds.”   
Yennefer’s jaw dropped.   
“You have my undivided attention.”   
Tissaia bit her lip.   
“The hider has to put one dollop of whipped cream somewhere on their naked body,” Yennefer’s breath was already quickening and Tissaia had hardly begun, “the seeker has to try and find that while blindfolded.”   
“Are you telling me I get to kiss your entire body until I find it? Seems easy babe.”   
“Well, you can only use your lips and your tongue on individual kisses. No running your tongue across an entire area. And you only have 10 guesses.”  
“If you don’t find it?”   
“Well then you lose.”   
Yennefer licked her lips,   
“And if you do find it?”   
“Well obviously you win. The prize is that you now get to be the hider. If you lose, the round restarts with the hidden whipped cream placed elsewhere, or you can leave it in the same spot really. If you lose twice in a row though, you lose the game entirely.”   
“And then?”   
“You submit”   
Yennefer practically felt her pupils dilate, it was so violent.   
“Submit?” She needed no clarification but she wanted to hear Tissaia say the words.   
“You are at the winner’s mercy, you are the winner’s new plaything for the evening.”   
Yennefer was too aroused to even form a coherent sentence.   
“I’ll ask again, Yen. Do you want to play a game?”   
There was only one possible answer. 

—   
It absolutely did not matter how many times she saw Yennefer naked, she was still stricken. She had improvised this little game and she could not be more pleased with herself. They agreed to a practice round for each and Yennefer, as expected, opted to be the seeker first. Yennefer’s predictability would be her downfall, Tissaia knew. That’s not to say Yennefer was always predictable, but in bed, in the light of competition, Tissaia knew what to expect. She had designed this game with this in mind.   
The key to winning was to think as your partner would, anticipate what they would want and act accordingly.   
For example, she knew Yennefer would want to search her body first because she knew Yennefer would want to make Tissaia squirm in an effort to distract her. She also knew that Yennefer was competitive and confident. She was confident that she would excel at this, that she would easily map Tissaia’s desires. In a usual sexual scenario, she was not wrong - Yennefer knew how to pleasure Tissaia as no one else has ever done. But Tissaia was prepared this time to play against this confidence. Perhaps it was unfair but she had every intention of hustling her. She knew the best thing to do would be to give Yennefer an easy win during the practice. Not too easy, just enough to be believable. She also knew she would need to either lose her own practice run or just barely succeed.   
The first task was easy because she knew where Yennefer wouldlook for the whipped cream. Motivated by her desire to please and distract Tissaia, the woman would aim for those sensitive spots - the junction between her neck and shoulder, just below her left breast, above her right hip, at the crease where her thigh and torso met on her left side.   
She opted for her above her right hip.   
Yennefer’s first guess was the throat. She triumphantly located the whipped cream on the second attempt.   
As expected, she made a smug remark and looked thoroughly pleased with herself when she removed the blindfold. Tissaia did her best to appear distracted by the way Yennefer had sucked on the skin, leaving a mark. On any other evening, it indeed would have been distracting.   
When it came to her turn to try, she also had a good idea at where Yennefer would place her own whipped cream. She knew her girlfriend would want Tissaia to take revenge, she knew that after winding up the poor girl all day, Yennefer needed Tissaia’s lips on her own sensitive points - her collarbone, above her left breast, both her nipples, her inner thigh, her sternum and tendons in her neck that rippled under Tissaia’s soft caresses with teeth and tongue.   
To pace herself, Tissaia tried Yennefer’s mouth. She hadn’t realized how difficult it would be to navigate the woman’s body blindfolded, unable to rely on her hands to run along the curves.   
Nevertheless, she found the corner of the woman’s mouth. From this anchor, she moved to suck on the skin below her bellybutton, enjoying the shudder this produced. She moved to Yennefer’s hip and then jaw. She only had one chance left since they had decided to keep the practice rounds to 5 attempts.   
She would now go for one of those sensitive spots, whether she found it or not was inconsequential, she could practically feel Yennefer’s smugness. Her plan was developing quite well.   
She did not find the whipped cream at the woman’s left collarbone resulting in a sinister and horribly sexy chuckle from the woman below her. She feigned sadness.   
Removing the blindfold, she found the whipped cream on the woman’s left breast and sucked it off her anyways.   
Tissaia had never ever been someone who approved of eating food off of other people’s bodies, nor was she a fan of that food being in her bed but damn if she wasn’t enjoying it now. 

With Yennefer having “won” the practice round, she allowed the younger woman to choose who would seek first.   
Yennefer was all too keen to beat Tissaia at her little game quickly and chose to be the hider.   
Tissaia made 7 kisses she suspected would not yield a prize, saving the last 3 chances for her actual attempts. Yennefer, bless her heart, was not only predictable in where she would place the whipped cream, but her body reacted every time Tissaia was close. She noticed the reactions on her first few kisses and used the response to dictate her path. Perhaps she was being too analytical but her whole planned relied on her ability to win.   
Her ninth kiss, on Yennefer’s upper thigh, yielded the result.   
For her part, she picked an easy spot to allow Yennefer to succeed in only 4 moves. Her sheer determination to win was the only thing that allowed her to control her own reactions as Yennefer’s lips hovered over her nipple, contemplating her first kiss. Had Yennefer moved lower, she would have found the whipped cream below her breast. Ultimately Yennefer moved higher, kissing her collarbone. Fortunately, part of plan was to make Yennefer think she was creating a mess out of the older woman which she could take advantage of. This was fortunate because it meant she did not have to hide her reaction when Yennefer decided to be extra cheeky and suck on her clit. Yennefer knew the whipped cream would never be there, so her kiss was purely for Tissaia’s pleasure.   
It worked well enough that Tissaia momentarily forgot herself and whined when Yennefer pulled away.   
The third kiss was softly placed on her inner thigh and Tissaia interpreted it as an apology.   
The fourth hit the mark, not that merely finding the prize was enough for Yennefer who decided to leave a bruise in her wake. 

She had to struggle not to roll her eyes at Yennefer’s smug expression. The poor girl had no idea she was being hustled.   
On her next turn, Tissaia purposefully lost, but not before making Yennefer squirm with lingering wet kisses and flicks of her tongue.   
In particular, she loved the way Yennefer moaned and her back arched into her when Tissaia wrapped her lips over a nipple, sucking and nipping despite the lack of whipped cream. Without her eyes, she was afforded the opportunity to notice new things about her lover’s body. The way her skin would pebble before growing markedly warm. The way her breath hitched at the barest tease of Tissaia’s lips. The way she shifted uncontrollably when Tissaia’s tongue peaked out to roll it around her hard nipple. Yes, she had been aware of Yennefer’s reactive body before but she was often preoccupied with the visible reactions on her lover’s face. She loved watching Yennefer’s eyes grow steadily darker with need, the way blush would creep up her chest. The light sheen that glistened on her body. The way she worried her lip impatiently.   
But now she could focus on everything else and even if she wasn’t hustling her, she would not be too keen to win. It was much more fun mapping Yennefer’s body.   
But she would have plenty of time for that later when Yennefer lost this little game.   
Staying on the side of caution, Tissaia only faked 2 wrong kisses (to her thigh and stomach) before actively searching for the whipped cream. She hovered over Yennefer, her lips far enough away from the skin that she couldn’t cheat, but close enough that her hot breath against the skin was destabilizing her lover’s breathing. She felt Yennefer tense very slightly every time Tissaia moved to her upper body. She tried her lover’s collarbone for the 3rd kiss. She knew she was close. Perhaps it was cheating to use scent to guide her but she’s certain Yennefer was doing the same.   
From Yennefer’s left collarbone, she could barely perceive the sweet smell. She moved to the right side, feeling Yennefer tense more as she kissed the woman’s shoulder. Yennefer may be a performer by trade, she may be quite skilled at staying calm under pressure and lying to a camera, but all this training only helped her marginally evidently. She imagined Yennefer was trying to keep her breathing steady but the woman had all but stopped breathing.   
She moved up her throat, deciding to start at the woman’s jawline and then move downwards.   
She didn’t need to move downwards as the 5th kiss landed. As whipped cream is wont to do, it melted enough to leave a trail towards her throat which Tissaia greedily licked up.   
She could feel Yennefer’s impatience rising. She could feel her own need becoming excruciating as well. It was time to end this.   
She placed the whipped cream in the last place Yennefer would look - her forehead.   
Try as she might to distract Tissaia into revealing the location by sucking hickeys all over her body, Yennefer lost her first turn.   
By her 5th attempt on her second try, Tissaia could see the worry creeping in, the way Yennefer spent more time hovering over her, trying to decide where to try her luck.   
Tissaia made the mistake of chuckling when, on attempt 6, Yennefer went way off the mark to leave another hickey at the junction between her shoulder and neck. Yennefer froze at the sound and Tissaia could almost see the cranks turning.   
“You planned this.” She whispered.   
“I have no idea what you’re talking about love,” it sounded almost convincing. Besides, if the game was up, who cares? All the better to show Yennefer she made a mistake thinking Tissaia wasn’t as devious as she.   
Yennefer leaned up to hover over her lips - not kissing them so as to not lose another chance. She was close though, very close and Tissaia barely held back.   
“Where is it Tissaia?” The woman whispered darkly against her lips.   
Tissaia didn’t respond.   
Yennefer growled before kissing her anyways, lost chance be damned.   
Pulling away from the kiss, Yennefer resumed her exploration.   
She only had 3 more chances. She left a dark hickey on Tissaia’s right hip. Sucking as if perhaps the whipped cream would simply bleed through. Attempt 8.   
She left another on her rib cage below her left breast.   
Her final attempt was actually quite close. Tissaia had put it on her forearm, near the crook of her elbow. Yennefer tried for her wrist. 

Having realized that she just lost she ripped off the blindfold but rather than looking disappointed, she wore an expression of excitement and reverence before leaving a final hickey where the whipped cream was.   
“So what now?” She purred in Tissaia’s ear, laying flush against her body. She felt a thigh slip between her own and as much as she was throbbing and aching to come, that was not the deal.   
“Now, you’re mine.” Tissaia spoke, it wasn’t a statement of fact, it was a command.   
“I’ve always been yours Tissaia.”   
It sounded more like a promise than a flirtation and Tissaia grabbed the woman’s face bringing her in for a fierce kiss before shoving the woman off.   
“On your knees Yennefer.”   
Tissaia was surprised by the speed at which Yennefer complied. She snaked a hand below the woman’s waist to encourage her ass into the air. She spread her legs and kneeled behind her, allowing her fingers to pass through to her soaked folds. Her arousal was glistening on her legs and Tissaia had never seen a more irresistible sight.   
“You look good like this darling. On your knees and desperate.”   
Yennefer whined, burying her head in the pillow.   
Tissaia pulled the hand that been gently circling the younger woman’s clit back, prompting a groan of protest before using that same hand, soaked with Yennefer’s juices to slap the woman’s ass. Yennefer jerked, moaning obscenely before leaning in for more. Tissaia was willing to indulge her.   
Smack.   
“You’ve been very naughty Yennefer. You tried to stop me from touching you rather than just telling me you needed some different. I didn’t like that my love.”  
“I’m sorry”   
“You didn’t trust me, and I understand that. Truly, I do.   
“You will be. Because now I get to touch you however I want, as long as I want. I get to decide when you come, when you scream, when you move. Do you understand?”   
“Yes. Fuck. Yes ma’am”   
“Such filthy language, another slap I think”  
Smack.   
She admired her work, it wasn’t much but it was just a teaser. Yennefer’s ass was red by the time she was done.   
“Turn over.”   
She obeyed quickly, wincing slightly as her tender ass hit the sheets.   
Tissaia hovered over her.   
“You didn’t trust me, you didn’t trust my reaction and I understand that. Truly, I do. But tonight, you will learn to trust me, to trust that I can take care of you. To trust that I will do anything to make you cum. I will fuck you relentlessly for days if that’s what it takes.”   
“Yes ma’am.”   
“I love you, Yennefer. We are in this together.”   
Yennefer’s eyes watered for a moment before she lunged forward to claim Tissaia’s lips in an effort to relay the same message without words.   
Tissaia allowed it, for a time, needing Yen to feel safe.   
But then she pushed the woman back on the bed and pinned her wrists, resuming her previous tone.   
“You understand the traffic light system?”  
“Yes.”   
“What is it?”   
Yennefer sighed,   
“Green is good, yellow is I’m approaching my limit, red is stop.”   
“Good girl” she whispered, removing a hand from the delicate wrist before running her fingers through the raven hair, scratching her scalp. Yennefer’s eyes closed and a dreamy smile formed on her lips.   
“If you say red, I will stop. No questions asked, yes?”  
“Yes.”   
“Good. Stay there.” 

Tissaia climbed off the bed and Yennefer whined.   
“And stay quiet.”   
Yennefer seemed to doubt Tissaia’s dominance for a moment when she responded,   
“Make me.”   
Tissaia stopped in her tracks and turned back slowly. Yennefer drank in the sight of her body, swallowing hard before her eyes landed back on Tissaia’s glaring face.   
“I assure you, goading me is not in your best interest. I will leave you here unsatisfied.” This was a bold face lie. She was as desperate to touch Yennefer as Yennefer was to be touched. Besides she quite literally just promised to fuck her lover in to oblivion.   
The threat received a smirk and a seductive bite of the lip by way of response.   
Tissaia went to her dresser and pulled out a bag with tinkling metal. She watched Yennefer’s reaction in the mirror as she pulled out two sets of handcuffs.   
Before she even turned around to fully reveal the restraints, Yennefer’s face lit up in ecstasy and her hips rutted into the bed.   
“Are those mine?!” She asked.   
“Who gave you permission to speak?”   
She hears a mumbled “fuck” from the writhing mess in her bed.   
“Yes. They are. I stole them.”   
“Committing crimes now? I’ll admit it’s kind of hot on you.”   
Tissaia raised an eyebrow, hands crossing over her chest to send a disapproving look.   
Yennefer seemed to realize her mistake as she quickly shut her mouth and said no more.   
Tissaia approached, shackling her left wrist and then her right to the posts of her bed.   
She returned to the drawer without a word to pull out stockings.   
“Needed to make two trips for that?”   
As punishment, Tissaia cupped Yennefer hard, digging the heel of her hand on to the woman’s clit and rubbing thoroughly before quickly removing her hand.   
“Fuck. I’m so sorry. Please Tissaia. I mean… mistress? Ma’am? Madam? Whatever you want.”  
“Mistress will do. But I would prefer if you stayed quiet. Or do you want me to work you up all night and then never let you come?”   
“Fuck. No. I’m sorry. I’ll be good.”   
Tissaia had no doubt that Yennefer would, in fact, be bad. But she appreciated the effort.   
She used the stockings to lightly tie Yennefer’s ankles to the other posts and admired her handy work.   
Yennefer, spread eagle, tied up and completely at her mercy. She waited until Yennefer’s impatience overrode her attempts to be good and the woman began to shift trying to obtain some friction. Tissaia could see her Yennefer getting wetter every excruciating second Tissaia simply regarded her. 

“Just one more thing…” she said before slipping the blindfold over Yennefer’s eyes.   
Yennefer’s breathing was rapid and heavy. Her whole body tight like a bowstring.   
Time for phase 2.  
“Now, you stay put darling and I’ll be right back. I just need to do a few things first.”   
“What?! No! How long? Tissaia you can’t just leave me like this! Please. I need you. Please Pleas-“  
“Silence,” the younger woman quieted immediately.   
“I won’t abandon you completely without something to sustain you. And I won’t be gone long, I promise.”   
“Where are you going?”   
“I ask the questions darling. But, since you look so delectable right now, I will tell you. I have some work emails I really must tend to first.”   
This was an incredibly obvious lie but she knew Yennefer wouldn’t call her out, too desperate to appease her right now.   
“Yes mistress.”   
Tissaia hummed before approaching the bed and sitting on it next to Yennefer.   
She leaned down to kiss her.   
“Don’t worry, I have a surprise for you.”   
—

Yennefer was amazed she hadn’t spontaneously combusted. She was so exposed and vulnerable. Tied up and blindfolded, completely at Tissaia’s mercy and she had never been more aroused in her life. When Tissaia pulled out those handcuffs, Yennefer nearly came right there. Despite her body’s previous rejection to sexual satisfaction, she was so wound up she was certain this would not be an issue. So certain she didn’t need to be teased anymore so Tissaia didn’t have to leave her here to stew. Though she wanted to play the game so she tried her best to behave.   
She felt Tissaia’s hand creep up her calf, her thigh, it lingered over her drenched folds. Instead of any kind of release, she felt Tissaia strap something to her. What is this? A strap on? That’s Tissaia’s big plan to tide her over during this game ? A strap on? She could hardly see (no pun intended) how a strap-on would- oh. Oh no. Not a strap on. Just a harness, to keep something else in place. Something that was now pressing deliciously on her clit.   
She knew immediately what it was.   
“Oh fuck. Tissaia wait. These things make me come so fast,” she pleaded.   
She heard a dark chuckle near her ear.   
“Isn’t that what you wanted?” She had her there.   
“Yes, but-“   
“Shh, didn’t I tell you to trust me?” Tissaia whispered before biting down on her neck. Suddenly she was gone and off the bed. Now all that was left was the vibrating wand held in place against her. She can’t explain why she even protested. She desperately wanted that wand to turn on, she needed to come. Over. And over. This was an effective measure.   
Still, she had to pretend to be disobedient at least a   
little right?  
She waited anxiously for it to turn on. Despite preparing herself, she was not prepared.   
She moaned obscenely prompting a harsh tutting from Tissaia who stopped the vibrations.   
“Be quiet, Yennefer, this is your last warning.”   
Fuck. She was dead. She had to be.   
The vibrating continued.   
“I’ll be back my love.”   
Was the last thing Tissaia said before the door closed behind her.   
She realized quite quickly the wand was remote controlled by Tissaia when it started to increase in intensity.   
She tried to remain quiet but that was hard to do when she couldn’t use a hand to cover her mouth.   
She could not shift much, she could not do much. She was completely powerless against the buzzing on her clit. She could feel herself hurtling towards an orgasm rapidly, before the device was reduced again.   
Oh fuck. Fuck. She sorely regretted her earlier insolence. She needed, NEEDED to come so badly. She considered calling out for Tissaia but supposed that would only lead to more punishment.   
So instead she did her best to remain calm as he orgasm built again and she was denied again.   
Through the fog of pleasure, Yennefer deduced that Tissaia had probably not left the room. In that case, she might as well put on a show. She allowed her body to grind against the vibrations, she bit her lip hard. Technically, she wasn’t supposed to move without permission but she suspected Tissaia wouldn’t correct her and give herself away. Assuming of course the woman was actually there.   
She didn’t have much time to reflect on this as the toy sped up and her body creeped towards an orgasm. Even her uncontrolled impulses seemed hesitant at getting their hopes up.   
When she was kept on the edge again, she whimpered - still safe in the knowledge that Tissaia wouldn’t give herself up yet. Maybe if she put on enough of a show she could distract Tissaia into forgetting to tease her? Then again, this is the same woman that orchestrated a sophisticated hustle just to get Yennefer in this very position. The woman’s self-control was unparalleled.   
Still, actively participating in this torture, even if she’s not supposed to, made this all the more bearable. 

Whether by virtue of distraction or an act of benevolence, the toy was not stopped as Yennefer hurtled forward this time. She came hard. A loud moan that, even if Tissaia was indeed elsewhere, the woman probably heard. She writhed on the bed as powerful aftershocks continued to rock her.   
Only as she came down did she notice the buzzing had not stopped and her body struggled to get the pressure off of her oversensitive clit. Tissaia’s bindings were effective and Yennefer was powerless. Forced to submit and allow the pressure to build again.   
She vaguely wondered how many times Tissaia intended to make her come before she came again.   
Still, there was no change between her legs.   
Trying to reduce obscene moans to quiet whimpers, she came again. This time the toy did slow, though it didn’t stop. It was more bearable now.   
For a few minutes of course before the intensity creeped up again and she squirmed.   
She was going to come again when the toy stopped. She was slightly relieved, but mostly disappointed.   
She heard the door shut and her head snapped towards the intruder.   
“Look at you. You still want more don’t you? Haven’t you come enough?”   
Yennefer did not answer.   
“I asked you a question Yennefer.”   
This demand was followed by a quick, high intensity kick from the wand that came nearly as quickly as it went.   
“I’m yours mistress.” Her voice was barely a whisper.   
“Indeed you are. So I suppose I get to decide whether you come again?”   
“Yes mistress.”   
She heard Tissaia approach over the hardwood flooring. Had she put on fucking heels? The only thing hotter than the mental image of Tissaia naked or nearly so in high heels would be the sight she was being denied.   
“I had almost forgotten your other surprise darling. I’ll tell you, it felt incredibly strange to buy this but I think it’ll be worth it.”   
Tissaia gently caressed her cheek and her hair before leaning down to kiss her.   
She got up again then and rummaged about.   
Suddenly she felt the bed dip near her legs and Tissaia moved a phallic object to her entrance.   
She pushed forward until the head was just barely inside Yennefer. This alone almost made her come again.   
“I’ll only be a few more minutes love. You have fun.”   
The door opened and closed again before the vibrating began again. The intensity was at a minimum and still Yennefer’s hips bucked.   
Then she learned what the other toy was as a cock-shaped toy began to pump in and out of her in earnest.   
It wasn’t the thickest cock but it was more than enough.   
She squirmed as she was pounded into, her clit throbbing pleasantly, the wand buzzing away.   
She came again, somehow even harder than before.   
Both toys slowed but did not stop, however they functioned more as a pleasurable sensation making her twitch than a pleasant torture.   
Regardless of the low intensity, she was so sensitive she felt herself building again.   
The door closed.   
“Does that feel good, Yennefer?”   
Yennefer was weak, but the sound of that voice shot a new pulse of arousal.   
“Yes mistress.”   
“Colour?”   
“Very green.”  
“You’re a greedy little thing aren’t you? How many times have you come?”   
“I don’t know, mistress.”  
“Do you want to come again?”   
She didn’t hesitate,   
“Fuck yes. Mistress. Please.”   
She didn’t think she had the strength until asked. She realized she would gladly come as many times as Tissaia asked. Even if she went limp with exhaustion. She wanted this, more, always.   
She also wanted to taste Tissaia though. She wanted to make her come.   
“Naughty girl. Don’t you think you’ve had enough free orgasms? Hmm? You didn’t earn any of those.”   
Fuck. Why was this so hot.   
“You didn’t ask me to.” She was feeling cheeky.   
Tissaia chuckled before approaching. Yennefer felt the cock pull away and she whined.  
“Excuse me?!” Was the sharp response of her still invisible lover.  
“I’m sorry mistress.” She wasn’t. Riling up Tissaia was proving to be quite fun.   
Suddenly, the blindfold was removed and Yennefer blinked repeatedly to adjust to the new brightness.   
The first thing she saw, gave her all new reasons to feel grateful for her sense of vision.   
Tissaia stood in only a white button down and a garter belt with stockings. Not to mention the high heels. Yennefer wondered what she had done in her life to be rewarded with this sight.   
Preening under her roaming eyes, Tissaia smirked and walked to the foot of the bed, heading for the dresser again. Yennefer could see her watching her through the mirror.   
Tissaia took a step back before leaning forward, her hands on the dresser and pushing out her ass.   
Yennefer was slack jawed. How was she so fucking sexy?   
The buzzing between her legs began again and she yelped and got a warning look in response.   
Tissaia swayed her hips dramatically before turning around.   
“Colour?”  
“Still green.” She managed. Tissaia visibly relaxed. Yennefer only just realized how genuinely concerned Tissaia was. It was touching. 

The older woman, satisfied that Yennefer was just fine, began to undress. Yennefer, who can’t believe she got dressed just for this (not that she was complaining) was drooling.   
The effortlessness of Tissaia undressing while also teasing her with the toy was fucking hot.   
The tension building dangerously.   
Tissaia stopped as if she could sense what was occurring.  
“You better not come without permission Yennefer.”  
“Yes mistress.” So she tried, she tried very very hard to ignore her growing need.   
But Tissaia was still stripping and the wand was still vibrating.   
Finally shed of her top in nothing but a lace bra and underwear, Tissaia increased the speed while freeing herself of the rest of her clothes.   
She approached again, still in her heels which she kicked off only one she climbed into bed. They fell over the foot of the bed with a thump.   
Tissaia crawled up her body like a predator, laying on top of her which pressed the wand harder against Yennefer. Now though, the wand was also pressed against Tissaia who began to kiss her languidly.   
Tissaia moaned into her mouth, grinding her hips down. Just when Yennefer thought this was how Tissaia intended to get off, the woman abandoned her position and moved up until her thighs straddled Yennefer’s head.   
“Well?” She looked down.   
Yennefer did not hesitate to lap at her cunt.   
—

Watching Yennefer come again, and again, even though she was breaking the rules was enough to have forced Tissaia to touch herself. She hadn’t left the room, why would she risk missing such a show? But her plan to ruin her girlfriend had the side effect that she herself was feeling pretty ruined and, worse, had to be very quiet about it.   
Now though, now she didn’t need to be quiet at all. So she wasn’t. How could she be when Yennefer was sucking her clit so enthusiastically. Dipping her tongue inside as Tissaia grinded on her face, one hand on the wall to support herself, the other tangled in raven locks, pulling her hair and keeping her in place. 

Yennefer had become an expert in what makes Tissaia tick. The woman knew exactly what to do to make Tissaia’s climax build slowly, and she knew what to do to send Tissaia over a cliff in seconds. Even without her hands, the woman’s tongue work was flawless.   
Tissaia quickly found herself telling Yennefer not to take her time.   
And she didn’t. And Tissaia came, once, twice, four times. Her thighs trembled, she was exhausted, Yennefer continued relentlessly.   
Still, she wanted something more, or different. So she pulled the woman’s face away. She was glistening with Tissaia’s slick and oh! What a sight.   
Before Yennefer could open that pretty little mouth of hers, Tissaia shifted to kiss her, tasting herself.   
She hadn’t given Yennefer her release yet and despite the obvious desperation, Yennefer was behaving quite well. Tissaia was feeling very smug about that, she finally tangled that chaos.   
It was time to finish this, and to finish it in style. A numerical style to be specific.   
First though, she wanted to release her captive.   
“Colour?”  
“Green.”  
Tissaia smiled.   
“I’m going to untie you darling but you need to behave, is that clear? Otherwise I will keep you on the edge for the rest of the night.”  
Again, a lie. Tissaia couldn’t do that. She could only resist her desire to watch Yennefer come for so long.   
Yennefer nodded her understanding though and Tissaia grabbed the keys from the end table and removed the woman’s shackles. Freed, but behaving, Yennefer did not move her arms until Tissaia grabbed them. Massaging the skin where the handcuffs strained. She waited, giving time for Yennefer to adjust, before she turned to the stockings.   
She straddled Yennefer backwards to untie her, her cunt on Yen’s chest.   
Freed, Tissaia massaged her legs and Yennefer relaxed.   
Then Tissaia moved to bracket the woman’s face again, this time facing away.   
As she lowered herself on Yennefer’s eager mouth, she made quick work of the apparatus, throwing it on the ground and exposing her handiwork more clearly.   
Yennefer was still drenched of course, her pussy was red and sensitive so Tissaia was gentle, starting with delicate touches along her folds until Yennefer became noticeably agitated, her hips bucking.   
So Tissaia leaned down to taste her. It was divine as always, Tissaia would never tire of this taste on her tongue.   
She moaned, in part because of the flavour and in part because Yennefer’s tongue was dipping into her cunt as the woman also caressed Tissaia’s thighs with her now free hands.   
She could feel herself building rapidly, and she increased the intensity of her own ministrations.   
Though Yennefer no doubt had a talented mouth, Tissaia was strongly reminded of what those strong, dexterous guitar playing fingers could do as 2 entered her with no resistance. A third soon joining.   
In response, Tissaia slid her own fingers inside, sucking Yennefer’s clit and flicking her tongue across it as both her thighs and Yennefer’s began to tremble.   
They were both so close.   
“Come with me Yennefer.” Were the last words said before they both did just that.   
Once they both collapsed, exhausted, Tissaia turned to climb back up to her lover.   
Yennefer was basically a rag doll and Tissaia pulled her close, petting her hair.   
“Are you okay? Was that too much?”   
Yennefer chuckled before using her small energy reserves to wrap herself around Tissaia.   
“No. Fuck no. That was… I don’t even know how to explain it.”   
“Gods, I fucking love you, Tissaia.”   
Her voice broke and Yennefer sobbed.   
“Oh no, no darling. Shh”   
“No, no. It’s fine. I’m happy. I’m fucking exhausted, yes but. Gods. No one, you just. How did I get someone so… You’re… I’ve never felt so safe Tissaia. Never.”   
Tissaia’s own eyes began to water.   
“I love you Yen, sleep now.”   
“You know I won’t be able to walk for days right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I kept writing, erasing, rewriting, this chapter feels excessively long and since it’s just filth, I’m definitely going to hell. Hopefully it wasn’t overbearing.


End file.
